On Thursday E told me he had to work on Saturday so we wouldn't be able to take the kids to gymboree. I said "ok, that stinks, but maybe my Mom will come down and hang out". Well my Mom can't because she has to watch my nephew and last night E springs it on me that he has to work both Saturday & Sunday. I was pissed. Ok, so he does have a new job but he never said "hey this new job pays me more but I have to work 55 hours a week." because if he did, I would have said it is not worth it.
Now before you get on my case, I understand he is the sole breadwinner and I understand the burden of being the only income earner in our house, but he wanted kids as much as I did and if I had to work the cost of two babies in day care here is $2k a month, that would be 80% of my salary. It wouldn't have been worth it. Since he has started this job he went away for 6 days, had 4 business dinners and now is working this entire weekend. He has only had this job for 1 month. Today I know he had to be there at 10am, and the place is 1 hour away. He left at 7:30am and won't be back until 6:30, that is a long day to be alone with 21 month old twins. We had a fight last night that was bad and he didn't come to bed last night. I don't know how much longer I can do this. My back has spasms I am so stressed out. I have nothing to do all weekend. I have no friends or family here, I have no fun, I have no stress release. My entire day revolves around E getting home so I can talk to an adult.I could drive the 1.5 hours to my hometown but a lot of my friends and family work on Saturday and really it is not fair to keep the kids out all day like that when they have a schedule they have to stick to, or I pay the price.
I can't afford to go shopping or get a manicure or pedicure. There is just nothing for me to do and I am sinking into this deep depression that I am frightened of.
I am so sad today and I am hurt.
I am sure this post is a big ramble.
2 months ago