Monday, March 29, 2010

The Truth

Thank goodness I don't have to go to the doctor's office too often. Truth be told, I don't even have a doctor here in NJ yet. I will pick one soon enough and off I will go for my physical, I want to know how I am doing and just what my blood tests come back saying.
Not that I really want to know, I do not- but as I am rapidly approaching another 30-something birthday I am reminded that I need to take better care of myself for my kids. No matter what I am doing or not doing, I can do more.

As I am relatively healthy and have weaned myself off of all my asthma meds and only take an over the counter allergy pill every day, I don't have much to report to my new doctor. That is unless I want to be honest.

Honestly my medical complaint is that I can sometimes pee when I cough, or sneeze too hard.
I know, I know I had BIG ole babies who did the Irish jig on my bladder every day for 39 and 40 weeks respectively. I know this happens to many women.
I know, so that is why I did my kegels.

I do them during boring church sermons, I do them during work to pass the time, I do them during sex to see if it feels any different. I do them.

Still every time I have a bad cold with cough and a runny nose? Well I just put on a pantyliner and call it a day. I am a hot mess.

Do I tell the doctor about my "condition" or do I buy some adult diapers while pretending to buy them for a sick Aunt and chalk it up to being a woman?

Wednesday, March 24, 2010


"All men are animals" my friend told me once. She was referencing her husband who would "comb his hair" in the bathroom for an awfully long time, way too often.
Way too often for her taste, anyway.

"Not all men" I would tell her, I mean look at E, he is a great husband and someday I knew he would make a good father too. He would never degraded me or cheat on me or do anything to jeopardize what we have.

Then you hear about friends who have broken up. "He cheated" someone would openly whisper. You would see a married co-worker at the bar without his ring on.

John Edwards, Tiger Woods, Jesse James, John McCain, John F. Kennedy, all these names and many more run through your head.

Just why can't men be happy with what they have? Is there such a thing as a committed monogamous man?
It is something I never thought I would have to worry about but with marriages crumbling around me in these last 9 years of marriage, I adhere to the never say never rule.
We know the people closest to us can hurt us the most. Is love ever just enough?

I tell you from experience: waiting for the other shoe to drop is exhausting. I have exhausted myself.
I want to know do you worry about your partner? Do you think men can have a one true love and be faithful forever?

Me, I believe in love and that love can overcome things you never thought possible.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

The Elderly And Their Toast

I went to breakfast with my daughter today. We went to our local diner. Diners are a NJ staple and for those of you without diners in your life, I feel bad for you.
Open 24/7, order breakfast for dinner and get cheese fries with gravy on the side at 2am after a drunken night out- how do you live without it?

Anyway, old people love diners. Good food at a good value plus waitresses that will listen to you talk about your day? It is an old person's wet dream. Wait- do old people still have wet dreams?

I heard an old couple next to us complaining about their toast, it was not toasty nor buttery enough for them and I realized just how much old peeps like to complain.

It got me wondering, do octogenarian complain because they are fed up with even the littlest crap that goes wrong or does it just make them feel alive.
Yelling about toast may empower them and make them feel better about the fact that their pubes are grey.
Or that their bodies resemble a shar pei's face.

I am so not looking forward to that.

So the point of this post, if you can take anything from it ,is that diners rock and getting old sucks.

The End.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

The Birthday Boy

My sweet baby boy,

I was waiting for you.
Your father thought our family was perfect as it was but I knew something was missing. I fought for you. I needed you so badly my heart ached every day, I loved someone I never knew.
You came into this world crying but softly. Suddenly the world was finally in color, colors I never thought existed. The world was finally filled with love and kindness. A bird sang in your ear a melody made just for you.

When you were born I knew you were here to change the world.
I fought for you, a fight that I thought could have ended my marriage- but I knew. I knew you were the missing piece to the simple and at the same time complicated family puzzle.

You are wild like a horse that runs just because it can. You are sweet like a peach on a warm summer day. You are a handful, you just are but there is nobody else I would want my hands full with.

I am so happy I get to be your mother and see the world all over again. I love the song the bird is singing in your ear and I hope it never ends.

Love, Mommy

Monday, March 15, 2010


When we were thinking about having another baby someone should have reminded me of the terrible twos. And threes because threes was no trip to the zoo either.
Someone should have reminded me of how baby loves to ignore "no", loves to touch everything he shouldn't and can basically be a jerk at least 24-59% of every day.

Baby K is into everything. I tricked myself into believing that this small, tiny house would be better for a baby. I will know where he is all the time, no surprises, I told myself.
What a crock.
In reality I know what he is doing all the time and what he is doing is taking out all of my tupperware and throwing my license from my wallet onto the floor (which should be done because what is with that picture? C'mon that DMV lighting is terrible but still WTF? ).

As all moms know you forget the pain and bad times of having a child because if we didn't we would have a society of one children families.
Remember how much that baby hurt coming out of your vagina, dear? The ring of fire? Cutting your entire bod in half to extract that baby? 2 am feedings? POTTY TRAINING??

Of course, we get over the bad times and the sweet child is so worth leaving the house with spit up/peanut butter/pee or baby powder on your clothing for 3-4 years.
My curly haired little one is funny and sweet and a terror sometimes but I wouldn't trade him for the world.
Although I would consider hiring someone to potty train him.

Now where the heck is my toaster oven??

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Home Again, Home Again

We are finally moved in to our new home. These are the things that have happened in the past week of interest perhaps only to me, in no particular order other than to give you a glimpse in my silly, strange life:

-went to NH with my mother, baby and brother in law to pack up our big old house into two trucks and came back to NJ to unpack in 2.5 days

-got into a fight with some old dudes

-had a nice talk with a police officer who now lives in Bow NH (our old town) who grew up and lived in E's town, lived on his street and went to his high school in NJ

-I got a job an started today

-took a picture in a photo booth with the above mentioned peeps in a random rest stop in Connecticut

-fit a 4,300 sq foot house's belongings into a 1,200 sq foot house we are currently residing in and by fit I mean the entire basement and garage is filled with boxes and crap

-cannot find important things such as our phone and toaster oven and did people even make toast before toasters? I am debating using my oven as a make shift toaster for my breakfast. We are in code red since Shoprite had Thomas' toasting bread on sale.

-after the above mentioned old people cursed at me I saw an old man shit his pants as my husband, mother and brother in law got right into his face and threatened to lay him out

-drank waaaaaay to much beer

-went into a mission out of a movie to get my cat out of the house complete with rudimentary traps, a hockey stick, gloves, towels and one bakery box

-pissed off my mom on our 5 hour car ride by singing Celine Dion and speaking in a French accent

-finally slept in a bed after 5 weeks of sleeping on blow up mattresses, couches and floors

I am glad to be back, my friends.