Friday, March 14, 2008

Grandfathers

Losing a parent sucks, plain and simple. My father was so young when he died and had so little time to finish things or say goodbye. I am not sure why or who I blame that on but I am bitter. There are so many things I am bitter about.

Now that I have four days (OMG!) left before I have this baby, I miss my Dad more then ever. This is not the first grandchild born since my father died, my sister had a baby 2.5 years ago.
I remember that day so clearly. I was in the hospital with her and my mother and I decided to go across the street to the pharmacy and get some magazines and junk food. While I was in there I heard the song that was played at his funeral, a not very common song that I have never heard on the radio before or since but a few of my family members have heard it randomly played as well. I pushed back my tears in the far back corner of the store before my mom saw me. I knew it was my dad's way of telling me he was with my sister that day. I have never told anyone about that song, not even my sister.

I am hoping to have a similar sign when I have this baby. I know that he will be with me, but it would be nice to have some reassurance. I will miss his visit and pictures with him and this baby, but the baby will still be a little part of him. The baby and my twins will only know their grandfather through stories and tales and that sure is a huge loss for them. He was an amazing person who will be with all of us until it is our time to leave this Earth.
I just wish I had one more day.............................

6 comments:

  1. This is such a heartfelt post.
    sending you a virtual hug.

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  2. Kristi2:55 PM

    This makes me cry! How heartbreaking.
    I was fortunate enough to have my great-grandparents until I was in my 20 and I lost my two grandfathers in my late twenties and one grandmother 4 years ago. I still have one... I can't imagine losing a parent. Thats too much to think about.

    Hugsss to you!!

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  3. Such a lovely post.

    So sorry he will not be there to share in your joy on your special day, but as you said, he will be there.

    Hugs to you.

    Hope you bring on labor pronto!!!

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  4. Dads are so special and important. I'm so sorry.

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  5. Anonymous9:19 PM

    I know that you aren't looking forward to another c-section... I had four c-sections (I can't give birth naturally!!) The biggest thing that helped me in my recovery was knowing that this what I had to do... I also requested NO MORPHINE... They hooked up another pump with equally powerful drugs to deal with the pain but kept me from being sick all day!
    You can also ask them to play music in the OR if it will help you relax...you can request to wear a comfortalbe nightgown if you want...you can pretty much set up your own deal (birth plan csection style!!!) You'll do great...xo lyns

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  6. It's horrible. Neither of my kids got to meet my Dad. Sending you a big hug, from another Bitter girl! LOL

    Good luck with the birth!

    Will be waiting to hear the news!

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