Google Me

I love looking at how people came to find this little blog in the big bloggy world. I crack up on a daily basis at just what people google. Let's be honest, I am often repulsed too. Wanna see what got people here just yesterday?

Vagina tricks. I get this one a lot. Do women actually have tricks that their vagina can do and I was out that day of class? Please, if you know of any vagina tricks you think I should be aware of, let me know.
I think just maintaining the vagina is a trick in itself.

a girl sleeps with 20 men how many has she blown. This is a sneaky question. Did she sleep with all 20 men in one night, or was this in a 30 year period.
How old is this whore?
She has probably blown all of them and you are the only one she hasn't.
Check your shit and make sure you are properly grooming and then maybe you will get some south of the equator loving.

orgasms torture'. This is the true story of the little orgasm that could. It just sat there waiting to be called up to the plate and be hit right out of the park. Instead it sat in the dark, dank abdomen of some loser whose girl friends slept with 20 guys and blew them all, but alas, not him.

how to give a girl a boob massage. Newsflash- Girls don't want a boob massage. That is called groping.
YOU want to feel a girl up, but the girl does not want a massage on her boobs, she wants one of her feet or her lower back.
Then get out.

want to see my ass. Why? Is it out of the ordinary? Because normal, run of the mill ass is nothing special, been there done that. If you have pimple scars on your ass or perhaps a droopy, wrinkly, old man ass, then I would love to take a look-see.
I am slightly fascinated with wrinkly grandpa ass.
Oh, stop it, like you wouldn't look!



P.S. last day to enter to win these.

Levity

Enough serious talk around here, let's get down to business. I need some levity. When I say I am stressed, I mean I am on the verge of breaking and it will not be pretty. If you think I am bad you should see my husband. Budum Bum. Nine months of job searching, worrying about money and when we will lose everything has taken its toll on E and there is nothing I can do about it. I know he has taken the brunt of our burdens and troubles because I was pregnant or just had a baby and he wanted to shelter me from it. He is a good man.
BUT! Now he has a job and even if it is 5 hours away from us and we will be separated, it is a job and hopefully in the end missing out in seeing his kids every day will be worth it.
It just has to be.

What was that I was saying about levity?

It takes serious guts to wear a orange pantsuit, Hilary. You just may have had the balls to be president.

Also? Why does Dan only talk at a yell on Big Brother? Take it down a notch Dan!


Yesterday my daughter didn't want to wear her bikini under neath her dress because she thought everyone would "see her bra!" then she ran around the house yelling " I have big boops!"
God, I love five.

My son wouldn't eat his favorite homemade coleslaw last night because some of the juice from his tomatoes on his plate ran into the slaw. I told him that didn't matter, and that he could still eat it.
"What?" he yelled "Do you you eat pickles in pudding? No!"
I have no idea where that came from, but he had a great fucking point.
No coleslaw for him.

Doing What We Can

What do you think of my redesign? I love it and I have to thank Jen from The Trendy Mommy, she is great to work with and is brilliant!
This new design is making me want to do other new things on this blog, so look for a vlog from me soon. Unless I chicken out which, let's face it, is a possibility.

I am also updating my links to my favorite blogs. Some of my old favorites are MIA or not updating so often anymore. I don't like to have a huge blogroll, just some great reads that I enjoy. If you are missing from my blogroll let me know!
Ohh and I have a great giveaway going on until Friday here.

I also want to talk about my last post. I think that it is becoming more and more a debated topic amongst parents and I think it should be. This is not thirty years ago where you blindly followed your doctor's order and swallowed whatever pill he told you would make you "better". I think doctors need to be more in tune with the mind/body/spirit as a whole. Medications are not the only answer.
To vaccinate or not is not the core issue in my post, it is that as a mother I have to be an advocate for my children. As a client I need to be able to speak with my doctor about why we are taking this course of action, is there an alternative and what are the consequences without being judged, or criticized.
We need to demand more from our doctors, the pharmaceutical companies and our government who approves and regulate our drugs.
Really, who can't be on board with that?

Edit: I just came across this fantastic article and I though I would share.

Open Letter To My Doctor

Dear Doctor,

I admire how many years of schooling and dedication it took to get where you are now. I know you had many more years of schooling than I have had. I am aware you know your business. Doctor, what I ask of you is that you do not talk down to me. When I tell you that I want to delay vaccinations in my children, don't tell me "you really shouldn't believe everything you read on the Internet" implying that I read a blurb about autism and decided to never vaccinate my children.
I have read numerous studies, article and AMA writings on the subject, have you ever updated your education with studies that were NOT paid for by big pharma? Or do you chose to vaccinate my children on such a schedule because the pharmaceutical companies tell you it is okay to, or maybe just the pharma reps who take you to Yankee games and your family out to dinner?

Don't try and scare me but telling me of death in young children, blindness or even severe illness. Trying to shock or scare me isn't going to work. I know the risks. I would never want my children to be sick or contract a horrible disease. I want them to be protected from these diseases, I just don't want to overload young, immature immune and nervous systems with the toxins that are in these vaccinations.

Let me ask you this, if you give my baby 4 vaccinations today, and he has a reaction to one, like soreness, redness, fever or much worse which are very common, how would you ever know which immunization he reacted to? It doesn't make sense to me, but I know I never went to medical school.
You did though, and even you couldn't even answer this question.
Can you tell me why pharmaceutical companies have NEVER CURED ONE CHRONIC DISEASE? Is it because keeping people with diabetes, asthma or anything else a lifelong customer of their drugs is more profitable? Why are you falling for it?

You cannot explain to me why NJ has the highest autism rate in the country, or how I can save my babies from such a diagnosis. All you can do is regurgitate information you are given from the government.

Please, next time you want to talk about immunization schedules and studies, do so without talking to me like I am stupid. Talk to me like I am a mother trying to do what is best for her children.
Because that is what I am, and I am sure when you set out to be a pediatrician helping children be well is what your goal was.
So please, choose your battles, because fighting with me will get you nowhere.
Now if you will excuse me, I have to go find another pediatrician.

A Little Of This And That

This is going to be a random post since I have many things to blabber about.
This is what I just overheard:

My son just screamed at his sister: R, don't just show me your sausage!

I don't know what that is about and I am choosing to ignore it. When does kindergarten start again?

I joke about kindergarten starting, but I really am going to miss my kids. When did they grow up?
I am going to be a mess their first day of school, more so then preschool. I know that this year they will have to leave the friends they made and start a new school and I feel so badly for them. I know that is my own shit projecting on them though.
I know many parents are so happy when their kids go back to school, but I am not there yet. Give me a year or two.
**********************
I broke out of my comfort zone and went to a great Lenscrafters/BlogHer meet up in NYC. Any chance for me to go into the city is one I will take, I really miss living outside of NYC. You can read about the great time I had here.

********************
E is going to NH this morning for a couple of days. I guess I get to try out what it will be like being a single mom most of the week. E will be working in NH starting in September. I don't even want to think about too much. It is too much change and if you knew me in real life, you would know I despise change.
I am terrible at it.

I also suck at:
drawing anything but stick figures and clouds, I make a mean cloud
making clam chowder
folding fitted sheets
blowing my hair out as good as my hairdresser does
having patience
running

So cheer me up today, tell me what you suck at.

Where Are All The Lesbians And Why Don't They Love Me?

Thanks you guys for keep on keeping on reading this blog, and I know I haven't been commenting on your blogs lately, but I have been reading and I promise every comment that I get this whole week will get a quasi-witty comment back from me.
I swear on my lactating boobs.



E called me from his part time job yesterday to check in and make sure I have not killed anyone in this house under four feet.
I hadn't.

Anywhoo, this was our conversation:
E: " so this manager here keeps saying kind of, well, gay things to me"

Me: "gay as in happy! jovial! things or homosexual things?"

E: " well he just came back to where I am working and said 'Everything looks great back here, and so do the clothes' and yesterday he said 'how are you doing you tall, bald, sexy guy'"

Me: "hmm. Yup. That is gay alright, in both senses of the word."
"I wonder why no women ever hit on me. Fuck, could it be that I am not attractive to lesbians, because you know, I could be a lesbian! I have got the stuff and I know what to do with it, my friend!"

E (still trying to make it about him) "Maybe I can sue for sexual harassment and we can be rich! and have, you know, money and stuff!"

Me: "okay have a good rest of your day, I am going to see a lesbian about a horse..... or something, I WILL be attractive to lesbians by the days end!" "I am a faux-lesbian, hear me roar!"

E: (crushed because it always just has to be about him): "Okay. Goodbye."

Me: "byyyeeee!"

I Like It Hard

I took the kids to the free movies today and my daughter was sitting on my lap because some man had to sit right in front of her. It didn't cross his mind to sit in front of me, the adult, but sits in front of a 5 year old. He is a smart and kind man. Gah!
Anyway, she scratched my leg and I said "ow!"
R replied "But Mom you like it hard!"*

She is right, I do, I just hope nobody heard that!


* I like it when she scratches my back hard. The only other thing I like hard is my lemonade.
Maybe.

I have a great giveaway here.

Home Again

I am trying to enjoy the last few weeks of summer before my kids head off for kindergarten. They will start their school career in a couple of weeks and I still cannot wrap my head around that. Wasn't it just last month I found out I was pregnant with them? Wasn't it just yesterday I was teaching them to talk and walk?
Now they are their own people with thoughts and ideas and they are so very funny. They are great people and I although I have begged for the day when I can have a small break from them, I will miss them terribly.
Who am I if I am not R & L's full time mommy?
I guess it is time to find out.

I am trying to savor these days with my family because we all won't be together everyday for a long time. E has taken a job in New Hampshire and will start in September. He will work Monday through Thursday and come home on the weekends. I will stay here with the three kids until he is settled, and then we will move up there.
I don't want to go. I have fought, cried and screamed. I don't want to leave my family, but we have no choice. He cannot get his career started back up here so he is going in a different direction in his home state.
I only agreed to go if E promised to move me back to NJ as soon as we can.
He promised.
They say you can never go home again, but I would really like to try.

Good Kids

My husband and I refuse to be "that family". You know the ones that you stare at in a restaurant, the ones who you can tell the kids run the parents. The ones that interrupt your meal, the ones that leave a huge mess wherever they go.
We swore we would never let our kids be those kids, and we would never turn into the parents who were oblivious to our kids and others.
I am proud to say that for the most part we are not that family.

We started taking our twins out to eat then they were about five months old. We have a "no fast food" (with some exceptions) rule so we would take them to places we liked to eat and in doing so they are not picky eaters and try everything at least once. They prefer fruit to french fries and sushi to cheeseburgers.
We would never go out to eat if they were over-tired or cranky, that is just setting yourself up for a disaster. We order their food first so they can eat quickly. We always bring something for them to entertain themselves. Crayons and coloring books are the best and I usually keep a separate stash of them just for eating out. We play I Spy or some other game to keep them company and we are fast, we don't expect our children to sit for hours at a table.

Of course, there have been meltdowns and they are to be expected with kids. We have had to take our kids out of the restaurant to calm them down and even leave with a take out bag of all of our food once. For the most part our children are well behaved in restaurants and know just how to act. People regularly compliment us on how well behaved they are.
They are great kids and we are so proud.

How was that for one full blog post of bragging about my kids?



This post was written for Parent Bloggers Network as part of a sweepstakes sponsored by Burger King Corp. Check out clubbk.com to check out their new promotional kids’ meal toys by Crayola - perfect for boys or girls!

Some Great Blogs

Miss Blondie sent me this awesome award and even though I know I kick some serious ass, it is nice to hear it from someone else. Thank you Miss Blondie!

So I have to sent this award to 5 other kick ass bloggers:

Midwestern Mommy- she even kicks cancer's ass!

TKO- she finally has her baby girl, I am so happy for her family

Uneasy Rider- he is an amazing dad of three

Motherhood Uncensored- she started the blogging the recession, she rocks

Domestic Chicky- never laughs at my stupid questions

Perhaps this will lead you to some great new reads and in return I would love to hear about your favorite blog right or a new blog you just found, because I would love some new reads for my blogroll!

The Talk

I always read above my grade level when I was in school. I was an avid reader and my parents loved it, little did they know it would be their downfall.
When I was 8 I was reading "Are You There God, It's me Margaret" By Judy Blume. All girls know this book it is about, basically, periods. I remember sitting in the backseat of my parent's car driving to my great Aunt's house for Easter dinner. I came on the word "menstruation". I didn't know what it meant so I asked my parents.
My father turned down the car radio and said "What did you say?"
"What does men-stru-ation mean?"
My parents looked at each other and my mom said " we will talk about it later"
"But how can I read this book, when they keep talking about menstruation, it PERTAINS TO THE STORY!"
"We can talk about it later!" my mom repeated.

I was pissed. She was ruining my book.

When we got home my mother called me into the living room and proceeded to have the most uncomfortable conversation I have ever had with her. I remember certain key words used "sperm" "eggs" and I remember asking how the sperm and egg met.
She didn't know what to say, I knew that by acting silly it was her out to abort this failing conversation.

That was my last sex talk with my mom. I did see the "movie" in fifth grade and my mom asked if I had any more questions, or if I understood the movie.
I let her off easy and didn't press it. I knew as much as I needed to know in fifth grade.

I am not sure how to talk about s-e-x with my kids. I hope I can be informative and comfortable and that my kids don't have to let me off easy. I hope they can ask me anything even if it makes us both uncomfortable. I jsut have no idea how to go about it, or when.

I want to hear about your first experience with "the talk". How did you tell your kids about sex and what did your parents do? Are you still waiting for your parents to give you the sex talk?

In the end, the real moral of the story is: read within your grade level.

Tough Times

E has still not found another job despite all his hard work, years of experience and excellence in his field and all his interviews. We may have to move to get work and to move out of the NY/NJ/PA area to find a job is ridiculous. People move TO NJ for jobs. It is tough all around, food is more expensive every time I go shopping, people cannot afford to get health insurance, unemployment is at a all time high. It is just a matter of time before we lose everything. It is not will we? it is when?

Let's do something about it, even though it is just a little thing, Blog the Recession for August! It is simple to do: "If you read blogs, then for the month of August, make the "pledge" to click through from your feed reader. Just click through to the blog (not on ads unless you are so led) and if you're feeling generous, click around to their older posts."

What do you think? Page views don't help me here, (even though I am a stat whore) but they do on my other blogs. Plus you may just join in on a great parenting conversation or stumble on a sweet baby gear deal.
Perhaps you might even link up to them.
So c'mon and join me and some other cool bloggers and click through on your feed readers or blogrolls.