Gift Giving Madness

The worst part about the holidays is trying to buy a gift for that special person in your life, and you just can't figure out what to buy.
I want to get something for her that is special, but doesn't cost a lot of money. Something that is perfect for her- but she has everything she wants.

So tell me what would you gift to a woman in her 40s, who has everything, loves bling and going out? Do you have a go to gift for a hard to buy for person on your list this year?

These days

These days life is so busy. L just finished a football season that was undefeated. For a small boy with heart but tends to be very sensitive he did better than I could have dreamed. He was even awarded a trophy for "pound for pound best player". Not bad for first time playing!

R cheered unfortunately not for her brother but another team. She did awesome like everything R does. We are so proud of her.

Baby K is not a baby anymore now that he is 2.55 year old. Everything is "why". His love for Thomas the train is un-paralleled. He refused to potty train, He loves to try and be just like his big brother and sister.
He is a joy.

E has a job but it sucks. It is hard to be positive after all this time of trying to find a job, people not wanting to touch him because of his past salary, moving twice and selling our house for zero dollars only to get a job where your boss lies about salary and bonuses and is making half of what he did in his last job. Not easy when rent prices don't go down.

I love my job but wish it paid more. Who doesn't right?

We are so excited to spend the holidays with family and friends without having to travel! We can't wait to see what the new year brings for our new chapter.
I am going to go into the last month of the year and into the new year with positive thoughts, hope and prayers!

Our Disney Trip

We had a great time in Florida. Surprising our kids was the best part of the whole trip for E and I. We it right as we were leaving for school. The bags were packed and we were off to the airport instead! They were so excited and grateful to go to Disney and visit with their grandparents.

They got to relax at their grandparents house, catch lizards, swim, ride in the golf cart (their very favorite every time!) and visit Mickey and Minnie.

We had a great time as well, although I wish we had one more day for down time and maybe some alone time for E and I.

It made us feel so good to be able to give this to them and us after all of the sacrifices we had to make the last few years. We still have so much farther to go, but we are trying and hopefully things will continue to go e way they should so we can get back to where we were.

Making Memories

After three years of being at our lowest lows, we can finally see the light. After losing his job and not being able too find one, after selling our house foor no money, after moving to a new state for a job that was anything but and not eating so our kids could eat- we are finally on the upswing.

Tomorrow we can finally give our kids something we dreamed about for 3 years. tomorrow we are surprising our kids with a trip to Disney!

Surprising them is more exciting too me that actually gooing there. I can't wait to see their reactions. They get to visit with their grandparents and Aunt and have fun. they don't remember their last trip, so this is going to be wonderful.

I can't wait to show you pictures and videoo of the surprise and trip when we get back!

Cheering Mom

I was the fun girl, the one that people liked. I had friends, I was a cheerleader. I was popular the one voted most likely to succeed. I have always a boys' girl. I had as many boy friends as I had girl friends.
Less drama.

I have always been under the impression I was the cheerleader mom. I love a high ponytail, dressing up and being a girly girl. My daughter is the same way.
Imagine my surprise when we joined cheering and I hate. all. the. moms.

I hate the stupid way cheering is run, the drama, the moms who have never cheered except when the ice cream man rolled their way but love to tell you what to do and how to do it.

I am very surprised to realize I am a football mom.
I love the drama free fun, the boys being boys. The moms who don't stress over the small stuff.

I already tried to get E to do the cheering stuff in my place but that was a no-go either.

I will put my head down, try and stay out of the cheering drama and try to push soccer for next year!

Okay to say goodbye?

This blog has been such a huge part of my every day life for so many years now. Since we moved back to NJ and I am working, I found I don't need this crutch as much. I hesitate to close it because it is so dear to me.
I never started it to have thousands of readers a day. I was lonely and started this blog waaay before most people heard of "blogs". I had twin babies and a husband and was now in a new role as a stay at home mom after working my adult life.

Now my twins are starting second grade tomorrow and my baby is 2.5. I am working once again and trying to rebuild our lives like they were before E lost his job almost 3 years ago.

I don't want to let go but maybe I have to. Maybe it is something we all have to do with lots of things in our lives, but we need someone else to tell us it is okay first.

So, is it okay?

K

Two years and five months ago this miracle came into our world:



Dont let his blue as sky eyes and curly locks fool you, this angle is a devil in disquise.
He is almost always dirty and always into things. He helps himself to whatever is in the fridge, climbs on the train table, throws food onto the floor and screams "no" when is told what to do.
He has both his older brother and sister wrapped around his fingers, as well as his parents.

He climbs up ladders with no fear, copies his older siblings and cousins. He wants to be a big boy but is still a little man. But make no mistake, if you tell him he cannot do something- he will prove you wrong. He can and will.

He eats too much junk, loves to sip our coffees if left unattended and throw things into the tub. He makes more of a mess than the twins put together and loves to call other kids "baby" no matter how much older they are then him.
His curls are almost always matted with juice and his feet are always black even though he wears shoes. He picks out his only clothes and loves to watch the same episode of Barney over and over (I know!).

He demands attention any where he goes and old and young, stranger or family he gets it. He was named after my father and he certainly has his personality, Fun, warm, sweet, fun, kind and outrageous.

I love him deeply and madly. I fought to have him and can't stand to see him grow so quickly. I want him to stay my baby forever.

Sometimes at bedtime when he has his blankey drapped over his chubby belly and calls for me to come lay with him in my bed, I will the image and feeling of his little arm around me gently patting my back, to stay with me forever.
I know it is something I will feel again as I leave this Earth.

Our hearts are forever intertwined and I wouldn't have it any other way.

1 Bathroom Home

"Well, I am N E V E R eating at papaya king again!"

"why?" I asked

"I feel sick add that is all I ate today"

"But you just ate a sandwich from Blimpie"

"Nope. It is too soon for it to be Blimpie, I knew that hot dog looked funny to me today"

"A funny looking hot dog? Isn't that an oxymoron? How does a hot dog look any different than it usually does?" I ask as he runs off to the bathroom.


Let me tell you, this is going to be one of those nights I don't care how poor I was, I want my 4 big bathroom house in NH back!

My Rules

Believe in something

Don't look back to feel sorry for yourself, look back to see how far you have come and to learn something

Notice the little things- they are usually most important

Listen to what your mom says because she is usually right

Hate is not the opposite of love, it takes too much energy. They are closely related and each mean you care. Indifference is the true opposite of love

Always carry MILK (money, ID, lipstick, keys)

Dance in the rain with someone you love

Don't be stingy with your love but be picky

Hug a stranger

Go somewhere by yourself with bare essentials and a good book

Listen to other people's stories. Everyone has one and they are always fascinating.
They will tell you about yourself

Don't believe in fate but do believe in Karma

Hold a baby

Make a wish on a shooting star every time you see one

Always help others, there is not one reason not to

Truly listen

The answers are everywhere, just breathe

Make sure you have a good, firm handshake

Laugh so hard that you can't breathe, repeat often

Everything is beautiful you just have to look

Your parents are right- you won't really know what true, undeniable, awe-inspiring love is until you have your own child

Don't give up on yourself. Never give up

**********************
Those are my rules, now let me know what yours are......

For R

When I was pregnant with my twins, I thought they were both girls. When I found out baby A was a boy I was very surprised, it was if I never knew I could create one of those. Maybe I was just hoping for a girl.

Boy did I get one. R is sweet and spice and everything nice- sometimes.
I read once that a mother daughter relationship is tough because you see all of their faults as your own.
Maybe that is true and maybe it is not but I see how difficult a mother/daughter relationship can be and I have only been at it for seven years.

R is almost mythical to me. Sometimes I just stare at her as if I don't know what to do with her. It is as if I found a unicorn in the woods, would I want to jump on it and ride it as fast as I could to see all that it could do and scream to the world about what I just found, or would I gently pat the beast and look tenderly in its eyes knowing what it knows and visit it every day while telling not a sole about this wonderful creature?


I love the way she laughs with her mouth open and her head tilted back. I love the way the short hair around her face curl on a humid day. I love that her eyes are so green they remind me on Christmas trees.
She is tall and lean built like and athlete. She is fast. She is brave. She is kind to others and is a good student. She makes friends with everyone.
She is everything I want to be.

I want whisper in her ear all the mistakes I made so she wouldn't repeat them. I want to make sure she loves herself as much as she should.
I fear for her when she wants to act older, I want her to enjoy being seven for seven more months, it goes too fast. Every day she wakes up she is a little older with a little less "little girl" written all over her face.
She can tell me she doesn't like princesses or dolls or playing polly pockets anymore all she wants. To me, I think even when she is an adult, I will still see her as my little girl with her head held back with a huge smile on her face playing with her dolls in my arms.

I especially love that I know it will be one of my final pictures in my mind as I leave this world.
I love you R- for eternity.

Where I Am Now.

I often wonder if most people are like me, constantly examining where they are in their lives?
Am I where I should be? Am I content? Do I do things differently from now on?

Being honest with myself, I stayed a stay at home mom for too long. I needed something else to occupy my time and brain. I thought being home with the kids 24/7 was what they needed but what about what I needed?

I like where I am right now, I am working great hours, just got a raise, being with my kids after school/camp, lost a good amount of weight and although E says I am too hard on myself, I still promise myself before I fall asleep every night to be a better mom and wife tomorrow.
Why do I still have no patience with the twins fighting with each other? Why do I yell so much? Why raise my voice when I don"t have to?

I try. That is all I can ask of myself and the only reason my self doubt doesn't evolve into self loathing.


I hate cooking in this kitchen and I figured it out- it is because this kitchen sucks. It is small and has no dishwasher. There is no counter space.
All of my top of the line, stainless steel appliances are in the garage collecting dust as I try to bake cookies, 6 at a time in my tiny stupid oven.

I love to cook and bake and it frustrates me I have no room for groceries and no counter space to speak of. Cooking doesn't bring me joy anymore- it is a daily chore now.
I get that I am only punishing myself and my kids by not cooking anymore and I think of great chefs who cook in TEENY kitchens in NYC.

I promise to try more for my family. To not get too upset when I decided to just "prepare" dinner instead of making dinner. I won't put too much pressure on myself.
It is all I can ask of myself, enough to be happy but keep the loathing at bay.

Pasta, Baby

he Wanna vote for this cutie? He and I would appreciate the prize and will reward you with more cute belly photos in the future. You can vote for him (every day :)) Here:

http://ronzonismarttaste.newworldpasta.com/blogger/

you can also find great recipes on the Ronzoni site as well as be a fan on facebook.

Summer Time

I never dread the end of school. I love my kids and it isn't until week 3 of summer vacation that I get exasperated by the lack of being able to occupy their days what with the 349,347 toys and games they have.
I love summer and not being rushed or have the whole day to explore with each other.

This summer is a little different as R & L will be going to camp M-F from 9-3 while I work and L is at my sister's house. I know they will love camp with their friends and when it is over we will have a few weeks to go to the beach, amusement parks and other fun day trips before football practice for L begins.

I am excited about this coming summer and what we will do. I am still loving my job (I just got a raise!) and my flexible schedule. In the fall things will be a little different as I will have more responsibility around the house because E is going to be getting his masters degree at night. Change is good, right? These past two years have been all about change and I think it has made me a better person.

I know this summer will be great for all of us.

My Big Wet Surprise

Last Saturday I decidded to go to a mall in my hometown. I say a mall because there are no less than 3 malls in my town. I went with my three kids in tow for a fun day of shopping and bonding. The baby decided he needed "more milk, momma" so off to Whole Foods which is attached to the mall, we went.

I bought him some milk, in addition to a couple of other things and we got on the check out line. Right then all the kids started to asking for things, talking and then it hit- a huge sneeze.
This was a big one and since it creeped up on me, I was unprepared. As soon as I sneezed I felt a wet drip down my leg.

Yes, I indeed wet my pants. I didn't know if I should laugh or cry.

It wasn't that much, a spot on my pants, but it was enought and it felt like everyone in the store knew what had just happened. "Is this really happening" I asked myself. Yes, It was.
I just peed my pants in a big girl store. The moral of the story is that I need to do more kegels.
Also? I will remember this event ad when the kids are old enough I will have to remind them of just what they did to my body.

Wordless Wednesday

The New Me

This time of year makes me the most melancholy. As if that explains what I am thinking and doing now in my life. It is that first day of spring where you have your windows open all day, and at dusk the cool breeze blows hard down your back and makes you want a sweater but you keep the windows open a little longer?

That day makes me melancholy. Maybe wistful.

I feel better about myself than I have in ages. I have lost weight, I have a income, I am seeing my friends again a couple of times a month. I have new friends. I am doing things outside my comfort zone.

I knew staying home with the twins when they were born over 7 years ago was important- and something I wanted to do.
We decided giving up my salary was something we could sacrifice for it, but I am just now realizing what else I sacrificed in the meantime.
Myself.

Everything was about my kids- especially since we had no friends or family near us to help. That is how it is supposed to be but it really took a toll on my marriage, my appearance, my life. It was if I had no idea who I was anymore besides a mom.

I am coming into myself and it feels fantastic. After this long journey of E losing his job and us scrambling, fighting and praying for 2 years, it feels great to be able to breathe again.
I doubted you people when you said to keep strong and that we would come out on the other side.
We have a ways to go to get back to where we were but we will do it.

I can do it.

Points Of Interest

Are my kids the only ones that are fascinated with the Empire Carpet commercial? The twins would always stop what they were doing to watch when they heard that jingle and know K loves it as well.

I never thought I would ever want plastic surgery but these dark circles under my eyes make me look tired all the time. If I could get rid of them quickly I would! My boss is even considering having a botox party and for a split second I wanted to go.

I am SICK of my bras. SICK. They all stink. I know I am an adult because I am fantisising about spending hours in the Macy's bra department trying out every bra and finding the perfect one.
Now, only if Macy's served drinks in the dressing rooms.

Why do my kids have more/better clothes than I do??

When dd I get my mom's thighs?

What is with this silly bands obsession? Really, wearing shaped rubber bands on your wrist? I am buying them why?? Yet, I get all into it and look for the newest ones for my kids.

What is going on with you these days?

Marriage

This year E and I will be married for ten years. That still hasn't sunk in yet. Ten years is a long time and I still feel like I was on my honeymoon 3 years ago.
I know I was ready to get married. We had been dating for awhile, we talked about marriage and I never got cold feet. I think I had done enough in my single life that I have no regrets, but I wonder what you think is a "must do" before marriage?

I want to know what you would your advise your own child to do before getting hitched?

Do you think you should have your own apartment?
Have had sex with more than one person?
Be over a certain age?

I would love to hear what you think as a complile my list for my own children.

To Stay Or Go?

It is a funny thing about this blogging, these days I don't have it in me. When a blogger I love quits blogging and complains about life getting in the way I usually get mad. How much effort does blogging really take after all?
Now with my new job (love!) and settling back in NJ near all of my family and friends life has gotten in my way too.

I am busy and I am not complaining. I love my new job and my boss (who is BFFs with a reality TV star and by proxy I am getting to know- which is wierd). My kids are great but they keep me busy with playdates, school work and making sure their days are filled with memories of a good mom. E loves his new job and is doing so well- just like we knew he would.

I started this blog to journal my days as a stay-at-home mom to my new twins. Now 6 years and one more kid later- I wonder where I am going with this blog.

I hope I stay, even if it is a little more effort on my part because I do enjoy it and my friends I have met doing it.

Let's see my friends, where shall I go next?

Time

I remember the dream clearly. When I finally awoke from one nightmare and into another, I had been crying for some time.
Begging him to know, to understand how much I love him. How he was the best, and that was not something that people just said- I meant it with every ounce of energy in my being.

Sometimes words aren't enough. I couldn't find words in the English language to express it- no one had invented it yet.

"I am sorry he told me, but you don't need me- I didn't teach you anyway, you were the teacher."
How can that be? Every single day I extract words and thoughts and lessons from you and bring them into my own consciousness.

"Then aren't they yours all along, just now you are ready to accept them?"

If you weren't good, or better than good then why is there a gaping hole in my body where my heart used to beat? Why does it feel okay to give up? Why would a good person, a truly great man just go while others, less men, bad people stay?

"I don't know. There are no words. They haven't been invented yet.
As for memories and lessons they will stay as long as you let them in to remain. Teach your children well.
Be generous with your time and love. Family is always number one. Don't cry for me, I don't deserve it. I wish I had given you more. Of everything." he replied.

I wished he had given me more of everything too.
But time is a bitch and she comes calling to all of us sooner or later.
What will you leave as your mark?