Friday, September 18, 2009

The Good Girl

Lately we have been having some problems with our daughter R.
She is a born leader, even in the womb she redirected all the nutrients for her and her twin brother got the scraps- hence the one pound weight difference.
She is the boss of her brothers and her parents- or so she thinks.

First it began with too much talking during class- a normal problem and one I had as a child occasionally as well. Then it was tattling on kids for simple things and telling someone that another girl "wasn't a good friend."
The other day it was the principal hearing R tell another child "I will punch you in the eye!".
Yesterday it was the bus driver having to tell her to not scream on the bus.

We are into week 3 of school and I am exhausted.
After every one of these problems we sit her down, ask her reasoning for doing it and explain why it is not acceptable behavior.
She is obsessed with the older kids in school and frequently tells me she "wants to be a teenager".

"Slow down" I tell her, "you are only little once, enjoy playing and laughing and not having anything to do for the day but have fun."

I do not know what to do. I feel I am failing her as a parent. E and I have tried to understand behaviors and reward good ones and ignore/discipline bad ones (depending on age appropriateness) but I never want her to be known as "the bad girl" at school because the truth is she really isn't.
She is smart and sweet and loving.

I get complimented all the time on my children's behavior and have since they were infants. So why, when they leave my care for 7 hours a day does R act like a different child?

I want to take her by the shoulders and shake her while I tell her "you are being a mean child, nobody will invite you to parties, teachers will not want you in their class, kids will not be your friend!"

But I don't.

I want to get through to her, but I am just not sure how to.
I love her so much, I just don't want to fail her.

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1 comment:

  1. I have said those words to my kids, as lovingly as I could. Things like "Would you like it if Jonny did that to you? No? Well, Jonny doesn't like it either and if you continue to behave that way, I would guess that Jonny and your other friends will not want to be friends with you any longer. That would be very sad."


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