It is Funny That Way

This weekend I put my hand through my glass window in my bedroom. It was stupid, really I was just trying to jar it open because it was stuck and wham, there goes my hand.
I left it in the window for what seemed like hours but was probably only a minute, suspended in disbelief of what I had just done.

It is like a lot of things in my past though, as I think back I wonder why I hadn't seen the warning signs, where common sense seemed not to kick in. I made a lot of mistakes in my life, mostly because I was in a hurry to grow up, to be advanced, to become a woman instead of just enjoying being a girl.

If I thought things through more, maybe if I hadn't been so emotional about things, if I had used more reasoning then I wouldn't have made those mistakes. Maybe I wouldn't have banged on the middle of the window, the weakest part just like the heart. I should have taken my time and tried the ease the edges free, the hardest most stable part.

Hopefully though, my life, through all of my mistakes just like my hand that went through a pane of glass, it will come out virtually unscathed.

Dreams

Last night I dreamt that my old friend who I haven't spoken to in months didn't want to be my friend anymore. I tried to talk to her but she kept avoiding me. Then I had a dream where two of my bottom teeth were loose and about to fall out.
I was trying to keep them in until I could get to a dentist.

I wonder what this means?

I am friendless and I really should go to the dentist, I am overdue for a checkup.

Lose Weight Fast!

I am an admitted tabloid junky. I love US magazine, In Touch and People, I have subscriptions and I read them every week. I love Friday mail because that is they day they all come to my house and shower me with gossip.
But, I am sick of headlines like "Diets the stars use" "Jessica's slimdown secrets" and "Star diet tips". Great, famous people are skinny, that is a new one.

The worst part is, we would all be skinny if we had cooks, personal trainers and all the money in the world to pay for the $30 a day zone diet. Plus they have movie companies paying them to get into shape or stay that way to make their movie.

So I don't want to hear anymore about Jessica's workout to get from a size 4 to a 2 and how to get her ass into Daisy Dukes. Instead tell me why her Father the former preacher left the ministry to become a manager? Tell me about their incestuous relationship and tell me what they did to fuck up Ashlee so much.
Now that is what I am talking about.

You Know You Are a Mother

You know you are a mother when: you are trying to nap and kids are pushing matchbox cars all over your face and body and it doesn't phase you a bit.
You just keep on napping.

Looong Weekend

E went away camping this weekend, actually he left yesterday. Sooo, that leaves me and the two kids, two cats and a dog for three and a half days. Nothing new, but hard, really hard.
Already I forgot to take out the garbage last night, so now we will be overflowing by next Friday.

E decided to take another job offer that he received. That is big news around here. I think it will be good for him, but it comes with a huge fault.
He will have to go away to training for 3 weeks. I would have to be alone here for three weeks. Did I mention I have 2.5 year old twins?
Did I also mention I live 90 miles from all of my family and friends?

Besides the hard work all by myself and the less sleep I will get and that I would be the sole head of the household, I will just miss E so much. I can cry just thinking about it.
He is my life, my love my everything and I am totally in love with him, for me not to see him every day is tough.
Just these next three days suck.

I tell ya, it is hard to be a wife and Mom.
Someone should have told how hard it really is.


So. Who wants to visit NJ for three weeks?

Old

Wow, I feel old.
Clarissa, Punky and Blossom are all pregnant!

Please God please tell me Rudy is still a virgin!

MIA

Sorry I have been MIA for the last few days, I have had a myriad of problems all of which sucked.
My cable went out, then my router broke, my new router was not compatible with AOL and I had to speak to at least 7 different people at two different companies to fix the problem.
On top of that E's car broke down and he needs a new air conditioner or compressor or something. Unfortunately this is not an easy/cheap fix and he is pissed. I am not too thrilled either.

Anyway, Six Feet Under finale was great I thought. I really liked how they tied up all the lose ends but not in a cutesy predictable way.
My favorite part was when Nate was showing his new daughter to his father and as he handed the baby back to Brenda he told her how much he loved the baby and always will.

I like to think my Father watches over my babies as they sleep in their crib at night, loving them as only he could.

How Very 00s of you.

It seems like the 1980s has regurgitated back into the 2000. I see snapshots of my childhood everywhere: Strawberry Shortcake, pop rocks, Care bear stuffed animals, School House Rock DVD's (which I own)Hello Kitty lunch boxes and even Fraggle Rock on dvd (this I HAVE to get). I can buy my daughter the pretty ponies I played with and I can tell her about the big fights parents would have in order to purchase a cabbage patch kid.
I know E is waiting for the day he can buy Baby A a GI Joe, his favorite boyhood toy.
It is nice to see your friends, the things that made up your day sitting on a shelf in Target. I guess it makes me feel safe.
That maybe, no matter what shitty things are going on in the world that I still have good memories and I can make new great ones with my kids.

Although it is not exactly the same, it doesn't have the same smell or it is cheaply made now. Just to remind you that you cannot go home again, you can only get to the next town over.

Now if I can only find out if they still sell whistle pops and life savers swirled lollipops!
What do you miss from your childhood, that you can't find anymore?

Seriously, 5 Weeks Vacation?

So the camp may move closer to Bush's ranch where he takes more vacations then Beyonce and Jay-Z. What can I say, good for them. I cannot imagine losing a child, nevermind in a war in which I believe is wrong. It is terribly sad and I really do think Bush should speak with her, I think it is the least he can do.
Actually that is all I am going to say on this topic because otherwise I will be ranting for days.

Hair I am

My hair is falling out again, which is obviously not good.
My hair fell out so much after I had the babies, I thought I was in the clear because I thought your hair would fall out immediately after you give birth. Well, not immediately but soon after.
Three and a half months later I find huge clumps of hair every I go. E was sickened by it, he hates to find long hairs on the kitchen floor, bed, shower, bathroom etc, understandably so.

If my hair wasn't as thick as it is, I would have been bald I think, that is how bad it got. I actually did have a receding hairline.
Scary.
The bald look works well on men, especially if they shave their head but it would not be a good look for me. I don't do scarves.

My hair has started to fall out again though, which I am chalking up to stress.
It is still unnerving pulling out long hairs from between my butt cheeks. At least I finally realized that I didn't eat and digest and poop those hairs they just got caught going down my back.
Whew!

Blah!

I am too disgruntled to post a nice post today. Instead I will just bitch and moan. Today I will bitch about:
the fucking cost of gas. Holy crap, it is out of control. I know NJ is lower then most other states but seriously $2.63 a gallon for regular should be illegal. I remember when right after 9/11 I asked the attendant for $10 regular and I got change back because the cost of gas was $.99! I till get worse before it gets better I am sure but it sure seems real bad now.

I dropped batter on the bottom of my oven the other day & forgot about it until I made dinner tonight and smoke filled up my kitchen. Now the entire first floor of my house smells like burnt popcorn. It is not a good thing.

It was so hot on Saturday that I saw two people pass out in front of me. Animal planet was at a park near out house and they had a whole awesome "experience". Too bad we were there for about an hour and had to leave. The park is full sun, and the heat index was 106 degrees. It was horrible.
On the plus side we got to meet Jeff Corwin and had him autograph a book for us.

Hopefully I will feel better tomorrow and I will have a loving, fun filled post.

Review

The Bikini Touch Trimmer

Now normally I am a waxing kind of girl but money is tight peeps, and where I will wax my own legs I cannot force my hand to intentionally cause myself the pain that is a bikini wax. Just cannot do it.
I came across this magically little product. I assumed it didn't work and was not about to pay $10 plus, I assume, a huge S&H for it. This week on my travels I stumbled across it at Linen's N Things for $5.99. Nice!

I bought it and used it for this review. I love it.
Not it is really only good for your bikini line, not for the whole thing, so take that as you will. It is for the days where someone invites you over for a pool party and you put on your bathing suit and you notice little friends peeking at you from the edges of your bathing suit bottom.
Unwelcome friends.
It is an easy, quick, fun tool that I will use again. It does not hurt at all, which is one of the things I was afraid of.
I do not like pain. Or hair.

I do not think it is the best thing for my darker, hairier friends, you know who you are, if you have fair hair like myself it is a great tool.

Was this review helpful to you?
Anything else you would like me to review?

New Feature!

There will be a new feature here on this blog, it is called Tuesday's Reviews.
I am going to review items that you think you want, but are not sure about buying it, you would like someone to buy it first and review it for you.
I hear you.


Tomorrow I will be reviewing the bikini touch trimmer . You know you are curious about it, I know how you linger on the infomercial just a tad too long. Wondering if it works, wondering where you can get it cheaper.
I know you because........I am you.

I Hate Titles

Since it has been such a long hot summer I have been watching more then my usual amounts of television. I love to TiVo mindless MTV shows and watch them in the morning when my kids are in for their nap, when really I should be doing 38 other things.

Shows like Laguna Beach, Brat Camp, Hooking Up, Real World and Big Brother. I stumbled upon a new show last week that I knew was stupid but I caught a glimpse while I was changing the channel and well, I got hooked. I think it is called Girls Next Door and it is about girls who live in the playboy mansion and are Heff's girlfriends.
Yes, plural.

Anywhoo, it is fascinating. The girls each have their own room except for the "head gf" who shares a room with Heff. Their is this whole hierarchy thing going on there and you can tell that the head gf is very jealous of the other girls. She doesn't like them stealing Heff's money, I mean time. They have a full time waitstaff and when they want something they just call down to the kitchen & order it, even their dog's food.
Wow.
Plus Heff will go out to eat with the girls but travels with his own meals, like raw lamb, and has the chef at whatever restaurant it is prepare it for him as per the food instructions that come with the raw food.
Can you say weirdo?
Anyway to me it is fascinating, I love seeing how other people live, especially blond sticks that have to sleep with an old man for room & board.

Which shows do you like this summer?

Story Time

This morning we had story time at out Pottery Barn Kids. We go every Tuesday morning for the 40 minutes or so and read books and sing songs. I sit on the floor and Baby A sits on my lap and Baby B is much more social and sits with the group of children at the feet of the reader.
Every week it happens and every week I do it again. My foot or feet fall asleep. I re-adjust Baby A numerous times and change my position, but it always happens.
Today it was bad. Today it was my whole leg. So at the end of all the stories and songs, there I am limping because I cannot feel any part of my right leg, out the door with two kids. It felt so strange and I know I must have looked like a dork.
No wonder I can't make friends. Maybe that and the fact that I think I wear the same thing every Tuesday.

Other then that nothing exciting. It is rainy here but still humid. My kids are not into the potty at all, so I have given up all hope. I thought the lure of M&Ms would do it since they have only had them twice and loooooved them, but it was a failed mission.


Who watches Six Feet Under? What an episode on Sunday! I cried for I think 60 minutes total without stopping once. My eyes were puffy the next day. I think it was a brilliant episode, done just right. I am sorry to see the show go, it is a really good one.
I guess all the good ones do die young.

The Soundtrack of My Life

My twins are 2. 5 years old and for the past 8 months or so they have been consumed with everything Dora the Explorer. They love her, her toys, her clothes, her sheets, and especially her show. They get to watch it every day and I think it is a cute show, fairly educational and fun.
If you have not had the pleasure of watching the Dora show they try to find a person, place or thing with the help of the viewers and a bunch of praising songs.

I got to thinking that maybe I should have songs for myself so when I finish a chore I can feel fully accomplished when my theme song was playing. It would go something like this:

I woke up this morning and I did 192 things before 8am
I did it, I did it, I did it, yeah!
Today I took a shower without kids crying
I did it, I did it, I did it, yeah!
I managed to not kill anyone today!
I did it!!!!!!!!!

I am going to put in a call into David Foster about this one. Or should I call nickelodeon?
I think I have something here.

MAD

I just read a statistic that floored me, 1 in 6 boys will be sexually molested by the time he is 18.
1 in 6!
Is your jaw hitting the floor yet?
This is totally unacceptable, but I feel like we are helpless against it. What can we do as Mothers, as parents to remedy this situation?
E and I talk about it often and it is one of my worst fears, I assume every parent's worst fear. I joke that my kids will not be allowed out of my sight until they are in college, but it is partly true. I doubt I will let them sleep over just anyone's house, or even go over after school. I doubt I will allow my kids to play with anyone without meeting and feeling comfortable about their parents, which will not be a small task.
Maybe people with children older then mine can help me out on this, do you interview the parents before you let your kids play at a friend's house? Do you question whether they have a gun in the house, if a relative is visiting that you do not know, if their are convicted sexual preditors in their neighborhood?

With all the interviews and watching my kids I know I will never fully be able to protect them, because they will not be by my side every second of the day, and that is what worries me.

What can we do as women, Mothers? We are raising these preditors, wife beaters and rapists, we defend them, we look the other way.
I will not.
What is it that makes it so prevelent these days, why do we have men snatching little girls out of their bedrooms at night, why are our teachers raping our sons?

I am truly scared. I have no answers. I vow not to let my son be the problem but maybe, just maybe, the answer.

I am Melting

It is just too damn hot today. I know I have been complaining about the weather and well, it is summer, but I think since I have had the babies that I feel extra hot or cold. Extreme weather is what I call it.

Anyway I am going swimming today, it is just too hot to do anything else. The babies and I are so tired of just sitting in the boring house.

I will post more later.

Confession

I have a confession to make: I could give less then a shit about the space shuttle, or astronauts fixing something in space with a screwdriver or even if we ever go to space again.

I have no interest in it at all. I think it is a big waste of money and I really need to get back to my regular programming on Good Morning America.
I could very well be wrong about it, but it is how I feel.

I would rather hear about Nick & Jessica breaking up.

I mean I would be interested if they did cool things in space, like have sex. Or see if you can paint your nails up there. Or even if you can have an outer space orgasm.

Now that is good television.

It is a Virtue

Sometimes man, I just feel like I don't have enough patience to have kids. I really don't and that is a hard thing for me to admit to.
I strive to be an uber-Mom and I would love to think of myself as one, but the truth is, there is no such thing.

My new mantra: I am not an :ubermom" because there is no such thing.

Other Moms make it out like there is such a thing though and that they are an the pinnacle of their careers as the UM. Why can' we all just be real and say "listen it sucks some times, huh? It is hard, maybe we can help each other out" instead we just judge each other.
it is true, I am guilty of it and so are you. Lets be real.
We think that the other Mom lets her kids watch waaaay to many tv shows or that they are deprived because they never get junk food.

My kids are not superior to yours* because mine could jump first or knew how to count to 10 first. They all start out as a blank canvas, I may use red and blues to paint mine and you may only use purple, but in the end they are our children and they all are masterpieces.






* My kids really are better then yours.

Six Feet

How great is Six feet under this season? I love it.
Ahh Nate is dead!

Meme

Stolen from True Jersey Girl:

What I was doing 10 years ago: Just started the job where I would meet E, I was still living at home and hanging out with the same friends I have now.

5 years ago: I had jsut hjad my bridal shower and was getting ready to get married. E & I were living together in the cutest house in northern Jersey surrounded by 40 acres of woods.

Yesterday:Went to the grocery store, and the farmers market. It was a very boring, casual Sunday.

5 snacks I enjoy:
brownies
peanut M&Ms
cookie dough
berries
Butter cookies that come in that round tin

5 songs I know all of the words to:
Black by Pearl Jam
Every Christmas song
Open Arms by Journey
Annie's song by John Denver
Beautiful Girl By INXS

5 things I would do with $100 million:
Buy a new house
Buy my mom & sister a new house
Open up a no kill animal shelter here and in St. Lucia
travel!
purchase myself a Mercedes 500sl convertable


5 locations I would like to run away to:
Hawaii
St. Lucia
Fiji
Ireland
Greece

5 things I like doing:
cooking
dancing
reading
driving fast on an open road
sleeping


5 bad habits I have:
watching too much TV
not excercising enough
being stubborn
opinionated (who me?!)
Bossy



5 things I would never wear:
a bra as a top
leather chaps
a fanny pack
keds
anything dayglo


5 TV shows I like:
Sopranos
Scrubs
Sex and the City
Nip/Tuck
Arrested Development

5 biggest joys of the moment:
My kids!
my house
my kids
my husband
my kids

5 favorite toys:
my camera
new pots and pans
tivo
my computer
Playstation 2