Hair, Massages and Boobs, Oh My!

My husband and children gave me a gift certificate for a massage for my birthday. A well needed massage, I must say, especially after carrying a 9+ pound baby around in my bod for forty weeks (he wasn't 9lbs the entire 40 weeks, I know. He just felt like it). E had made the appointment for 3 that afternoon and I had to rush after I brought all 3 kids to the doctor to pump and change underwear for my massage.
As I was leaving I remembered that I hadn't shaved my legs in some time.

Me: Shit, I haven't shaved my legs!

E: So? Tell the woman you just had a baby and haven't shaved your legs.

Me: And what about my boobs? I have only had time to pump one boob for 15 minutes, what if I leak?

E: So? Just wear your bra, or lay on your side.

Me: Side massages suck. There is no point to them. Wearing your bra sucks ass too, that is where all the attention should be, in my back. I need good back action.

E: So? Just tell her you had a baby!

Me: You know? I am really sick of having to tell strangers "sorry my boobs may leak and please don't look at my unshaven legs"*. It happens more then it should.


Men have it so easy don't they?


* as a young girl, I never would have thought this sentence would have passed my lips, but now, sadly, it is a common occurrence.