Wednesday, March 25, 2009

I am Just Not That Into Her

I am new all over again.
Like a new baby but taller. And with thicker hair.
I have reinvented myself here in NH, because I can.

So, now the new Tuesday Girl goes to playgroups and gets outside her comfort zone with attendance at playgroups and even (gasp) hosts playgroups.
I am proud of myself.
You should be too.
You can say so in your comments.

In my playgroup there is a new-to-me mom. She has a child in between my children's ages. She seems very nice and we chatted a bit. When the playgroups was almost over and I was saying my goodbyes, another woman tried to set this lady and I on a mom date.
A hit and run set up!
She lives close to me and it would be convenient and nice to have a close friend, but I hesitated when she told us to exchange numbers. I was being set up and the worst part is: she just isn't my type.

You know that line, you have heard it from guys mouths a million times (not about you, about other girls I am sure. Now I know what they are talking about.
We just didn't have chemistry. I wouldn't put on my new pair of jeans for her, I would show up for coffee in yoga pants. I would clean the bathroom but not mop the floors for her, you know what I mean.
It's not her.....it's me.

Now, I do not want to fall back into my bad habits of not having friends in my town, but if I meet with her again and we don't hit it off, can I then just make her a auxiliary friend?
I have found great friend material out there and lets face it, there is so much territory left untouched, do I waste my time or do we move on after the first date?

I want to hear from moms who are used to making other mom friends like this, I want to hear what you men have to say. Tell me what to do because, honestly?
I am just not that into her.

10 comments:

  1. It's so true, just like any kind of "dating," sometimes other moms just aren't your type. I definitely seem to have cultivated different circles of mom friends. Some are close, and we make a point to do playdates nearly every week, sign up for the same music class, and heck, even go out for drinks without the kids. Others, well... I'm more than happy to accept an invite for a playdate, or include her in a larger group, but I just don't see myself going out of my way. We think too differently...

    Sometimes, in a new situation like you're in, I figure you take what you can get. Only to a certain extent, of course, but if the options are a mediocre connection vs. no connection at all? I'd rather have something than nothing. And if it fades out, oh well.

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  2. I would say give it another try. If you still feel the same, having her as a "fringe" friend is fine. You can see her at playgroups or other group outings but are not required to form a one on one relationship with her.

    I do have to say though, I have met women who I thought I would not click with and after being around them in a group setting on several occasions have come to really enjoy them.

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  4. I would try it out.

    I truly believe you can never have too many friends...........granted, some are closer than others, but friends are good.............

    And...
    I'm proud of you.....

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  5. I hear ya girl. I've gone on three girl dates with the newbie to our support group. Each date was more of a struggle to get through, the last one, I told my husband I just can't do it anymore. I tried, but spending time with her is like going to the dentist for a tooth extraction. Long and painful.

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  6. I say give her a shot. If it doesn't work out you can hang out with her less.

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  7. Totally make her an auxillary (sp?) friend if it doesn't work out. But give her a chance.

    That's how my hubby and I got together. I didn't think we had much in common, but he asked me out, and I said yes, thinking it would be a one shot thing, and was TOTALLY surprised. (We knew each other casually for 3 years before he asked me out.)

    So you never know!

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  8. Oh... my, Natasha knows how she likes to make friends... ahem.

    I think we expect a lot of other moms. We expect that we should agree on how to raise kids and what makes a good mom and where to go for coffee... but we can actually sit down and talk to someone without becoming BFFs and it's totally OK!

    Maybe you'll get along great... maybe someone was having an off day. Maybe she'll come over and see you in your yoga pants and think THANK GOODNESS she isn't fake!

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  9. I moved to a new town when Rt was 5 months old. I went to a local hospital mom's group and found 5 lovely gals out of the mix to hang with. It took time for us to all get to know each other, away from the larger mom's meetings, but we did, and we've all known each other for 3 1/2 years and see each other on a weekly basis at our own playgroups AND girls nights out once a month.

    Keep trying, and definitely get to know her more, she may just be your type you didn't know you liked!!

    Good for you for getting out there. :)

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