Monday, April 12, 2010


I remember the dream clearly. When I finally awoke from one nightmare and into another, I had been crying for some time.
Begging him to know, to understand how much I love him. How he was the best, and that was not something that people just said- I meant it with every ounce of energy in my being.

Sometimes words aren't enough. I couldn't find words in the English language to express it- no one had invented it yet.

"I am sorry he told me, but you don't need me- I didn't teach you anyway, you were the teacher."
How can that be? Every single day I extract words and thoughts and lessons from you and bring them into my own consciousness.

"Then aren't they yours all along, just now you are ready to accept them?"

If you weren't good, or better than good then why is there a gaping hole in my body where my heart used to beat? Why does it feel okay to give up? Why would a good person, a truly great man just go while others, less men, bad people stay?

"I don't know. There are no words. They haven't been invented yet.
As for memories and lessons they will stay as long as you let them in to remain. Teach your children well.
Be generous with your time and love. Family is always number one. Don't cry for me, I don't deserve it. I wish I had given you more. Of everything." he replied.

I wished he had given me more of everything too.
But time is a bitch and she comes calling to all of us sooner or later.
What will you leave as your mark?

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