I am Just Not That Into Her

I am new all over again.
Like a new baby but taller. And with thicker hair.
I have reinvented myself here in NH, because I can.

So, now the new Tuesday Girl goes to playgroups and gets outside her comfort zone with attendance at playgroups and even (gasp) hosts playgroups.
I am proud of myself.
You should be too.
You can say so in your comments.

In my playgroup there is a new-to-me mom. She has a child in between my children's ages. She seems very nice and we chatted a bit. When the playgroups was almost over and I was saying my goodbyes, another woman tried to set this lady and I on a mom date.
A hit and run set up!
She lives close to me and it would be convenient and nice to have a close friend, but I hesitated when she told us to exchange numbers. I was being set up and the worst part is: she just isn't my type.

You know that line, you have heard it from guys mouths a million times (not about you, about other girls I am sure. Now I know what they are talking about.
We just didn't have chemistry. I wouldn't put on my new pair of jeans for her, I would show up for coffee in yoga pants. I would clean the bathroom but not mop the floors for her, you know what I mean.
It's not her.....it's me.

Now, I do not want to fall back into my bad habits of not having friends in my town, but if I meet with her again and we don't hit it off, can I then just make her a auxiliary friend?
I have found great friend material out there and lets face it, there is so much territory left untouched, do I waste my time or do we move on after the first date?

I want to hear from moms who are used to making other mom friends like this, I want to hear what you men have to say. Tell me what to do because, honestly?
I am just not that into her.

A Mama Cub

When anyone hears a news story about something horrific happening to a child, they react the same way, they would clench up, turn off the TV and try to shake the images out of their head. I hated watching shows or movies that had bad things happening to kids or animals. Why give a sick person any ideas?



When you become a mother though, the stories just seem so much worse. They become real. "How can anyone do that to a innocent child" becomes "how can I protect my child from these animals".

My fears seemed to intensify now that I have just had a new baby. When I see or hear terrible things, I crawl into bed with my children holding on to them as if I am trying to put them back inside of me, where they were safe. Keeping my children out of harms way is my job I tell myself, it is normal. Fear is good, it will keep you on your toes, my head tells me.

What if I have a bad day? What if the worst can and does happen? What if I fail my own babies?



These questions can't be answered. They cannot even linger too long, for fear of losing my sanity. I have to push them back into the darkness.

Instead I will still turn off the television when I hear about children being victimized, I will pray for them in the darkness as I crawl into bed with my children and lay with them.

"I will protect you" I whisper to them. I say it as I hope that no truer words have ever been spoken.

I say it because I have to.

The Mom Version of In

Since I have become a mom I have had to leave fashion behind. I try to keep up with some trends but it is hard when you no longer have a disposable income or disposable time. I don't have the time to shower let alone dry and iron my hair (which takes at least 45 minutes btw). There are so many "in" things that I would like to have or try but instead I have the mom version of "in".

In:
Posh Spice angled hair cut
Mom Version:
ponytail

In:
Louis Vuitton Monogram Vernis Roxbury Drive purse
Mom Version:
Waterproof diaper bag

In:
Prius
Mom Version:
Generic minivan with french fries ground into carpet

In:
La Perla
Mom Version:
Any bra that can list your boobs back to where they should be

In:
smudged eyeliner
Mom version:
under eye circles

In:
Big designer sunglasses
Mom Version:
Anything that covers up the fact you just left the house with no makeup

In:
Staying up all night partying
Mom Version:
Staying up all night with a sick baby

In:
A size smaller than what you already are
Mom Version:
Anything less than what you weighed when you were pregnant, is a small victory!

Pinch An Inch. Or Thirty.

I wrote this post yesterday and blogger ate it, so now I have to do-over.

I know I promised new pictures last week but my camera is not cooperating. I desperately need a new one. DO YOU HEAR THAT KODAK? SONY? CANON, MY SWEET, SWEET CANON? ANYONE?
OK, then.

I know you must be sick of me complaining about the NJ weather this winter. It was dreary, no sign of snow at all and rainy. Perfect for doing nothing inside all day! Last week spring sprung here and we were frequent visitors to the parks and our backyard. I was hot and I complained I was hot all day.
Although it was more like summer temperatures really, I just need to loose this "baby" weight.
I can fit into my fat jeans with no muffin top and I can fit into my regular jeans with mucho muffin top. We won't talk about my skinny jeans.

My goal? Since I don't have a scale I won't talk numbers, I just want to be back into a single digit clothing size.
Let's hope nursing/carrying a baby around all day and entertaining two five year olds will get the weight off. (sure fatty, howabout you exercises?!)

Birthday, Babies

Dear Babies,

I know you are not babies anymore, I am especially aware of that today of all days, because today you both turned five years old. The past five years have been a blur to me but when I sit and really think about it, I see snapshots in my mind. Your first bath, your first steps and words, feeling grass on your bare feet, dancing in the rain, leaving you at school, how you have grown and what amazing people you have become. I know, I know how I have struggled as your Mom, I have been tested, but you both have kept me strong. I have told you before and I will always remember how you saved me from myself.

L you surprise me every day. You are so brave now and you are becoming our little comedienne. When your sister is being crazy you will just look at me and we will laugh. You see the beauty in mundane things, it is not unusual for you to remark on how beautiful the sun is or how lovely the flowers are. This is my favorite thing about you, you never let me not appreciate the little things.

R, you are brave you stand up for yourself and for your brother. You want everyone to know you are strong and independent but you still need me, and I love that. I hope it never changes. You like to act like you are 15 not 5, but that may be a girl thing, I want to love where you are in life and not try and grow up too soon, a mistake we all make. You are beautiful and you know it but you are so smart too. You love to draw and you are going to be a great artist like Daddy.

I am so thankful to be your Mom, and although I have made some mistakes these last five years I promise to try and learn from them. You are great people and I don't want to mess that up. This year is going to be great for you both, you will start kindergarten, get a baby brother or sister, take swimming lessons and play your first sport on a recreation team. I predict you will love this year and will blossom even more.

I love you my babies and I always will.

Forever, Mommy

Moms

You know you are a Mom when:

You stand in line without complaining for 20 minutes just so your kids can get a balloon animal

Smell not only your kid's diapers but willingly smell other people's children's diapers to find where a particular odor is coming from

Give up your precious sleep to check and see if they are still breathing

You can carry on a conversation, do your daughter's hair and problem solve all while you are peeing.

You never go to the bathroom alone (see above)

Let your kids watch more TV then you ever thought you would just so you can get some peace and quiet

Judge other Mothers because it makes you feel better about the kind of mother you are (c'mon you know you do it!)

Can't watch the news or made for TV movies for fear of hearing about something horrible happening to a child

Watch the clock until it is your child's bedtime then miss them 30 minutes later


Now you finish this sentence: You know you are a mom when........

The Name Game

My children have decided we need their help on deciding a name for this baby. Of course I am willing to listen since I am the worst with names and so is E. We are so picky and if we make a list of baby names we like, in the end we figure out that we hate them all.
The one name we both really like for a girl is classic but has turned popular in the last few years. That turns me off to a name. I never wanted my kid to be like the 15 Jennifers in my classes, known as Jen lastinitial. That is why I am so glad I didn't name R, Emma, which is SO popular right now. She came very close to being Emma and although I like R's name I wish I went a little more traditional with her name. I love L's name though and would never change it. I couldn't it was the only boy's name we could agree on.

This time if it is a boy he will be named after my father, so that decision is made. We are still on the hunt for a girl's name and the one I really like Charlotte, E hates. He is a pest.

Here are some of my children's suggestions:
R: For a girl we could name the baby Pink or Aria (wft?)
Me: Those are nice names.
L: If it is a boy we could name him Frankie
Me: Frankie? Where did you hear that name?
L: After Frankenstein!
Me: umm, I don't think so.

So do you have any suggestions for girl's names for me, or do you have a name that you heard and was so terrible it made you laugh? I mean like naming your baby after a monster?

Suburban Mom Porn

I discovered something about myself this weekend. Something I tried to deny for awhile, I never thought I would be that obsessed with it but it is time to admit that I truly am.
I love porn.

There, I said it. Not your regular hotel porn, or playboy magazines, I have my own porn and it is: recipe blogs.
I have written before about how I love food and recipe magazines but I have moved on to recipe blogs and websites. I have my own, although it is shanty, and does not compare to those I read religiously.
I pour over the recipes that look and sound so good. I will go back to them over and over. I am not an expert baker or cook by any means. I love to cook good things for my family as much as I love to eat them. I love to try new things, and I love all types of foods. I aspire to make more complex things and to bake my children birthday cakes that look as good as the ones we order from the bakery.

So I love foodie porn, what's it to you? I know there are worse things to be addicted to.
What is one thing you like a little too much?

Mother

Motherhood is a strange thing, to have your heart walking outside your body, to care for a small person whom you have never met before but the instant you see them you know you would die for them. Give up your entire life so they will no longer feel pain, you would suffer in their place in an instant, it would be a decision that would need no thought.

My own mother is a wonderful mother. She was my friend and a friend to my friends, she was a nurse and a teacher and a protector. We had rough patches, typical patches where I thought she wasn't on my side, that she could never understand what I was going through, that I had lost my best friend.
I couldn't have been more wrong.

By standing by me, by loving me no matter what I did or said, that was what told me she still was in my corner. Behind me no matter what.
She is not a perfect mother and I am not a perfect daughter. Sometimes I expected her to be perfect and I was disappointed when I could see through the cracks in her armour. It was my own inexperience with life that made me think she could be perfect, even when I reached an age old enough to know "perfection" was unattainable.

My children amaze me. I was amazed I had twins and I carried their huge, flawless bodies to term, I am constantly amazed how smart they are and how absolutely sweet they can be. I am amazed at how my son looks just like his father and my daughter like me.
It is like being given another chance at life, a do over. Not to live vicariously through my children but to fix the flaws I see in myself to become a better parent.
To be the mother they deserve. To be the person I want to be.
To let my children know I am not perfect and I wish I could be for them, but I do not expect perfection in them either. People have faults, they make mistakes, they stumble. And their mothers will always be there to pick them up, dust them off and let them know it is OK.

It will always be OK.


Happy Mother's Day to all the moms and especially mine.