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I went to the grocery store the other day while the kids were at school. It was early morning and the store was pretty much empty which I love and I was kid free, which I love even more.
I got my weekly goodies and headed off to the checkout. What usually happens when the store is quiet is that there are only 2 or three lanes open and a small line forms, and today was no different. I got in line and hung out just as I heard a new baby cry.
There was a mother with her three month old infant boy in his car seat in the line next to me. He was crying and she was rocking him in his seat.
Just then, I started to cry.
My reaction surprised me and at first I didn't even know why those tears sprang to my eyes.
I realized that I was sad about the babies I lost.
I tried to hold back my tears, reminding myself that I had two beautiful kids already and that I could try again in December, that the miscarriage was for a reason, something wasn't right with the babies.
The reaction surprised me but my resolve did not. I know I am strong, I know I can fight for what I want and I know I will.
I just know.
7 years ago
I still cry. I still avoid. I still look away.
ReplyDeleteReason or no, it sucks.
you know, even after having two miscarraiges before my son was born, I still get sad seeing pregnant women and women with new babies. I don't think the feeling will ever leave...
ReplyDeleteI thought it would go away when I finally had my son in my arms, but even now that he is turning two I find myself looking away, but wanting to smile and say hi at the same time...it's confusing...
December is right around the corner. I'll be sending healthy baby vibes your way starting NOW.
I think your reaction is totally human, normal. Before I had my child, just hearing a child say "mom" yanked my heart strings! Sending you big hugs!
ReplyDeleteWow. This is such a heartwarming post. I cannot begin to imagine that kind of pain.
ReplyDelete(((Hugs)))
P.S. Thanks for visiting my blog.
Sending hugs your way. It's really great thatyou can look at your experiences in such a positive way. (also sending healthy vibes your way)....
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you've suffered such loss. A good friend of mine recently had a miscarriage and I've seen her struggle with it. I hope things get better.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear about your miscarriages. I had one before my son was born. We'd love to have another baby, but so far, it hasn't happened.
ReplyDeleteBut I wish you all the best in your babymaking endeavors.