Tuesday, November 30, 2004

File Under: GROSS

The Jones Soda Co. came out with a holiday pack of five flavors - turkey and gravy, cranberry, mashed potato and butter, green bean casserole, and fruitcake. Gross. Please someone get this & tell me if it truly tastes like a meal.

OH Mr. Sun

Why can't the sun shine here in NJ more then 4 hours at a time? I feel like we live in a cage. It is starting to affect my mood.

Desperado Housewives

Did you see the show on Sunday? Great, I called that old lady being the one who wrote the letter. I also call Rex is gay. How good was Felicity Haufman's scene, that is exactly how I feel sometimes. Just getting up & leaving the kids. I guess that is how every mother feels sometimes. Anyway it is a great show.

Desperado Housewives

Did you see the show on Sunday? Great, I called that old lady being the one who wrote the letter. I also call Rex is gay. How good was Felicity Haufman's scene, that is exactly how I feel sometimes. Just getting up & leaving the kids. I guess that is how every mother feels sometimes. Anyway it is a great show.

Deperado Housewives

Did you see the show on Sunday? Great, I called that old lady being the one who wrote the letter. I also call Rex is gay. How good was Felicity Haufman's scene, that is exactly how I feel sometimes. Just getting up & leaving the kids. I guess that is how every mother feels sometimes. Anyway it is a great show.

Monday, November 29, 2004

Did Anyone Miss Me?

Well it finally happened. My computer blew the fuck up. On Friday it just ceased working, nothing, kaput, a blank slate. I cried a little. The last thing I wanted to do was buy a new computer before Christmas, and I don't want a computer to be my present. I like to think of a purchase of that caliber a "household purchase".
I am sad for my old computer which was only four years old. I am sad for the pictures that are on their that I cannot retrieve. Or can you? Does anyone know what the cost is to bring the computer to one of those geeks at best buy or somewhere & have them look at it & possible retrieve pictures?

I tried all of my tricks (2) to get it back but no such luck, E took me out yesterday to buy a new computer. On a good note, I am the proud owner of a new 17 inch flat panel, which I love.
Other then that life was uneventful. Turkey day was go, my Mom, sister & nephew came down for 2 days this weekend and we got a good deal of Christmas shopping done. I still have more to do though.

When E was dismantling the old computer he said "shame, lot of good blogs written on this computer." Very cute coming from him, he wouldn't know a blog if it punched him in the eye.

FYI, I am sick. Please feel free to send chicken soup.

Thursday, November 25, 2004


Happy Turkey Day!

Today I am Thankful for:

My Family
my babies
our new house
my health
good friends
the yummy dinner I am preparing by myself
my life

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

The Day Has Come

I have been dreading this day since I learned about it in my 7th grade cooking class. It is the day I found teeny bugs in my flour. WTF? My flour is in a airtight container and it isn't that old. Also, please, I keep a clean house. Very clean. Friggin nasty ass bugs. Now I have to haul my ass to the store for flour, the day before Thanksgiving. That is a death sentence.

Also I feel like I am getting sick. Not good. I sent E for Baja Fresh which could be the only thing to turn my cold around. Mass amounts of guacamole. Didn't you ever hear of feed a fever? or a cold? or something?

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Dear Lady.........

Dear Lady,

Your silver sequin newsboy cap is not in. In fact, it was never in. I understand you think it is just awesome because it matches your sequined studded leather fanny sack, but it is not great.
I will go out on a limb and assume that if it was in Shop Rite wouldn't be the location for such a ensemble either.

Consider yourself in the know.
Love, Me

P.S. Get your fucking cart out of the middle of the aisle, there are other people in the world besides you, and I am sure, your 184 cats.

Enough Already

I decided we have taken this "lets put everything that was ever once on TV and sell it on dvd" craze when I saw the Golden Girls box set. Really, the Golden Girls? Does anyone need to have this archived in their home? Can't you just watch Lifetime network to get your doses of reruns?

Speaking of the Golden Girls, I have 3 close friends and one of them pointed out that when we get old we will be just like the Golden Girls. Minus us all living in a home together and plus, I assume, more incontinence. Anyway, I was told I am Bea Arthur, because I am the tallest. Boy, does that shed rain on your parade, imagining yourself growing old to be like Bea Arthur. Not the most welcoming of thoughts.

It could be worse, I could have been elected as the slut.

Monday, November 22, 2004

I Will Admit it

As I type there is a 12 foot inflatable snowman in our yard. It's official, Tuesday has started celebrating the holidays.

I am extremely tired today, my insomnia is really starting to piss me off. I informed my household that my lack of sleep can be used against them today, so to watch their step. The babies seemed very concerned. Not.
Speaking of my beautiful children, I can hardly believe that they are now 22 months old. In two short months they will be 2. Official toddlers. Terrible twos times two. I am in for a heap of trouble.

I have to go to the grocery store today & I know that this is the worst week in the world to even attempt to go to the grocery store. I will be cooking Thanksgiving dinner for my family of four on Thursday. We will spend a nice quiet day at home filled with good food, parades and football.
You really can't beat that.

Friday, November 19, 2004


Where is everyone today? It is so boring today in blog city.

F- You!

Dear Directv,

I really tried to enjoy you lately, I haven't been cursing you and your shotty customer service out, I haven't been wishing you eternal bankruptcy like I used to. Last night was the final straw though, your local service went out at 8:30 to 9:40pm causing me to miss the end of Survivor and the entire Apprentice.
Now I have no water cooler banter to exchange with others this morning (the babies) and I have to anti-climactically look up the endings on the internet. Why couldn't this happen during an endless football game?
You are now officially fucking with my Thursday night line up and you should never, ever do that.

Don't let this happen again or I will be forced to shoot your entire company the evil eye and a personal friend of this here blog is an employee of that company, and I wouldn't want to have to get him involved.

Just concentrate on your satellite and stop fucking around,
With Malice and bad intent,

Thursday, November 18, 2004


I have always been interested in stories of people who say that their loved one gives them "signs' that they are ok, after they pass. I never knew if it was wishful thinking or if it was true, that our loved ones watched over us and gave us signs that they were there. I looked for definite signs of my own. I haven't seen any.

Yesterday I was watching the psychic, Sylvia Brown on TV yesterday, and someone asked if her loved ones were around her. Sylvia told her yes, that they even play with her hair, the lady seemed to think this made sense and was satisfied. I started thinking about the ladybugs I have been finding lately. Last week I found one in my room, two weeks ago I found one in my living room and just a couple of days ago as I was sitting outside one landed on my arm. I thought it was a little strange because it seems too cold now for ladybugs. But who knows, I am not an expert, right?

So I was thinking maybe they are my sign, so I tested it. I told myself if I found a ladybug right now, then I know it was my Dad telling me he is ok and he is with me. I went into the family room because I have plants in there and windows so I thought that is where I would be if I was a ladybug. No such luck. No ladybugs.
Baby B wanted to be picked up so I carried her to the front of the house & we decided to open the front door for E, because he was due home.
There it was on the front screen..... A ladybug. It took my breath away. Then I looked down at the mat outside the door that the previous owners had left. It had ladybugs on it.

So you tell me, do you think it is a sign? Is it wishful thinking? If it makes me feel better then does it matter?

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Top 10 Greatest Smells

They say smell, out of all the senses, is the one that triggers memory the most. It definitely does for me. The first warm day in spring when you can open all the windows in your house, brings me back to being a teenager, in my bedroom feeling melancholy. The smell of leather reminds me of my first boyfriends new car. Drakkar cologne reminds me of my Dad.
So I decided to make a top 10 list of my favorite smells, the ones that have the best memories for me:

10) Fresh cut grass
9) Old books (There is something comforting about the smell, like your grandparents house)
8) lilacs
7) a Fire in the Fireplace
6) puppy breath
5) the store smell on your new clothes (new school clothes)
4) a new box of crayons
3) those markers from grammar school, the ones that smell like fruits
2) play doh ( I know you liked the smell so much that at least once in your life you tried to taste it)
1) baby
EDIT: Mona reminded me of a great smell:
11) New pool toys otherwise known as plastic (In my house we call that smell "baby dolls at Christmas")

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Good Call Dummy

If you were rich and pseudo-famous and wanted to get plastic surgery wouldn't you get the best one money could buy? I do not know a lot about breast implants, because God has amply blessed me, but I think the ol' cut around the areola-stuff it in-sew back on technique went out with the multi colored Louis Vuitton purses.
But, I could be wrong it has been known to happen.
In case you are not yet acquainted with Tara Reid's left breast, here you go: http://lightbox.retna.com/retna/kf_TaraReid35thDress_1105/index.html

Is anyone else sick of hearing about Star Jones' wedding? Enough. Today I was listening with half an ear to the View and was sick to hear her yelling at her friends for bringing a camera to the wedding when they were told not to, and changing seating arrangements so they could sit next to their friends. I am also sick of hearing her weezy breathless self talk about her gay new husband. ENOUGH.

Monday, November 15, 2004

Am I Done yet?

Are we all tired of the boo whooing I have been doing lately on here?
I think I need to let out my inner demon and bitch more.
What do you think?

P.S. Big Baby Jesus is dead. Now what? R.I.P: ODB


As many of you know, I lost my Father to cancer in February of this year. This is becoming the hardest part of the year, even harder then right after he died because of the upcoming holidays. Not only that, but it was the week after Thanksgiving last year when my Dad called me and told me he was "bloated" and not feeling right. Those thoughts are constantly in my mind these days, consuming my every last thought. I decided to stay home for Christmas and ride out the sorrow and complete despair I feel for the sake of the rest of my family who would like to be with my children for the holidays.

Today I emailed my step-mother to see what my brother & sister would like for Christmas, and what she wrote back to me broke my heart. She does not want to buy or have anyone else buy anything for her & the kids for Christmas. She wants to escape it all in Disney and just get them gifts from Santa. That makes my heart hurt. I am so sad for her and for my sister and brother, who have to spend their entire lives without my Dad.
I will get them gifts and wrap them in non-holiday paper and give it to them in the new year.

We will celebrate 2005 and pray for a better year, because nothing could be as bad as 2004.

Saturday, November 13, 2004

I am Mad and Sad

On Thursday E told me he had to work on Saturday so we wouldn't be able to take the kids to gymboree. I said "ok, that stinks, but maybe my Mom will come down and hang out". Well my Mom can't because she has to watch my nephew and last night E springs it on me that he has to work both Saturday & Sunday. I was pissed. Ok, so he does have a new job but he never said "hey this new job pays me more but I have to work 55 hours a week." because if he did, I would have said it is not worth it.
Now before you get on my case, I understand he is the sole breadwinner and I understand the burden of being the only income earner in our house, but he wanted kids as much as I did and if I had to work the cost of two babies in day care here is $2k a month, that would be 80% of my salary. It wouldn't have been worth it. Since he has started this job he went away for 6 days, had 4 business dinners and now is working this entire weekend. He has only had this job for 1 month. Today I know he had to be there at 10am, and the place is 1 hour away. He left at 7:30am and won't be back until 6:30, that is a long day to be alone with 21 month old twins. We had a fight last night that was bad and he didn't come to bed last night. I don't know how much longer I can do this. My back has spasms I am so stressed out. I have nothing to do all weekend. I have no friends or family here, I have no fun, I have no stress release. My entire day revolves around E getting home so I can talk to an adult.I could drive the 1.5 hours to my hometown but a lot of my friends and family work on Saturday and really it is not fair to keep the kids out all day like that when they have a schedule they have to stick to, or I pay the price.
I can't afford to go shopping or get a manicure or pedicure. There is just nothing for me to do and I am sinking into this deep depression that I am frightened of.
I am so sad today and I am hurt.
I am sure this post is a big ramble.

Thursday, November 11, 2004

Who Does That?

E had to get a car because his new job doesn't provide cars it just gives you a car allowance to pay for your car and insurance costs. Soooo he didn't know what he wanted and he was looking around.
Monday he comes home from work and tells me he can pick up his new car at 4:30. Who does that? Who buys a car without their significant other's input?

I told him my next car will be whatever I want. He said fine, within reason, we have to be able to afford it. I told him "we'll see."
Strange, no?

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Sylvia Browne Wednesday

It is freezing today! This weekend is supposed to be very cold also. I guess I am in denial about how far we are into fall, but it just doesn't seem like it should be this cold yet. I guess I should be glad it is not snowing yet.

I haven't found anywhere to go for Christmas yet, somewhere that is affordable. Unless I want to go to my in-law's in Florida, which is no vacation, we will just have to stay home.

Does anyone else feel that showers are an inconvenience? I mean I love being clean, I am a clean freak but I just hate getting into the shower. I think I have better things to do with my time.
Like blog.

The upside of today is that it is Sylvia Browne Wednesday on Montel today. I love this lady.

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

A Long Time Ago

I once loved a boy who broke my heart. I met this boy at work and he liked me and I avoided him. I wasn't into dating people I worked with, because it didn't work out once before. And how do you tell someone you are not into him when you have to see him every day at work? He asked for my number, I said no. He asked one more time and I relented and gave him my beeper number. He called, and invited me to his frat party, I declined.
The boy called and flirted and pursued. I gave in because he was cute, had a accent, was tall and had hands I could marry. Then I started liking the boy, and found myself calling him more then he was calling me. I found myself checking the schedule at work to see when we would see each other again. I found myself not wanting to stop kissing him.
Then I found one of his books from school. I found it while cleaning his room. I found the words in his handwriting, Greg Loves X. The words hurt more then a slap in the face. The words were my slap in the face.
I stopped talking to the boy, and my heart hurt. I missed him, but I turned my love into hate. He called months later claiming to be a changed boy, a boy who missed me, a boy who thought about me. I started to see him again, even though the voice in my head, the one that is almost always right, said it was wrong. One day I finally mustered up enough courage to ask the boy if his heart was still with his first love. He looked at me with the beautiful green eyes that I loved, and I knew. The boy wasn't my boy and maybe he never was.

I found out a couple of months ago that the boy is finally marrying the girl he always loved, his first love. And although I am married and have two beautiful babies, my heart hurt again. It hurt because I loved him, I thought we could be together, it hurt because it was unrequited love, it hurt because I didn't want it, but gave in and it hurt because it wasn't me.
It never was.

Monday, November 08, 2004


I called my mother & my sister to see what we should do for the holidays. My sister's in laws are so annoying when it comes to the holidays and have no consideration that I live 1.5 hours from my entire family & perhaps my sister would like to see me and my family on a holiday.
My mother & sister agreed we should all do our own thing for Thanksgiving & Christmas would be at my Mom's. At first I was ok with that because I would rather see my family on Christmas then Thanksgiving, but that means E & I would have Thanksgiving alone here. That is a semi depressing idea to me. I could go to my Aunt's house but it is 2 hours away and with twins those car rides aren't always easy. Plus it is so crowded there.
My mother offered to come down the day after Thanksgiving and cook a whole turkey day meal for us, but that is not the same. I think I would be sad here alone with the babies and E.

As for Christmas, I still haven't ruled out going away for the week. I wanted to have a holiday here this year in my new house. I am a good cook and I love to entertain. I guess I am just feeling sorry for myself today.
I am having a pity party and you are all invited.

Saturday, November 06, 2004

My Lack of Sleep

Last night I had an interrupted sleep. It stunk.
I woke up at :


Isn't that strange? Do you even care at all?
Tylenol PM, I have just weaned myself from you and now I know you will be making your sweet return tonight. I will see you then, my pet.

Friday, November 05, 2004

It's that Time Again

Remember a month ago when I was in Macy's and I said there was actually Christmas music playing already?
Well it is official, the local mall has on all of their exterior Christmas decorations.
To top it off there is a radio station here who has started playing NOTHING but Christmas music until after January 2.
So I guess I can start decorating the interior of my house. For the babies sake of course.


I went to Amazon.com today I checked out recommendations for me, and it was all things for babies and things I bought as gifts for other people. It had no real recommendations for me. I mean I don't want Goodnight Moon. I want a U2 cd or the Party of Five dvds. I went to my wishlist and it was all things that I wanted to buy for the babies. So I just spent a good amount of time cleaning it all up and entering things I would like.

I knew I would have to sacrifice things to have a child, nevermind twins, and I knew giving up my job, that I loved, was going to be hard. I just realized though, I haven't bought myself anything in months. And believe me I have many things on my wants list! I want a black poncho and a new pocketbook. I want a day at the spa and new black boots. I want a loveseat and two chairs for my family room and an asparagus cooker.
Good thing Christmas is coming!

I wish I could share my wishlist with you guys but again, far too advanced for me.

Thursday, November 04, 2004

Dumb Ass

If Britney Spears gets pregnant on her honeymoon, she is dumber then Bush.

Why can't I stop reading stuff about her?!

Sooner or Later?

When is it socially exceptable to decorate for Christmas?

Wednesday, November 03, 2004


I am dissapointed with you Ohio & Florida.


My nephew C , who is 4, called me up on Monday to tell me about all his candy he had received for Halloween. I asked him if he would share some of his candy with me and his rely was "ok, just one but you know that the party is over right?" Very cute.

This morning he called me and told me "remember to vote, ok?". I told him he was a day late and a dollar short.

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Rock It!!!!

Well, today is the day. Today is the day I have been waiting for. I have had a knot in my stomach for days. I am nervous. Whatever the outcome (although I think you know who I would like you to vote for) just get out and vote.
Especially the women. We had to fight for the right, it was not given to us, we had to come together and fight for the right to be equal to men. We wanted a voice and we finally got one, now go out and use it. We are the ones to bare the grunt of this decision. We are the ones who bare the children who have to breathe in this polluted air we make. We are the ones to stay home and work and raise our children when our husbands go off to war. We are the ones whose heart brake into pieces as our sons go off to fight a war that they were drafted into. We are the single mothers just trying to make it on a shitty minimum wage. We are the ones who innocently lost our lives as one of the thousands of civilians who perished by American hands in Iraq.
We are the ones who can turn this world around. Every vote counts.

It is going to be a long day. Lets hope the outcome is a better, stronger, more admired and unified America.

Monday, November 01, 2004


Dear Kraft,
Just because you make foods and put them into squeezable bottles doesn't mean that they are necessarily better. Squeezable jelly, gross. Nobody wants gob of jelly and I like preserves, really fruit not over processed red goop.
You pushed the envelope with the squeezable relish though. It is just not right. Not right at all. I want to hear the sound of the knife tinkling back and forth in the glass jar as my husband tries to shimmy out the last of the relish. I too enjoy the chase.
Ketchup is a go. Everyone loves the ketchup. I don't even think that they make glass bottles anymore, but you always have them in restaurants.
Hmmm. I never used a squeezable in a restaurant. Is the bottle a "higher class restaurant" ketchup? Plus does anyone use anything other then Heinz ketchup?
I love the generic ones that are labeled "catsup", I could never eat that ketchup based solely on that.

I thank you for your time, and please revert everything back to glass jars.
P.S. The jury is still out on squeezable mayo.


I had a great weekend. Saturday was my sister's shower. We had it at a fabulous restaurant and everything was great, the food, the people, everything.
Although my sisters sister in law ordered a kids meal to go for her son who wasn't there. Who does that?

E is home, thank goodness. The stress was killing my back, I had stabbing pains throughout my back and neck. I think it finally went away, but I SO need a massage. Full body thankyouverymuch.

yesterday was great, the weather was beautiful here in NJ. A little too warm since the babies had to wear these hot costumes. Baby A was Winnie the Pooh and Baby B was a dalmation. They were so cute. They would walk right into people's houses like they owned the joint. We got to meet some of our neighbors which was great too. At least for me because I am a hermit.
I had not one teenager though, the oldest kids that came to my house was about 12. I wonder if it is not cool to trick or treat as a teenager here.
these kids may be boring, I didn't even see one toilet papered house or egg thrown on cabbage night.
Cabbage night is what we called the night before Halloween, but I know different regions call it different things. What do you call it?