Wednesday, January 05, 2011

Fear

For as long as I can remember my life has been governed by fear. Some of my earliest memories are waiting up for my parents when they were out late because I was sure they were in an accident. I knew as a child my father would die young- he did, 1 month after he turned 53.
I worry about money, about disappointing my parents, about being a good girl, about if I was doing enough with my life, if my kids are healthy, if we will find jobs, if my husband is happy enough with me, if my kids are stimulated enough, if I am kind enough.

I would have scenarios if someone broke into my house, tried to steal my kids or if someone I loved was terminally ill.

All worries. All have kept me up at night my mind a tornado of thoughts, fears and potential outcomes. Funny though after all those years and preparing for outcomes, it never helped when the bad did happen. It was like a dream and it was never dealt with.
I fear fear itself which is ridiculous.
I do see how absurd it is. I also thought that was how I was hard wired, I was born a worrier. But I don't want to be.

This new year is one where I promise myself not to worry about all the bad that will happen, because bad happens to everyone. I will hope for the good.
I will work for the good. I will not place my fears in my children's head.

And I will not worry if it is working or not.

9 comments:

  1. Years ago I discovered that 90% of the things we worry about never happen. Something to think about....

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  2. I too have a lot of fears that keep me awake at night, unable to turn my thoughts off.

    I too lost my mother at 53 and always had a feeling I'd grow up without her. I was 24 when she passed.

    I hope this year is less burdened by fears for us all!

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  3. we all have fears. and i think they kind of mentally prepare us and make us stronger when something bad kinda happens with us. we shouldn't let our fears overpower us infact we should overcome our fears.

    i wish you a happy and pleasant new year. take care

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  4. I do the senario thing too! For EVERYTHING!! I also get so scared at night of earthquakes.

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  6. I just came across your blog and as I read this particular blog entry I found myself nodding in agreement and how I worry about everything.I play situations out in my head how I think things are going to happen, turns out I'm wrong and nothing happens as bad as I think, or even at all.

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  7. Fears is only in our mind..we can avoid it to think positive in everything.

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    ReplyDelete

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