Tuesday, August 04, 2009

The Rhythm Is Gonna Get You

What are we all thinking about birth control? Good? Sucks?

After we had baby K, I was a weepy-wanting-more-babies mess (sappy post on that to follow shortly). Having another baby was/is not an option, we are not financially stable. So we did what every other under insured adult and/or teenager would do when still wanting to get bizzay but not wanting to pay for birth control: we use the rhythm method.

Sure we could have spared a few dollars for some condoms and I could have sent E to buy them because I still think the checkout girl is laughing at me and god forbid it is a grandma-type lady I may die.
Also, I hate my vagina smelling like gross prophylactics for 12-18 hours, call me crazy.
The pill? Been there done that. The patch made my skin break out.
Kinda hate all the other options and I repeat: we have no insurance right now, so that leaves us with the rhythm.

We are the rhythm nation.

Of course the one person who should not take risks or pregnancy chances is moi since I am pretty darn fertile and tend to drop more than one egg a month and some of my eggs occasionally split.
This game of chicken is better left unplayed, but still we play it one hand at a time, for 14 months now.
Sooner or later that bus is going to catch up with us and run us right over.

Good thing E got a job with benefits. First thing on my list to do: call for a vasectomy appointment. It is his turn to have someone shove sharp pointy things in his junk. It is time for various exams of his private parts and if I could arrange a visiting school of med students to watch I sure would.

Me: "I am writing about doing it with you on my blog today"

E: weird scrunched up face

Me: "well, not about doing it about our lack of birth control"

E: "Can I get some props about my performance in bed?"

Me: weird scrunched up face

E: "C'MON!!"

Me: "Only if I can live blog your vasectomy"

E: "NO!"

Me: "Fine, I will live tweet it. It is a beneficially health lesson. Kids need to know! IT'S FOR THE KIDS FOR CHRISTSAKES!"

E: "N O"

Me: "with pictures!"

E: storms out of room

I am soo live blogging that shit.


  1. We use what I call it 'The Wing and A Prayer' method, but honestly, that's just a long name for the rhythm method. If it doesn't work out for us, I'd like to have a refund on all the condoms in the nightstand I've bought over the years that we've never used! Why have I wasted that money? I've no idea!

  2. I am NOT letting my wife read this.

  3. love it, love it. If you can't using live blogging for stuff like that, what's the point?

    You could always give us a blow by blow. My girlfriend's husband had one a few years back and he told me all about it. Let's put it this way...when the nurse has to tape the penis out of the way...the story got good, as you can imagine.

    My husband's the same way, but he knows I just tell my girlfriends everything. These days he just doesn't want to know about it unless the reviews of any performance are 5 star.

    Can't wait to see if he gives in. :)

  4. this is the best thing I have read today! I am currently pregnant with our second (and last) and the hubs will be getting snipped soon. Thanks for the laugh!

  5. GOOD LUCK. Right after Miss G was born he said, "We're done, I'm getting a vasectomy." I asked him about it again at her 1st, 2nd, 3rd...I could keep going here but I'm wasting valuable keystrokes. Finally after her 7th (SEVENTH!!!!!) b-day I took matters into my own hands. He had to wait on me hand and foot for three days while I "recovered" (It is possible I stretched it out for my own benefit) In hindsight, he admits it would have been easier for him to do it. E, trust me, this will cost you big time in the long run in endentured servitude....git 'er done!


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