Tiny Update

We came hoem from the beach on Saturday and did a ton of laundry and took well needed naps. Sunday a bad storm flew in and knocked out our cable internet connection. It wasn't until about an hour ago we got it back. This cable company is terrible and their awful customer service is as bad as Directv. Just lie after lie about who was coming to fix it, when, and how.
I have so much to catch up on. Oh and a 700 article to write for a NJ magazine about how to make friends when you move to a new area.
Ha! Me!? I have zero friends here after 4 years, but don't tell them that!

Currently I ambaking chocolate chip cookies with my kids just because I feel like eating cookie dough. How do you like that one?

Fun/Not Fun

Fun: Spending time at the beach with your family
Not fun: thinking you lost your son, when he walked 5 feet away from where he was 1 minue ago, therefore panicking and losing a god year off of your life and adding 23 grey hairs to your, already too large, collection

Fun: all day on the beach
Not fun: forgetting all reading material

Fun: being so close to the beach
Not fun: Not being able to sleep, at al, all night

Fun: it is going to be a long, fun day
Not fun: It is going to be a long day!

Doctors and Cameras

Today I am off to the endocrinologist's office. the one with zero personality and dresses like she just stepped off the set of Little House on the Prairie. Just a thyroid check up, to make sure it is functioning OK. I hope that there are no more blood tests in my future. My little arms cannot take any more incompetence.

Tomorrow I am off to the beach for a few days, I am not sure I will be staying at the beach or coming home at night, so you may or may not hear from me, but when I do get back I will have pictures galore to share.
I would have shown you my bloodied arm but for somre reason my camera is not focusing on close up things very well.
I wish I could buy a new digital camera, I am drooling over this. Sigh.
Bottom line, you will get some pictures just not good ones!

Stick Me? Stick You!

Funny but you would think that people in the health care industry specifically people who take vials and vials of blood every day, would care about their job.
Instead people in these office seem to all need a personality and the woman who stuck me with a big ass needle in my arm without providing me with the squeeze ball, not only hurt me but also caused me to bleed for a long time.
I bled through the cotton ball. That never happens.

Maybe instead of worrying about free coffees and where they want lunch from today paid for by the pharmaceutical company, they should concern themselves with their job. Maybe the drug reps could bring them all new personalities instead of bagels and doughnuts! Terrific idea.

Now I am nursing my wound at home with two small people who figured out how to work the "childproof" door knob covers. They are geniuses. Evil geniuses. They are also over nap time.
I am not over nap time, I love nap time and I revel in nap time.
Please don't let me lose nap time!

Lack of Energy

I woke up too early today and now I am paying for it. I am exhausted and I would love to have a nap. Normally I am not a nap person, I think it is a tease and I wake up grumpy and foggy. Not a pleasure to be around.

I forced myself to go to the gym today and I hated every minute. After awhile I usually get into the groove and like pushing myself but not today, after 45 minutes I called it quits. I got the kids and walked to the car, I wanted a cheeseburger from Fruddrukers which is conveniently located right next door to the gym, but I resisted temptation. Then I saw Panera (yum!), again right next to the gym on the other side. Fuckers.

Now I am counting the minutes until E comes home because I am going to nap today. E has to work tonight and if I don't nap I know the kids will be running around the house with me passed out by 7pm. Not good.
A girl has to know her own limitations.

I am a worrier

I am not a "in the now" type of person. I never have been. It is a decision I have to make to try and live in the moment, because usually my mind is what could go wrong/why did I make those stupid mistakes as a teen/what does the future hold. One of the most things I concentrate wayyy to much on is getting older.

When I was 19 staring down my 20th birthday, I decided I was aging way to fast. I was the girl that loved high school and didn't want to leave. I realized what a good deal it is to live at home, have everything paid for, dinner on the table and my only real concern being what to wear the next day. I liked my friends, my life. I voiced these concerns and the disdain I felt for turning 20 to my mom who just laughed. "You are so young, you have your whole life ahead of you, why must you worry about silly things, that you cannot control?"

I am not sure. But I do. I watched the older men and women at the gym today and I worry when I am that old will I look at the young people and wish I was young again? Will I desire my youth so much that I can't enjoy my last half of my life.
I realized that is what I am doing to myself now. I am worrying about aging, without realizing I am young and healthy now. My kids and my husband are young and healthy, why can't I just live and enjoy it.

I hope that I do get old and that I can look back on my life and just be happy that I lived it. I am trying.

Boring

What can I say, my life is boring these daysand so not blog worthy. I go to whole foods, I go to the free movies and I wait until the days Big Brother is on. Tonight no B.B. but dateline! with perverted justice! in NJ! It is going to be great.

In the meantime, go read about my daughter's loose tooth.

Loser x 2

You know when you are a loser when:

the one thing you are looking forward today is your new havianas that you ordered and should be delivered shortly.




I so need a friend.

My Weekend

We were out and about this weekend and we had a lot of fun. We took the kids to get crocs, which I hate except these because they look so comfortable and I saw a woman wearing them and she raved about them for 20 minutes and they really didn't look that hideous on. Then we went to lunch and after, they each got a desperately needed haircut.

Yesterday we went to the beach and it was so very crowded. The uncomfortable, lets try to squeeze in a spot crowded. It was a beautiful day and besides the water being a freezing 65 degrees, the kids loved it. R went into the ocean for the first time since she was about 15 months old. Last year she refused to even put her feet in the water. She was content playing in the sand, hanging out with her aunts and cousins.
yesterday she was sitting in the tide, rolling, laughing and chasing the waves. It was amazing to see the changes in a year. My kids are brave and love life so much that you cannot help to be happy around them.

Other then that, I have nothing left to post. I know, I am boring!

The Gym

Things I hate about the gym include but are not limited to:

The fact that I continually think about how I could accidentally fall off the treadmill and roll down the aisle.

The gynecologist machine where you sit down straddle the machine with your thighs and open and shut them. This is good or bad, depending how you look at it, when you are wearing short shorts.

How much I hate working out

Thinking people are staring at me from behind. That is why I always use the last row of machines.

My fear of coming in too late for a class and everyone stare at you while you scramble for a mat or a ball the size of Saturn. This ball was last seen by my eyes in a birthing room. This also scares me.

Three words: death by cardio

Send Help, I Mean food

Things I am craving right now so intensely that I cannot write about anything else, in no particular order I just want them all. Now :

chocolate mousse
homemade french onion soup
brownies
chick fil a
peach bread that I saw on Food Network
chocolate cake with chocolate icing

Does anyone else think my period is coming?

P.S. send me these things asap.

Men Who Sleep. Anywhere.

We were invited to one of my best friend's sons birthday party in May. She has a few friends and family at her house. It was a great time and I was happy I got to see my friends and their kids.
What I didn't expect to see is at least two men (at different times) napping on a couch in the living room. they just took a nap at a party, at someone elses house. Not only strange but really strange.

This is not the first time I have seen this, I have been at many parties where this has occured. Usually these men don'e even find and out of the way location to snooze in, they just sleep anywhere, even in a crowded room. Obviously these people have never been antiqued.
My sister's husband is like that he can sleep anywhere at any time. He will just sleep sitting up, laying down, at someones house, in his house with company over, whatever.

It is only men who do this. Women never just lay down and nap. I don't even nap in my own home on a lazy Saturday.
What is this phenomenon? Is it narcolepsy that strikes only men of varying ages? I sit laziness? Does the male chromosome carry the sleep anywhere gene?
I am fascinated.

The Gym

Yesterday E and I went the the gym. Gasp. My lazy butt actually went to the gym. Look out your window, there has to be pigs flying.

We took the kids because they have a kid center while you work out and I felt OK about leaving them there, especially because I knew we weren't going to be there that long, because you know, me and they gym are not BFF yet.
L was hesitant at first because it was new and he was not sure about the us leaving part. I assured him R would be right there with him and he would be fine.

As soon as E and I were done we went together to pick up the kids, as we reached the door I heard a page Mrs. Tuesday to the Kid center. I thought L was having a mini breakdown.
No, he just peed his pants. WTF? He has been potty trained for a year and a half and now pees in his pants? He went to the bathroom right before we left the house and he has access to a bathroom.

This is not a new one, on the 3rd of July while we were gathered to watch fireworks in a big park, he told us he had to go to the bathroom. I asked him if he could hold it (it had only been about 2 hours since he last went) he said now and then proceeded to pee himself in front of us and all the other firework lovers. I was embarrassed of him. I was embarrassed for him.

I have no idea what sparked this recent urine fest, and no idea what to do about it.
I have learned one lesson through all of this though, leave a change of clothes in the car at all times and that girl at the kid center is so judging me.

With Daylight Comes The Sun

Did I ever tell you how I was stalked by Kabbalah peoples? Well, it was my own fault, I contacted them first.

OK, before you judge let me explain.
My father had just died. There was no reasoning in my world. I didn't believe in god, in fact if there was one, I despised him. I didn't want to hear "everything happens for a reason" or "god knows what he is doing" or any other ridiculous, thoughtless, obligatory shit. Oh, do babies die for a reason? Do children suffer every day for a reason?

That thinking just wasn't for me, and I wanted to strangle anyone who dare speak it to me. Including my Mom, the church goer, the god believer, the one who lost her own father was he was in his early 50s and she was 25, she of all people should have known better.
It could have been my denial and grief speaking, the fact that I myself wanted to die, the unbearable physical pain that wracked my body every day, the only escape was the shower where I would let it out, my cries silent, my body wet and crumpled not allowing anyone to see how truly fucked up I was.

So I searched not for answers per se, but for meaning. To life, to death, to ebb and flow, I am not sure, but I wanted there to be an answer. Even if I didn't like to hear it, I wanted to know and to grow from it.

I read. Self help books, grieving books, books on Taoism, on life, on anything, searching. Kabbalah wasn't as prevalent as it is now, it wasn't yet cool to sport a red string but I researched it. It brought me comfort, it alluded to some answers. I contacted them to get more information. They called me every day for months, telling me about the books I would need and the prayer books, the materials, the string. To find my answer, it would have cost me hundreds, which I would have gladly paid, if I was sure. Every phone call they gave me, lead me away from them, they wanted my money, and maybe my soul.

Four years later, I am older, not much wiser and I still don't have the answer I so desperately searched for, because it is not there. Belief is what you need. Like my Mom, where belief is what gets her through the days, the people who believe in luck, or the person who believes their are spirits "guiding" them. Even the person who believes everything happens for a reason.
I believe there are good times and bad. Some people have more bad then good. Some people make the bad into good. I believe that people are not born bad, but made that way by other people, time and life.
I believe that bad things happen to good people and even assholes can get lucky sometimes. I believe it takes more then just money to make you happy. I believe in good friends, soul mates, that people need to take more responsibility with their lives and the lives of their neighbors.
I believe in goodness.
Is that faith? I have no idea, I just know what gets me through the day.

Camping? Camp Not!

I married a camper. Yes, it is hard to believe that a high maintenance girl like myself married, let alone dated, a full blown hiking, camping, mountain man.
Alas I did, and as of today, two weeks shy of being with E for 11 years (what?), I have never relented on the camping ideas.
He has been camping many, many times over the years without me. He even goes here every year with all the other granola, more-then-slightly-dirty hippies. I get some peer pressure to go camping! we'll rent a cabin, it will be so. much. fun.

I don't buy it for a second.
I can get that it would be fun at night, I like the idea of the campfire, smores, roasting hot dogs, telling ghost stories and all of that. Then my mind wanders to the facts that I will have to pee and maybe even poop outside, snakes, the cold, the heat, and the plain old boredom during the day. I mean after a hike and/or fishing really what is left to friggin do?

People built houses so they didn't have to live in tents. That tells me right there how great tents are. I do not care that E has a 67 person tent with a living room or whatever unless it comes with a flat screen, Tivo and a hot tub. Living in my own filth for days is not fun, nor is it a vacation.
Well, it is a vacation from being clean and having comforts. I mean we pay a lot of money for this house with its "things" like beds and a potty, why leave it to sleep on the hard ground?

I wonder how long I can put off camping. E wants to take the kids and I am not too sure about him going alone with the kids. I mean bears and snakes and all.
I am just buying time for now, I will end up going I am sure sooner then later. E knows he is in for it because I am just thinking about the industrial sized antibacterial everything I am going to be purchasing.
On the up side though, think of the pictures and what I would have to write about!

Twins

Stay Tuned

My sister and her family is here visiting for the 4th of July festivities. You will have to stay tuned for a bit longer and more rant filled post.

I am about to go off on camping, men who sleep anywhere at anytime (WTF?)and light bulbs who go out after .9 hours of usage.

Until then my little chickadees, let me run off to whole foods for a couple of things I "forgot" and see if my men are still in love. Especially those seafood men in their orange fish pants (completely technical term) and muscle shirts, flinging fish back to each other and then, boom! someones suspenders broke and you are pretending to look at those fresh salmon fillets, but he is bending over and wow! look at those muscles and the glass is fogging up and he asks you if you need help, and boy! do you.........oh,
ahem
Excuse me, I need a quick shower before Whole Foods.