To Dream

I had a dream about you last night, I was telling you something, we were laughing. I woke up and reached for the phone to call you, you would love this story. Then it hit me.
Like a huge wave crashing on top of me, I couldn't breathe. I felt like I was tumbling in the waves, drowning.
The realitization.
The truth.
What I swallow down like a huge lump, down deep inside, hoping the memory will never resurface.
The truth. That I will never see you again.
That you are gone, that I can't smell you on my hands after I go home. That your love won't envelope me like the warmest of all blankets.
Never.
Never.
How can that be?
Why can't it be easier, why can't I accept it.
Why did it have to be you.
Why.
Why.
Why.
Why.
Why.
Why.
Why.