Update

My sister in law's visit was ok. She did swoosh in with one of her kids and immediately start talking about her problems and hardships. My niece played with my kids and as usual didn't eat lunch or dinner but had three desserts and some chips to top it off.
Mind you she is twelve years old, not five.

I thought they were coming for lunch but stayed for dinner too, thank goodness I had something or that I didn't have plans that night. After eight hours they left.
Now I just have to watch there son for 3 days next month while they are away and my brother in law is working. He is eleven and shouldn't be much of a problem. Lets just hope he eats.
I am not used to picking eaters, I was always taught to eat what I was served and if I didn't like it to eat something else but never announce it. I was also encouraged to try new things.
They are used to eating terrible food from"restaurants" like Friendlys and anything that is fried or bad for you.

I really don't want to jinx it but I think my kids are pretty much potty trained. My daughter will put on a pullup to poop but as for pee, she never has an accident even in the car or stores and she has been this way for two weeks now.
My son just really started yesterday and he pooped and peed in the toilet yesterday & today despite one accident over night in his pullup.
Wow, I am really excited. Thank heavens. After three and a half years I don't even want to think about how much money I have spent on diapers, but now I will have a save a great deal of money by not buying those overpriced diapers.

With all the money we are saving I think I can donate it, surely it is enough to cure cancer or maybe we can vacation on the moon.

Can you tell how excited I am?!

Stupid Crap

Did you ever feel like your wrist was just killing you because you had to twist your ice cream cone so you wouldn't get melting ice cream on your hand!
The horror!
Did it kill your cravings for the frozen delight? Was it so terrible to rotate that hand for the four minutes it took you to eat that ice cream cone?
Well, you are in luck, now there is this!
No more messy hands, this motorized ice cream cone holder is perfect for the lazy ice cream lovers world wide.

Now your only problem is that the reason for getting an ice cream cone is to eat the cone and since this eliminates that, well mind as well eat your ice cream in a cup. Secondly, I would assume you must stick your face into the faux cone to get out any ice cream that is below the rim. Hence your face is dirty.

So if you like your face dirty but now your hands, and who doesn't, this is the perfect item for you!

Also for those lazy wristed people there is this.
Who wants to rotate that marshmallow when you are making, well I guess, a toasted marshmallow? That was your father's way of thinking, now you can sit back and hold the stick into the fire and let two AA batteries do the work for you.
Hey, if the AA'a were good enough to satisfy you in the bedroom, it should darn well please you in the middle of the woods too.


Finally we have this handy dandy item. It is too keep men entertained while they urinate. Maybe, just maybe, it will get them to keep in in the toilet instead of all over the seat, floor etc.

I hope this list of enjoyable but useless items kept you entertained today.
I know it helped me.

Smile Like you Mean It

My sister in law is coming over today.

You may ask is this good news or bad news? I will tell you, it is bad news.
Let me clarify, she is a nice person who I love because she is my husband's sister but (and that is a big but) she can get on your nerves really easily.

Besides the fact that she was the woman who cried divorce more then 3 times but never actually followed through with it and just decided to live in a love less marriage and pretend everything is great for years now.
She just likes to talk about herself and only herself.

When I thought I had cancer, she still only talked about herself, after my surgery she came over said "how do you feel" and then went on to talk about herself and her projects.
there was no "we are so glad it is not cancer" or "you must have been scared" or even "you look great for just having your beck sliced from ear to ear".

So I am in for it big time. She is bringing one of her kids and my kids are so excited. We don't get to see them that often and they love playing with older kids. I will have to take one for the team and spend the afternoon saying things like "uh-huh" "oh, really" with little interest.
Oh, and another thing, she always lingers here, for hours. If you invite them over for the day they don't leave for hours after dinner or whatnot.


I just keep a tally on what E owes me and this one is sure on the list.

God, I hope she never finds this blog!

Out With The Old and In With the New

Water heater that is. We are the proud owners of a new 40 gallon water heater. Not that we needed one, ours was just fine if you liked a swimming pool for a basement. It was great if you didn't mind your beautiful, expensive new rug that was never even put down yet, all wet and ruined.

When we had this house inspected two years ago, the inspector told us that we have another 5-6 years with this water heater.
He was off about 4 years.

E installed the massive device himself, I am really proud of him. It is amazing how much money they want to charge to install it, more then the water heater itself! That kind of money makes anyone go crazy, like deciding to install it yourself.
With me as his wing man.
I make a terrible wing man.

It took him ALL DAY to install it, through several renditions of "Dad, the builder can he fix it? Yes he can!!" from the kids and me almost falling down the basement steps to my death.

The water heater money was formally known, for a brief time, as the kid's swim lesson money. But as with anything in this house, if you get a little extra money and want to do something to better yourself, or the kids, it gets swiftly taken away from some other "emergency".
Sigh.

Parent Question

My kids get tons of stickers from family & friends. Where do you put them all? I have hidden 90% of them so as to lessen the chance I will be scrubbing them off my walls.

I wanted to buy a sticker book like I had when I was a kid but I can't find them anywhere. They only have little books that come with the theme stickers already in it.
Boring.
I thought it would be great for them to each have a sticker book so they can look at their stickers, and add to it. Not just put it on their clothes and then have me peeling them off the inside of my dryer 15 hours later.


Did sticker collecting die with the 80s?

I Catch On Real Fast

Did you know that you cannot reason with a three and a half year old? I must not really know that because I try to reason with them every day.
Every day, I fall for it again.

I know they run up to their rooms and laugh hysterically at me.
"haha mom just tried to talk some reason into us again. She tried to explain the reason behind her decision. Then tried to make it out like it was for our benefit or something.
What a fool.
Good thing we went to plan A right away, fall on floor and cry, followed by high pitched screeching for good luck.
I wonder if she will ever learn?!"


I won't.
I will try again tomorrow because I have the worst short term memory.

How Could Today Beat Yesterday??

ME: when you said that if I was going to the store this week, we needed garbage bags and coffee, I didn't know we had NO coffee.

HIM: (silence)

ME: when we don't have anything, you say " we have NO coffee so if you want it, you need to go get it"

HIM: (silence)

ME: ARE YOU AWARE there is no coffee in this house and I am ALONE with two three year olds for three looooooong days? AND I promised to take them to a darkened theater to watch that long ass Cars movie and there is a high probability that someone will call DYFS on me after they see me sleeping in the theater and my kids are wandering around eating popcorn from the floor?
AND You left me no cash so now I would have to take the kids in and out of their car seats once to go to the MAC and the other to go into Dunkin Donuts to get coffee and are you aware of how annoying that is????

HIM: I told you yesterday I am sorry that I forgot to tell you we had no coffee.

ME: OH, no, now you are going to come at me with a tone?? You are going to tell me you made a mistake with a tone in your voice? I think not.
Hey, how was your coffee this morning? I am sure you had a cup or two in your fancy hotel and a nice big breakfast. How was that?
The babies and I are going to have dry cereal.
Have a great day.

click.

Monday, Bloody Monday

Today is going to be fun.

E is away again (again!) for business and it is just the kids and I for three days. I have are itinerary all planned out for us.
We will:

Pretend to nap, but get out of bed and jump around

be so tired the rest of the day we will cry, hurt ourselves and fight over silly things due to complete exhaustion

go to Target to pick up prescription refills and whine about wanting to leave the minute we step a foot into the store and then ask for a toy

not want to do anything but watch TV all day because we are so tired

not really eat because, again with the tired thing

cry for Daddy at bedtime because we are so overtired and make Mom want to hang herself

be cute just enough so Mom can't wait for tomorrow so we can do it all again.

Father's Day

Make sure you tell all the men in your life, fathers, uncles, grandfathers and husbands how great they are and how much you appreciate them.
My husband is great and without him I wouldn't be as happy or fulfilled. He is a terrific Dad.

Today I won't be able to tell my own Daddy how great he is and how much I love him.

I just hoped I said it enough while he was still here.



That is all you can do.

Brit

Britney Spears and her breasts were interviewed by Matt Lauer last night on Dateline, and it was the most unconvincing interview I have ever seen.
Every time he asked her how her marriage was, or if she wondered about the karma effect of her actions she would cock her heard to the side and say "awww, I am sad people say that about me" or "it is a great marriage, he supports me!" and anyone could see that is not the truth.

Additionally, if you are going on television wouldn't you get your makeup done professionally? What did she comb her hair with? A rake?

I am so terrible, but I think we have already established that.


Listen if you are going to put your love life in a show and air it for profit people become interested, you can't just turn that off. I know that if I was followed my photographers they would catch me in less then flattering shots, and maybe even doing unconventional parenting.
I get it.
BUT, you can't have it both ways.


Lets face it, the girl has problems but who doesn't?
At the end of the day that girl has fabulous breasts. What else could you want?

Gimme My Stick

I have this nice post all in my head about some disturbing items that I had seen on television last night, but I am distracted.
My daughter took my stick.

My daughter, who always has her hands on ALL of my stuff must have stolen my Napoleon Dynamite chapstick & hid it.

Dude, Napoleon Dynamite chapstick.

I am addicted to chapsticks and this one was given to my by my friend after my surgery. It totally made my day. Now, I have to go buy another and they are very rare and also don't come cheap at $3.50 each.

Here I am with no stick and my lips hurt real bad.







Yes, I am aware I need to get a life and I have watched Napoleon Dynamite waaaaay too many times.

Open Letters

Open letter to the bitch in the pediatrician's office:

Dear Bitch,

When a person walks into a room and smiles at your cute year old daughter and then smiles at you, how about smiling back? Instead you had a scowl on your face like my kids had polio.
Perhaps you are one of those mothers that only likes their child and hates all other kids? That will be great, then your child will have no playmates.

Also, when the nurse asked why I was there & I explained that my son had bug bites on his legs that he scratched and I wanted to make sure he didn't infect them, don't look like at him like he actually was spraying a disease all over your kid. He was sitting on a chair looking at a book like a good boy.
He had bug bites. Just like the chiggers that crawled up your butt.
Fuck you and your smug attitude. I am sorry that you have the body of a 14 year old boy, maybe a positive attitude and growing your hair longer then 3 inches would help.

Sincerely sorry for the man you are married to,
Tuesday



Dear Random Strange Lady at Target,

When you are in the process of checking out, it is not the best time to answer your cell phone. You did though and then proceeded to SCREAM into the phone that you do not have reception and then for some reason yell "Pagoda" "Pagoda" "PA GOTA" " PAAA GOOO TAAA" "PAGOTA".

Perhaps if you don't have cell service, you can make the call at a later time when youhave better reception, instead of screaming in the middle of the store.
What was also strange was that you were just standing there, even after all my items were rung up and you blocked the credit card device. I just had to stand there and wait until your scream fest was finished. Perhaps next time you are at Target, you can buy a clue that there are other people around you.
There are other people that exist. Gasp!

I did feel bad about cursing you out in my head because as a afterthought I realized you might have been mentally challenged.
Then I realized you were just socially challenged and didn't want to do anything for anyone, including having some common courtesy.

Fuck you and your pagoda,
Tuesday

Sick Day

Yesterday I called out sick from blogging. I had a nasty head cold and for some silly reason it didn't slow my kids down a bit.
I had to wait for E to get home so I could take a long nap. I took a sleeping pill at bedtime and now I feel much better.

As luck would have it, I have an appointment with my homeopath today. I didn't really want to go, he is about 45 minutes from me, but as I went to call and cancel I noticed a "appointments cancelled without 2 business days notice, will be charged".
Fuck that.

I really should rest this morning but now I have to run to Whole Foods for bread, fruit and milk, come home put the kids in for their naps and then go to my appointment. Since my thyroid is working fine, I would like to move on to other issues like my allergies (which have been terrible this year) and my asthma. Maybe he could through something in for my fertility, although that doesn't seem to be a problem for me.

Nita?

Where the heck is Nita from Advanced Maternal Age? When I go to her site, it is just blank. If she left without a goodbye or fowarding address, I am going to kick her butt.

Nita, where are you????

The Power of Goodbye

My Grandmother is in the hospital being monitored for her heart, because her heartbeat is irregular.
Her being "sick" is irregular because she is the strongest woman I know. How else would you describe a woman whose 52 year old son died quickly and ruthlessly while she watched. Even the most feeble would become warriors.

What scares me about her being in the hospital is that it is another reminder that everyone I love will be ripped away from me eventually some fast, some slowly, but all inevitable.

That maybe I forgot to tell someone how much they mean to me and I won't get another chance.

That the moment you say goodbye to someone, it changes you forever. You may not let it seep out, but the change is there, inside of you. It nicks your heart, some may let it bounce off but others let it reverberate inside them, like an internal volcano of pain.
Like my Grandmother.

Although I know my Grandmother will be just fine, I hate knowing I will have many more goodbyes to say, and never enough hellos.

Educate Me

How is it that we can show a dead man on television every 3 seconds for the past twelve hours but when a nipple slips out for a nano second the world comes crashing down?

I really would rather my children not see a dead man on tv even if he was an ass hat.
They are already used to my nipple slips around the house.









Blogger has been driving me mad yesterday and today. As if I needed help in that department. Is anyone else having problems?

A Well Seasoned Mom

HOW I KNOW I AM AN EXPERIENCED MOM:

Today I was changing my daughters pull-up in a vertical position because I am lazy like that. She gave no warning that she had pooped (it was a rare smell-less poop) and 5 balls of feces fell on my living room floor. I pulled the pull-up back up and went to get some supplies, such as wipes.
When I returned a mere 10 seconds later, someone had arranged the poop balls into a line formation and they were taking turns jumping over them.
They both denied they were the one who touched the poop with their bare hands.
Of course.


I can nap even though small people are driving matchbox cars over me.


I can make a full lunch for two kids in under 3 minutes.


When my daughter put my son's prized stuffed animal into her pee in the potty I calmly took it out and washed it immediately. I didn't cry or yell.


I know when they really want a snack and when they are bluffing just to get the snack, but they have no intention of eating it at all. Even though that is their story and they are sticking to it, remarkable under the line of questioning I am known to give.


I know the quote "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me" does not pertain to Moms. We will usually never be fooled or we will fall for it over and over again.


Finally, because I still love them despite my stretch marks and I am willing to do it all over with a new baby.

2+1=3

I got nothing for you today.
Nada.

But I do have some news. Brace yourself.

I am ready to have another baby and we are going to actively start "trying" ASAP.

How is that for news?

Good thing you can't remember pain or the Earth would be populated with one child families.

Shake It

Does anyone else find it disconcerting to shake someone's hand and feel a band aid?
Something about that just isn't right.
I had a band aid on Friday night due to a brutal mauling from my cat and I had to shake a myriad of stranger's hands and I was totally self conscious about it all night.
I briefly thought of telling people of the attack and subsequent bandage and then let them make their choice of whether or not they would still like to proceed with the hand shake.

Then I realized I think things through waaay to much and just launched the hand at them for a quick shake.

What is worse then a band aid shake you may ask?
I will tell you, it is the limp fish hand shake usually given by women but by the occasional man, also I have noticed a large number of Indian men and women with teh limp shake.
You go in for a firm but pleasant handshake and get nothing in return so you feel like you are crushing their limp hand.
You very well may be.
You try to move on but it is there in the back of your mind, why wouldn't they shake back?
It could very well be a cultural thing but I still find it strange.

That is almost has bad as the moist shake where it leaves you wondering if they usually sweat that much, didn't dry their hands after using the bathroom, or worst yet, didn't wash after using the bathroom at all.
Yikes.

So if I ever meet you on the street and shake your hand, just know, afterwards I purell.
Please, don't take offense.

If My Neighbors Overheard This, I Would Be In Jail Right Now

Me: You have to pump it first

My Son: Ok Mom

Me: No, hold it here, and your other hand here and pump it hard.
harder

harder

ya, that is right, now shoot it!

My Son: Look, I am doing it

Me: wow, that was a big one!



For the record we were playing with a Super Soaker.
I swear.

A Day in My Life

Me: yes I received a bill for this Rachel Ray magazine, but I just paid it in December. I paid the bill in December and never received one issue of the magazine. I called last month to tell you guys that and you told me I wrote my address wrong, so you couldn't send me any issues.
Actually that is funny because you cashed my check with my address on it, but I still never got one copy.

Customer Disservice Woman: this is a bill for a renewal.

Me: What renewal? I signed up but haven't received the magazine yet.

Customer Disservice Woman: this is for your renewal, that means you would get this magazine at a discounted rate for another year.

Me: (getting louder) I do understand what "renewal" means. WHY would I renew something when I haven't even received my first year yet?

CDW: so you don't want to renew it?

Me : (very loud) I HAVEN'T RECEIVED ONE ISSUE OF THIS MAGAZINE, YOU CASHED MY CHECK SO YOU HAVE MY MONEY BUT I HAVE NOT RECEIVED MY GOODS. PLEASE SEND ME MY ONE YEAR OF THIS TERRIBLE MAGAZINE FROM A WOMAN WHO USES TERMS LIKE "SAMMIES" AND "YUMMO" AND LETS END THIS HORRIBLE CONVERSATION NOW.

CDW: Ok, I will send you out one year of this magazine, so it will expire June 2007 and is that all today?

Me: Now that my blood pressure has skyrocketed, I think I am good.

The Heat, My God, The Heat!

New Jersey has blasted off from spring right into the down and dirty summer. It was 75 and beautiful last week and was 92 and humid this weekend. Wow, I always forget how sticky and hot summer really is. Hopefully we will be back to our average 77 degree days.

This weekend was very relaxing and productive. My sister & nephews came over on Friday and spent the night, Sunday we had a family party and yesterday I planted a herb and vegetable garden and E and I planted a ton of flowers and bushes around the house.
It really needed it. For some strange reason the people who lived here before us, pulled all the bushes and plants up and never replaced them. Besides two mature trees and one bush there was no other plants, flowers or shrubs on the entire property.

My kids are napping! Yay! I tired them out with a trip to Target and Whole Foods this morning before nap time. I think that may be the key to my sanity.
I do have to push their naps back until the afternoon because when they start preschool this fall, they will have class 9-1pm. They should get home by 1:15 and that would be a perfect time for a nap.
I really have no idea what I would do with myself for 4 hours ALONE. No kids. I could do all my errands, clean the house without little people instantly messing it up, or go to the gym or NAP, or even watch a TiVoed show with no interruptions.
It is going to be great.

Points of Interest

If you didn't see American Idol recaps, you missed out. If you didn't know Clay Aiken was gay before, his haircut says it all. Bangs people, bangs.
There is nothing wrong with being gay, just don't deny it and then come out singing with side swept bangs.

The Lost finale was great and it is going to be one long hot summer wanting more.

My sister is coming down today to spend the night here and when she comes here it always rains so we are stuck in the house. True to fom, it is supposed to rain today for the first time in weeks.
I love being stuck inside the house with four kids under the age of 5.

I tried the new choco-nilla iced coffee at Dunkin Donuts and it was pretty good. Now they have smoothies there too. I would like to try them, we are addicted to smoothies in this house and when a new place has them, we are ALL about trying it.

I am planting a veggetable and herb garden this spring. Some things are planted already some are ready to go in.
How domestic I am!

I have a new product I want to lick and snuggle with. This was my first true appliance love and now I want this.
My hair is so long and thick, it takes a good 40 minutes to dry my hair. FORTY MINUTES, people. I don't have 40 minutes for hair drying and or styling. That is why my hair looks like shit most of the time.
This dryer is so light and quick, I love it. I need it.

Now, everyone have a great holiday weekend. I will spend my day taking out my white pants and sandals from winter storage.

E comes home today and not a moment too soon. Baby B finally pooped yesterday but she had more and was uncomfortable all day.
I knew what I had to do.
I had to go in.

I got the glycerin suppository from my medicine cabinet. I pulled a little square of toilet paper to get a better grip on the slippery sucker.
I told Baby B because she can't poop and her belly hurts, I had to put some medicine in her bottom and it will feel so much better. She screamed, she cried, she kicked. I blocked the blows while trying to gently place the slippery bullet in her butt every so easy.
I swear two minutes after it went in she was straining to get the poop out, she just couldn't hold it in any longer. Poor baby.

She went again one hour later and again this morning, lets hope it is all over so we can leave the house today.
We have been trapped in here by Baby B who wouldn't leave the couch for fear she may poop for the past two days.

God, I am sure this post will bring many visitors from people searching google for unmentionable things. I can't imagine.
Actually I can.


Lost finale is on tonight and I can't wait. We will be celebrating here all day in anticipation.
And yes, I need to get a life.
And no, I won't become the Mom who can only post about poop.

?

I can't be the only person in the world who tunes in to "local on the 8s" on the weather channel and ALWAYS misses it.

Maybe I am.

Baby B pooped once yesterday & once today. Good, but I know she still has more, poor kid.

Interesting fact: I have been awake sicne 2am and I am in a pretty good mood despite of that.
I am grateful and very, very surprised.

The One Where I Talk About Poop

Baby B is constipated again. Again!
She has been having the problem ever sicne she turned a year old. She eats the same things at the same times as her brother but she must have inherited my problem. She hasn't gone since Thursday afternoon and then it was little rabbit pellets.
I have given her aloe, acedophillus, mineral oil, prunes, prune juice, raisins, grape juice and stopped her from eating cheese and milk.
Still no go.
Now I know she has to go but it holding it in because she knows it will be big and hurt her. It is so very sad, because I know it will be big and hurt her but I explain that she will feel so much better after her poop comes out.
I have given her a suppository in the past, because I had to, but she was not happy about it and cried and cried. Who could blame her?
I really do not want to do that again.
E is away on business (again!) until tomorrow night so I am alone in all this. I like it much better when he gets to be the bad guy.

So any suggestions for me and Baby B?

Conversations with Kids

Today at Barnes & Noble I purchased my husband the book he needed and the kids each got a book. We played with the train table they have and they off we went to search for a book for me.
That didn't work out so well. Baby B kept asking : "are we going to pay the man now?" every 10 seconds and Baby A started climbing on racks.
I swear they are usually much better in public but *surprise* they wouldn't nap for me today.

I go them in the car and said " I am disappointed in both of you not being able to stand still so Mommy could buy a book. Now you have books and Daddy has a book but Mommy couldn't get one so now I am sad about that. "

Baby B in sweetest voice you have ever heard " Awwww, that's ok, sweetie you can get a book next time, honey" and while I stifled laughter "It's ok honey, you can go tonight and buy all the books sweetie, ok honey?"

I almost died. Where do they come up with this?




*I have eaten four, I repeat, FOUR crullers today. Damn you dunkin donuts, damn you to hell!!!!!!!!!!!

MishMash

Ok, I have got a lot of things going on in my head today, and I am going to pour most of it out here so I can clear up some space so maybe I could decide something important, like what to make for dinner.

LOST was amazing last night. Here are my theories: Claire and Jack are half sister & brother. Jack's Dad was in Australia to see her. Desmond is on the boat we saw coming right at the end of the episode. The "others" really just want Hurley because they had Jack, Kate and Sawyer already & let them go. It must have to do with the numbers. Speaking of the numbers, I bet they are not entered some time next week and when they are not entered the "magnets" take down another plane.

Elliott is off American Idol. See ya.

I have taken a sleeping pill for the past two nights and the past two days I have had a headache. Hangovers are the worst. I don't know which is better, being tired all day because I didn't sleep well or having a headache all day because you chemically induced sleep.

I have to go to Barnes & Noble today to pick up a book that E has to read by Monday for work. I will pick myself up a couple of books too. I love to read and it seems that I only get a chance to do so is in the summer when I am outside with the kids every day.
I can't even remember which books I wanted so now I have to look them up on my Amazon wish list.

The brownies are all gone.
In my stomach.
I can never make them again or I will weigh 260 lbs. I really perfected the recipe though, sigh.

Ugh! A storm is blowing in right now and I better go close my car windows or better yet, just pull it into the garage.

My daughter cried three times yesterday because she doesn't have a penis, nor will she ever have one, hence she will forever have to sit down to pee.
This seems like the worst thing that could every happen to her, and how dare I laugh while she is crying over something SO important.
I was just envisioning telling her first boyfriend the story.

My son likes to "assume the position" whilst taking a leak. He places his hands against the wall in front of him, spreads his feet apart and arches his back.
This stance, while hysterical to see, I can only hope it never comes into play as an adult.
I laugh because I envision showing his first girlfriend the pictures.

Just A Day in The Life

This is just a typical morning of a Mom to B/G twins:

me: Baby A, I am so proud of you for peeing in the potty just like Daddy! You are such a big boy now.

Baby A: Yes, I am. Now I can go to school and ride a motorcycle.

Me: Well, I think they are mutually exclusive, but your new school is pretty awesome, I wouldn't be surprised

Baby B (crying): I want to pee in the potty like Daddy, when I am a big girl, I will be a boy so I can pee standing up.

me: calgon take me away.

3rd Time is a Charm

AND I made brownies last night from scratch and I ate THREE of them today. I am really disgusted with myself but they are SOOO good.

EDIT

I went all the way over to the other side of town to the vampire office to get my blood work done. I take the kids out of the car and as I am walking up to the front door I remembered that I forgot the paperwork from my doctor.
They can't do any tests without it so I really wanted to scream and yell and kick my car but instead i get my kids back into the car, buckle them in and drive away, all the while answering my daughter when she asks "are we coming back in one minute?" 735 times.

Instead I went to the grocery store with them and I got a car cart and I was happy. Then my son fell asleep in the car (like EVERY TIME I take in to a store when he hasn't had his nap) and I had to finish my trip quickly as to not wake the sleeping prince. Then I had to carry him into the house and he is now sleeping on the couch in the family room. Now I have to go bring in all the groceries from the car and I am stalling until E gets home.
I hate carrying in the groceries and anyway, I just carried a 33lb kid in.
I have to draw the line somewhere!

Stinking Titles

Today I have to go and get blood taken again. I really feel like a pin cushion with all these blood withdrawals. I just have to make sure my thyroid is functioning normally so I do not have to take any medications. The last thing I need is another medication to take every day, I already take three.

Then I have to go to the grocery store with my kids which is not fun. They tend to fight when they are in the close quarters of the cart. Plus I can't fit anything in the cart with two three year olds in it. The car carts with the little car for them to ride in attached to the cart is a hot commodity in my area and getting them ins't easy. They are also so bulky and hard to maneuver. I wished they would just make carts that have the seats for two kids in the front, like Bj's does. It makes life so much easier.

My Mother's Day was great. We went to my Aunt's house and the kids played and I didn't have to change a diaper all day. I also received ample massages and foot rubs.
Every day should be Mother's Day!

Mother's Day

Go on over to Mommy bloggers, they asked me again to fill out some answers to great Mother Day questions along with a ton of other kick ass Moms.
Go and check it out, and to all the Moms who read this have a great Mother's Day.

Today

It is a beautiful day here today and I am not looking forward to the rain that is supposed to linger here all weekend. Although I am sure my grass is excited.
I must have slept wrong last night and today I have a headache and my neck is killing me. I really need a good massage. That need comes in handy when Mother's Day is right around the corner!

My daughter is in her dress up phase. It started earlier then I thought it would, she received some dress up clothes and accessories for Christmas and her birthday and she went to my sister's house yesterday dressed like Snow White. The costume has been on for a good 36 hours.
My son wants to dress up too, and it makes me sad that they have a common interest that is not socially acceptable for the boy to do. I asked him if he would like to wear his sister's costumes but he wanted spider man and batman costumes. Easier said then done.
I finally found this.
Cute right?

He does want his manicures like myself and his sister. This was a little tougher. I painted them light pale pink just like his sister one day despite sad and concerned looks from my husband.
The next time we told him boys don't usually paint their nails, but I would paint one pink or use the clear if he wanted. He liked the clear or "white" as he calls it.

I find it to be hard because since they are twins, they like to do everything together, what one wants the other does too. There is much more cute clothes to buy or more toys for girls and just plain more to do.
I know there will come a day where both have such separate hobbies and interests. Until that day I will be buying more clear nail polish and searching for matching motorcycles.

Gifts

Ok, I am a running so late on this Mother's Day thing. I haven't purchased one thing yet for my mother, E's mother, my grandmother, stepmother or godmother.
I know, I am in trouble.

I feel like it snuck up on my this year.

Now, besides time off and to feel appreciated which is what ALL Moms want, what would you like for Mother's Day or what are you giving your Mother/Mother-in-laws this year?

I was going to give gifts wtih teh kids pictures on it, but I am too late to order them now.
So go on and spill the beans.

Hey Blaine, Try This One

I didn't watch David Blaine's special last night. I heard about it quite a bit today already. Apparently he couldn't hold his breath for the full 9 minutes he wanted to and was pulled out of the tank by bikini models at 7 minutes.
To me this is no big deal. I think I have broken this 9 minute record unceremoniously quite a few times over the last three years.

I recall one time in particular:
I checked on my daughter then just a baby in her vibrating seat (otherwise known as the best invention EVER) and I noticed a smell. I picked her up and knew she had a terrible poop in her pants. At that moment I saw that the vibrating seat had vibrated the poop all out of her diaper and up her back. (gag)
I sprang into action.
I placed a hairclip on my nose and held my breath while I: carefully undressed her, wiped her with 756 wipes, placed the clothes in sink, ran an emergency bath, washed poop out of unmentionable locations on both me and her, put a new clean diaper back on, rinsed out poopy clothes and then ran with them to the washing machine.

Then I released my nose clip and filled my lungs with fresh, clean air.

I could only hope for a pay day like David Blaine's after that but I was rewarded with a clean baby.

Now that, that should be televised!

Shopping Trip

My outing on Friday went well. I went to three store and I finally found something in Annie Sez. My daughter hit herself in the head on one of the racks and cried.
Loudly.
They always hurt themselves when they are tired.
Then my kids said goodbye to an older couple leaving the store when as we were, my son pointed out he was wearing a shirt with a bee on it and my daughter had to show off that her pants had a butterfly. Then, in front of the strip mall she proceeded to pull dopwn her pants and show off her princess pull ups to the lovely older couple.
I died of embarrassment and we were on our way to get some new shoes.

My son fell off the little seats where you try on shoes, despite me telling him no less then 34 times to get off and to stand by me. He screamed like someone stabbed him and I am sure all the people buying shoes judged me and my kids.
I feel like putting signs on their backs saying "we are great kids normally and if we have a nap we are downright terrific" or "my Mom can't get us to nap or to go to the bathroom in a potty but really, she is a pretty good Mom"

Maybe I will just get t-shirts made up instead.
For Mother's Day.

All in all, it was a good trip out, I did find out Old Navy had carts and I did utilize them. My kids went into the dressing room with me for the first time. They were wondering out loud (very loud) what my bra was and why it was different then a bathing suit.
Then they poked my boobs.
It was almost degrading.

Next time I will at least go shopping after nap time. Or I should say faux nap time, where they pretend they are napping but are just tearing apart the bedroom and I try to do something productive before I have to go up and yell at them for faux napping.
That is a WHOLE other post though.

Today, I am Daring

I never really brought my kids shopping with me. They were probably two years old before they ever saw the inside of a grocery store. It was always too hard to go shopping with the twins stroller, so bulky and I could never go into a fitting room with it, I was lucky if I could fit through aisles with it.
I was a pro though at the open door-hold with right foot-shimmy stroller through-easy, easy take it easy, pushing the stroller with one hand-ease door closed behind me while opening the other set of doors in front of me-and repeating. You really work up a sweat when you are done with that, I can only imagine how awesome I would be at it with a single stroller. I would win straight golds at the Mommy Olympics.

Today though I am leaving the house with my two three year old sans stroller to go to a minimum of two stores that do not have carriages. I am looking for a camisole for myself at Old Navy and then hitting DSW for some new shoes. DSW is like a racetrack for kids with those long aisles.

Sigh, I have to do it though my little sister's communion is tomorrow and I have to finish an outfit and look somewhat decent.

There may be some crying and yelling but after I get it all out of my system it should be fine.

I Am Sure This is TMI and Boring

Feel free to skip this post because I will be giving TMI and I am confident this will be boring. I may be boring but I still have confidence in myself. You gotta love that.

You still reading? Oh well, don't say I didn't warn you.

I have my period, it arrived early this morning after not making an appearance in all of April.
I didn't blame my period, all that raining in April doesn't make it the most fun month.
I am not complaining either because a month without your period, to me, is like a month full of sunshine, cute puppies licking your nose and fitting into skinny jeans all rolled into one.
I love it.
It made the fact that I was HUGE when I was pregnant and tired all the time soooo worth it. It almost made the stretch marks worth it, but not quite. I hate the stretch marks more then my period and that is saying a lot.

You may be asking yourself now, "well, what is going to get poor Tuesday through the day?". Well, since you asked I will tell.
Lost is on tonight.
Lost.
A new one that is leading up to the finale. I may wet my pants.

Also on tonight is a new Dateline where they are after the sexual preditors online and they are catching those sons of bitches and hopefully getting their salads tossed in jail to let them know what it feels like to be victimized and I hope they all rot.
Whew.

Anyway, my period hormones suggested this to accompany Lost and I am more then happy to oblige.
I will be in heaven at 9pm tonight.

Blurry Vision

"It is such a beautiful day again today", I thought as I drove past the familiar buildings.
I was on my way home after running a few errands and I was tired, but better yet would be that the kids are tired, I thought.
I checked my rear view mirror. "Yes! One down one to go."

I made a left turn and I heard it, the familiar, distinctive sound. Instantly sadness washed over me like 100 gallons of water and I felt like I couldn't breathe, I was drowning.
I glanced to my left, and I saw the bag pipers.
This time they were at someone else's funeral, someone else was dead on this beautiful day and they were melodically sending that person away forever.

The memories flood back: funerals, black, crying, scared, loud music, dark glasses, the bitter cold and how I was grateful it made me numb inside and out, beautiful days.
Sadness.

It felt like I passed the funeral in slow motion, not like I was going 30 miles per hour.
That is how life has felt since my Dad died, in slow motion, but in reality, flying by.
I guess it is the irony of it all.

I felt the wind sting my eyes, all the while not realizing I was crying.

I pulled into the driveway and parked my car. I put my head against the seat and took off my sunglasses. I looked into the rearview mirror to see two sleeping kids.
Peaceful and innocently sweet.
I exhaled realizing that I had done it.
That through it all, in slow motion, in sadness, and through tears, I still mamanged to find my way home.

?

What do we think of these for the summer?

My Kids

It just hit me, my kids are not babies anymore. They are not even classified as toddlers, they are "preschoolers" now. Officially, they will be preschoolers in September when I turn over the deed to my house to send them to preschool.

My kids are so big, my daughter is very tall for three, her grasp of our language effortless which I am reminded of every day because she never stops talking! Her blond shoulder length "princess hair" is now darkening a bit and her baby tendrils have all but gone except for particularly humid days. She is sneaky and cute.
She is the boss of us, and everyone knows it, yesterday my son asked E for a cookie. Since it was very close to dinner, E said no and he went back to his sister. My daughter heard this exchange and said to him " you stay here & watch chicken little A, I will ask Daddy for cookies. She went right in the kitchen wagged her two pointer fingers at her Dad, told him they needed cookies for this show and then sauntered off back to the couch. Job done.
And that has been what is like living with her. She knows what she wants and gets it.
I hope that she can keep that with her always, that she won't compromise her goals for a boy or that life will just get in her way.
She is so much like me, I am scared for her. Determination and strong is one thing, stubborn and demanding are another. I just hope she gets some of her Daddy's gentleness and easy going-ness.

My son is brave when he is not around his sister. Usually he looks for her to guide him, to make the friends, to try hanging upside down first, to let him know it is ok, I am doing it and I am here for you.
He has sandy brown hair and is a mini me of his Father. Petite features and the softest skin known to man. The most kissable skin. Ever.
His memory is long, like mine, and he won't let you forget something you told him or bribed him with. He knows how to make me laugh and knows when I need a hug. He is such a sweet boy.
I hope that he can be so brave, I hope he can have more self confidence to make his own friend, make his own path without his twin sister having to make the decisions for him.
I know that will come in time.

My kids are so big now, it is a whole new journey for us. One I am willing and able to take.
One that will lead me into directions I never knew I would go, but I accept it as long as my kids are by my side.

No Title

Today I am feeling a little blah. Actually I have been feeling tired for awhile now. I am not sleeping great, tossing and turning a bit too much so I am hoping that is the cause of my tired feelings throughout the day. I am praying that my thyroid is functioning normally, and I can't get that checked out for another 7-10 days. Today is the one month anniversary of my little surgery and I celebrated by crying over my doctor's bill that just came for said surgery.
Crying it not the word, weeping is more accurate.
$6300 not including the hospital stay or anesthesia.
Just great.

My insurance will be covering 80% but it is still a huge bill. That is considering my insurance said it will cover 80% but I don't trust those Mo Fos until I see the bill with a big PAID stamp on it.

Last night I watched the fourth in a series by Dateline about men who solicite underage girls and boys online and then show up for a "date" with them and are busted by Dateline and the police.
They are blue collar workers, teachers, rabbis, police officers and students.
Most of them had seen the show before but still went out searched for their prey and then showed up at a location hoping to have sex with them.
That shows you how men think, mostly with their penis against any good judgement they might have.
It is such a accurate sick look at men, and I get so enraged while watching it.
E hates it because I basically go off on his sex for the entire 60 minutes and a little more when it is over. I don't know why I do it to myself but I guess you need to know your enemy.

Nuthin

I am sorry, I just have had nothing to write about lately.
I am trying to find out why my kids won't nap and that Baby A has gone back into the hitting phase of life. Hitting his sister or trying to hit me.
Not good. I guess he is needing to do something with his frustration, but why should a 3 year old be frustrated.
I have been less patient with them lately, I know, but fooling around during nap time and being cranky the entire rest of the day forcing me to put them to bed at 6pm is not the answer.
But, it has been what we have been doing.


I am also trying to find a part time job to regain my sanity, maybe meet people and to make some money for this household. Preschool starts in September and I don't even want to tell you how much it costs to send twins to preschool, or to feed and clothe them.
It is a depressing figure.

So that is where I am at right now. I hope you are all in a better place.

A Poll of Sorts

My ipod has feeling a bit lonely lately. I have only 148 songs in it and I am bored with most of them.
What is your favorite song or maybe not yoru favorite song but a must have song in my collection? Leave me a comment with your #1 song that HAS to be downloaded on my ipod.

My ears and I thank you.

I was recently introduced to this book and it got me thinking. I wonder what would be on my list on What Men Should Never Do Past the Age of 30?
Here is my list:

1. not have the fundamentals of table manners
2. call women chicks and guys dudes (take note Jonathan Anton)
3. Pass out drunk outdoors
4. play hackey sack
5. high five when someone passes gas
6. live with their Mother
7. Have bikini posters on their walls
8. quote The Godfather in every conversation
9. consider a date to be a mug of beer and nuts at the local sports bar
10. not know how to wash a dish, work a washer and dryer and only know how to "cook" in a microwave

What would be on your list?

Thursday

My kids have decided to stop taking naps.
I have decided to stop being nice about not taking the required naps.

I tried to separate them into their assigned bedrooms. They cried and screamed and didn't want to be separated, especially my daughter. I feel so bad because they need each other that I put them back with the warning "stay in bed or you will be separated". Two minutes later they are out of their beds, arms flailing, legs jumping and fun in full throttle.
I give up.

Today I am going back to my endocronologist for a checkup and make sure my 1.5 thyroid is fully working. I have been feeling great but the last two days I have been so tired. I am hoping that my thyroid is in full function because I would rather not take any more medication for the rest of my life.

I am going to the homeopathic doctor next week so if I do need medicine for my thyroid I am hoping he has an alternative to synthroid.

That is it for us today, we will play outside and enjoy the great NJ weather we have been having lately. It is going to rain all weekend, so we have got to enjoy it now.

Tagged

Ok, I have been tagged by Sabrina for a "6 strange things about you" meme thingy. I am a strange girl so picking just 6 is hard for me, but here it goes:

1) When my Dad was young his family was very big and poor so he would have apple sauce as a side dish for dinner a lot. He carried it into our family when he was married and I was little. There was a time, long ago, when I would want apple sauce with my spaghetti and I would mix it into the sauce.
Gag. Hey, I was young!

2) I like to dip my steak in Italian dressing.

3) I have slight OCD. I wash my hands about 25 times a day and will roll up my pants so they don't touch bathroom floors, I will shower with sandals on in other people's houses and I will not go barefoot on someone's carpet unless I know how old the carpet is.
I know how strange I am, and I hate it but it is uncontrollable.

4) I have problems making new friends. It is much more awkward then when I was younger and had so many friends and it was easy.

5) I was once in a Oreo cookie commercial.

6) I am slightly obsessed with what my kids wear. For parties I always dress them up, I hate that my son wants spiderman everything. I always scrub their sneakers because I hate scuffed shoes. I want my kids to look nice and wear nice clothes for school and play clothes for home.

So, that is it. I will tag whoever wants to do this on their blog, but leave a comment that you did it here so we can check it out.

Easter weekend went something like this:

Lots of Easter egg hunts, playing outside in the glorious weather, wearing of the cutest Easter outfits of ALL time, church, more egg hunts and a big dinner.

It was a nice weekend, although I spent most of Saturday shopping for something to wear for it and ended up wearing something I already had (isn't that always the case??. I will return it and look for something to wear to my sister's communion in a few weeks.
That outfit is much more important.

Spring has sprung here and my daffodils are all up and now I am awaiting the arrival of my tulips first bloom. I love that I forget what I planted in the fall and Spring is like a new surprise every day.
I am also excited to plant a little garden where I had my wild flowers last year. I will have two kinds of tomatoes, cucumbers, herbs and some other things that I haven't decided yet.
I had to find something to do when the kids are outside most of the day in spring & summer.
It gets old when you just read a magazine and there is only so much time I can spend pushing a swing!

Observations

A couple observations I have made over the past few days:

I decided after a morning buying in bulk, that B.J's is a great place to meet Moms. They were out in full force trying to buy tampons, diapers and snacks in bulk. I should put together a club of all Moms who shop in bulk. Together we can save the world one 382 case of hot dogs at a time.

I am so super excited to see that Banana Republic now sells things in a size double 0. All my friends and I are swimming in the plain old size 0, now we finally have a company who doesn't care that a average woman is a size 12, and gives us the double zero.
Barf.

Carseats should come with an eject button. Not for the tiny infants but for the older kids like mine. Upon pressing this button the seatbelts would disengage and lift the kids up and out of the seat into a standing position in the car.
This would save my nails and back from quite a bit of pain.
Get me on American Inventor, I will wow them with this one.

Houses should also come with eject buttons so, say, if your in-laws were over and they made you hate them you can just eject them back to where they came. Much like the seats on the MTV game show, Remote Control
I would use this feature religiously.

Minivans should come with bumperstickers that say "please don't judge me because I have more then 1.5 kids and I need the space of a minivan and if they made SUVs more affordable and easier for people that have more then 1.5 kids, I wouldn't be driving this big van that looks like a whale anyway".
I don't own a minivan, but that is where I see myself headed, if I want any more kids. I judged these minivan driving people and I swore I would *never* be those women, and now God is going to give me back my evil karma in the form of a whale.

I hate people who bring their 4 month old to sing a longs at pottery barn kids and then sit in front of my 3 year olds and pretend not to hear when my children say "Mommy that lady is blocking me and now I can't see".
Please.

Addict

I am addicted to something. I have never really admitted this to anyone and I know it is a sick, sick thing, but I am addicted to recipes. Cookbooks, cooking magazines, free recipe cards at the supermarket, you name it, I want it.

As of now I have 8 cookbooks. That is only because I can practice a small amount of restraint. Really, I don't cook from a cookbook at all, I will read a recipe I like and then adapt it myself or I just get ideas for new things and go back to cooking the same meals every week throwing a new one in here or there.
The beginning of a new season always revs up my cooking addiction for awhile. Look spring has sprung, I can't wait to plant all my herbs and veggies and then cook with them!
Summer, I can't wait to go to all my local farms and get my yummy fresh vegetables and fruit. BBQ! Chicken on the grill!
Fall! Apple pie, apple compote, apple cobbler, apple cider and apple bread.
Winter! Yeah, I can break out my crock pot. Here comes the stews, chili and soups.


So now I am actually excited to go to the grocery store to get my ingredients for my latest dinner ideas: french dip with mushrooms and summer beef stew with corn dumplings.

For now, i have to rush to watch Oprah and see what the heck Bill Gates is so upset about.

The Final Countdown

15 minutes.
That is all I have to wait until my husband comes home from work to pick up his demon seed parents to bring them to the airport where they will be dropped back to where they came.
I have had it.
Eight days is a lot to live with anyone, never mind your in-laws. I thought I would be able to relax, but they never took the kids so I could relax or nap, or clean. I had to do eveything with them or for them, and make sure they weren't giving my kids crap to eat all day or leaving the water running in the bathroom. I swear it was like having two more kids.
I know they are old, I know they have their own way of doing things, when I am at their house I assimilate to them, what they watch, eat, drink etc. When they are here they just want things their way too. They compliment us on how great my kids are, but then make remarks what we aren't doing right.
I don't let my own Mother get away with things like that, but E would rather ignore it then face confrontation.

Even though his Father talked a lot of shit about me, the week we moved into this house. Even though I overheard them talking about me AGAIN last night.
I really doubt I will ever have them stay here again, it is just too hard. They could stay at their daughter's house among the dirt and crap everywhere, after all they raised her to be like that.

I think the whole trip jumped the shark last night after dinner, when my mother in-law told me "the Jews are homely looking people, most of them are ugly".
I had to bite my tongue in order not to tell my MIL in not so nice words, that judgment and comments like that are not appropriate and other people in this world may be judging her as something like white trash and how would she feel.

I don't want them poisoning my children like that and I will find it very difficult to ever go to their house for vacation again. I have better things to do with my vacation time and money. When we visit Disney, we will stay in Orlando and they can visit us if they want to.

I just cannot wait to be free of them and then go about my business of cleaning my house and detoxing my children.

Done, Done and Done

I am done with my in-laws. They can go back to Florida now.

I am officially tired of the constant talking, constant loudness, general racist/sexist/homophobic remarks and of feeling like I have to be on my best behavior.
I just want to go back to my old life.
I have 3 more days until I can exhale.

I think generally it is hard to live with someone, even if they are your family. It is just a tad too much time and I think they should have spent more time with my sister in law and her family. My Father in law would like to spend equal amounts of time with us, but my mother in law loves and misses my kids so much I know it kills her until she gets here. Plus my sister in laws house is messy, dirty and so very chaotic. Even I hate to visit for a day.

We are going out to dinner tonight for my birthday that is Sunday. I am officially entrenched in my 30's and that is slightly depressing to me. E & I are going to this great Cuban restaurant in Philadelphia and I have wanted to go there for awhile. The one thing about living in South Jersey as opposed to where I am from in North Jersey, is that there isn't too much diversity here. There are no Spanish or Greek restaurants here, you have to go into Philly for that.

I will celebrate tonight, and then hopefully sleep it off tomorrow. Then I won't have to deal with the in-laws for very long tomorrow.
My new plan: sleep the day away!

These Are The Days

Today is my gorgeous husband's birthday. He is the sweetest, most thoughtful man I could ever ask for. When I met him, I knew there was just something a little bit extra special about him, and after one month of dating, I knew he was the one I would marry. I even told my Mother that.
She cried, because she believed me. Five and a half years ago we married since we have we moved, had babies, bought our first house, got some pets, and simply merged our lives into one.

I love him for so many reason, too many to list but most importantly, when I feel alone, like sadness only hits me, like I have nothing, I can look to my side and he is right there.
Always.

By me waiting for when I need him because I can fall into him and he supports me.
Always.
Unquestioning.
Unconditionally.
Forever.

Have a Great Birthday Baby, and thank you for my life.

Beautiful Day

Today it is gorgeous here in NJ. It will be 65 and sunny, not a cloud in the sky.
I feel much better, a little constipated but otherwise ok. I know my neck is starting to heal because it is itchy, I remember that from my C-Section scar.

A funny story about my surgery, I was taken from E and led into a small cubby to change my clothes. I was given scrub pants, a gown (open in the back), a robe and slippers. I was not allowed my small clip I always have in my hair in some fashion. I sat in a room waiting to meet with my anesthesiologist and my surgeon. I met with them, and then was led down another small hallway to O.R. #2. I laid on the table and was given a fresh from the oven blanket, warm and snuggly. Then a young lady came in as my anesthesiologist was giving my IV line. She introduced herself as a first year resident and this was her new rotation. That had me thinking that she wanted me to use as a test dummy for my tubes, important tubes like for breathing and stuff.
I wasn't down or that. I was nervous enough. I was going to have to tell them that I didn't want her working on me, just observing and make sure everyone in the room heard my wishes.
You really don't want to piss off the people that will have your open throat in their hands 4 seconds before they do, but I had to do it for my own piece of mind.
Just then he put a mask over my face and said "breathe deeply, it is just oxygen". I said to myself "hey self, oxygen isn't given with a mask, they are probably putting you out, but why would they? They haven't asked you to count backwards and my surgeon isn't here yet and..........."
Next thing I know I am awake in recovery puking on myself. I never got to tell the student, no way you are practicing on me.
I am fine though so I really can't complain. I just thought it was funny.

My in-laws are coming for one WEEK (gag) starting tomorrow. This was supposed to be a vacation for E & I but now we are poor and one of us is scarred and the sun would be no good right now.
I am trying to think of ideas of things to do with my in-laws and kids this week while E is working. I do have shopping to do because E's birthday is Thursday and my brother's is Friday and mine is Sunday. Fun!

More

Well, Vicodin is my new bestest friend. I have to be careful about him and I getting together too much because I will never again get out of my bed but so far he has been a good friend to me.


I am in pain, my neck is very sore and swollen. I have only looked at it once, because it was too much for me. It has started to itch which I know is a sign it is healing, which is great. I will go back into NYC on Friday morning to have my surgeon look at it and take out all my stitches.
I will hug him.
Hard.
I am so happy with my outcome it is hard for me not to shout from the rooftops. It was the best possible outcome. I can continue my life from when I put it on hold in January, I felt until now that I had it on pause and everyone kept going on around me, but now I am joining back into the world.
This is my second chance to be healthier, be happier with what I have and to be more involved with my life. This may have been my wake up call.

Can I say enough how much "you people" have meant to me with your well wishes and prayers. Not just for me, but for my family too because it makes me feel like people are looking out for them too, strangers are sending them light and love.
It has been everything, our sweet dog, my stress of being a single Mom for the last week and the surgery.
This reaction may be because of too much of my friend Vicodin but I bet it is just because under it all there are great people in this world, and I just happened to have them reading this boring piece of my life.
Now enough of this mushy stuff , when can I have a stiff drink?

Quick Update

I just got home from the hospital, and we have great news.
The lump was benign, they only had to take out half of my right thyroid and I may not need medicine for the rest of my life.
Thank goodness.

I am in some pain but I have my old friend Vicodin. I also have a large incision and a ton of stitches.

Thank you for all your prayers and well wishes, I will post more when I feel a bit stronger.

When It Rains, It Really, Really Pours

We had to put our sweet baby doggie to sleep yesterday.
E is a mess, I am a mess.
It was impossibly hard and I will post about it later, when it is not so raw.

I am going into surgery tomorrow at 7:30 am and it should take about 90 minutes barring no complications. I am scared, I will miss my kids but I am sure I will be alright.
I do have all you guys in my corner praying and wishing me well on top of my family & friends in real life. So, it's good.

Thank you again, really it means a lot to me.
I will post whenever I can, or I will get E to update you.

Thank You

Thanks guys for all those awesome rainy day suggestions for my three year olds. WE went to Chick-fil-a twice this week because of the cool indoor playground, fingerpainted and instead of making cookies (which I would have to eat! Them all!) we made little pizzas on english muffins.

I have been given the 5 star healthy rating by my doctor and was green lighted for my surgery on Monday. The same cannot be said for my doggie who now hates going up or down stairs. I had to carry her to my bedroom last night. I am waiting for the return call from the vet now.

I will post this weekend with a little update before my surgery Monday morning.
Have a great weekend!

Is This Week Over Yet?

Thank all that is holy and good, that E is coming home today. His flight should land in Philadelphia at 4pm today. Not one moment too soon.

It is 11am and so far today I have:

• changed four poopy diapers. FOUR!
• cleaned poop from carpet from sick dog. Tried not to yell at sick dog because you are so frustrated that the dog picked the ONE carpeted room downstairs to shit, and that is the kids playroom.
• cleaned up pee from same sick dog and let her outside on her leash.
• did a "pre interview" of sorts from the hospital I will check into on Monday. Answered odd questions like "do you have hospital equipment in your house? Do you suffer from abuse? What religion are you? And do you have stairs in your house"
• brought the do inside only to have her puke twice on the same carpet forcing me to break down and cry
• been comforted by my daughter who hugged me handed me a tissue and told me "its ok, Mommy, Daddy be home in free days, I love you"

The last one made up for the hell that was my life for the past 4.5 hours.

Now, how cute is this puppy? My dear sweet dog is not doing well, and neither am I. I am going to take her to the vet again tonight, with my two tired babies who have not napped today and the only appointment I could get is one hour past their bedtime. My doggie has trouble going up stairs suddenly and has been shaking for 24 hours. My poor baby is sick. I really hope I don't have to make any decisions about her without E, who has an awards meeting in sunny Florida and then will be wisked away to a private Jimmy Buffet concert. Poor him.

Hopefully I will make it through this night alive.

Another Day

I want all the Moms and Dads that read this blog to give me some ideas. I want your best rainy day, bored in the house, toddlers that try to break your spirit, ideas of things to do in the house.

Something that you do with your kids that they like or make or even your best idea of where to take them to wear them out for the day.

A New Day

Today the dog seems to be doing fine. I still have to watch for vomiting and diarrhea because of her medications but she seems ok. She is eating her new food because it is wet and she loves wet food and I have been hiding her medicine in peanut butter with success.
The vet is still concerned abou ther but we will go back for a check up on her kidneys next week, and hopefully we caught it in time.

My daughter cried for her Dad for about an hour at bedtime last night and I hope that it doesn't repeat tonight. I feel so bad for them because they really miss him, as much as I do and he misses us. It sucks he has to go away so often for business but it is what puts food on our table and clothes on our backs. I thank God he is a good hardworking man and works his ass off for us.

I am excited for some new shows tonight. I am bored here and if I get a little help from my best friend TiVo, then so be it.
A girl has got to live.

Just When It Couldn't Get Worse

I am overwhelmed.
Our dog has been losing weight now for months. I took her to the vet in November and they ran a bunch of test and did a thorough exam but came up with nothing. She lost a lot more weight so I took her back to the vet on Thursday. It turns out she lost 15lbs since August (I wish I had that problem) which was quite a bit for a dog of her size. They did MORE tests and exams and she has lyme disease and her kidneys are not functioning properly.
She had to have IV all day on Friday and she is on two medicines and special dog food.
Just what my pocketbook needed.
E & I are a mess because she has been with us for almost our whole relationship, she was our first baby. She is spoiled and treated like one of the family, because she is.
The vet said that it very well could be fatal, and I just can't believe that. She is a spry 9 years old and just the best dog you could ask for.

Top that off with E, who left today for a week long business trip to sunny Orlando, FL.
Without us.
Again.
sigh, so I am here doing it all, lonesome and bored.

Plus my surgery is one week from today so I am getting really nervous about the whole thing. On Friday I went for a whole series of blood tests including a "bleeding test" to make sure I clot well because I bled out and needed two transfusions when I had my C-Section.
Lets just say it was not a fun time.
It was a far cry from some of my St. Patrick's days of past.

I still haven't called a true friend offering great help with my health issues because I have been so busy (Hi Marikay!, I know I suck).

Lastly, thanks for all the offers to help with my blog, I am going to take you all up on your offers!

That is it from my homefront, I will be over feeling sorry for myself in 3 or so hours and I will be good as new. Maybe. I hope.

H E L P

I am bored of this blah blog. I need someone to help me spruce it up a bit. Make it cooler if you will.
Does anyone know how to do this and could help me, I am fairly clueless and I know I could teach myself easily but I have so much on my plate right now, I would love some help.

I was going to buy a redesign but with my predestined goal of visiting every doctor in the tri-state area in 2006 ( I am on track with about 11 visits already this year) and paying them a co-pay, I can't justify the cost.

So help, please?

God, I am good.

I don't want to jinx anything, but I think Baby B is potty trained. She has been exclusively peeing on the potty now for three days. Actually she did have one teeny accident on the carpet but she reported it promptly to her Dad "Gosh, I can't believe I tinkled on the carpet!".
Pooping is reserved for the diaper for now, because she has constipation issues (join the club) I haven't pushed it.
AS far as weaning her off the treats and just peeing in the potty for the glory of it all, I figure chocolate is A LOT cheaper then pull ups for twins every month and with all the money we are saving we will be able to afford all her dental work!
What a great planner I am!

Baby B is a different story. For days now he has jumped on the pastel M&M wagon because when his sister goes on the potty he would like one too, and really I can't stand to look at his petite face while his sister slams down M&Ms like they are going to melt in her hand. (someone should alert her!) Now though, he is pushing his luck saying things like "Mooooom, I didn't take me quiet time but I want a M&M."
Buddy, that is not going to get you too far.
Now he has to ante up the urine in any form besides a diaper to get those precious, adorable, pastel M&Ms with faces of baby animals on them.

After all, I enjoy some chocolatey goodness every once in awhile too!

Worst Job

I was in the doctor's office today for some pre- surgical testing, which is always fun with 2 three year olds. While waiting a looong time in the waiting room I overheard a conversation with a lady and the nurse. She asked when the lady was available to come back for another appointment and the lady said "anytime, I work for myself".
The nurse asked what she did and she said " I do what nobody else wants to do" and laughed.

So I sat there and wondered what she actually did. What was it that nobody else wants to do?
Does she clean up murder scenes? Does she potty train kids all day? Does she clean up backed up sewers? Does she have to clip diabetic patients toenails? Does she have sex with gross men all day?

I am fascinated.

Monday

Wow, how great was the Sopranos? Did Tony really get shot or was that a dream? I would have never thought that Janice would have another baby. I felt so bad for the guy who just wanted to retire in Florida and leave his crap behind him. Why would you hang yourself in the basement where your kids could find you though?
It was really good and I can't wait for next week. It is a good substitute addiction until Lost comes back in two weeks.

Today I am going to an indoor play place to meet some other stay at home moms in my area. Hopefully this will work out well and maybe I can make a new friend.
A new young couple moved into our neighborhood recently but they both work. We will still force them to be friends with E & I, as our neighborhood is mostly older people.

The countdown to my surgery is officially two weeks from today. Now I am getting anxious, I just want it to be over.
It is true, waiting is the hardest part.

Woke Up This Mornin

Sopranos are FINALLY back tonight. We cannot wait.
Loves it!

Currently

I am.............

Happy to see the sun out
Ecstatic that my kids are napping
Stressed after watching Black.White.
Awaiting my surgery
Tired but anxious
Bored but content
Excited to play with my kids outside, finally
and
Sad that I have nothing else to say today

Finally!

There is help for me.

In other news, I was at my mecca today and the kids and I had fun navigating our tiny cart in those narrow, packed aisles. Then I got downwind of someone who decided to literally bathe in all the patchouli, in all of the world and I almost puked.
I hate patchouli. Now, I married a former hippie and all his friends are hippies. That was all fine and dandy, and I put up with all the patchouli, men wearing just robes to my fancy wedding, pot smoking and even the incense, but you have to draw the line somewhere.

That line for me is dirty feet and much too much patchouli. C'mon man, not bathing and overdosing on a leech repellent is just not cool.

I just can't deal. I really can't believe people are still using it as a perfume/cologne.
Still!

Anyway that ruined my produce expedition for me so we left and I made my kids promise to never be hippies.
Or at least only wear Mom approved scents.

Doctor, Doctor

I went to the endocronologist on Friday to meet with her, get her on board with my problems and plan our next step after the surgery. She was an older gal, a hippy of sorts and had the personality of a sponge. Imagine my surprise when they tell me to "gown up", I was really there just for my neck and I wasn't wearing "doctor appointment" bra & panties.
I went for it though and it went well.

On Saturday I went to the homeopathic doctor. That was fun. He is a sweet, gentle man and I loved him instantly. We just talked about my illnesses, family history, physical problems and then he got to the good stuff.

He asked about how I sleep, if I was scared of heights, what were the "traumas" of my life, what types of food I craved and a myriad of other things that you would never think a doctor would ask you. You would also never know what that has to do with why you are there but he believes that everything means something and your He "studies" me and sends me some "remedies". He also sent me home with something to take after my surgery that will quicken my recovery time.
Love it.
If anyone has questions on homeopathy, check this out.

I think I am done with doctors until my surgery which is fine by me. It figures that this is the year I opted not to enroll in our flexible spending, and this is the year I needed it the most.

Closer to Fine

Today I have another doctor's appointment with a endocronologist. I made this appointment a MONTH ago before I knew any results on my thyroid and this was the first available appointment with any endos in my area.
Got to love NY/NJ doctors.

Tomorrow I am going to a homeopathic doctor that my Aunt goes to. This I am excited about.
It is a hour consultation where you tell him everything about your life, and little things that make you, you. Like does your right ear itch? Are you scared alone? What foods do you crave?
All these things make up who you are and affect your health.
So interesting.
Although the fact that I have clothes and food is due to western medicine and big pharma, I am not willing to be dependent on a bottle of medicine daily to band aid my problem.
I want to fix my body and allow it to fix itself.
That should be all of our goals.

I hope you all have a great weekend.

Lent

My Mom: "what are you going to give up for Lent?"

Me: " My thyroid"

The Blues

I am finding harder and harder to keep up my spirits these days. Today I was a mess, very depressed and feeling sorry for myself. I don't know if it is the weather (although it has been quite a mild winter), the thyroid thing, the fact that the babies and I are SO FREAKIN bored with being in this house day after day or just my hormones.
If I had to guess I think it is a little of each.
March to me has always seemed like such a depressing month, where you want the winter to be over but it is not quite spring until mid April. I guess this March will be no different.

E and I were planning on going on a 5 day vacation alone, without the kids when my in-laws visit the end of March, but now I am having surgery.
God, I wanted to go away so badly, it would be the first time I would have left the kids for more then 4 hours in over three years.
Do you know how much I needed that?
Now I will have a $1500 bill for my part of the surgery (there goes 60% of vacation budget) and I will have nobody to watch them any other time of the year. As it is my Mom is taking off to care for them when I am in the hospital, and E is taking a week off to help me after I get home.

I guess I am depressed about losing that vacation most. I needed it for mine and my children's mental health.
I guess we will all be stuck in NJ, crazy.

Open Letter To My Bod

Dear Period,

You are a fucking asshole.

Go away you are not wanted here.

Love, Tuesday

Observations

I have made some observations in the last few days that I would love to share:

peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are highly under rated

The past two times I have been in Target someone has been in front of me writing a check. I didn't know people still wrote checks in stores and secondly it was the 10 items are under lane, so, lets take out the old plastic and keep the line moving.

The man Sayid trapped thinking he was an other said he got on the island by a hot air balloon and the name he gave was the name of Dorothy's uncle in the wizard of oz. Strange or no?!

Are the pussycat dolls still around because I really hate them and their "music"

Is it me or are more ladies rocking the Bruce Lee haircut then ever before? I am not pro BL hair.

and lastly
I wish I could get a massage every day. I love a good massage and it just make you feel so much better about yourself and your dirty house.
Dontcha think?

Monday

I loved your guilty pleasures! I am not alone in being strange, what a concept. I noticed a lot of you have odd things you dip your fries in. I say be free, dip your fries in mayo and ranch dressing and tartar sauce in public and be proud.
We all need to come out of our own fry closet.
Hi, I am Tuesday and I love dipping my fries in my chick-fil-a BBQ sauce*.

I also forgot another guilty pleasure movie of mine, Fools Rush in with Selma Hayek and Matthew Perry. It is bad and good all at the same time.


This weekend we had the kids birthday party at a kids gym type place. They were in love, but not at first, at first they were crabby, and shy.
My kids who are never shy and are only crabby when I am alone with them.
The first 25-35 minutes of what will now be known as themostexpensivethreeyearoldbirthdaypartyintheworld, were spent asking E & I to hold them and burying their faces in our shirts.
Then finally they got into it and played with their cousins and friends. But for awhile there it was touch and go.
We had a great time and the kids finally had a birthday party.

Now no more parties until I know they will have full recollection of it for many, many years.


*Chick-fil-a BBQ sauce should be able to be purchased in vat forms and I would buy a vat and bathe in it because I am in love with the sauce. I really love it and stock pile it in my cabinets.
The sauce is the boss.

You Are My Obsession

I was caught watching my guilty pleasure movie this past weekend. I have to watch it everytime it is on and I kinda hate myself for it.
The movie is : Selena.

That is right, Jennifer Lopez's breakout part. There is just something about it, the over done red lipstick, the fact that the woman who plays her Mother is as young as her, the sad, true story of her life.
I am just hooked. Love it.
Other guilty pleasures are: any documentary on MTV, Funions on a bagel with cream cheese, Pretty Woman and popping E's pimples.

I know you will never think of me in the same way.

What are your guilty pleasures?

Check It Out

One of my best friends went to her gynecologist around the same time I did in December.
Her doctor found a lump in her thyroid too and ordered blood tests. Hers came back fine, so did mine. I also went for an ultrasound which caught the "lump" on my thyroid. I went home & told her to get an ultrasound too because my thyroid function test came back normal as well, but well, there was something on it.
I went straight to a biopsy (which hurt like HELL, btw) and the cells came back "suspicious".

She just found out she too has a lump on her thyroid. Now she will have to go for a biopsy.

How freaky is that? Bottom line is, everyone woman needs to get their thyroid checked, by blood work and a head and neck exam. Your doctors should be doing this and even your dentist.
Thyroid problems are very common in women, and it can be inherited.

I will be having my operation at the end of March with the "World's Best Thyroid Man" where they will remove my right thyroid lobe and perhaps my left if it turns out to be cancer. I have a 80% chance it is benign.
Such great news for me and my family. I remain cautious but optimistic and have had great friends helping me out with support and advice. You guys are just great.
Virtual strangers reaching out to help and lend an ear. I love it. I love you.

Now go out and get your exams!
Right now, this means you.

Sick

My kids are sick again. They haven't been sick for 12 months and now they have been sick twice in the last three months.
We are going to the doctor this morning, I just want to get them checked out. They are having their birthday party on Saturday so I pray they are ok by then. We spent so much money on this party and it will be their first birthday party. They are so looking forward to it and especially because my daughter was sick for Christmas and didn't even open any gifts, I want them to be healthy.

You know what they don't teach you in any baby books or Mom's classes? How to teach a kid to blow their nose.
It is a difficult task to explain but once mastered, very valuable. I try to teach my kids. I scrunch up my nose and make the sound of snot flying out of my nose and into a tissue, but teh kids just sniffle.
Then I need to get a tissue, because now I have loosened up my sinuses.
It is never ending.

Who wants to come over and teach my kids to blow their noses? Oh and then you can potty train them too.

The Yikes! Factor

Two "yikes!" factors today.

First: when I walk into a doctors office for a consultation on something that may or may not be cancer, I do not want your first question to be "do you have a living will".
On second thought I don't want that question asked of me at any appointment including a manicure.

Secondly: My husband has clogged his toilet with two* flushable wipes. Granted he doesn't have the world's best toilet with a history of 0 clogs in the past 13 months, but still.
He is currently in said bathroom with the following paraphernalia; one rubber glove, an old plunger and plastic bags.
AND he has been in there for 8 minutes and counting.

This cannot have a great ending.







* he is sticking to the story that it is only 2.
I don't believe him.

Still Poor

I didn't win big lotto money. Booo hiissss.

Now I am back to being poor. Sigh.

today I have a second opinion with a doctor in my town. I didn't really want to go because I am 100% on board with what the first doctor told me, but I didn't cancel in enough time, so out of courtesy I will go. It will be good to see what this doctor says anyway. It can't hurt.

Now here is a question, why don't they make kid's gloves long like a legwarmers for arms? That way they glove will not come out of the jacket and get that ring around your sleeve, where you arms are red & cold. Long enough to put on, put the jacket on over and your wrists are protected.
I am going to invent that, because I am sick of these tiny kid gloves.

I'm Rich Bitch

If you guys never hear from me again it is because I won an exorbitant amount of money and I will be way to wealthy to write on blogs all day.
I will sail away to a remote island all the while laughing at the little people who wear scrunchies, cannot pay for fine entertainment and have workmen shitting in their bathrooms.

Suckers.

Open Bath

Why is it that every time I have workers in my house, they feel the need to take a ginormous crap in my bathroom?

Yesterday it was the Directv guy. I had to flag the bathroom until I had time to clean it, so the whole day I had to run upstairs to pee and well, I like convenience.
I get that you are in a car all day & you have to pee & poop somewhere but it is like they all talk and know my bathroom is the best, so to hold it until they get here.
I mean I do have the best toilet in the world, but C'mon guys, save some for home.
I wonder if I can win some kind of award for that.

The worst was the alarm guys last year because they whole house smelled for at least 30 minutes. I wanted to die.

I am going to have my upstairs bathrooms redone and now I fear that I will have to rent a porta-potty for when the workers are here.
I will have to send them outside for their craptastic adventures.
The neighbors should love that.

Lust

I am in love with this new bag.

E gave me an awesome pocketbook for Valentine's Day but a girl can always have more, right?

Now that Banana has these handbag lines, I may be there every day drooling instead of just the once a week.

Hotness

So, my great NY doctor wasn't hot, or you know there would have been pictures. He was distinguished with a strong jaw line and attractive personality, but he also was in his 60s. Not really my type. Like I said though, he was great and I feel much better.
My surgery will be in late March and I feel confident about the whole thing.

I finally got an appointment at my salon for a touch up on my highlights and a trim. I really needed both but I was too busy with other things to try and make time for it. I did it yesterday though, and it sure makes a gal feel better doesn't it?
The girl I go to for my haircuts was off yesterday so I went to someone new, Justin. Nice, young, not that cute but nice. Rocker dude, lots of tats, you know they type.
He did a couple of snips of hair on my boob and kind of went for that extra feel, if you know what I mean. He also "measured" my hair in front on my boobs with a little extra feel as well. Hey, I don't mind.
I figure any other feel up besides my husband is bonus for me and the feeler-upper.
It's win/win in my book.
Besides, then I didn't have to tip him so much.

Spirits Are High

I am feeling much better about my "condition". I met with my doctor yesterday and he is terrific. Wise, confident, sweet and very intelligent doctor. He feels very confident that whatever the outcome, I will be back to my normal, healthy self in a matter of months.
I am so with him on that.
I feel great.

On other fronts, V- day was good, E bought me a beautiful pocketbook and scarf. He picked it out all by himself and that made it so much more special and sexy to me.
What a guy, and he is all mine ladies.
Driving into the city was terrible because traffic was horrendous. They also got record breaking snow on Sunday and NYC and snow don't mix very well, it is impossible to walk anywhere without stepping in snow constantly and it is even harder to find parking.
I even overheard something that was so funny, I submitted it to Overheard in NY, and they put it on there.
People, they really crack me up.

Grateful

I just want to thank everyone for their kind words. I received so many emails and comments from good blogger friends to strangers, all with prayers and love.
I couldn't be more grateful.
I started this little blog just to vent and comment on some things, but for me to have developed friendships with other bloggers and to have strangers praying for me and my family, well you don't know how much that means to me.
I will grow stronger and healthier from the love and thoughts that you are sending me.
Thank you all.


I am going to NY tomorrow to visit what many people have called "the best thyroid doctor in the country". I remain positive and I know I will have you guys to bitch to when things get worse before they get better.
Now that is exciting.

The Big Casino

My phone rang. I looked at the caller ID, it was her.
I had been waiting for her call for days but suddenly I hesitated. I said to myself "this call will change my life" all the while totally aware of my kids laughing and playing a few steps from me.
I answered.
I only remember a few words from the conversation, her words.
Labs, deep breath, cancer, highly recommended, surgery, new doctor, biopsy, atypical cells.

Everything I was dreading for a month, the thing that 99% of people don't get, the thing that was so highly unlikely I would have. Thyroid cancer.

The good news is, it was caught early (I think), that I live by the best hospitals in the world and that I will get very good care. That this is a highly curable cancer and that I am young and strong.
The bad news is I have cancer.

Now if you will excuse me I am going to crawl in bed with my darling husband and my two gorgeous, smart kids.
And if there was any doubt, they are what I will fight for.
With my life.

Hiatus

I am not going to post for a couple of days.
I have had some bad news delivered to me and until I can wrap my head around it, I am no use to anyone.

I will be back soon.

Britney is Crazier Then I Thought

Not only is she stupid for who she married, and her outfit choices should put her behind bars but now she is driving with her 5 month old baby on her lap?
Fucking idiot.

TV

Survivor- I still like this show. The people they chose are so strange. This time they separated them into 4 tribes old bags, young whores, crabby old men and young male whores.
The cranky old men team has an former astronaut on their team, which E & I were talking about and I asked him why people idolized astronauts so much. I mean they send monkeys into space too and lets be honest, when it comes down to being impressed with a man or a monkey going into space you have to go monkey.
Every time, you gotta go monkey.

Superbowl- I wasn't watching the entire thing, but I didn't see any funny commercials. I usually really enjoy SB commercials, so I was disappointed.
When did John Madden become a caricature of himself?

Sopranos- We are no officially counting down days until it starts again. Can't wait.

Tonight

Tonight I am enjoying:
my man
my kids
my warm house
my tv with football blaring
and my nachos



now, I am off to order my main man some hot wings, dammit!

What Kind Of Person Must I Be?

My Aunt called me today to see what I was doing on Sunday.
"Nothing" I replied
"well, Sunday is the anniversary of the day your Dad died" she told me.
My heart hit the floor.
"Oh, yeah, Oh I know, I just didn't know what you meant by doing, yeah well, I will be at the cemetery" I stumbled realizing what kind of idiot I was.

I knew the date my father died, the 5th. Always 5 was my lucky number, the day he died it was no longer.
I hate February, I hate the 5th, I hate cancer, I hate New York, I hate God, I hate living so far away, I hate the winter, I repeated to myself over and over that cold day in February.
It was my mantra.
Into the tunnel: I hate February.
Through central park: I hate cancer.
Into the cavernous parking structure: I hate New York.
Passed the floors and floors of people struggling for life: I hate God.
Into the bathroom to throw up before I could make myself enter his room: I hate living so far away.

It was the day I rushed to New York to the best cancer hospital in the world, only to learn I was too late to say goodbye to my Father.
He was gone.

I hate February, I hate the 5th, I hate cancer, I hate New York, I hate God, I hate living so damn far away, I hate winter.

And now, just two years after that day changed my life forever, I had forgotten.
I could make excuses about my own health, my busied life, that time is slipping by faster now, but nothing will make me feel better about it.
I am sure that I would have remembered eventually, just like the pain when I wake in the moring.
What kind of daughter could I be?
In February, on the 5th, in New York, so far away in the long, cold winter.

Heard

Me: Baby A, you are the bomb!

Baby A: Mommy you are the bomb squad!



Where do they come up with this stuff?