Life....Or Something Like It

I am SO sick of changing poops it is unbelievable. I just changed a nasty one this morning where even my son exclaimed "Its disgusting!".
I was all "no shit!" (literally haha)

The babies really have no interest in potty training, so I am trying not to push them, but I really wanted to do this in the summer. I bought the panties, I have the potties, I even regaled them with stories of a big trip to Toys R Us where they can get anything they want but, no interest.

Diapers are expensive, man.
Jeesh.

In other news, there is no news. Life has been fairly boring around here which is both good and bad.

I guess I should go practice my vagina tricks.

Situation: Crisis

I am a good Mom, I know I am but when it comes to crisis, I know how much I will suck at being a Mom. I have no idea how I will clean up a child's puke without writhing on the floor, crying and puking myself. If there is massive amounts of blood anywhere, I will be found laying on the ground, passed out. If there is ever a bone protruding out of skin, I will just die.

But today I passed my first motherhood crisis test: A foreign object up the nose.
Baby B decided at lunch today to stick a dried cranberry waaaaaay the fuck up her nose. I tried to get it out with tweezers to no avail, coaxed her to blow out and even put black pepper under her nose so she could sneeze the sucker out.
No good.

We went to the doctors office and an alligator tweezers, a great doctor and 20 minutes later we were cranberry free in all of our orifice's.
Wait until the insurance gets that $90 bill for a cranberry extraction.

Suckas!

Weather People Stink

What I love about living in NJ is also what I hate: the weather. I love that we have four seasons and I could never live anywhere that was hot all year long, or cold. I have a short weather attention span and if the weather doesn't change every 3-4 months I will wither up and die.

That being said, I hate the extreme heat and cold, for reasons other then the obvious, it is because of the weather people*. When a snow storm is coming or when it gets to be about 90 degrees, the weather people go buck wild. Suddenly it is breaking news. "It's HOT!" "Be careful, the SUN is out and you may get hot." "If you do not have air conditioning, please go somewhere that is, like a mall."

Thanks for all of the advice. I think that I know how to get cool, I know to wear light clothing and I know to drink water. Does anyone not know this? Then they target older people, like they in all of their 80 years have never felt hot, or know what to do about it.

When it is going to snow the weather people all gather on main street and tell you it is snowing, as if you don't have windows. Then they tell you to drive carefully, because people are not aware. Then they tell you we will get 19 inches of snow and you get all psyched to not be able to go to work the next day, but in reality you only get 2. Bastards!

Not to mention the people who run out and cause traffic (driving slower then an old man easing out of a warm bath) and lines because they must get Bread! And Milk!.

Not to mention that almost all weather people are smug and annoying and almost always wrong. It is the only job you can get consistently wrong and never get fired for it.

Well, that and the President.

* With the exception of Sam Champion because he is hot. He can check my temperature any day. Woo woo.

Weekend

Yesterday we went to the beach with the kids. We live about 40 minutes away from a beach that I spent my childhood summers at. It is strange being there as an adult and having my own kids there, I still feel like I am 12 as I drive down the main street and look at what has changed and the few things that are the same. It plays like a movie in my head, flashes of memories, the movie of my life.

Anyway the beach was great, the most crowded I have ever seen it though. The babies had a great time, but this year they will not go near the ocean. They wouldn't in Florida either, but last year they couldn't get enough of it. I guess it is scary, so we just hung out on the dry sand and played. Next time we go to the beach I have to bring another person, because going into the water by yourself because your spouse has to watch the kids is boring.

Now are are hunkered down in the house because the next two days here are going to be "excessively hot" with the heat index peaking tomorrow at 110 degrees.

Help me I am melting.

All I Ever Wanted

Seems like everyone is on vacation this week. All my blogger friends.
E and I wanted to go away for our fifth anniversary in September, which we have planned to do since we returned from our honeymoon, but financially we cannot afford it.

Whatever, there are worse things in the world. I am going to focus on the positive.
The positive for this weekend is that I am in full alcohol supply. That means the capt'n and I will be mingling with a bit of pineapple juice and calling it a night. Before we will call it a night we will watch Being Bobby Brown on tivo and love every minute of the trainwreck that is his life.

Ahh Fridays..............

OBGYNot?

I am in love with the fact that I am not the only panty hider, there are many of you that slip those undergarments into a pants pocket or between folds of your tops. I for one, will stop hiding my underwear immediately and lay it loud and proud on top of my clothes.
I am proud to wear undergarments and I want the entire office to know about it!

Pink Lady said they should offer waxing in the office in addition to a nice pap. I agree!
Why stop there though? Why not pedicures? How about a doctor who can teach us great vagina tricks, that would be great. I would love to do tricks with my vagina for long car rides or boring parties. Why not a tour for men who have no idea how a women's body works and thinks his two pumps will satisfy his girl? Maybe a vaginal laser light show!

Then everyone would have a good time at the OBGYN. Life is supposed to be fun, right? For the doctor as well as the poor soul spread eagle on the table, panties all hidden.
I am going to try to make it more fun for my doctor.

As a matter of fact I think I will practice paying my co-pay with my vagina.

Secret

The secret is, that this could be my secret.

Anxiety

I have to go to the gynecologist, and lets just say it is not my favorite place to visit in the world. I hate the waiting, the waiting again in the little cold room with no magazines. I hate that they give you false hope by calling you into that little room, separating you from your only form of entertainment in the doctor's office: people watching.

Then they make you strip down and put on the, easily ripped, blue robe of death. I pile all my clothes neatly on the chair being very careful to hide my underwear and bar under my clothes. Why do I do this? Do I think the doctor would be shocked to find out I wear underwear? Has the doctor not seen panties before? So I second guess myself but I still play hide the panties with myself.

Then I just sit and wait, all the while the stirrups are mocking me. "You are going to be spread eagle for all the world to see in just awhile" "your breast are going to be fondled by a woman who will not be buying you a drink first" and my favorite mock " you obviously waxed just for this appointment and the doctor knows it".

Ahhh, I dread it, I really do.
I dread any activity when someone tells me "ok, now scoot down a little more........A little more>.."

Thankful

Yesterday we went to my friends house for a BBQ. It was a great time except for the weather. It was SO humid that just sitting down you were dripping with sweat. It was so humid that 12 hours after I took a shower my hair was still damp.
Gross.

The babies are so pooped from yesterdays festivities that they are taking a 3 hour nap for me now. Bonus Mom time!
I think we will be stuck in the house the next two days because it is so hot & humid here, we all might melt.
Thank god for central air conditioning and who ever invented it. I also want to thank the good lord above for blueberries, "favorite" T shirts from the gap, iced tea, flip flops, peonies, four seasons, bonus Mom time, new baby smell, gardenias and drawstring pants.

Did I forget anything?

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

The good: guys were checking me out the other day, blatantly which is the way I like it

The bad: Perhaps they were checking both my friend and I out, but recollection is a funny thing and I omit things as I see fit. That is how I roll.

The ugly: E keeps pinching my shoulder and saying "you've been pimped" which is why I should put a parental lock on MTV, MTV2 or any other channel owned by Viacom.
Also E is now without any facial hair because whilst trimming his goatee he trimmed a tad too much and had a slight Hitler, which by any account is not good.

Home Sweet Home

I miss my hometown.
I love my town and all that it has to offer. I love my neighbors and all the stores that are so close to me. I love my house, my yard and much less traffic. But somehow even though I have much more then I could ever afford in North Jersey, even though I love it here, I dream of being home. All because that is where my entire family is.

My entire family lives in one county, where I could not buy a 50 year old, 3 bedroom ranch house with no upgrades for less then $350k. I could do that, but it would be a tradeoff. A smaller house with less room for STUFF, less yard, less room for the kids to play, less room for toys, for having a close family.
Or we can stay here and travel 1.5 hours to visit family and all of our friends. It is hard. We made the decision to stay here for our kids who deserve more then we could have afforded there. E does not want to move home but would do it for me, for my happiness. I don't want him to be unhappy but whose happiness is more important?

We will see what will happen in the future, but its hard being away from my Mom, my sister and all of my family.
I miss them.

Confession #3

This is my postsecret.

Sometimes I go shopping and find something to wear that I love. The only problem is that it runs small so I have to get a bigger size or 2 bigger sizes. (First of all a medium, or a small should be universal not the more expensive the garment the smaller the cut! Bitches!)
If I feel like I am buying too big of a size when I check out I ask for a gift receipt, so the salesperson doesn't think I am fat.

Hot Hot Hot

I am planning on hibernating today because it is going to be 96 here today and that kind of
heat + me= enemies. The babies never seem to drink enough when we are outside either which make me nervous they are dehydrating. Then I picture myself rushing them to the emergency room because they haven't had a wet diaper in 5 hours and that kind of stress I do not need.

This week we have all kids of things planned, story time at Pottery barn kids, swimming, a trip to my Aunts house and a BBQ at my friends house. Summer fun finally!

On a side bar, you know what else pisses me off about South Jersey as opposed to north Jersey? No Italian ice. They have water ice, which obviously is as redundant as it is strange. Hello, I need a good Italian ice not slush with a tiny bit of flavor. Even the ice cream man doesn't have ices. Very sad.
Jeez.

Blah Blah Blah

Yesterday I took my kids to go see my sister and her kids. My oldest nephew was in school for most of the time we were there, but I was happy to see him get off the bus. He rides a bus now to school, and he thinks it is the greatest thing. I guess it is for a 4 soon to be 5 year old.

I had plenty of time with my new nephew and I could not stop kissing him. He is very squiggily and chubby and kissable. It gave me baby fever.
I have an announcement internet: I think it is time to start trying to have another baby!

The twins are 2.5 now and I don't want to have another child too far apart from them. My sister and I were 3.5 years apart and it was great. We would be in the same schools, but had our own friends.
It is a scary prospect, and slightly bittersweet because I loved being pregnant and another baby will most likely be my last. So I am nervous, tentative, excited and anxious!

So that is it, I guess E & I will be having some fun this weekend. : wink:

Who Taught Them to Talk?

Here is a snipt of a conversation I had with my 2.5 year old daughter today:

Baby B: IT stinks here, Mommy!

Me: That's because you just hid over there to do poo poos in your diaper

Baby B: Oh!




Baby B : Baby A stinks!

Me: Why does he stink?

Baby B: his poo poos stink! It's disgusting!


Sigh. I never met anyone so disgusted my poop but so determined to wear a diaper her entire life.

Weekend Review

The weekend was good all in all. We didn't go to Live 8, but watched most of it on TV, how great was Pink Floyd?
Saturday we also went to the children's museum with the kids for awhile. They enjoyed it as always and I enjoyed the fact it was empty which is a rarity.
Sunday we hung around the house and went to the local firework celebration. We had a great time, they had food, a terrific band and the best fireworks I had ever seen. The babies loved their first fireworks, but later complained they were "too loud".

Yesterday we had "thanksgiving in July" where I made a turkey, stuffing and mashed potatoes instead of BBQing again. It was gooood!
This morning the kids and I went to story time at the pottery barn kids right by my house. We go weekly in an attempt to do something different and to maybe make a friend for Mommy. No friends yet, but maybe next week.

We really couldn't do much this weekend because we are broke. Broke, broke.
Like, "I am afraid I may lose my job because I can't afford to do lunches and I hope I have enough money for gas to go to work because my car is a gas guzzler, maybe this house was out of our means on one income" broke.
That is broke.
Mostly this came as a surprise to me because E had been keeping it from me partly out of embarrassment and partly to not stress me. Well, I am officially stressed.
My hair is falling out in clumps because of all the stress. We are in bad shape and I need to go back to work part time, E is looking for a new job and a second job.
E is really depressed and feels he is a failure, which he is not. It is a lot of pressure on him and it makes me feel terrible to see him so sad & depressed.
It is really expensive here in NJ and we live in a relatively cheaper part of the state!

If you could, please send us good vibes, we really need it now.

All Better

I feel much better now, thank goodness. How do people take care of their children when they need to be taken care of themselves? I have E, and he can come home early, so that made me all better. I really needed someone to watch the kids while I recuperated.

We decided not to go to Live 8. It is just too much with the street closings and parking situations over by the art museum. It would have been great to be there, but I am sure I will be able to see it and hear it better on TV. Cuba Libre will have to wait, but not long because I will be there soon. I love a good mojito. We have no plans for this holiday weekend, I don't plan on driving to my hometown because the traffic is horrendous in NJ this time of year. I hope we can just have a relaxing weekend because E is so stressed about financial problems. I am too actually so much so that my hair is falling out. Not good. I have to look for some part time work and it is not as easy as I thought.

So send us good vibes will ya, oh yeah and also send us a winning lottery ticket!

*&@#$

I made a nice dinner last night and the whole family enjoyed it. About an hour after I ate, I felt really full, uncomfortably full.
It got worse, and worse.

At 9:30pm I decided I had to take one for the team and make myself throw up. I really dreaded it and tried other things first but it was my last resort. I sat down in front of my lovely new toilet and thought about my dinner I had eaten. That is all that it took.
All I will say about it is; throwing up meat is SO disgusting.

I felt 90% better after, I was on a high, I couldn't believe how much better I felt. Then the chills came, and the aches and the inability to sleep even though I was exhausted.

I believe I had food poisoning. I had in once before in 1997 due to a cheeseburger from Burger King in some shitty rest stop in Maine. That was way worse, but this was no picnic either, my friend.

Pray for my stomach.

When Life Gets Awkward

I remember my ninth birthday, for some reason I was really into my birthday that year. More then I recall ever being. I stood in front of my big lemon cake, my face aglow in the light of ten candles smiling so big as everyone sang happy birthday to me.

Fast forward ten years, I was mortified that my parents sang to me on my birthday in front of strangers! I didn't want the attention, I didn't want to be sung to.
I remember thinking, when the hell did that happen?
When do you start hating "Happy Birthday" and why? Is it because we are getting older, or less in need of a "moment"?

In a related question, at what age do we stop referring to our age in halves? You almost never hear of someone saying "Well, I really came into myself now that I am 36 and a half" or "I had my first lesbian experience at 25 and a half".
Almost never.

Blogs

I am in need of culling my blogroll list. I also need new blogs to read. If you see a blog missing from my list, let me know.
Also hook me up with some cool new blogs, your favorites!

Should I Stay Or Should I Go

E and I are decided whether or not to go to Live 8. We live very close to Philly but it would be big trouble getting in because they are closing roads at 6am and then parking is a problem. We would have to go really early & just wait for hours and with the heat we have been having lately, well it may not be the best idea.
I can't even run the steps like Rocky did because it will be too crowded and plus that is a gay idea.

I would like to see Destiney's Child, Jay Z, P Diddy, Sarah Maclachlan and Stevie Wonder. I don't really care for the rest of them.

Plus I hate Will Smith.

Would you go?

Yucky Weekend

I did not have a great weekend. On Saturday I wanted to go home to visit my sister and help with her new baby. On the way up I got a flat tire and I really freaked out. Thank goodness I was close to a gas station so I pulled in. The gas station couldn't help me because they didn't have the help or some bull crap like that.
I called home to ask E what to do, but he didn't bring the phone outside so he didn't hear it and I had to call my Mom instead. Thank goodness she was nearby so she came to hang out with me while we waited for roadside assistance to come & put on the spare so I could go to Sears Auto & get a new tire for my 90 mile ride home.
Sear Auto promptly "fucked me in the ass", as E said and over charged me for one measly tire. How am I supposed to know, although I took basic care car in high school and got an A, I really know nothing about cars or any parts of them.
And if E wasn't deaf, then maybe he would have heard the phone to answer tire questions.

I have never even pumped my own gas.

So now I am going to research my car and have E teach me to change a tire, check fluids and all that manly stuff.
I refuse to wait for any man to answer the phone to help me.

TMI

I have my period.
Every since I had people come out of my body, my period has been different. Not good different, either. It is harder/faster/stronger/unpredictable/more painful and just a jerk.

How about this, big pharma stop concerning yourself with men's penises and if they can get erect for 238 hours straight and make something for my period THAT WORKS. Novel idea huh?
My period laughs at advil, tylenol and pamperin. My period raises two middle fingers and gives the big FU to any over the counter pills.

How about something that prevents me from getting a full day of diarrhea every month with debilitating cramps? Yeah, trying to care for 2.5 year old twins when you have cha chas is not fun.

This post was brought to you by the letters P M and S.

The One Where I am on TV

So I was contacted from someone who works for ABC and reads this blog. She liked it so much she would like for me to audition for the show "Wife Swap". If you are not familiar with the show, it is about two wives who swap lives for two weeks to see how other families live.
I like the show, but for me?

Can you imagine, I would probably be the woman that has to swap lives with someone who has all teenage boys who miss the seat when they pee and leave dirty plates under the bed. I would probably have to shovel horse manure for my job and have pluck my new husband's nose hairs.
That is not for me.
Plus I would have to pretend I am a better house cleaner then I am for the sake of television. I would also have to wake up extra early and put on mascara and comb my hair so the world will think I am a "beautiful morning person".

I could never leave my babies to the care of a perfect stranger so I could never do it, but imagine if I did. How fun!

Tuesday swaps lives with a right wing/conservative/bible preaching/racist/dirty/mullet having/squirrel eating/loser family and kicks some ass on national television.

Good stuff.

Pooped

Well, I am an Aunt again. My sister had her second son at 2:10am today 9lbs 9 oz 21 inches. I am exhausted and I feel like I gave birth.
My sister did great, she had a tough time pushing him out because he was so big, but she did it and I couldn't be prouder. I got to see him be born and it is something I will never forget.
He is gorgeous and so chubby.

I am going to sleep now because I have been up for 27 hours.
Welcome to the world Baby A!

Mondays Stink

I am officially in the post vacation blues. I wish I was relaxing on the beach sipping yummy fruity frozen drinks. Instead I am facing a mountain of laundry and a dirty kitchen floor.

There is a new law I want to pass in this country, it is: all bathing suits must come with adjustable shoulder straps like a bra.
Why the fuck don't they? I can't take the straps falling down or, just not staying on properly at all. I have one Donna Karen bathing suit that has the adjustable straps that I may have to wear for the rest of my life.
The bummer is that it is red and I am not really a red person.

Secondly, I noticed more and more people using grape jelly. I am a strawberry jelly fan and grew up in a strawberry jelly only household, so I am new to the grape thing.
I am liking the grape jelly though not as much as strawberry, and I hate marmalade.


Well, this was a boring post.

Home Sweet Home

Did you ever get home from a vacation as tired as you were when you left? That is us.

My kids were not the best sleepers while we were away, so we didn't have the most alone, relaxing time but we did have a great vacation.

We lounged on Fort Lauderdale beaches, swam in various pools and did a little shopping.
You can't beat that, now can you?

The kids had so much fun with their cousin and LOVED the pools. They spent hours jumping off the side into our arms (mostly, my son was very careless who was there when he jumped. Very scary!).

Now I am off to unpack and do oodles of laundry.
BTW, my sister kept in that 10lb baby of hers, so now we are waiting for the big call! I can't wait.

Leaving On a Jet Plane

We are leaving today for hot sizzling Miami, although it cannot be any hotter then here. Wish us luck since the babies have not flown in about a year.
I am loaded up on dollar store goodies, including some for E.
My sister went for a sonogram on Thursday and they told her the baby was 9lbs 4 oz!!! She is only 37 weeks. Her first son was 9.9, but this is ridiculous.
Pray that the baby doesn't come until I get home on Friday, since I am the assistant coach. I really want to see this baby born and it would ruin my vacation if she can't hold that darn turkey sized kid in!

During my brief hiatus, talk amongst yourselves.
Possible subjects:

lunchboxes of the 80s
ways to get cat puke out of carpet
which bulk shopping club do you belong to
how to hold a 10 pound baby in for 6 days
and
the mullet: pros and cons

No Jury In The Land Would Convict Me

If my sister in law doesn't get here soon to pick up E's parents, I am going to drop kick them back to Florida.
I swear.

I cannot take the incessant talking and the sheer volume of it. They NEVER shut up.
Here is a piece of conversation I was privy to at 8am this morning:

"Do you want grapes? Do you want green grapes? Do you like Green grapes? I like grapes. Yum, grapes. Do you like red grapes? Tuesday, did you taste these grapes? They are very sour, the kids don't like them. Yuk, sour grapes. "

Both of them talking at once, fast & furious.
I feel like dying.

If one of them at any point would realize I was trying to watch the news, and the babies are loud enough, if they would shut it for like 3 seconds, it would be a successful day.

I love Pizza

When I say I want my pie, I want my pie.
Or else.

Out Laws

In know my in-laws don't really like me, but that is ok because I know that any other woman in my situation would have stabbed them 197 times by now.

I love my son, I truly do but I pray I never come to the thought that the sun rises and sets on him. I will try to remember he is a person with faults and imperfections.
Someone should tell my mother in law that.
I love E, he is a great Dad & Father. The best, and I could never imagine my life without him. But anything that is wrong/broken/hurt/not fully cooked/drunk/not totally clean is my fault.
Never E.

Please.

Someone send in reinforcements now.
help.

Today I have to find other ways to amuse my in-laws. Yesterday I pulled out all the stops, baby pool in the backyard, huge diner, made a chocolate pie for dessert, fun fun fun.

Today, I got nothing. I am out of fun, cool things to do.

E gets off so easy he claims he has to go to work for 7 hours, whilst I am stuck at home with one car and 3 adults and 2.5 year old twins. He will owe me BIG TIME. Believe me, I will collect.

I think today will consist of a trip to Target, trying to stay cool inside ( it is going to be 90 all week! help) and trying to feed all of us at the appropriate times.

Who wants to come over and help? Or at least come over & bring a gun.

AWOL

I won't have too much time to post this week because my in-laws are here. (#*^$!)
They decided to make a visit so they babies won't forget them.
Listen, if nothing else I will have great stories to share.

It is HOT here in NJ and I want you to remind me to never complain about the cold.
I made E take a swear/oath that the next house we buy will have a pool or we will build one asap.
I am about to start digging one here.

LOST fans here is something for you:

1. Go to the "official" Oceanic Airlines Website.
2. At the bottom, where it says "Travellers," enter Hurley's unlucky lottery numbers: 4, 8, 15, 16, 23 and 42.
3. Click the "Find" button..
Click on the row numbers on the flight's seating chart that match Hurley's numbers.

You will die!!!!!

Oops

I watched oops I did it again last night, where old bands come back to play their old hits.
Oh, man. Flock of Seagulls had hit hard times. Fat, gross, bald.
Is Tiffany pregnant? If not, she needs an underwire bra, because her chest was hanging out everywhere.

Anyway the show was pretty bad, but it is the summer and you cannot be to picky during the summer. I take my standards down two notches in the summer.

What is your embarrassing summer show that you are going to watch this summer?

Sad

I am missing you today,
like always
I still remember your smell, your voice and the feeling of your stong hands on my back
I hope I can remember them forever
I see you in the ocean, I feel you when I am on the beach, when I think I am alone
I know I am not

Thank you for everything you taught me, for your humor and for all of your love
even when I tested you, you stayed and loved more

I wish you were here, just for a day for even one more moment
I would show you my children, you would say they remind you of me
you would tell me my daughter is stubborn like I was and you would laugh
a laugh that would tell me that I was in for a lot of trouble with her, but it would be worth it
You would think to yourself that my son reminds you of yourself, with warm eyes, sweet and loving
I would tell you that you were the best, but you wouldn't have believed me
but
you really were

I would tell you how much I ache for you, how much I cried for you
how much you are missing
but you would not want to hear that

I understand


I wonder if the tears will ever dry, if I will ever stop being so sad
If the knowledge that a piece of me is missing, a huge piece, will ever fade
like the sun into the horizon

I never knew the sun would still return and the Earth would still rotate with out you
I thought it was impossible

I just miss you.

D.T.

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Terrible Twos

Well, it has happened. We have entered a new stage that I thought I would never have to go through.
The picky clothing stage.

I thought that if you were just firm with your children or distracted them, then there would be no problem with picky clothes. I assumed you would just have to tell her kids "this is what you are wearing today" firmly but with love and all would be right with the world.
Now pay attention to what I am going to write next, because it doesn't happen very often:

I was wrong.

Baby A hates the first shirt I put on him every day. You would think I would wise up and put a shirt I don't want him to wear on first, then the old switcheroo when he demands "shirt off!".

Baby B covets Baby A's pajamas and wants to wear "Thomas jammas" or "snake jammas" too. Instead we have to tell her how cute her lemon drop pajamas are or how funny the cat PJs look.
It does work, most of the time.
Lets all hope this phase goes fast, fighting about clothes is one battle I don't want to fight. I also don't want my kids leaving the house looking like hobos. Silly me.
I remember being about 9 or so and wanting to wear this ornate headband although I already had barrettes and a pony tail. My Mom told me, after a short fight where nobody would give up their position, "fine but you are going to look stupid!"
I am sure I did but it was "me" and that is what I wanted to be at the time.

So I am sorry Mom but you were wrong and I am going to try not to make the same mistake with my kids.
So if you see a girl out with twins looking like hobos, that is me and those are my kids.
We will always just be ourselves.

Weekend Update

I had a great weekend and the weather was perfect here. I had a relaxing fun weekend and those are few and far between. I am rejuvenate for the week.

I am sure though, that I will be cranky by 4pm.

On the way to a graduation party on Saturday, we passed the weinermobile on the NJ turnpike. I had never seen it in person and actually I blogged about it last June. I showed Baby B the oversized hot dog truck and she was fascinated. Couldn't take her eyes off of it. Poor Baby A was sleeping so he missed the excitement.
Baby B fell asleep shortly after seeing the weinermobile, but as we pulled up to my Aunt's house she slowly woke up. Her first words?
"Big Hog Gog? I saw a big hog gog!!

Funny what they remember and how cute they can be.

I Missed It!

May 18th was my blog-aversary and I missed it! Damn.
Hot damn.
Well I have been here for one whole year and I am not going anywhere anytime soon, so you are stuck with me.
I hope this year brings new! exciting! and more cheese! stories for you.

TGIF!

I am glad it is Friday, this week seemed to go on forever.
Today I am getting my hair done, and hanging out in the yard with the babies.
Tomorrow is a big party for my cousin's graduation which I am sure will be fun. I asked the babies who they are going to see at the party. We had been talking about all of their Aunt's and cousins that will be there and looking at pictures of said relatives in a photo album. When asked who they were excited to see baby B replied "cake".
She ain't no dummy and her Momma raised her right.
Cake will be in attendance and we are ALL happy to see her.

Does anyone else think there is a Verizon wireless conspiracy? This is my second phone to "conveniently" have the battery die every hot second, the minute the phone turns two years old. Also conveniently just in time to sign up for a new contract and perhaps buy a new phone anyone?
I will not stand for this! I love my phone, but hate Verizon. Sadly they are the best of the worst.
After I get my hair done, I will slink over to the Verizon store armed with my determination and my ample cleavage and demand a cure for my ailing phone.

Wish us luck.

Cry Me A River

Before I even knew I was pregnant I started crying over everything. I couldn't find anything to wear on Mother's Day, and I cried. E was a little short with me and I swore he hated me and I cried. E asked me one night if I "wanted chicken for dinner" and I cried because chicken repulsed me and he was told NUMEROUS times to only refer to it as "C".
I cried once because E said "this chicken is SO juicy" because the phrase disgusted me. I wasn't even pregnant when I cried over that one, but I still think it was a reasonable response.

My sister is now 36 weeks pregnant and amusing me with her tales of crying. Crying over Extreme Home Makeover (which is a given), crying because she can't play on the floor with her son now that she is so big.

So, tell me the funniest story that you have about crying. Preggo or not, we all know our hormones work overtime sometimes and you just gotta cry!

Is the Week Over Yet?

E has dinners for work all week so I am alone in meals and bedtime rituals.
It is hard to feed two kids, then clean the floor where they have thrown stuff then, clean their hands and face and THEN clean their high chairs off the food that is stuck there before it gets too stuck.
There are things nobody tells you when you are pregnant. Sure they tell you that labor hurts, to sleep when the baby sleeps (which is a crock because then when will I ever shower, eat or do laundry?) or that you can not spoil a newborn.
Nobody told me how much cleaning was involved or how much laundry I had to do! Sheeeeesh.
Fine, I am a neat freak and I am anal about cleaning, but really it is a lot to do.
I do have help now, we have a cleaning lady and she comes every other week, this way I can feel like the house is still mostly cleaned by me but gets a really good cleaning I do not have the time for twice a month.
Praise Esther for she is coming today!

Tonight I will be watching the finale of Lost by myself whilst my husband enjoys a nice steak dinner at Morton's.
Anyone want to join me?

9 to 5 was Easier

I am A stay at home Mom, or a SAHM for you condensers out there. Up until I was 8 months pregnant I worked full time, and I really loved my job and my company. I thought I may introduce job sharing at my company and see if it would fly, or even ask if I could work part time after I had the babies. That all changed because E was transferred to Philadelphia and since a 1.5 hour commute every day was not feasible, we had to move so I had to leave my job.

I would have liked to work though and lord knows we could have (and still do) need the money. That leads me to my next rant: Why the fuck is America so behind other countries when it comes to maternity/paternity leave and women's wants and needs to work when they are a Mother?
It came down to the fact that I was happy I was getting a C-Section because it meant that I could get an extra 2 weeks for maternity leave and short term disability. If I could have stayed at my company there was no place for me to pump if I was breastfeeding. In NJ the cost of a daycare was about $1000 per child a month, which severely would have depleted my take home salary anyway. Sweden has a 18 month maternity leave and it doesn't even need to be in consecutive months. E had one week paternity leave and I was so happy about that measily amount of time. We shouldn't settle for that, we should demand that!

I know 50 people that NEED two incomes and wouldn't have that if they didn't have retired parents to watch their children for them. What about the people that are not able to do this?
We need to band together and demand job sharing and on site child care for us and our children. We need to demand that EVERY company have a safe clean place for us to pump. We have to link with other women and share our jobs. We need to do what is best for ourselves AND our families and it is time these companies get on board. Women are a vital part of the work force in this country and it is time we were taken seriously.

The day will come when I will go back to work, partly because I want to and partly because I have to. By then I will not need those "services" that I think every company should have but I will still fight for my sisters who do need them. We need to stick together.

Then we will all fight for "nap time" at work.

Epidemic

Like many other bloggers I myself had a bout of constipation over the weekend. It took me two days to finally figure out what my problem was, but finally I figured it out & tensed up.
Just so you know, tensing up is not good for constipation. Not good at all.
Two aloe pills, one acidophilus pill and 15 minutes later everything was ok with the world.

We are going to Miami in three weeks. Baby B does NOT want to go on the airplane. I am sure she will be fine once we get on, but talking to her about it does not go well. She says "Don't want airplane!".
They have flown twice before but they do not remember. I hope it goes well because two kids on a small metal object hurdling through the air for 2 hours and 45 minutes is not good.
Not good at all.
We will go in with a portable DVD player, toys, books, food and prayer.
That is all you can do, man, all you can do.

Walmart II

Wow, people really hate Walmart huh?
It is only about my fifth time shopping there, I am a Target girl, but I really don't see myself going back too soon. I didn't grow up in a town with Walmart, North Jersey actually only got a Walmart about 3 years ago.
What is it that makes people hate it so much? Is it growing up in a small town with nothing but a Walmart to hang out in? Is it that they run small Mom & Pop stores out of towns? Is it the illegal immigrants they employ?



Or is it just the dumb people they have working there?

Oh and the colored sand I bought? It was purple, my favorite color.

WalMart

Now I know why people hate this place. First off, why is it so dark & gloomy inside of Walmarts? Very depressing.
I called my local Walmart to ask if they had play sand, I was told yes, it was in the lawn & garden department. So the kids & I headed out to Walmart to buy some sand for their new sandbox.
Forty minutes later, six employees questioned later and countless trips back and forth between the toy & garden department, I finally find out that the play sand it outside. Oh and yeah, they have no more regular sand just colored sand.
I say fine I will take the colored sand, expecting it to be a little more. Well, it was a LOT more but I took it anyway even when the cashier stopped in the middle of ringing me up to bring some lady to the bulb isle. Yeah she just walked away in the middle of my order, no excuse me, nothing.

Then I was told I have to go out to my car & drive it around the building & put the 40lb bags of sand in my car. I was pissed at this point. So I did what any other pissed consumer with twins that just wanted to play with sand would do.
I stole an extra bag of sand.
Yup. I am not proud.
Well, yes I am, I am writing about it on the internet.

Take that Walmart, consider us even now.

Oops, I Did It Again

I watched Britney & Kevin's show last night. I couldn't help myself. All I can say is : WOW.

I thought Britney's whole *thing* was that she was a virgin & planned to continue that until she was married? Not that we didn't know that was a lie but she really came out last night talking about how many times she did it in one day and such. Especially since she only hung out with him for 2 days before she was doing it. That little slut.
I love it.
Kevin is so gross I can't take it. So greasy. Is her body guard the only one with his head on straight, knowing that he was just coming out there to get a free ride. Right on Big 'Mo!

Ok enough with these media whores.

Tonight is the second to last Lost! I can't wait. It is the best show on TV, hands down.
Next week is the two hour finale and E & I will go all out with pausing the first 25 minutes or so on TiVo so we can watch it with out commercial interruptions and lots of good snacks.
Can't wait.

I Like Different Positions

I was watching late night TV and was bombarded with old commercials for the craftmatic adjustable bed. They still are selling those things?
My question is: does anyone have one of these beds?
I have been in many houses and in many bedrooms and I have never come across the owner of a adjustable bed. Really it is just a glorified hospital bed and nobody I know wants to be reminded of being in the hospital.
Strange no?

On another note I am thinking of getting E a satellite radio for his car. He spends most of his day in his car traveling so it would be nice for him to have extra channels, and no commercials. I think I will buy it for Father's Day.
Does anyone have one of these and do you like them? I am thinking of Sirius and getting the one that goes from the car to the house.

I am from..

I borrowed this from Fragments from Floyd.


I am from books,
from Windex and Tide.
I am from the two story brick front property with the sloping yard.
I am from the lilies of the valley, the huge, enveloping maple tree
I am from Christmas Eve parties with tons of family and blue eyes,
from Kevin and Bernice and John.
I am from the curly, thick hair and quick wit.
From eating bread crust that will make your hair curl and Mommy and Daddy will always love you.
I am from Catholicism. Pulling myself away trying to find my beliefs on my own.
I'm from Irish and New Jersey, iced tea and pasta salads.
From the painful accident of my uncle, the porch I would cry on when I was too brave to cry, and the sadness of a fatherless mother.
I am from an old wine case on the top shelf of my closet spilling out old cards, notes passed to boys and all the memories of love.

Stop, Potty Time

So I bought the book, potty training in one day and I have the pottys, I even have the kids that are in the potty training age range. But nobody is going to the potty. Well, E & I are but that is a uncelebrated victory.
The twins watched a potty movie, loved it but still no potty. Now when I talk about the potty, you know really hyping it up and making it sound like a whirlwind trip to Disney, Baby B says "no potty, don't wanna poopoo in potty".
There goes that. I don't want to force the issue and make then traumatized. So now we will wait until it is continually warm out and then I can keep them naked outside. With pottys. And encouragement treats.
We better get a fence up soon so the neighbors do not have to witness this scene.

Yesterday we went to the Philadelphia zoo. We had a great time and the kids loved it. They got to pet and feed goats and sheep and Baby B even brushed the goats.
A good time was had by all.

Old Mac Donald

I need someone to pimp my blog. That should be a MTV show, you hear that MTV?
This template sucks.

Bad news, Chico II and Dora have perished. Now we are done with fish until the kids are older. If asked where they are we will tell them they had to go to the ocean with Nemo. I think they will buy it. If not maybe we will tell them they had to go to a farm. Everyone buys that story.
About 2 years ago I was asking E about his family dog, seen in very few pictures. I questions the whereabouts of the dog and was told by E that he bit a neighbor & had to go to a farm.
Now E was like 32 when he told me this story & he was still buying the "farm" alibi. Please.
I was hysterically laughing for about 5 hours when he finally realized his parents scammed him.
Seriously he bought it all these years.

Then I told him there was no Easter Bunny.
You should have seen the look on his face.

Another Reason

Yet another reason why most of the time I like animals more then people.

I had a great Mother's Day. It was a nice day out the babies had fun with all of their cousins. All in all a great day.
Now back to the grind of a boring old week.

I am in need of a spring cleaning. I have to clean out all the cabinets in the mud room and organize my desk, it looks like a bomb went off. I have to start packing up some of my winter clothes to make room for my summer clothes, what a pain in the neck that is.
Then it is on to the outside of our house. For some reason the previous owners tore up all of the shrubs around the house, so we have a lot of planting to do. It looks so boring & plain right now. I need a landscapers touch, but do not have the budget for that right now. I will have to do it on my own, I hope I don't screw it up.

Did you hear about Bennifer II? That is a good move.

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all the Moms everywhere.

To the ones who stay up all night with a sick baby
who cook what seems like a million meals a week,
who pick their kids up when they fall, physically and spiritually,
are single and have to be both Mommy & Daddy
pack love along with school lunches,
who work hard at their marriage every day,
who love their children unconditionally,
who after countless hours of painful labor declare they would do it again in a second,
who drive their kids to school every morning because the bus "isn't cool"
who strive for their children to be better people then they are
and who just love all they love they have.

Without Mom's where would we be?

Consider this a PSA

For women that are pregnant or trying you may or may not be aware of banking your child's umbilical stem cells. These cells are life in every sense of the word.
The scientific studies that are out there are amazing, just this past November a woman in Korea who had been paralyzed for 19 years got up and WALKED after receiving donated stem cells. They say they will be able to cure deafness in 2006.
This is life changing stuff. Please look into saving your children's umbilical stem cells, it could save your child's life or maybe even your own.
You have insurance on your car, your house, your life maybe even your pet, so why not your child's life?
If I had banked my twin's and my sister banked her first child maybe my Father could have been saved from his cancer, maybe I could have saved his life.
I really hate maybes.

Check out these websites for more info. It is really a small price to pay for good health.

Shopping Hell

A Lot of things happen when you get older. You become forgetful, you are not as nimble anymore and you stink at driving. But something else happens, something that many people don't speak of.
You become the deli police.
I was at my supermarket yesterday and there were no less then 7 senior citizens at the deli. I took my number and waited. These seniors are fanatical about their meats. One orders 8 different things each 1/4 lb. Another wants to inspect every slice the people make. Still another wants everything taken out of the case, inspected, deliberate, act like you are doing the deli worker a favor by asking for meats all the while yelling "I said thin!".
So freakin annoying. See me here waiting for you? Any respect?

In other news......I wish I didn't watch American Idol. I really do, and the whole time I am watching it I complain about how bad it is, how dorky Randy is, how gay Seacrest is, how crazy Paula is, but I still watch.
I like Bo, although he looks like he just stepped out of Lynard Skynard or Kansas circa 1976.
I just can't wait for the whole thing to be over, because they are draggggggggging this show so out. Just like the old ladies at the deli counter.

Mother's Day

ANY ideas for Mother's Day gifts? I am so lost. I need help. Any suggestions?

Party

Yesterday we went to my friend's son's 1st birthday party. It was a very nice party at her parents house and thankfully the weather held out because there were a lot of people there. Baby A & B had a great time running around with the older kids and playing with their faux Aunts ( my best friends). The theme of the part was Elmo and the favors were goldfish in a bowl just like Elmo's goldfish Dorothy. The babies were very excited and this morning woke up ready to name them. Baby A's is Chico and Baby B's was Dora. Very cute.
After I put them down for a nap I checked on the fish and Chico has perished. Poor guy, I hope he had a good life. Now E has to go buy a new Chico while I tell Baby A that right now Chico is sleeping. Horizontally. On the bottom. About to float. Gross.

Wish us luck with Dora and Chico II. I hope they live at least a week.

This post is dedicated to the memory of Chico and the 12 great hours we spent together.
R.I.P. Chico, we hardly knew ye.

Flickr

I put up some pictures on flickr for just a little while. Enjoy while you can.

EDIT: it takes courage to put up the only picture of yourself without makeup. Mad props to me.

This and That

Constantine got booted last night on American Idol. What is up with that? No really, who voted for Scott, the girlfriend beater?
I really hate this show, but I find myself watching every week. Anthony & Porky Pig are SO much worse then Constantine. I thought he would win considering all the girls loved him and we all know this show exists because of teenage girls.

Tom Cruise is dating Katie Holmes?! Katie, he is too old and strange for you, just say no to Scientology and go back to Dawson. I can't stand to lose one more person to scientology. It is just wrong man.

Did anyone see Oprah yesterday? They had loads of desperate women who want this comedian turned author to tell them the truth about their relationship. I mean it is crazy to think that they should talk about the relationship with the actual person they are in the relationship with right? Anywhoo, these chicks had problems like "we have been dating for months but still nobody knows who I am, it is a secret" and "he left me at the alter, but I really want closure & to see why he didn't want me". Ladies, please.
It makes me so sick to see grown women thinking this is a problem. He keeps you a secret? MOVE ON. He left you at the alter? MOVE ON. He hits you, puts you down, hates all of your friends, never has a job or doesn't like animals? MOVE ON.

Tonight I Will take Two!

It is overcast here today & it totally fits my mood. I remembered at 9:45 last night that I forgot to take my sleeping pill, it was too late then because I wouldn't have enough sleep and in the morning I would have a hangover. Our daughter was in bed with us because she had been screaming in her crib for 20 minutes. Then I notice both her & E were asleep mouths agape.
I told E to roll over about 5 times because of his snoring. I finally had to make him go sleep in the other room. Then the dog starts snoring.
Just great.
I probably had about 3 hours sleep last night. Now I have the jitters because I had too much coffee. This day sucks already.

I ordered a potty training book, and I hope it comes soon because 4 shitty diapers a day is killing me. I am sick of changing diapers. I have done it every day at least 4 times a day for 27 months now.
I really have to be serious about it now, I am ready for my kids to be potty trained.
Any tips or hints for me?

Push it out, Push it out waaaayyyyy out

Yesterday my sister who is 7 months pregnant asked me to be in the delivery room with her & her husband. This means that my Mom will have to be the one in the waiting room. My Mom says she is fine with this since she was there for her first delivery. I am so excited. I get to be a part of a birth! I wasn't even a part of mine because I had a emergency C-Section at 38 weeks 6 days.
The hospital that we use is amazing but they are VERY strict on visitor and maternity ward rules. It is for the safety of the brandy new babies so I understand, they will not be featured on A Baby Story anytime soon, if you know what I mean.

In other news I am looking for Mother's Day gifts for many people this year & I have no idea. Although I found the perfect gift for my mother in law, this, thanks to Melissa. It is perfect and I am sure will be all the rage in the retirement community where she lives. I am sure May 9th I will receive hundreds of calls of where the old bags can get shirts like that of their very own.
Because daughter in laws are horrible, dumb, conniving bitches out to steal their perfect sons.
Puuuuleeaze.

Fly Like an Eagle

I will NOT be skydiving anytime soon. How about you?

I Can't Do Anything without Chapstick

Sorry I haven't written in a few days, but really my life has been too mundane to write about.

I was watching Survivor yesterday and a few things hit me as I was watching it. I know they are on the island for 38 days or something like that, with just the clothes on their back. I just realized they are spending all that time in the same underwear. That is so freaking gross.
I think that is worse then no deodorant or no toothpaste. Seriously high temperatures, no soap, sweat, physical challanges, PERIODS and no change of underwear. These people are crazy.
I need my million to be tax free for no change of underwear. Perhaps that is why Richard Hatch decided not to pay his taxes silly little freak that he is.

Then I remembered these people didn't get to bring a "luxury item" like in the past. People have brought cards, state flags, backgammon things of that nature. I would bring chapstick.
I am thoroughly addicted to chapstick and could never be without it especially in a hot desert beach. I would bring minimally two standard black chapsticks. Maybe a cherry so if I was really, really hungry I could eat it.
E & I have discussed this. I would smuggle it onto the island if I had to.
Even in an orifice.

I am not kidding, I chap easily.

Dandelions

There are a ton of dandelions in our yard. I told E to hire someone to fix the bare spot & put down some fertilizer this year, but he wanted to do it himself. He bought Scott turfbuilder dandelion control and spread it all over our lawn.
Apparently it doesn't work.
On the bright side the babies love the "yewool flowers".

I remember being a little girl, maybe 5 or so in my grandmothers backyard. There were a million dandelions and I would love to pick them for my mother. She would always put them in a little dixie cup on the window sill. I wondered why more people didn't pick them, why I never had seen them sold at flower shops.
My mom told me they were weeds not really flowers but she loved them anyway. She never threw them out when I wasn't looking, assuming I would forget about them.
I love her for that.

A New Week

It was a gorgeous weekend here in NJ, I couldn't get enough of it. Beautiful. We went to an animal rescue place around here for a hike and to check out some of the animals that can no longer be released into the wild. The babies loved it and so did E & I.
We also bought a new grill and we BBQ the crap out of yesterday. I loooooove my new grill. We bought it at BJ's and I loooove BJs. Where else can you get a grill, 54 bagel dogs and 100 pantyliners all under the same roof?

The kids are feeling better but are not 100%. I actually just changed two diapers that I cannot believe held that much crap. It was seriously gross, and believe me I have changed my fair share of poops. At least I didn't have to change their clothes, it all stayed in.
Thanks Pampers!

Today I am getting a manicure & pedicure. My feet are so dry, I cannot wait. It will be the highlight of my day. I am going to a new joint so I will be on the lookout for cleanliness and massage pedicure chairs. Then maybe on to JCrew where I am in need of shorts and some new T shirts. And I love this.
What do you think is a must have for this summer?

Sickies

Well, Baby A & B are sick with a little cold. Baby A's cold went into his chest and he needed a nebulizer for his meds so he will stop wheezing. Poor kids.
It is so sad to see them so tired and weak but try to play. Very cute, I love them with more love then one person should have.
We are going to Toys R Us today to get them bikes. Baby A has been asking for a "yellow bike" for a week now. He would LOVE a john Deere tractor ride on, he is fascinated with tractors. Such a boy.

Why did they remake Amityville Horror? Did it need to be remade? Seriously.

Nothin much going on here this weekend. Tomorrow we are thinking of going to a animal rehabilation center around here & maybe do some planting. Our yard needs a lot of TLC.

Poor Us

I really don't have any time to write toady, which is good for me because I have nothing to write about. My babies are sick and I think I have to take them to the doctor. They started with runny noses little coughs, but now I think my son is wheezing.
I have asthma and when I was pregnant my pediatrician told me the chance of my kids having asthma is pretty high, so I am nervous.

Wish us well, there is nothing worse then a sick baby unless you have two sick babies!

Calling All Moms

I need your help. My sister is having another baby in June. Her oldest is almost 5 so her baby "stuff" has been given away or tossed. I, being the great sister and Aunt that I am, have decided to buy her a stroller for the baby.
As you may or may not know, I have twins therefore had to buy only twin strollers which was a very limited search. I know nothing about single strollers.
She would like one what she can use with a car seat. So ladies, which stroller do you recommend?

What A Great Decision

Soooooo Britney Spears is pregnant.

I am sure that will work out great.

Nada

I have been staring at this blank page for ten minutes. The blinking cursor is mocking me, you have nothing to write, you are an idiot, nobody cares what you have to say. You get the drift.
I think I will go back to an old post & reiterate some points that I am passionate about.

As we all know, spring is here. Birds chirping, bees buzzing, kids playing and sandals are being worn. I would like all of you to pay attention to this next piece of information because it is not advise, it is a law. You MAY NOT wear sandals without your toes being painted (this does not ring true for boys, unless that is your cup of tea. But men, please groom appropriately) or at the very least a nice pedicure. Pedicures are very inexpensive and can last weeks. Please know that this could very well be the best $10 you will spend. Nobody wants to look at feet, but if you dress them up, they can be tolerated.

Men, NOBODY likes a hairy back and or shoulders. Nobody. Your wife may put up with it, but few will. Please go get it waxed. Sure it hurts but let me tell you something, so does your period, carrying a baby or actually having that child exit your body. Don't be a baby.
Really I don't care how you get rid of your hair, just do it.
It is so gross.
Yes, that is right, you are gross.
I swear.

Lastly, the HIS/HERS matching clothing I am sure is being released from its winter storage spot this instant, just getting ready for some boardwalk action. I must tell you that wearing a matching shirt with your husband with your names on it or some other ridiculous thing is GAY. We can tell your a couple because you are holding hands and sharing a corndog. No need to advertise.

I hope you take this tips into consideration. Please try to pass these points on to someone you know that needs help.
Together we can conquer the world.

Weekend

Thank you all for your birthday wishes, I had a very nice birthday and you guys made my day.
Friday we had a great dinner with E's friends. They were so nice they exceeded my expectations. They loved the dinenr too so it was a success!

E did a great job this birthday, he knew I wanted a new pocketbook because mine was old & too small for a Mom to have. He got a new one for me and a necklace. He also bought me new sneakers but they were a size too small so I have to return them.
My brothers party was fun on Saturday & my kids had a blast, they love playing with their cousins.

Yesterday we headed to the mall to meet Dora. Very cute, the kids were in awe. We met my Mom my sister & my nephew there & had lunch. All in all a very nice weekend. The weather was gorgeous here.
I hope you all had a great weekend too.

Today, Tomorrow and the Next

Tonight we are having one of E's friends from work and his new wife over for dinner. This is all new to me. I have never met these people so I am frantically cooking & cleaning.
It took me forever to decide what to cook (I almost threw in the towel and ordered something from chick-fil-a) but I finally decided on chicken marsala, rice pilaf and broccoli.
Do you guys think that is a good choice?

Tomorrow is the big day. My Birthday. Enough said. We also have out last day of Gymboree for awhile, we are not going to sign up for the spring classes. We will do it again in the summer.

Sunday we are going up to North Jersey to go visit Dora the Explorer's house. They are having a life size replica that you can walk through and you can take pictures with Dora, the works. The kids will love it I am sure. Any Jersey peeps going to be there?

So that is my weekend in a nut shell. What is everyone else up to?

Chinese Anyone?

Did you hear about the Chinese delivery man who was stuck in an elevator for THREE days?
I would have died.

After he was finally found he was asked if he would continue to deliver food. His response: "I don't want to think about it now."
He added, "The tips in that building are all bad."


Classic.

Happy Birthday

Today is my husband's birthday.
He is old.

Just kidding. I love him so much and I am more happy with him then I ever thought I could be. He is patient with me and kind, he is romantic & sweet. He always thinks of my & the babies first and his life is dedicated to us. I knew he would be a great Father but he has exceeded my expectations. He loves them and to see my babies in his arms, makes the world ok again, it melts my heart. We have been through a lot in this past year, my depression, buying a new house, the terrible twos, but if he is by my side I know it will be alright.
Thank you E for loving me, for caring for me and for being a fantastic husband and Dad. Thank you for putting lotion on my feet and scratching my back at night. Thank you for putting up with me and staying up until I can fall asleep. Thank you for promising me forever and sticking to it. Thank you for being my rock.
Thank you for all of your love.
I love you.

Pope

I find the whole Pope funeral/rituals/picking of a new pope thing fascinating. I am watching every bit I can of it on TV, I cannot believe how long that line is just to pass him by and pay respects.
But there is one thing I cannot stop thinking about. It is crazy and I wish it would stop popping into my head.

I am thinking about the man or men who "prepared" his body. They were probably the only ones besides hi mother, who ever saw him naked. I find that extra fascinating.

Don't tell me you weren't curious either.

Just Another Day

My kids are trying to give up their morning nap. I am in complete denial. Why are they torturing me like this? Also I am now finding Baby B naked from the waist down in her crib. This trend is semi disturbing.
I guess I could change thir nap to a afternoon nap, but how are we supposed to do anything if they have an afternoon nap? What is up with that?

I have a busy week, E's birthday is tomorrow & I have to go buy food for his "birthday dinner" of stuffed shells, and a homemade cake. E invited a friend of his & his wife over for dinner on Friday so I still don't know what to cook for that, and then Saturday is my birthday & my brother's birthday party. Busy, busy busy.

At least E is older then me. That makes me feel better.

I Hate You

I have decided I hate a certain group of people.

I hate people with 892364 stuffed animals in the rear window of their car.
Why, dude, why?
Usually these people are 60 years old, which is bizarre also. Are these toys your friends? Are you using them so you can have access to the carpool lane? Do you think not being able to see out of your rearview window is a good idea?

Many unanswered questions.

Parenting

I stepped out of the car into the warm sunlight. The parking lot was filled with minivans, it was going to be a busy day. I took the kids out of the car and they screamed in unison "park!" they were in their glory. E met me there & we each paired up with a kid and took off. I was following Baby A, wondering why he would walk anywhere but not really look for me. Wasn't he scared of being lost? Wasn't he nervous without me?
He would laugh, jump, climb all the thigns you are supposed to do at the park on a sunny day. I wondered if I was a bad parent. Maybe I should have lectured them about leaving my side, maybe I should be telling them already that there are bad people on this Earth that could and would hurt them. Just at that moment he looked back at me & smiled his world famous smiles. I melted.
Baby B ran to me screaming "mommy, mommy" again my heart melted.

For those first minutes at the park , I felt like a bad parent, I questioned myself. I thought I wasn't teaching them the right lessons, that I had failed them.

But then I realized that I had all along been teaching them the right lesson, the most important thing I can teach them right now: that no matter where they go, how high they climb, or how fast they run, I will always be right behind them.
Watching, loving, supporting and melting.

Secrets

My very favorite site is this one. (Thanks Jocelyn)
It makes me cry and laugh all at the same time. I read them and I am uplifted at the human spirit and disgusted all at once. I just love it and I may send in my own secret soon.

My question is, is it a secret once people have read it, even if you are anonymous?

The Outlaws

When my inlaws were here, back in January, they truly god on our nerves. I know it is not that shocking. I feel like my mother in law tries to do everything her way, because what could I know about cleaning/laundry/raising kids/cooking/breathing? I also noticed how negative they are about everything. "oh you can't afford that" when we talk about home improvements, "yeah right" when I say I would like another baby, "oh, that is nice" when I am excited about something I made or bought.
They just seem to try to bring us down. They tell us how smart and great our children are but in the next breath they criticize something we do with them. I really think my mother in law is pissed she moved so far away, but you know what, who asked you to retire early move to Florida & leave your 2 children & 2 grandchildren. Now they have 4 grandchildren & they are missing out.

I was going out to the store & E's parents were going to watch the kids. Baby A was up & Baby B was napping. I asked them to feed Baby A lunch and then he could have a donut that they had brought. I got into my car when I noticed I forgot my keys I went back into the house and as I opened the door, E's mother jumped & ran to the other side of the kitchen.
She had been going to give Baby A a donut, 5 seconds after I told her to feed him lunch first & then he could have one. WTF?! She deliberately went out of her way to do what she wanted & E's Dad just sat there & watched it go on. It is funny actually, because she acts like she is 10.
I have never met a grown woman more jealous.

E told them we may come down to Florida for a short visit in April, but our finances have different plans. Now his Mom will probably throw a tantrum that we have not visited yet.
You know what I say? Fuck Her.

Easter

We had a very nice Easter, the babies had a great time. They loved looking for eggs and if there was something in them it was pure bonus, they just wanted the eggs. We went to my hometown for church, then to my Grandmother & Grandfather's house for a short visit, then to my other Grandma's retirement home and THEN to my Mom's for dinner. Busy but fun.

I think the consensus of my last post was:
Blogger comments stinkeroni (which I knew)
Lo Mein for breakfast is for Champions (which I embrace)
and there is a father of triplets who still has time to go online and read this little blog (which is a miracle)

Again today is a rainy overcast day. I read that there have only been 6 sunny, dry days in NJ this month! I thought April was supposed to be a rainy month. Speaking of April, my birthday is coming up which normally I love, but this year I am blah about it. I really don't care about it either way. My Stepmother i s having a party for my little brother that day so that is fine with me, I would rather celebrate his birthday anyway.
Is there any millionaires out there that enjoy this here blog and would like to buy me a gift? If there is this is what I have been drooling over for months:
http://womens-accessories.smartbargains.com/go.sb?s=BS&deptId=11&catId=316&prodId=1060257684&fd=true&sp=All+Products%2f%2f%2f%2fWomen

and lets not make fun of me for STILL not knowing how to do links, I have twins.

Blah

You peeps are boring. I get far too many visitors at this blog here every day to have so few comments. I will be going to my hometown tomorrow and will not be able to blog, so I am officially making the next 36 hours, "comment day and 1/2".

Some things you could perhaps comment on:

• Some things you would like me to blog about
• advice you are seeking from wise 'ol Tuesday. For medical advice please refer to me as Dr. Tuesday
• Pros and Cons of eating dinner for breakfast
• your life in general
• maybe just a Hi so we know you are alive

I am going to the Christmas Tree Shoppe that opened in NY tomorrow, and I am so excited. It reminds me of my youth vacationing in Cape Cod. I hope it is just how I remember it.

Guilty Pleasures

Last night I watched American Idol and for once I was excited at the song choices. The theme was Billboard Hits, or something. They sang some of my guilty pleasure songs: Total Eclipse of the Heart, Time after Time, I Think I Love You and Alone.

Some of my other guilty pleasures are:
squeezing pimples
plucking gray hairs
cream cheese on a bagel with funyuns onion rings (try it & I swear you will be hooked)
the color pink
the song "Sweet Home Alabama"
Scott Baio
and
reality TV

Right to Die

Terri Schiavo. A name we have all heard too many times over the past weeks and months. It is a horribly sad situation, one which I think the government should stay out of.
I have been thinking of what I would do in the same situation, E & I know each others wishes to not be "living" on life support, although I did have to tell him not to pull the plug too quickly, you gotta give a girl a chance to come out of it.
At what point do you stop becoming someone's daughter and become someone's wife? Who is responsible for you if you cannot make decisions for your own life? A Mother will always hang on the hope that their child can and will recover, but after so long the chance is so slim. I feel that her husband wants the best for her, and knows what she would have wanted in this situation. Is there anyone out there that if in Terri's situation would want to be kept alive? Is she really living? All hard questions that I pray I never have to face, or any of you.

It is sad that it has divided a family that is all grieving, any way you slice it, a life lost.

Hating Mondays Are Not Just for People With Jobs

This is going to be a grumpy post because, you guessed it, I am grumpy.
I was in a sad/depressed/pissed off mood yesterday & carried it with me into bed, add to that not one but two babies who didn't want to sleep last night.
Here is an example of my morning:

Baby B: (4:45am) where Daddy go?

Me: he is sleeping with Baby A

Baby B: cup?

Me: no cup, it is time to sleep. When the sun comes out you can get a cup

Baby B: cup?

silence

B: (whispers) cup where are oooooou?

Me: it is time to sleep

B: no!

Me: I promise to buy you a pony, diamonds, a new car and anything else you want tomorrow if you sleep for just a little while longer. I haven't slept all night because you had either your feet or cranium in my ribs all night. Just like when I was pregnant. Who would have thought a king sized bed would be too small for a woman and her two year old. PLEASE, just close your eyes.

B: cup?

So that is how my day started. I am still angry/depressed/pissed from yesterday. To make matters worse I have to go to the grocery store and I absolutely hate the grocery store these days. I am sick of it but I have to go since we are out of necessities like food.

I hope you are having a better Monday.

Sorry

To the people who searched for:

Over developed boobs
girl on girl puke
about sperms coming out
bite me on the ass
and
St. Panties day picture

and found my little blog instead, I am sorry.

Also you are strange and are in dire need of help.

Erin Go Braugh

Today is St. Patricks Day, one of my favorite days of the year. Or it was before my Dad died. We would go out every year and have lunch, visit with family, hit bars see the NYC parade. Tons of fun and he made it special. I hope to do the same with my children.
I am Irish. Very Irish actually, my name is very Irish and my children's names are also very Irish.

I will be cooking a traditional dinner and I wanted to make my great Aunt's Irish soda bread recipe but my mother forgot to give it to me. My great Aunt was a tiny round woman with a loud laugh, she lived with her brother who also was a tiny round man who could have very well been, a leprechaun. The lived in a small apartment in Hoboken NJ, where a lot of my family lived after they came here from Ireland. I remember going there for Easter and some other holidays and walking into the apartment building and thinking how much I hated all the smells. It depressed me. I thought if you lived in a apartment building you were poor and that depressed me too.

I thought for sure two leprechauns should have some money, or at the least, a pot of gold.

The Good News Is..........

I saved a ton of money on my car insurance.
Seriously.
We saved $900 a year by switching to Geico. Jesus, that is a huge chunk of change.
NJ car insurance rates are astronomical anyway & I think I alone pay about $1400 for my car, which is a 2 year old safe mini SUV and I have no points, no accidents and no tickets and haven't in about 12 years. Plus I don't even drive to work, why would it be that high? The answer: NJ. Bastards. So saving $900 is huge for us and E was very excited.

My sister ic coming over today & we are going to go to the park, if the weather cooperates and Old Navy because she needs maternity short for her trip to Florida. I am very jealous, I want to go to Florida too, I really do need a vacation.

E promised me a second honeymoon for our 5th anniversary, which is in September. Now we have two things, called twins, though and taking them would not be a vacation & we really have nobody to leave them with. My Mom would have to take off of work, my sister is due with her second son in June and my in-laws live in FL. I am going to try some more planning on that one. Did I mention I really need a vacation?

Anyone want a Cat?

One of my cats has been clawling at my new drapes and I am going to strangle her. The other cat thinks he is a lap dog and is on my ass 24/7. I thought cats were solitary animals. Not him.
Quite annoying.

E is doing much better. It was so hard taking care of him & the babies after his surgery. Sometimes you forget all it is that the other person does. E does a lot and he is usually the caregiver to me, not the other way around. He went back to work today and I hope he is ok, he had to go to Delaware and that is a pretty far trip for someone who hasn't been outside for 4 days.
Speaking of E his birthday is 3 days before mine, which is coming up faster then I would like. I am going to buy him a new camcorder so I am doing some research on them now. What is hard about this is basically I have to tell him how much money I need to be available to me since he is the one who pays the bills, makes the money & balances the checkbook. I have had to do this in the past & he has told me not to spend money on him, or not to buy him anything which ruins it for me and him. I want to surprise him with gifts for any holiday & him not to be involved in any way. When I worked I would just go out & buy whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted and didn't have to answer to anyone. Now, I know it is "my money too" and I "contribute in my own way" but it really is not the same.
I guess a lot of SAHM have the same problems. I just want my husband to have a nice birthday & get him the gift he needs and wants without spoiling the surprise.
He deserves it.

Easter Bunny

We are going to the mall today to let the babies visit the Easter Bunny and even get a picture with him/her/it. The babies are excited about Easter and I bought them Easter baskets already so they are all prepared.
The thing is I don't like going to the mall with them, especially alone. They are great kids, they are not the problem. The problem is dumb people. What I am going to do is put some answers top some common asked questions and then just hand them out & be on my way. No more awkward answers and strangers lingering around us, just pass out the leaflet & go. Or maybe I could make signs & then just hold them up over my head while we walk around the mall.
Some of my answers will be:

Yes, they are twins, see how they are the same exact age? That makes them twins.

No, they are not identical. One is a boy & the other is a girl, that means they CANNOT be identical. Duh, ma'am

Yes, my daughter is bigger then my son. By one inch and one pound, twins are not the exact weight & height, especially if they are NOT identical.

Yes, having twins is hard. I am glad it is me and not you either. Actually, I hate you.

I see that one is missing a shoe, that happens. I ate it.

Yes, I am busy. Right now I am busy dodging stupid questions from stupid people.
and finally the rudest question of them all:

Yes, I did have them naturally. Really my fertility is none of your business and if I had IVF to get them doesn't make them any less special but if you need to know: my husband and I had sex for hours and we got pregnant, I let out more then one egg, because I am crazy like that, and he let out millions of sperms and we got two instead of one.

Payback

Today is E's surgery. Subsequently, he is hungry and thirsty this morning waiting for his impending surgery. Reminds me of when I was in the hospital because my white blood cell count was very low & they told me not to drink anything while I waited to see if they were going to take TWO people out of me, because it had been 39 weeks and the eviction notice I had sent them was laughed at by two people. Yes two. I was dying of thirst and had not had anything to eat or drink for about 7 hours at this point. The woman next to me was put into her own room, and I noticed she left a delicious & refreshing Sprite on her table. I begged E to steal it for me. I begged him for just a sip while my mother was down the hall calling someone, because she is a by the rules person and she would tell on us. Her own daughter.
E refused to give me a tiny sip. For a woman who carried TWO huge people in her for 9 months. I hadn't seen my feet for months, hadn't slept in 8 months and was restricted from sex 20 weeks before. Don't tell pregnant woman to stay away from sex and/or orgasms because it is the horniest time of her life. I was so wanting the sex. Instead I would have accepted a sip, but E was too chicken.

This morning I made coffee for myself because I needed it. E gave me a dirty look. Life is funny, and karma is a bitch. I needed it and he should be happy I am not making a 3 course meal in front of him because I am hungry.
Jeesh.

Today

E is having surgery tomorrow on his nose and sinuses and I am getting more and more nervous about the whole thing. He has never had anesthesia before and maybe I am just nervous because of everything that went wrong with my C section. He needs the surgery though, and I am sure he will be fine.
E's Aunt died yesterday & he is thinking of going to NH for the funeral. I told him that the babies & I will go with him, but he said that it was too long of a trip and that he will go alone. I don't think that is such a good idea, a day and a half after having surgery, so now I am trying to talk him out of it. His sisters are not going either because god forbid they would put their lives on hold for anyone. Well, at least his one sister. She is a real piece of work.

My sister and Mom are going to visit my Aunt in Florida next week and I am jealous. I am sick of the cold and I am, just like everyone else, am ready for the spring. As baby B would say "spriiiing, where are ooooooow?"

My babies are getting so big, just the other day Baby B picked her nose, ate it and then said "yum".
She is just like her father I tell you.

Today

E is having surgery tomorrow on his nose and sinuses and I am getting more and more nervous about the whole thing. He has never had anesthesia before and maybe I am just nervous because of everything that went wrong with my C section. He needs the surgery though, and I am sure he will be fine.
E's Aunt died yesterday & he is thinking of going to NH for the funeral. I told him that the babies & I will go with him, but he said that it was too long of a trip and that he will go alone. I don't think that is such a good idea, a day and a half after having surgery, so now I am trying to talk him out of it. His sisters are not going either because god forbid they would put their lives on hold for anyone. Well, at least his one sister. She is a real piece of work.

My sister and Mom are going to visit my Aunt in Florida next week and I am jealous. I am sick of the cold and I am, just like everyone else, am ready for the spring. As baby B would say "spriiiing, where are ooooooow?"

My babies are getting so big, just the other day Baby B picked her nose, ate it and then said "yum".
She is just like her father I tell you.

Freakin NJ

Monday it was 69 degrees here, yesterday it was 33. Ridiculous.
Poor E had to take some doctors out to dinner yesterday, today & tomorrow. To Morton's. I am really feeling sorry for him, how horrible. Meanwhile I am home with the babies like always, eating some crappy frozen dinner. E did ask me if I wanted him to bring me home a steak but somehow eating a steak at 10pm just didn't appeal to me. He then asked me if I wanted dessert and I again declined because last time he went to Morton's he brought me home a piece of key lime pie and it gave me the trots all night. He did bring me home a piece of cheesecake & I am debating eating it for breakfast.
Lets not kid each other, I will be eating it.

It is officially one month until my birthday. I do not know how to feel about it. Birthdays are just never the same after 21 in my opinion. E's birthday is 3 days before mine and he is 4 years older then me, so that does make me feel better. No matter what he will always be older then me. Aging is inevitable and I am just rolling with it, but it is a reminder that I am not 20 anymore and I wonder where all of that time went.
It seems like yesterday.

This Weekend

What I learned this weekend from my Mom:

I use flimsy napkins. I should buy the better ones because they are just a little more and MUCH better.

I am not trying hard enough to lose weight

I am too loud sometimes.

Tinkle is a more appropriate word then pee for the babies to use.

How to make fabu cosmos

I drink too much soda

I should watch my mouth more in front of the babies

And
That I missed my Mom more then I thought.

Music

This was passed onto me by Amanda:

1. What is the total amount of music files on your computer?
Zero, this is a new computer & it is a virgin. I feel bad being the one to "deflower" her but someone has got to do it.

2. What is the Last CD you bought?
Grammy Nominees

3. What was the last song you listened to before reading this?
Sadly, Old MacDonald

4. Write down 5 songs that mean a lot to you:
Annies song- John Denver
Black- Pear Jam
Winter- Joshua Radin
Beautiful Day-U2
Father & Son- Cat Stevens

5. Who are you going to Pass this on to?
I would like to pass it onto Uneasy Rider because I find him fascinating.

DSW

Last night I went to DSW to look for some new kicks, because my sneakers are OLD and fugly.
Guess what I saw there on the shelf? Go on guess.
ROOS! KangaRoos sneakers with the cool pocket on the side so you can put two quarters in there for the ice cream lady.
Yup, we are back to rocking Roos. I was tempted to buy a pair for old times sake. Not the lavender ones I had when I was nine though. A nice respectable blue pair maybe.

I missed you Roos!

What is next to make a come back? Pucci the dog?*


* $10 to anyone who remembers Pucci.

Freezing!

Today it is 23 degrees here in NJ. Today my heat decided to not work. E check ed out the furnace. His opinion was that "the fan is working, but no gas is coming out", very techinical diagnostics going on here. He called (the furnace company? the heat police?) someone & they said they will send someone out this morning. It is 11am and nobody has arrived yet. The temperature inside the house is 67, which is cooler then we keep it usually for the kids.
I hope they come soon, I am still sick, I have my period and I am cold.
Not good stuff. Not good at all.

Sick

I am in complete denial that I am sick. Oh, I can't swallow because it feels like there is a golf ball lodged in my throat? No problemo it will pass in a day.
I hate being sick. I hate when people say " I hate being sick" like someone relishes sick. Nobody looks to get a cold. Nobody licks your old cups and wipes dirty tissues over their body to enjoy your germs. Well, at least nobody I know.

Besides that, nothing much to report. My Mother is coming to spend the weekend with us, which makes me happy. I miss my family and it gives me someone to hang out with or even shop with besides E. I am hoping when it gets warmer the babies and I can go for long walks and maybe meet some new people. I am tired of being stuck in the house only to leave to go to Shop Rite or CVS. I AM A FUN GIRL DAMMIT AND I AM OUT TO PROVE IT TO THE WORLD.
Or at least my town.
Or maybe just my neighborhood.