Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Reality TV Heaven

This time of year is just not the time to start getting picky with your television habits. This is when the real you breaks out. You start watching shit you make fun of with other people in mixed company.
You are a closeted mid level reality show watcher. Admit it.

I love the Hills, The Real World, Real Housewives of wherever, documentaries of any kind. I have so much free (read bored/alone/desperate for company of any kind) time that I even started watching Entourage On Demand. Winter gives you the chance to watch whatever everyone is talking about.

Mommas Boys though? O M G.
This show takes it up a notch. The Moms live with the prospective girlfriends and get the real dirt, it is a mother in law's dream. One girl upon hearing that the moms have a file on every girl's background broke down and I quote " I think I posed for playboy, you can see it on the Internet. You can see me naked but you can't see my heart".
Girl, who cares about you heart, everyone is looking at your vagina.

Forget The Bachelor or Rock of Love, this is where it is at.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Now Back To the Show

Christmas was as good as you can get being an adult here in the Tuesday Girl household.
The kids were spoiled as usual by Santa and our family. E bought me a GPS so you hear from me again once we move to NH, because have you ever visited NH? Every road is a back road and what is so wrong with street lights so you can....I don't know, see?
Now I have no excuse to make E drive me everywhere I need to go.
All I have is holding him to the promise he will fill my gas tank for me when ever I need it so I don't have to pump my own gas.
Once was enough. (Hence my purchase of a tee shirt that reads "Jersey Girls don't pump gas")

Christmas day with both sides of the family here was even more chaotic then usual but it was our last one hosting so it still was good. sometimes too much family at once can be challenging. You know what I am talking about.

I spent all day on Tuesday baking cinnamon rolls for my neighbors, chocolate covered pretzels with the kids and knitting some ornaments for our tree. I was a homemaking fool.
I felt like Martha Stewart, only poor.

Now I am back to the grind of being alone all week, trying to plan the twin's birthday party, trying to find movers who will accept anything but 4 months salary as payment, getting dental work done for me and checkup for the kids before we move and not losing my mind.

I must be on the verge because I accepted an invitation for a playdate for the kids. Hold me.
Sure, when I am ready to move I find friends.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Our Hearts Were Singing, It Must Be Christmastime

In these frozen and silent nights
Sometimes in a dream you appear
Outside under the purple sky
Diamonds in the snow sparkle
Our hearts were singing
It felt like christmastime

2000 miles
Is very far through the snow
I'll think of you
Wherever you go

I hope you have a very Merry Christmas with whoever you are with, and remember to tell the ones you can't be with just what they mean to you.
It is the best gift you can give, I promise.

Thursday, December 18, 2008


Although I am sometimes guilty of doing the same, don't ask me what to get me for Christmas. If I have to struggle to find you the right gift, asking questions, snooping around, scouring the Internets, then so should you.
We should all suffer this time of year.

Me telling you that I want a bottle of perfume then getting a small rectangle box on Christmas only to open it and find out it is the perfume you knew you were getting, is anti-climactic.

Of course some people have to tell the people in their lives (cough:husbands:cough) exactly what to get to avoid getting a shower curtain liner or slippers.

I have enough trouble finding gift ideas for my husband, kids and mother without having to think of something to get me and let you know. How about I tell you what I would like or need without giving you specific gifts complete with SKU numbers and price comparison lists?

Next time you ask me my answer will be " 1 million dollars, cash, small bills please".

this post is not supposed to be serious, any gift I am given is appreciated especially cash. :)
Also can you go over to my other site and tell me what Santa does in your house?

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

And The Days Go Marching By

I feel like my wheels keep turning but I get nowhere. I am busy with gift buying, birthday parties, packing, the kids and managing the house. My mother has been here since Saturday and that allowed me to get a lot done, but I feel like my to do list continues to grow.

We decided to move to NH in February even if our house isn't sold because it is just too much for me to be here alone with the kids. Eric is lonely and how often can he drive back and forth from NJ to NH every week? It gets old fast.
We will stay for the twin's birthday in January and then we will leave.
I am actually excited. I just want to be there, I hate being in limbo.

The days pass so fast. I think time moves faster after you become a parent because you can see time passing on their faces every single day.
I simply cannot believe my baby will be nine months in two days. In some ways it feels like he has been here forever and other ways I feel like I just gave birth to him.
He crawled for the first time on Sunday and I wanted to scoop him up and put him in a bottle and never let him get older. This is such an exciting and perfect age.
My twins will be six and they are such great, funny children. The enjoyment of being a mom never gets old.

My father would have been 58 yesterday and I can't believe he will be done five years this February. I still miss him so very much and although I have finally stopped picking up the phone to call him when I have exciting news or a decision to make only to remember he is not here, I still think of him every day.

I am loving this time of year with my family and I hope you hug your loved ones a little tighter this year. Tell someone what they mean to you, that is much more important and valued than a gift.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Boom Chicka Boom Boom

I have written about my idea of suburban mom porn before.
There might be something as good, have you guys seen the Porn for Women series?
They are a series of books and calenders for women and page after page is hysterical captions of what women really want. Or sometimes want.
Or just want men to say so they can have a good laugh.

Whatever the case, they are having a caption contest:
Those who enter an original caption for one of our Porn for women images get a chance to win a bouquet of flowers from 800-Flowers.

1 lucky winner will be chosen every day during the month of December!
To enter,
click here.

I am having so much fun making up captions and thought you would like to try and win some flowers too.

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Why I Need To Kick A Kindergartner's Ass

My friends you will have to wait one more week for my vlog, E and I just didn't have time this past weekend.

We are in the throws of the holidays here in the Tuesday Girl household. Thinking about gifts for teachers, bus drivers, wrapping, decorating, what to bake for the neighbors, cleaning and cooking has made my head spin.
My kids have not noticed, they are typical kids and are in heaven with our house decorated and all things Christmas. They spent the two days after we decorated the house running around from room to room looking at everything and ohh and ahh-ing.
The pure joy that this season gives to children is contagious, I find myself planning our baking with them and we are doing a easy embroidery project together.
So when R came home and told me what a girl in her class told me I was livid.

R: "Gianna told me that Santa was just make believe!" "Isn't she crazy?"

Thank goodness she thinks Gianna is crazy and I reinforced the crazy talk. I have no idea why you would tell a five year old that Santa is not real, but if you had your reasons why not tell her to keep her trap shut?
Does my kindergartner really have to learn that lesson? I thought I would have at least until 4th grade before I had to have that talk.

E has distinct memory of the one Jewish boy in all of New Hampshire telling him in second grade that Santa wasn't real. He still holds a grudge to this day.

I really have no idea how I found out Santa was not who I thought he was but I know I was in at least 5th or 6th grade before all the pieces started to come together, included but not limited to opening a gift clearly marked "FROM SANTA" and seeing a Toys R Us sticker on it.
How did you or your kids find out?

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Sunday, December 07, 2008

I Am A Giver

Yesterday while getting ready to leave the house with all kids and adults to attend holiday party at my Mom's house:

Me: Hey, E are you sure I shouldn't go change and put a tank top under this sweater? I am really showing a lot of cleavage. Plus I am not wearing a nursing bra for a change and my boobs are pushed ack where they are supposed to be. Wow, boobs belong a lot higher than I remember.

E: Nope. No tank top.
No way.
It looks great. Did I say no?

Me: but when I bend down you get a shot of, well, everything.

E: yes!
I mean, no, you just see enough and that is enough.
It is good. Perfect!
Did I say how good it was?

My son L: Mom? I think people are going to laugh at you.

Me: why?

L: because you can see your breasts and I think people will see you and laugh and I don't want that to happen.

E: No! Nobody will laugh at Mommy! Ha!
You are really cock-blocking me son, I want to stare at breasts all night and you, my sweet son, are ruining everything. Have you forgotten I live out of state 4-5 days a week?
I gotta take boob action while I got it.
Ha! This kid is such a jokester. You are so funny!

I am sure I flashed many a person at the party last night but what the hell. It is the season to give. If you were lucky enough to sneak a peak at my boobs last night.
Consider that your Christmas gift.

You are welcome.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Perhaps Living In A More Rural Location May Be a Nice Change

Lady who parked in the "customer with small child parking" spot-
Apparently you cannot read or have no grasp of the written language, the spot you parked in is for people with small children. There is even a picture on the sign of a stick baby in a cart. That should have given you a hint.
You are about 101 years old but miraculously you had what appeared to be your mother in the car with you. She looked to be 200 years of age. I felt bad for screaming at you in my head but then I caught a glimpse of your handicap sticker.
See the 7 empty handicap parking spots right in front of the entrance?
That is for you.
Leave these four measly spots for me and my pudgy baby.

Other lady parked in "customer with small child: parking space-
Stop being lazy this is for SMALL children not for you and your 8 year old. I had twins, I had to lug two small infants and my purse blocks only to have to have to put one in the back of a cart because you took these spots with your 8 year old and then took the only cart for two to ride in for your old child who walked along side you the whole way. I should have run you down with my cart while I had the chance.
You are a bitch.

Lady who has zero awareness about anyone other than herself,

You don't park your cart in the middle of the aisle in the most crowded store in NJ while you talk on the phoen and ignore me who is trying to get around you.
Newsflash: The world doesn't revolve around you.
Perhaps you went to the Tammy Faye Baker school of modeling, therefore very unaware of this fact but you don't put makeup around your lips, you put it ON your lips.
Unless the "freshly given a BJ" look was what you were going for.
My mistake.

Tuesday Girl

Monday, December 01, 2008

Long December

Why hello there.
How was your thanksgiving? Are you full of turkey?
I am not and I wish I had a leftover sandwich right now.

My mother in law's turkey was dry and stove top was the stuffing of choice. In my opinion Thanksgiving is the one day you have to take it up a notch and stove top was a disappointment.
I will live because Christmas is at our house and I will be cooking a turkey instead of my usual roast beef. Suckas.
It will be my last hosting of a holiday since I will now reside 4.5 hours from all of my family.

I was thrilled to have E home for more then 2.5 days. I had so many things on my to do list and I got most of them done, including a failed attempt at alone time at Barnes & Noble and a wasted trip to Target on black Friday.
More on that later.

The one thing I wanted to do that I did not get to was make a vlog. I am going to show you one of the most personal spaces in anyone's house- my bedside table. I have something very disturbing in my bed side table that I bet nobody else has and I want you to see it.
If you can guess what is in there, you will win my adoration, my disgust fro having such a strange mind and a gift from my house to yours.
Lucky for you the gift will NOT be from my bedside table.