Sick

I want to thank you all for your kind words of encouragement and keeping us in your prayers.
I do realize that we are all healthy and relatively happy and material things are not the same as that peace. I want to believe things are just things and we don't need them. But....we do.
My children do need a place to live. We need food. We need to work and live and pay bills and breathe. All things that have not been easy these days.

I am sick of thinking "well, that job must not have been meant to be" and "something better will come, it has to" for months now. I am sick of waking up with swollen eyes from crying all night. I am sick of the headaches I get from not eating or drinking enough but I can't take anything stronger then a tylenol because I am nursing. I am sick thinking about how I am going to have to ask a relative for money. I am sick thinking about how maybe I won't get it.
I am sick thinking about how another company called E today to cancel his interview because they "just hired someone else". I am sick about how this has made my husband a different person, a broken person.
I am sick thinking about how we are failing our children. I am sick of pleading with god.

I am sick of being sick.

When is it my turn for my luck to change?