Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Where I Am Now.

I often wonder if most people are like me, constantly examining where they are in their lives?
Am I where I should be? Am I content? Do I do things differently from now on?

Being honest with myself, I stayed a stay at home mom for too long. I needed something else to occupy my time and brain. I thought being home with the kids 24/7 was what they needed but what about what I needed?

I like where I am right now, I am working great hours, just got a raise, being with my kids after school/camp, lost a good amount of weight and although E says I am too hard on myself, I still promise myself before I fall asleep every night to be a better mom and wife tomorrow.
Why do I still have no patience with the twins fighting with each other? Why do I yell so much? Why raise my voice when I don"t have to?

I try. That is all I can ask of myself and the only reason my self doubt doesn't evolve into self loathing.

I hate cooking in this kitchen and I figured it out- it is because this kitchen sucks. It is small and has no dishwasher. There is no counter space.
All of my top of the line, stainless steel appliances are in the garage collecting dust as I try to bake cookies, 6 at a time in my tiny stupid oven.

I love to cook and bake and it frustrates me I have no room for groceries and no counter space to speak of. Cooking doesn't bring me joy anymore- it is a daily chore now.
I get that I am only punishing myself and my kids by not cooking anymore and I think of great chefs who cook in TEENY kitchens in NYC.

I promise to try more for my family. To not get too upset when I decided to just "prepare" dinner instead of making dinner. I won't put too much pressure on myself.
It is all I can ask of myself, enough to be happy but keep the loathing at bay.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Pasta, Baby

he Wanna vote for this cutie? He and I would appreciate the prize and will reward you with more cute belly photos in the future. You can vote for him (every day :)) Here:


you can also find great recipes on the Ronzoni site as well as be a fan on facebook.

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Monday, June 14, 2010

Summer Time

I never dread the end of school. I love my kids and it isn't until week 3 of summer vacation that I get exasperated by the lack of being able to occupy their days what with the 349,347 toys and games they have.
I love summer and not being rushed or have the whole day to explore with each other.

This summer is a little different as R & L will be going to camp M-F from 9-3 while I work and L is at my sister's house. I know they will love camp with their friends and when it is over we will have a few weeks to go to the beach, amusement parks and other fun day trips before football practice for L begins.

I am excited about this coming summer and what we will do. I am still loving my job (I just got a raise!) and my flexible schedule. In the fall things will be a little different as I will have more responsibility around the house because E is going to be getting his masters degree at night. Change is good, right? These past two years have been all about change and I think it has made me a better person.

I know this summer will be great for all of us.

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Monday, June 07, 2010

My Big Wet Surprise

Last Saturday I decidded to go to a mall in my hometown. I say a mall because there are no less than 3 malls in my town. I went with my three kids in tow for a fun day of shopping and bonding. The baby decided he needed "more milk, momma" so off to Whole Foods which is attached to the mall, we went.

I bought him some milk, in addition to a couple of other things and we got on the check out line. Right then all the kids started to asking for things, talking and then it hit- a huge sneeze.
This was a big one and since it creeped up on me, I was unprepared. As soon as I sneezed I felt a wet drip down my leg.

Yes, I indeed wet my pants. I didn't know if I should laugh or cry.

It wasn't that much, a spot on my pants, but it was enought and it felt like everyone in the store knew what had just happened. "Is this really happening" I asked myself. Yes, It was.
I just peed my pants in a big girl store. The moral of the story is that I need to do more kegels.
Also? I will remember this event ad when the kids are old enough I will have to remind them of just what they did to my body.