Thursday, July 19, 2007

I am a worrier

I am not a "in the now" type of person. I never have been. It is a decision I have to make to try and live in the moment, because usually my mind is what could go wrong/why did I make those stupid mistakes as a teen/what does the future hold. One of the most things I concentrate wayyy to much on is getting older.

When I was 19 staring down my 20th birthday, I decided I was aging way to fast. I was the girl that loved high school and didn't want to leave. I realized what a good deal it is to live at home, have everything paid for, dinner on the table and my only real concern being what to wear the next day. I liked my friends, my life. I voiced these concerns and the disdain I felt for turning 20 to my mom who just laughed. "You are so young, you have your whole life ahead of you, why must you worry about silly things, that you cannot control?"

I am not sure. But I do. I watched the older men and women at the gym today and I worry when I am that old will I look at the young people and wish I was young again? Will I desire my youth so much that I can't enjoy my last half of my life.
I realized that is what I am doing to myself now. I am worrying about aging, without realizing I am young and healthy now. My kids and my husband are young and healthy, why can't I just live and enjoy it.

I hope that I do get old and that I can look back on my life and just be happy that I lived it. I am trying.


  1. By staying in shape, you accomplishing two things at once: You're doing something that should help you to feel better today, AND you're making it easier to keep feeling that way in the future. Let me tell you from experience... it's a lot easier to keep in shape than it is to get in shape! And from what I've seen, you've kept a perty good shape so far!

  2. When I turned 30, I mourned the loss of what I thought was my youth of my teens and 20's.

    When I turned 40, I mourned and celebrated my 30's: 30-35 was filled with new marriage, new home, new baby. 36-40 was filled with miscarriages and infertility treatments.

    When I turn 50, I want to know that the 40's were filled with time of being at peace and not so much mourning youth as it dwindles away, but recalling it with laughter more than tears.

    That is what I think can keep one perpetually young: keeping joy.

  3. My wife is a worrier like you. I am a what happens, just happens kind of guy. I'm not sure there is a lot lot you can do to change how you view the world.

  4. I do the SAME EXACT THING. It drives me crazy, but that is just how I'm built, I guess.


Talk to me