I Miss you

Things I miss since I have become a Mom:

Going to the bathroom alone. This doesn't seem like much of an issue, but it is. Some things are better off alone and I really don't feel like explaining a period to a two year old. That's just wrong.

Having at least 15 minutes to finish a meal. I hate rushing and pounding my food down because I have the two kids who will not sit in their high chairs more then 8 minutes. Not to mention but they are really nice high chairs. AND they recline for a nap after a nice snack. What could be better?!?

Talking on the phone without interruptions.

Not hearing Old Mac Donald or the ABC song 923478328946 times a day.

Getting dressed without someone pointing to my breast and asking "what's dat?" with a disgusted look on her face.

Only having to clean up after myself.

Not having to ever worry about whether or not someone pooped today, or yesterday or in the last week.

and finally

uninterrupted SLEEP

Today Is A Good Day

Today is a good day because it is my sister's birthday and even more importantly Lost is on tonight! I can't wait, I just love the show and tonight we will find out what happening with the people on the raft. My prediction is they are all ok, except Walt because we don't know where he is.

I got some stuff done today:
called Proflowers and told them my flowers died after 4 days. I will be getting replacement flowers tomorrow. Yippee.
Ordered my Grandmother a gift for her 80th birthday
Bought my 978 case of diapers and wipes

Still to do:
find a gym here with daycare
find a allergist
buy my sister a birthday gift
buy some delicious chocolates from Moonstruck Chocolates because my period is due shortly

What Happened?

Is it me or is Brooke Shields getting uglier? I guess she had work done and it went wrong, because she almost looks like a different person.
Very strange.
Before and after.

Really I cannot think of one person who after having more then one cosmetic surgery done, looks better. They usually look a lot worse. Like Kathy Griffin, Nicolette Sheridan, Lil Kim and Tara Reid.
It makes me not want to get so much as a facial peel.

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Thanks to everyone for the great nap advice. I am trying some new things and hopefully one of them will work for us.

My advice to anyone who has a new baby will be, keep them in their cribs as long as you can, it is much easier!

Breakdown

I may or may not have a breakdown very shortly.
My kids refuse to take a nap since they have been in their toddler beds. Well, they have taken 1.5 naps in 8 days. I am pulling my hair out.
I mean not taking a nap is bad enough when they are tired, but for the entire rest of the day they fight, throw tantrums, become unruly and are generally children I would rather not be around.

I am going to have to separate their beds, my daughter is instigating and gets out of her bed and tells her brother to do the same. I would really rather not separate them but it is either that, or I run away.

Help.

Wood

Five years ago today I was pacing around my Mother's house, I couldn't eat, I hadn't slept and I was so nervous. I was about to do the most important thing of my life, I was about to marry E.

Five years ago I married my best friend, the man I had been with since I was just a girl, I was only 22 when we started dating. It sounds strange, but after about a month, I knew I would be spending my life with him.

We have had more hard times then I thought we would and we had great times I never dreamed of. We had babies together and moved away from all of our family and friends and did it all on our own. All of it and we are stronger for it.
I am really proud of that.
I am really proud of us.

So to my wonderful, supportive, loving, hard working husband, I love you and I know we have many more great years in the future.
Thank you for who you are, thank you for loving me, thank you for what you give to our family and thank you for making me a better person.

I knew your hands would be the ones holding my babies and I was right. Your strong, sweet, loving hands not only hold my babies, they hold my life and for that, I am eternally grateful.

LOST

I am SO excited about Lost tonight!
My prediction is that the people from the tale end of the plane, at least one of whom survived (Michele Rodriguez) are hiding in the hatch.

Yay!!

This is My Space

I am a huge animal lover. I have said before and I will say it again, most of the time I like animals more then people. It is heartbreaking to see the poor animals abandoned and dying in New Orleans and if I could take more, allergies or no allergies I would. My pocketbook tells me no more pets, but if I win the lottery, watch out! I will be the old lady on the street with all the animals.
When I was a teenager I often spent helping PETA protest including one at a furrier in my town. I don't believe in hunting, I think it is terrible and cowardly to "hunt" a deer with a gun, try a bow an arrow for "sport. I don't buy into the argument that if we didn't hunt deer or bear they overpopulated and get killed anyway on the highways. Sure, they are plentiful here in NJ, but maybe the answer is STOP BUILDING MCMANSIONS ON EVERY LITTLE PIECE OF GREEN LAND WE HAVE IN NJ. NJ is crazy with that shit, nothing of my childhood remains they have build on it. Everyone knows you need three Macy's in one town, duh.

I don't wear fur, I occasionally eat meat and I do wear leather shoes ( have you ever tried to walk in snow in canvas shoes?). Am I a hypocrite? Maybe.
But I don't believe in torturing living things for vanity.

I hope you are with me.

Rita

My sister-in-law and brother-in-law live in Key Largo. They decided to ride out Rita because after hurricane Andrew everything is small.
Say a small prayer that Rita spares the keys and Texas, please?
After all I think we have all had enough of hurricanes for a lifetime.

Hair, Fans and Allergies

I have terrible allergies, I always have. My allergest once told me not to have carpet, sleep with a down comforter or feather pillows never sleep with the window open and not to have pets. Well I switched to down alternative pillows and comforter and I have carpeting in 50 % of my house and I have two cats and a dog. I know I shouldn't have the carpeting ( have you ever priced wood flooring? Expensive) and the pets but I love them all and I live with the consequences, which are allergies.

I try to sleep with the air on so I don't die of a runny nose and itchy eyes at about 5 am every morning. I have a ceiling fan that works well for us, but I have long hair. What does hair tend to do? Fall out, especially in bed. So every night I feel like their is a spider crawling on my leg or arm but it turns out to be a strand of hair blowing in the wind and it freaks me out every time.
Last night it happened so often that I didn't sleep well and today you can tell.

Maybe I can wear a hair net to bed.

So I saved $40

I was reading Amanda's blog about her find of the perfect maternity pants and how she is searching for some maternity underwear.

it made me think back to when I was pregnant. I never bought maternity underwear. I bought L & XL gap ones on sale for $1.99 and used those, when they didn't fit over my tummy, they were then deemed low riders and I would wear them under my belly. Weren't they ugly looking you may ask, and the answer is, I am sure they were but what do I care at that point I hadn't seen my feet in three months and needed help off the toilet on occasion.
Proper fiting underwear wasn't my first priority.

I still have them stuffed in the back of my drawer and are occasionally used for when I am out of regular period underwear. Is this TMI?
Anyway I wonder if I am strange for not buying maternity underwear, at least a three pack or something.

Women will appreciate this, also I never purchased or read What to Expect When You are Expecting.
I can hear the gasps from here! '
How rebel of me.

Open Letter To My Children

Dearest Babies,

I know you are not babies anymore, but to me you will always be my babies. Dad & I bought you "big boy and big girl" beds, so now you need to use them. We made them comfy for you and we even fit your aquarium at the foot of the bed, so you would have the same comforts as your cribs.
You cannot get out of your crib and empty the toy box onto the floor. I can't keep coming up the stairs every 8 minutes to tell you to get back into your beds and to go to sleep.
Although my fat ass thanks you for the exercise.

I know you are enjoying your freedom but do you know what Mommy enjoys? Sleep. A shower. Free time. Quiet and the occasional meal. Is that really top much to ask? After all I am the one wo was stretched out to Utah, and that still bears the stretch marks you guys made. I carried all 15 lbs 3 oz of you for 39 weeks and various fluids and placentas and stuff.
I stay at home to care for you every day knowing that I could not trust your care to another. I gave up extra monies for massages. Hello? Is that not enough?

Also when you ask if I want to "play my puzzle with me?" I always say yes even though I actually do not, because I have done it 2873 times today alone. I let you watch one too many Dora's & Diego's because you are cute when you guys ask, and you said "ppppeeeze?" which mades my heart leap.

Daddy is going away in a couple of weeks and leaving us alone. Lets not try and kill each other until he returns, ok? Mommy will go get a nice massage and hopefully will feel like a new woman. Perhaps I will even sneak in a facial.
Now that will help!

Love, Mommy

Today

Today there were no naps because they are too excited about the freedom of getting out of their bed. That is ok, choose your battles is what keeps repeating in my head.

Today it is finally raining here, after not having any rain in over two weeks. All the lawns are brown and dead despite rescue efforts by me and my hose.

Today I feel drained, like I have nothing left to give. I don't, I don't have the same tolerance level for crying and fighting kids. I don't.

Today I am scared I am not a good mother, a mediocre mother at best. I fear I will fuck my kids up with something I did or didn't do.

Today I am carrying all my stress in my back and neck and it feel like my back is on fire. If I had extra money I would get a 90 minute massage. I love massages but I haven't had one since I was pregnant. I am not earning any money so extras like massages for me are out. Maybe I will get a mani/pedi instead, that will help.

Today I received a coupon for gymboree and I am dying to use it. Gymboree clothes are my downfall as a Mom.

Today I think I will take a nap. I need it.

I Need A Drink

Today was toddler bed day.
Today was a bad day.

First we went to three store before I could find toddler beds, then they had to be assembled. Poor E. I was on toddler distraction mode while E put them together and took apart one crib.
My daughter who loved the bed at first, in theory then had a twenty minute fit complete with kicking, screaming and holding her breath.

E sat with them until they fell asleep, which took an hour and a half.
Now I have to pray they stay in their beds through the night.

Lord help us all.

The End Of The World As I Know It

Baby B decided that she can climb out of her crib at night after her brother falls asleep. Then she will try to open her bedroom door and Mom will come rescue her.

Then she will jump on Mom's bed while Dad turns red because all her wants her to do is sleep.

Sleep? SLEEP? Who needs sleep when you can play with your parents at night. Undivided attention! Yay!

Needless to say We are exhausted this morning and will be going out to buy toddler beds this afternoon.

9/11

I remember 9/11/01 so clearly, like many people do. It was a gorgeous day, the sun was shining, there wasn't a cloud in the sky, not too hot or too chilly. I had just started a new job and it was my seventh day. I worked for a medium sized company located about 10 minutes from NYC. I loved it.

My boss called me and told me from the highway he was stuck on, he could see smoke from NYC, he said he thought a plane accidentally hit a building. Then an announcement came over the building that the World Trade Center had been hit, and that we were all supposed to leave now and go home. I did just that. I was frantically trying to call E's cell because I thought he was in NYC for a meeting. I heard they were closing the borders of NY, there would be no way to get home. The lines were jammed and I couldn't get through for 30 minutes, those were the worst minutes because I thought he had meetings in a hotel right next to the WTC.

In actuality, he was in Yonkers, NY and was able to get home. We both met at the end of our driveway and watched as the buildings burned. That's the thing about NJ, on a clear day you can see far into NYC and obviously, the view was amazing. It was altered that day, and as I left for work every day after that, I would look to my left because out of the corner of my eye something was missing. there was a huge hole in the skyline.

I did lose a friend from high school that was in the buildings, high above where the plane crashed, leaving her no way out.

There was one good thing that happened that day. E & I realized that life was too short, and we decided to have a baby.
Baby A & B came out of that horrible day and the evil people felt for Americans.
They healed me and one day maybe they will heal the world.

Midnight Dreary

I was startled awake, not remembering where I was or what I was doing. Slowly I got my bearings, I was in bed, in my house. Look at the clock, ok it is 3am, why is my heart racing, why am I sweaty? Ok, now it is coming back to me, I had a nightmare, again.
But what was it about? Yes, E was ignoring me, he was distant, I think he was cheating on me.

So I did what any wife would do when she just had a dream that her husband cheated, I elbowed him in the ribs. "What is wrong?!" he whispered forcefully, "you cheated on me" I told him.
He held me tight against him and whispered " I would never do that, it was a bad dream, now go back to sleep." But I couldn't.
I know he wouldn't, he never has but still it worries me.
Not that I think he would, because that is not my worst fear, it is of being alone.

Alone in the world without him.
Then I tuck his arm even tighter around me and try to fall back into a sleep without fear.

Search

I love looking at what people searched for and ended up at my little blog.
Here are some recent searches:

Semen black light- If I owned one of these I would never sleep in a hotel again, or probably 25% of my friends houses.

girl touching mans pants with hands

vibrating shower scrunchie -I am intrigued by this

sequined sack- did it come that way or did you sequin it yourself?

and lastly, my favorite: Shitting in church

video

I honestly believe Kanye was speaking from his heart and I think it has validity to it. I just love Mike Meyers face like "what the fuck and I supposed to say now? How do I follow that?"



http://media.putfile.com/Kanye79

Katrina

I really need to stop watching this coverage. I am sickened. I didn't sleep at all last night, I had a dream that I needed to go pick up family from New Orleans and I didn't know how to get down there to save them.

I am so sad thinking about people who just have nothing. Nothing.
I am maddened thinking about how long it seems to get relief in their for the people who have no food or water, babies without medicine. It seems like the Tsunami relief was better orchestrated and they had NO warning. We knew it was coming, and people need supplies now. I hope that come soon.

I will be donating what I can to the relief fund and for the animals. I just wish I could help more.

God, life sucks sometimes doesn't it?