Tuesday, May 25, 2004

Yes, you

Well, I had hoped people in this world could do it without my help, but it looks like I will have to step in.
I assumed we all had access to mirrors and used them religiously before one left the house for any reason, but I was under a false assumption. Now I will lay out some easy guidelines for you people at home. Perhaps you can even forward it to some of your fashion-less friends.

1) Just say no to scrunchies and banana clips. Yes, the occasional scrunchie inside of your own home for the purpose of a mask is ok, but no more then once a week. And don't let me find more then 1 in your possession.
2)The lady in the Old Navy commercial is dead and so are those glasses. I know you have seen J.Lo in them and therefore you think it is a green light, but it is not.
3)Spandex is for bicyclists. Enough said.
4)Never, never ever shave your eyebrows and then thinly draw them in. If you didn't want them why are your drawing them in?!?
5)You MAY NOT wear any sort of sandal without getting a pedicure. Nobody wants to see your gnarly, ugly, corn ridden feet. They cost $15, so splurge. This most definitely applies for men too.

There are many more but I will just leave you with these for awhile. Take it all in, and then you can start applying it to your life.

AFTERTHOUGHT: Deodorant=not such a bad thing, especially if say you were going to wait in line at the DMV for 5 or 6 hours on a hot summer day.


  1. OMG I haven't laughed so hard since I read the "Redneck Neighbor" website. Now that I think about it, I need to find that again, and post it to my own blog! I'm going to have to link you up, cuz this is too f'ing funny!!


  2. Anonymous5:02 AM

    Yeah! I got through! Thanks for your email!
    Here is my 2 cents.....I think people that are overweight (and I am one of those people but I have common sense) should not reveal unsightly fat to the viewing public. I once saw a woman who had to weigh 350-400 lbs wearing tight white cotton pants. These are the kind of thin pants that I usually go to bed in as pajamas. Any way....she wore them with a tank top of course so her butt was completely visible(most people would wear a shirt to cover their ample butt) and to make this picture irrestible she wore....... BLUE THONG UNDERWEAR!!!! So I got to see all her fat rolls and cellulite on her butt and the blue thong that divided that huge butt! The tank top allowed me to enjoy all the arm fat and jiggles.
    Me personally, I like to keep my fat to myself! It's a private thing. Even I don't want to see it.(although I must add I have lost 13 lbs recently and am on my way to a better me!)
    I am glad this woman was comfortable with herself enough to wear such an outfit but.....give me a break!!

  3. I think Jennifer Lopez has some really bad fashion (and I use that term lightly) streaks. There's no way that I'd copy her style.

    Thank you for clarification on the spandex. If I knew her e-mail address, I would forward this advice to my apple-shaped former drama teacher. She was quite fond of spandex pants and cropped sweaters. The also liked to bend over in front of the cute boys in class.


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