Monday, April 06, 2009

A Girl and Her Roosters

My boys have the rooster gene and worse then that, they are terrible sleepers in general including E.

While I was taking care of three kids alone in NJ whilst E was off doing something far less superior, like starting a new career so we wouldn't be homeless, I had the pleasure of putting baby K to sleep for every nap, and bedtime 5-6 days a week.
He was terrible.
Dudes, there were nights when I would just sit in the rocking chair holding him and cry because he wouldn't let me put him down.
There were nights that I spent 3 hours putting him to bed only to have him wake up 4 hours later and want to hang out.
I would let him "cry himself to sleep" for 40 minutes before I couldn't take one more second of it.
I have never been so stressed out in all of my life.
There was no one to hand him off to, nobody else to try their hand at it and nobody to bring me a goblet of wine so I could cry into it. Then drink it in one big gulp.

I would do the worst thing that any parent could do: I would give up and let him sleep with me. I know that is just what he wanted and he just played me like a fiddle to get what he wanted.
I know he didn't need to sleep with me to sleep. I know all of this but I had to get some sleep, I was the only one taking care of these 3 little ones during the day, I needed to get some sleep. It is bad enough my BOYS get up no later than 6:30am 95% of the time.
No matter what time they go to bed, they are roosters.

I remember my father telling me a story once of a pediatrician whose sister had trouble with getting her baby to sleep. She told her she had to let her baby cry it out and in 3 magical days all her problems will be solved. On the second day the baby cried so long the mother wanted to go get her but her sister, the pediatrician, blocked the door.
So, she got a knife and told her to get out of the way.
The End.

Here we are at twelve months and he still doesn't sleep through the night every night. He still has troubles with us putting him to sleep no matter how tired he is.
Truthfully? As I am writing this post I am pushing him in his stroller with my foot.
Talk about multi-tasking.

I hesitated writing about this at all and haven't because please I parented twins and survived, this should be cake, how does a mother of 3 not know how to get her kid to sleep?
At this point I am at my wits end. I know separation anxiety has something to do with it and I know some of it is just habit.
I just don't know where to go from here.
And no, yelling "your stupid, F-ing rooster sperms!" at E does not help at all either.
I tried.


  1. I am not sure if you are asking for advice, but here is mine. My oldest was not sleeping through the night at about nine months. We finally decided my husband would go in and that seemed to do the trick. Apparently when he realized after several nights that I was not going to be making an appearance, he gave up. Not without a battle, some tears and a lot of rocking by my husband, but in the end, he did give up and slept through the night.

    Good luck! I know how exhausting it is! And honestly, I don't think letting your kiddo sleep with you is a bad thing.

  2. I love it that you said "dudes' when addressing your audience. Um, each of my children were different with the sleeping thing. I certainly don't buy it that there is an easy method for everyone. I'm so sorry you weren't blessed with children that sleep in. I wasn't either. My friend here at home though, her 18 month old sleeps in until 9:30 like clockwork. She's in for a shocker with her second child, don't you think?

  3. My first born remains to this day the lightest sleeping person on the planet. I could wrap myself in gauze and then float atop a cloud past his bedroom door at night, and that child is going to roll over and call out, "Did you say something?" Also, no matter what time he goes to bed, Monday through Sunday, he is up no later than 6:30 a.m. Clockwork. I literally pray for the day he is a teenager and he does that weird teenager thing all parents of teenagers tell me happens, and sleeps past noon. I will allow that to happen just so I can get caught up on sleep!

    My second child, however, can sleep through anything. He'd nap like a dream, anywhere, on schedule or off. You could stage a Broadway show and a monster truck rally in his room at the same time, and the kid won't flutter. However, he is also an early riser, so, yeah, sigh...

    I guess my only suggestion would be what's been said, and have your husband make the nighttime appearances so your son realizes that his demands for an encore performance from you aren't going to be met. I know it's not easy to hear your children cry, but in the end, if that works for you, everyone gets a nice reward.

  4. first I have to apologize, I published this post when I really wanted to save it & publish later, I hadn't reread or spell checked it.

    My husband does help with bedtime. He is as bad going to sleep & staying asleep for him as he is for me. Terrible.

    I also wanted to add that I don't think co-sleeping is a bad decision, I think deciding NOT To cosleep and letting your kid get into bed with you every single night is a bad decision for me anyway.

  5. Anonymous6:35 AM

    Here is the answer you don't want to hear - let him cry it out. 2-3 nights of what you think is so horrible - will turn into a baby who goes to sleep on his own and sleeps through the night. You will have your evenings back! It works - no doubt. Can't do anything about the 6:30 a.m. wakeup tiime. As a working parent I am up at 5:45 a.m anyway. Good luck

  6. If you're looking for someone to commiserate with, I'm your girl!!

    Jack-Jack slept with us until about 9 months, when we discovered that Chaelomen was getting PLENTY of sleep, and I wasn't. We moved him to his crib, and it's been a struggle. He'll be 15 months in a couple weeks, and we're finally at the point where we can say he *mostly* sleeps through the night. Still not there, but working on it!

    We're thinking of putting him in a toddler bed, but now I'm not so sure that's a good idea until he can sleep through the night...

  7. This is hard but very easy at the same time. Either he sleeps with you or he sleeps in his crib.
    Both will bring problems (either the end {trying to get him to go back to his bed later} or the beginning {getting him in his bed now}]
    You need to do what is best for YOU at this moment. It may not be the "right" decision or the one you want to do but if Momma is unhappy ... everyone is.
    And Momma needs her sleep.
    You are not the only one to deal with this. I've dealt and it sucks but ... we do it and we are stronger.
    Good luck!

  8. Anonymous3:55 PM

    AskMoxie archives, get thee to them!

  9. I feel for you. I can hardly ever get my kids to sleep, or at least sleep at the same time. My son screams when he needs to go to sleep, but my daughter screams to stay awake. The worse thing is I took Christopher to bed with me a few weeks ago. He was teething and I couldn't keep my eyes open. So he won't go to sleep if I don't lay down with him! Evie is to little to be alone while I put him down. So we fight! Evie likes to stay up late and sleep in, Christopher likes to go to bed early and get up early. So no sleep for mommy. If you find a solution let me know!

  10. I do have an answer, and it's sort of like the "cry it out", but not quite. I used it on both of my children and it worked like a charm.

    Put the baby to bed. If he starts crying, go in one minute later, lay him back down, and leave, SAYING NOTHING.

    Then, go in 2 minutes later, lay him down, and leave, once again, saying nothing.

    Keep increasing the increments one minute at a time until you get to ten minutes. Then, every ten minutes, go in, lay him down, and leave.

    The first night will suck serious donkey ass. The second night will be better, and (with both of my kids and those children of friends who tried this), by the third night it'll be all better.

    I SWEAR.

    As long as you keep going in, saying nothing, and laying him down, he'll sleep.

    Right now he's ruling the roost. He knows he's got you right where he wants you and that he's controlling the situation. By you laying him back down repeatedly, you're showing him what you want from him and are proving that you're the boss.

    I know it's rough, but seriously it does work, as long as you say nothing and do not give up!


  11. I am going to try all of these suggestions, thank you guys!

  12. I feel for you! My son will be 3 in July and still hasn't slept through the night more than 10-15 times his whole life! He likes to sneak into our room while we sleep and quietly crawl in bed. I wake up and see him there. Sleeping so soundly. I wish you all the luck in the world. It can't go on forever, can it?! Please say it won't!!


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