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When anyone hears a news story about something horrific happening to a child, they react the same way, they would clench up, turn off the TV and try to shake the images out of their head. I hated watching shows or movies that had bad things happening to kids or animals. Why give a sick person any ideas?
When you become a mother though, the stories just seem so much worse. They become real. "How can anyone do that to a innocent child" becomes "how can I protect my child from these animals".
My fears seemed to intensify now that I have just had a new baby. When I see or hear terrible things, I crawl into bed with my children holding on to them as if I am trying to put them back inside of me, where they were safe. Keeping my children out of harms way is my job I tell myself, it is normal. Fear is good, it will keep you on your toes, my head tells me.
What if I have a bad day? What if the worst can and does happen? What if I fail my own babies?
These questions can't be answered. They cannot even linger too long, for fear of losing my sanity. I have to push them back into the darkness.
Instead I will still turn off the television when I hear about children being victimized, I will pray for them in the darkness as I crawl into bed with my children and lay with them.
"I will protect you" I whisper to them. I say it as I hope that no truer words have ever been spoken.
I say it because I have to.
7 years ago
The pressure to be a good parent is overwhelming. Add their security and helping them achieve their hopes and dream and we wonder why we're mentally exhausted all the time.
ReplyDeleteWas it like this for our parents?
Good post! It is overwhelming to think of all that can happen. But I have learned after going through some of what can happen that all we can do is what is right for our children, protect them the best we can and if they do get hurt, love them till they overflow.
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way. Sometimes I cannot even imagine having another child because I wonder if I can protect all three at once...
ReplyDeleteThis post really hits home with me. Ever since I became a mom I have been SO sensitive to what I hear on the news about children being victimized. I have a feeling we will never lose that fear for our children. My mother STILL worries about me after 34 years and makes me call her to let her know I "got home o.k." I try not to think too much about the evil in this world, but I was also a victim as a child and I know all too well that there's every reason to be hypervigilant as a parent. I think not letting yourself go crazy is the key.
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