Thursday, July 06, 2006

Friends

It is no secret that I have no friends where I live. All my friends are in North Jersey where I am from. They are all friends from high school or work and they all pretty much live close to the county I grew up in.
When we moved down here we never thought it would be hard to make friends, I imagined playdates, meeting cool Moms at gymboree and surely E would make a ton of friends in his new territory.
Not true.

I met a few people at gymboree, many of them working mothers, so playdates were out. I met one cool Mom from a meetup group and we had a couple of playdates and I really liked her, but she also went back to work.
At the park all the Moms seem to know each other and I am really too busy making sure my twins are not running into the street or being abducted to spend time trying to make a friend.

Our neighbors are all great people but 99% of them are much older then us. Like 30 years older. They are great, but we don't have too much in common and I don't picture myself hanging out drinking, quoting lines from Dave Chappelle or Napoleon Dynamite till 3am with them.

Now that is the kind of friends we are looking for.

I am lonely here and I wish the kids would have some other playmates besides E & I. They are terribly bored of us.

Maybe these are all excuses because I find it hard to make new friends, because I do. I swear I am nice, funny and loyal- all great characteristics for a friend.
I will tell you if your shoes are ugly, but in a nice way. I will call you to see if you want to get coffee if I know you are having a bad day and I will send you a note after you have your first child telling you I know, I have been there and if you need anything, even to vent, I am there for you.

Now really, how do I make new friends??

15 comments:

  1. When I moved to NC, I made myself join a few groups.... my sorority alumae group, my college alumni group, etc. While I knew I wasn't in it for the long haul, I used it to meet a few potential friends and then went from there. Another idea...if you have met a few potential friends, start a dinner club or a book club. Meet with those girls once a month and have them invite some people too. Next thing you know, you'll have all kinds of people to do things with!

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  2. I too have trouble making friends. I've always been like that. It made my teen years rather rough. I tend to do better with male friends but I have found a handful of female friends that I have held on to very tightly.

    As for how I made them honestly I don't know. It just seemed like we clicked and our families clicked as well so that made it even easier.

    I like the ideas the pp gave you and my best advice is keep trying and I'm sure that something will materialize.

    GOOD LUCK

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  3. is grandma there? my lips hurt real bad!

    Have you ever flipped the ND dvd over to see the deleted scenes? Soooooooooooooooooooooooooo funny

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  4. kristi, SWEET!!! I haven't but now I am pissed, my Mom borrowed teh dvd and I won't get it back until next weekend.
    Thanks!

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  5. You can be my friend, I am lonely too and I think you might live in my neck of the woods...a friend of mine from high school is pregnant now (who, mind you, I haven't spoken to in ten years) and I am terrorizing her on when she is going on maternity leave so I can have someone who speaks understandable English to hang out with. Being a stay at home is SO MUCH harder than I ever dreamed possible...I swear each day feels like ten years so it doesn't seem possible that the baby is growing up so fast...

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  6. If I move to your area, I will need a friend too. lol.

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  7. It's so hard. Nothing is harder than being on your own with the kids all day with no other grown ups to break it up.

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  8. I'm going through exactly what you are, but in the reverse. Everyone in my neighborhood has babies and I have been there and done that. I need some older moms to talk to!

    :)

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  9. "I'm Rick James, Bitch!"
    If I lived closer to you I would totally be your friend. Our kids would wear eachother out from all the playing and we could watch Dave's Block Party while they napped. (i just rented that and I love it!)
    It sucks, because I feel the same way here. i used to have friends but then I had my son, and none of them had babies so you know how that went...so now my friends are you internets, and I can't even have you guys over for soda (I don't do coffee) and some dvd's. Nita lives close by (kinda), but now she has disappeared before I could go out and bother her.

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  10. Go where the people are. Join new/different groups, talk to other parents at kid things and be a little more forward with your invitations than you normally would.

    How old are you, btw?

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  11. I ended up creating new friends when they were pregnant the same time I was. When they got pregnant again, and I was going through IF, we seemed to drift apart; neither understanding the other.

    I want to find friends who are friends because of me, not because our kids are the same age. That's really hard to do and if you find the secret, let me in on it. OK?

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  12. I need some friends too!!! It is hard to meet new people and I always feel that everyone already knows one another & I'm an outsider. I try to talk to other moms, but it never goes any further than the normal chit-chat...

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  13. I know how you feel. We moved to IL from KS and I have made NO friends here in almost a year. No one to shop with or have lunch with. I have tried scrapbooking parties and sure there are old ladies that are your "friends" but not like a real girlfriend, most of them think I am too young to hang with. I've met no one my own age. DH feels the same way, he has no friends his age here either. Just guys from work that are old and never invite us or do stuff with us for the same reason probly. My kid is my best friend. He will go to lunch with me anyday. At least we have our internet friends right?

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  14. Thanks for the suggestions guys.
    I feel like maybe when the kids start school in september that maybe we can meet some other parents.

    Brad, I am ::cough:: 32 ::cough::

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  15. hey there...
    i linked to you through tricia...
    i can understand, and i live in my hometown! i lost a lot of my friends when i got divorced...they kept on getting together as couples and didn't always invite me. And NONE of them understood when i started dating again!
    i have friends at work, phone friends, and internet friends.

    and don't feel bad about your birthday...i just turned (groan)...42.

    thanks for the great post. it's good to know i'm not alone in this problem.
    j.

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