Friday, April 04, 2008

Baby Blues

Post- partum depression? Nahhh. But the baby blues? Yuppers.
I find myself crying at least once a day, usually in the evening. It was the same after I had the twins. I was sad to see my Mom leave, and just as sad to see my mother in law leave. That is when I knew I was in trouble.

I cry when I think about how E has been jerked around by so many companies telling him how great he is but still no job offer.
I cry when E tells me I am a good Mom.
I cry when the baby has a hard time latching on, or is still crying after a marathon feeding in the middle of the night.
I cry thinking about how my birthday is next week and E's in on Sunday and I would love to buy him something great to cheer him up but I can't afford to.

My hormones are in major flux and I am along for the ride. I remind myself it is normal and it could be so much worse. I know my body is being taken on a ride by hormones and sleep deprivation.
E reminded me today I have only been out of the house for 2 doctor's appointments and 1 visit to the animal refuge since I have been home, which is two weeks today.
That is not good.

I didn't leave the house for days and days when I had the kids either and I don't want to make the same mistake. Although it is harder now because I am breastfeeding, I promise myself I will go out this weekend.
I know it will make me feel somewhat human again.

I hope.

6 comments:

  1. Aw, this is the sucky part...so happy on one level and a complete headcase on another. You are in very good company anyway :) every new mom I know (myself included) had more than a fair share of breakdowns in the early days.

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  2. God I wished we lived closer. I would love to hold Kevin and be there for you!

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  3. I feel the same way. My baby will be 4 weeks on Tuesday and I am wondering when I will feel "normal" again. I am having a really hard time balancing three kids, sometimes it is just too overwhelming! We'll both get through this. As my mom told me this morning (after breaking down to her on the phone) one day I will look back on all this and be able to say Glad those days are over! You will survive this and so will I :)

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  4. You're right. Getting out will probably do you some good. Since you've been through this before, you know it won't last forever, not that it helps. You guys have had more than your fair share, that silver lining is around the corner.

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  5. Anonymous10:56 AM

    That's the great part about breastfeeding...you can take them with you and not have to worry about mixing, dirty bottles and sterlizing nipples... you are good to go!!! The harder part is getting everyone ready and out of the house. Not an easy task... Happy birthday... soon Kevin will be crawling and you'll be wishing that he wasn't so mobile. xo lyns

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  6. ya know what?...this IS the yucky part. BUT...You DO have to get out. Hubs can give a bottle of formula or breast milk if need be, but belive me when I tell you this...YOU NEED TO GET OUT! I made the same mistake. I nursed all of my kids, and when it was just my daughter and me...she was 10 months old before I ever left her. Ya. I DID NOT make that mistake again!!!

    Even if it's to Borders or to Walmart to walk around...read a gossip magazine...the library! Anywhere but home...you'll go back feeling like a new person.

    kiss the baby for me!

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