Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Today

Today there were no naps because they are too excited about the freedom of getting out of their bed. That is ok, choose your battles is what keeps repeating in my head.

Today it is finally raining here, after not having any rain in over two weeks. All the lawns are brown and dead despite rescue efforts by me and my hose.

Today I feel drained, like I have nothing left to give. I don't, I don't have the same tolerance level for crying and fighting kids. I don't.

Today I am scared I am not a good mother, a mediocre mother at best. I fear I will fuck my kids up with something I did or didn't do.

Today I am carrying all my stress in my back and neck and it feel like my back is on fire. If I had extra money I would get a 90 minute massage. I love massages but I haven't had one since I was pregnant. I am not earning any money so extras like massages for me are out. Maybe I will get a mani/pedi instead, that will help.

Today I received a coupon for gymboree and I am dying to use it. Gymboree clothes are my downfall as a Mom.

Today I think I will take a nap. I need it.

6 comments:

  1. Anonymous10:48 AM

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  2. We buy a lot of kids' clothes off Ebay. The deals aren't as good as they were a few years ago, but if you're smart about it, you can still get new or good-as-new stuff for around half retail price. And if you're willing to take mildly used stuff, the discounts can still add up pretty good. We've bought everything - boys, girls, shoes... Gymboree, Hanna Andersson, Gap, Old Navy... It works best if you snipe using snipe software, though. That also forces a little bit of auction discipline in that you really have to think about your maximum bid before placing it - and be satisfied with losing the auction if the final selling price is higher than your maximum.

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  3. My back has been hell lately. And I know of 3 other people complaining of back problems today. Must be something in the air! Hang in there, girl. And drink that drink you needed yesterday. A little drinky-poo here and there never hurts.

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  4. i think you sound like the perfect mom, all angst ridden. seriously, my mother smoked and drank pepsi nonstop and also took scads of valium and she was soooo relaxed about having kids.

    i'm guessing that wasn't the best strategy...

    but, get a massage. figure out how and do it. you're important cuz if you aren't working right, the whole shootin' match falls apart ;)

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  5. We all feel that way sometimes, but it will pass.

    I too got the Gymboree coupon and I CANNOT WAIT TILL TOMORROW so I can go buy Princess some new fall clothes!!! Gymboree is an addiction!

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  6. You are a mother at home with her children, that's work enough to deserve a massage!!

    Try a local massage therapy school. Usually they have a student clinic open to the public where you can get a relaxation massage for much cheaper than one done by a professional. Granted, the massages aren't always as good as a professional, but I have yet to be disappointed. Find one with a good reputation, and book it!

    Hang in there, and don't forget to breathe deeply!!

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