The One Where I Vent

I will start off saying, I know there are far more better things to complain about and I shouldn't be venting about a luxury so few people in this world are able to enjoy, but let us remember this is my blog.
And I'll cry if I want to.

I really need a break, a vacation, a holiday, a getaway and I need it soon.

If you remember, E & I were going to spend 5 days in the Bahamas in early April and E's parents were going to come here to watch the kids for us, so it can be a "real" vacation.
Then we were brought back into reality and how fucked we sometimes get, with my delightful cancer journey.
So the trip was off, because my surgeon's first available appointment was that particular week, and if you are told you have cancer, you don't want to wait to get out every single bad cell as soon as possible.
Plus, what kid of vacation would it be if I had to worry about coming home to have surgery?

So when I finally recovered, the money allocated for a small vacation was spent, I am sure on something trivial, like food or clothing.

Now we are in desperation phase and I need some time away, and it doesn't look like I am going to get it any time soon.
I am tired of parenting all day every day, I want to reprogram myself and relax for a couple of days without worrying about two other small people and if they have eaten/pooped/slept. I have done that with no more then a 8 hour break for three and a half years.

If you worked at a job like that, you would come in one day firing a gun, and that is what I am trying to avoid.
Going on a break would be what is best for the kids, E & I but right now financially, especially with the kids starting preschool in a month, we cannot afford it, and we don't have anyone to watch the kids anyway.

That is my bitch of the day, and it sucks that I am starting the week off like this, but this is how I feel this morning.