You Can Have Everything If You Let Yourself Be

Wasn't it just yesterday that I drove my twins home from the hospital at a snails pace? How could it be that I just let my five year old children board a bus to take them to a far off, wondrous place known as kindergarten?

I didn't want to send them today.
Everything inside of me was yelling, "no, this is not right your babies should be with you, who has nurtured them every day of their lives, not in the hands and care of strangers".
How could I trust virtual strangers with my most precious possessions? Would they take care of them and hold them lightly but strong enough not to let them falter?
Would they know how much these twins need each other for support? Will they nurter their minds while letting their imaginations soar? Will they treat them as their own?

How does a mother let go of their child's small hand so they can dip their toe in the ocean of the world, when all they want to do is scoop them into her arms and lay under the safety of a tree and just be?
If I didn't let go now, would I ever be able to?
So silly of me to fret over my children being gone three hours from my care, but those three hours are special and those precious hours will be making memories that I will not be in.

These are my lovely, sweet babies, no matter how old they will become, so I will do what every mother does:
I will send them to school. I will walk them to the bus, I will place them in the care of others and I will watch as the bus drives away.
And I will hold my tears until they are in the distance, crying for the little babies that once were and for the amazing people I know they will become.

Home Again

I am trying to enjoy the last few weeks of summer before my kids head off for kindergarten. They will start their school career in a couple of weeks and I still cannot wrap my head around that. Wasn't it just last month I found out I was pregnant with them? Wasn't it just yesterday I was teaching them to talk and walk?
Now they are their own people with thoughts and ideas and they are so very funny. They are great people and I although I have begged for the day when I can have a small break from them, I will miss them terribly.
Who am I if I am not R & L's full time mommy?
I guess it is time to find out.

I am trying to savor these days with my family because we all won't be together everyday for a long time. E has taken a job in New Hampshire and will start in September. He will work Monday through Thursday and come home on the weekends. I will stay here with the three kids until he is settled, and then we will move up there.
I don't want to go. I have fought, cried and screamed. I don't want to leave my family, but we have no choice. He cannot get his career started back up here so he is going in a different direction in his home state.
I only agreed to go if E promised to move me back to NJ as soon as we can.
He promised.
They say you can never go home again, but I would really like to try.