Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Body By Baby

Women have enough body image issues, after you have your first child things really seem to spiral downward. Even if you lose the baby weight after you have children, your body is just different.
Assuming you don't have a personal trainer, chef, nanny and plastic surgeon on speed dial like some women do who look like they never even thought of having a baby never mind actually birthing four.
I am talking about YOU Brooke Burke.

Even if you decline desserts and try and fit a workout in, the kids will kill any bit of self esteem left.
Like when my then three year old daughter told me my nipples were HUGE. Not the Paris Hilton huge-meaning-fantastic, either. Huge.

When ever I am in a fitting room with my twins or getting dressed/undressed, because what do 6 year olds know about p-r-i-v-a-c-y, they watch me have bowel movements for christsakes, they stare.
Not the good stare like you got in clubs in your 20s either, these are can you believe what we are seeing stares. Mouth agape stares.

Then they are all like "what are those markes on your stomach" and I am all "helllooo, stretch markes from your big asses" and they are all like "Oh, okay" and I am all like "HEY! stop with the judgements! Try and have 15+ pounds of baby in your body AT THE SAME TIME and see what markes appear on your bod. The bod I made you by the way, in my stomach, therefore producing markes of stretch".

Yeah, that will teach them to barge in on me when I am getting dressed. At least I avoided the hair grows there? talk with my friend- the Brazilian.


  1. I had a witty comment ready until I hit that Brazilian bit.

  2. When do they start giving you a little peace? At least in the bathroom.

  3. Yeah, I got the whole 'what-is-that-stretch-marks' thing from my daughter a couple years back. Recently it was the 'OMG boobs get stretch marks too?' thing. I don't even know what it's like to poop in peace. Even if the door is shut and LOCKED, there's the constant knocking and "Mommy are you in there?" to which I reply "NO I'm not go away." It has never worked.


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