Monday, April 28, 2008

Memories of a Full Life

I was standing in the kitchen last night, holding K. E was giving the twins a bath upstairs and for the first time that day, the downstairs was quiet except for lullaby music on in the family room. As I stood with him in my arms I felt the weight of his body shift. I realized I was moving, like all mothers do, rhythmically swaying for the baby in my arms. I was dancing with the new little life that I made.
I wanted to take in that moment and save it, I wanted to store it in my memory bank for later. I will save it for a day when he is a grown man and I can't recall the little baby he once was in my arms.

I have a habit of trying to do that. To try and wish a memory into forever.

When I was two weeks shy of delivering K, we took the kids to the park. I sat there watching my kids play and my husband was chasing them. They all were laughing the big, deep belly laughs that only a father can give you. They were so happy. The sky was a brilliant shade of teal and the grass was particularly green. It was a view like out of a movie.
This was my family and I was so lucky.
Tears sprang to my eyes as I wished it into my memory.

"This is what I will see when I die" I said to myself.

I hope my favorite memories can flood back when I need them most. I want to always remember how it felt to have my babies in my arms. How they smelled, how soft their skin was.
I know I will remember the love I felt. That will never fade for my babies no matter how old or frail I get, or how old they get.

I will always remember the love.
I just know it.

8 comments:

  1. wow Tuesday...this was beautiful. and so true. I try to remember when my kids were little, and we wouldn't turn on the tv for DAYS, cuz they just entertained us soooo much. and the giggles and laughing...just the best.

    this was a beautiful post and your family is so lucky to have you in it...

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  2. Oh, that's beautiful! I have this kind of experience all of the time. There are just some moments that I wish I could capture in a little box and hold on to forever and ever and ever.

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  3. SO beautiful! Sometimes I just wish we could make time stand still.

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  4. Kristi6:24 AM

    This was so moving! My kids are mostly grown (almost 21 and almost 19) and I remember so many things, tiny details about when they were little. You never forget those things, but you start forgetting the negative things and then the good things just keep piling up. Your memories are less detailed but you remember the feelings. This probably doesn't make much sense, but what I'm trying to say is that this post was fantastic and you're right about the memories. Would have been much simpler if I'd just left it at that!!!

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  5. This is a beautiful post. What wonderful memories. So glad you are sharing them with us.

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  6. That was a really sweet post. I do the same thing.

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  7. That was beautiful. I literally have tears in my eyes. I know that beauty and magic well... bless you and your family!!
    Best,
    Audrey
    Pinks & Blues

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  8. Wow, what a fantastic post. It brought tears to my eyes too. My kids are still little, 4 under 7, but they grow up so fast.

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