Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Unfaithful

"All men are animals" my friend told me once. She was referencing her husband who would "comb his hair" in the bathroom for an awfully long time, way too often.
Way too often for her taste, anyway.

"Not all men" I would tell her, I mean look at E, he is a great husband and someday I knew he would make a good father too. He would never degraded me or cheat on me or do anything to jeopardize what we have.

Then you hear about friends who have broken up. "He cheated" someone would openly whisper. You would see a married co-worker at the bar without his ring on.

John Edwards, Tiger Woods, Jesse James, John McCain, John F. Kennedy, all these names and many more run through your head.

Just why can't men be happy with what they have? Is there such a thing as a committed monogamous man?
It is something I never thought I would have to worry about but with marriages crumbling around me in these last 9 years of marriage, I adhere to the never say never rule.
We know the people closest to us can hurt us the most. Is love ever just enough?


I tell you from experience: waiting for the other shoe to drop is exhausting. I have exhausted myself.
I want to know do you worry about your partner? Do you think men can have a one true love and be faithful forever?

Me, I believe in love and that love can overcome things you never thought possible.

6 comments:

  1. I think my husband respects me enough not to cheat and I would be shocked if he did. He would be more likely to just tell me he was leaving to be with someone else than sneak around behind my back. Of course, I don't expect that to happen, either. But every spouse that's ever been rejected probably thought that at one time!

    I just found out today an acquaintance of mine found out last week her hubs is cheating on her. Now they are getting divorced and she will be the single mom to a little girl and she has to go back to work instead of being a SAHM. So scary!

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  2. I know that my husband's values and level of respect he has for me and the family we have created means he will never cheat. He's one of those men who, when he took vows, took them in the spirit and commitment they were intended to be taken.

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  3. I spent my whole first marriage worrying. I found out it was with good reason.

    This time around I worry a lot less. Every time I hear about it happening to someone else it pops up in my head, and I often think why WOULDNT you want someone who isnt in her pajamas all day at home?

    I think my husband loves and respects me an awful lot as well...I think he would never have INTENTION of cheating on me. It is the getting caught up in something new and exciting prospect that scares me.

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  4. Hey, just stumbled upon your blog. I think men are able to find a true love and have the desire to be with that one person forever, but I also know that men at some people have the feeling that they are missing something. So, I believe that in every relationship, whether you want to acknowledge it or not, a man thinks that maybe there is something better out there.
    --The key to this is to wait until that time has passed, it is going to come, and see what the result is (Best if this happens before marriage). If they go through the period of "the wondering eye" and come back to you, it will be with the realization that YOU are what they have been looking for all along. This sets the base for a strong relationship.
    --If you become married before the man, or even the woman has reached this fact, you are cheating yourself. It means you are in a forced relationship with a person that doesn't feel confident about being with you..that's when you end up like Tiger Woods etc.
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  5. I think all people- men and women- are susceptible to cheating if they allow themselves to be in situations with the opposite sex. By situations I mean hanging out with someone like a spouse's friend or working late frequently with a coworker. These things can start innocently but shit happens. I have an extremely dedicated and loyal husband, however I would never be naive enough to think that our marriage is immune to adultery. As much as I think that monogamy is the way to go, I don't think it's what we're biologically programmed to do- especially men.

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  6. I have to agree with just about everything here.

    I know my husband would never intentionally cheat on me, nor I him, but we make damn sure to keep the communication open between us. And we don't go spillin' our disagreements with anyone. If we fight, we keep it between us. No talking to our friends or even our families. People might know we're mad, but we won't talk about it, it's our business.

    Communication is key, I think. Just talking about whatever, whenever. And sex. Sex is vital. Not just the having it, but the knowing that your partner finds you absolutely attractive makes a HUGE difference in how you interact with others.

    It's working for us so far...

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