Monday, November 16, 2009

I Go To Sleep

When my father died suddenly 5 years ago I suffered a great deal of insomnia. I could fall asleep easily, it was the staying asleep that was the problem. Every night I would wake at 3:30 and I would be awake until 6am- that was my witching hour and I would fall asleep easily and heavily at that time.
My homeopath told me years later that the time I woke meant something, but I never asked what. I guess I didn't want to know the answer.

When I would wake I would usually turn on the TV and lower the volume so I wouldn't wake E. Most of the time he would wake, roll over and go back to sleep.
Sometimes though, we would just sit in bed and talk. We would talk about the things we forgotten to tell the other about our day, the little things. Most times we will rehash what cute/smart/funny things one or all of our kids did that day and we would give thanks for those kids.
Sometimes it was easier to talk about things, in the darkness when you don't have to see the other's face. The discussion would flow and out hands would find each others and we would know that no matter what we were in it together.

These days I find myself back into my old sleep patterns. I wake up in the middle of the night and can't go back to sleep.
I know why.
Doesn't make it any easier on my mind or body. Over the counter sleep pills don't work anymore after years of using them and then the big boy prescription sleep pills.

I am so grateful to have a husband who will talk with me in the night, in the stillness of the dawn. He comforts me, drives away my demons even for a short while and lets me fall back asleep in the safety of his arms.

4 comments:

  1. I know all too well how you felt, my dad passed away a month ago and I'm still in shock. I am also lucky to have someone to talk to. Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone.

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  2. You definitely hold onto someone who cares for you like that, and I hope that the tides change that allow you to get some sleep soon.

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  3. Sleep would help!
    Will, I am so sorry about your Dad. I know you loved him very much.

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  4. ughh.. sleep... I am bipolar and during my phases of mania I sleep maybe 3 hours a night. it sucks because I am so exhilarated, and exhausted at the same time.

    Good luck--
    PS lavender eye pillows help me??

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