My Time

With the terrible news that Lisa was given this week, I have been thinking, a lot more then I usually let myself, about death.
My father died of melanoma, a young man who had just turned 53. They never found the origin of his disease. My Grandmother was just told she has a melanoma that she needs to have removed this week. We are fair skinned people, we are sun worshipers, we used sunscreen as kids but not vigilantly.

Is this the legacy my family has given me along with blue eyes and a quick temper?
I get my checkups, I tell my doctors about my family history like I talk about my grocery list, but I never feel safe.

My own cancer scare was enough to open my eyes to this terrible disease. You are never too young to get it. You can never be too young, exercise enough, eat healthy enough for cancer to pass you by.
It will come for you, when is the only question.

I was lucky, I escaped with a benign tumor but that is only after all my tests, biopsy and doctors all told me it was malignant.
I walked around for the weeks before my surgery with this tumor inside of me, and it was so strange. This lump that could kill me, leave my children motherless, my husband a widow and my mother having to deal with the worst thing in life-losing a child was just there as we waited. All the while I did my grocery shopping, cleaning and I played with my kids, but I could not stop thinking about the poison that I thought was inside my body.
Perhaps it was the alternative treatments I did before my surgery that made the poison harmless, perhaps it was luck or maybe it just wasn't my time- yet.

If cancer runs in your family do you get checked out more often? Do you ever feel safe?
I try to live my life, just be in the moment and I try to push back the voices in my mind that say "soon it will be your turn".

Baby Love

My baby. My sweet four month old baby. I haven't written much about him have I, or my other sweet babies? Having baby K has made me fall in love with L & R all over again. If I catch them in the right light, and tilt my head just so, I can picture them as four month old twins, sweet and pure. My only regret was that I let myself wish away too much of the day with "am I doing this mothering thing right" and didn't let myself just be.

Now I am just enjoying this motherhood thing much more. I know there is no "perfect" except the perfect that exists in my children.

K is four and a half month old now. He is so strong and has been since birth. He tries to sit up from a lying position! I doubt 4 month olds are supposed to do that. He is so happy- as long as you are entertaining him. He loves his big sister R because she adores him, she will sing to him, play with him and he eats it up. L is much more laid back, he loves his baby brother, but has much more important things to do then watch his every move like the rest of the family.

He laughs, loves the song Yankee Doodle and is a chub chub at 16lbs 6oz. We call him sweet thighs. He is a delight to be around, a great baby who has added so much to our family in so many ways.
He has finished our family, made us complete and bonded us even more. For that, well, I am eternally grateful and filled with love.

Body After Baby

I have been living la vida loca with not having a period for 13 months, but that all ended on Thursday night when my period returned with a vengeance. I swear I though I was hemorrhaging, I have never had a period that heavy in my life. That was an eye opener.
I will file that under "things I didn't know was going to happen to me during/after pregnancy".

Whoever told me the pounds will just "melt off if you breastfeed" deserves to be shot. Liar. Nothing is melting, except me in this extreme heat and humidity because I am carrying so much extra fat.

Oh, was that TMI for a Monday morning? Too bad.



Tomorrow I will have a post about my awesome baby boy but in the meantime, check out my great $25 GC giveaway over at my other blog this week. Plus check out this other awesome giveaway!

Cabbage Patch Beat Downs

I remember my mom telling me the horror stories of trying to get Cabbage Patch dolls for us in the 80s. She saw women fist fighting, men ripping packages out of a woman's arms and people being trampled. It really made her think about what people are doing to each other for a stupid doll and what she was willing to do to get us one. When a store has 25 dolls for 75 people who are waiting for it, just opening the doors and letting people charge isn't the best solution.
My Mom was willing to wait until she got a rain check and get a chance to visit the store room and pick out her very own Cabbage Patch Kids for us- Cabbage Patch nirvana.

As a mother myself now, I have been out shopping on Black Friday trying to get the toys my children want for a cheaper price. My kids are not old enough to want the "must have gift of the season" yet, I know it is just a matter of time though. Camping out in front of a store just isn't my style and I don't want to teach my kids that the instant they want something, they get it. Instant gratification isn't a great thing to teach children, in my opinion.

My kids will soon enough want the toys that advertisements and their friends tell them they "have to have", but I promise I will not knock you down to get it.
Well, unless you are blocking the aisle with your cart.
I just hate that.



Check out Hasbro's Hot Summer Toy Event and the Parent Bloggers Toy blog Blast!

Your Driving Me Crazy

As I was driving to the store this morning, I heard about a recent poll of NJ drivers. Seventy percent of NJ drivers thinks they are above average drivers and thirty percent said they are average, zero percent said they are a below average driver.
I have to say as a lifelong NJ driver, 80% of them are wrong, they stink at driving.
NJ drivers also think NY has the worst drivers, which is so very true. The only thing worse then a NY driver is one from any other state that have no idea what to do on any road and when you pass them you see the fear of god in their eyes.

I think I need to make laminated cards to put on people's windshields. Mine would say things like "you are the worst driver in the history of drivers" or "you are a fair-at-best driver, please go straight to the DMV and turn in your license" or maybe even "I am sure you were a good driver at some point in time, like when dinosaurs roamed the Earth, but you know you cannot see so please stay home and order in food".
Maybe I can rid NJ of terrible drivers.
That is my dream.

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I was lucky enough to get some samples of amazing sun protective clothing for kids and adults. They are so sweet and are really well made. The company is offering a 40% off coupon for my readers for this week only. It is a great price to stock up for next summer too!

The Liar Within

A push up bra, spanx, face lifts, the miracle swimsuit, 4 inch heels, hair extensions, wigs and lip plumper. These are all lies we tell ourselves......or are they? Maybe you think they are just "enhancements" to your real self.

"I will do it tomorrow, you look great, the baby is adorable, you don't look fat, just one more, I will start on Monday" are all lies we tell others. Or are they lies we tell ourselves as well?

What kind of lies do you tell others or do you lie to yourself to keep from going crazy? I know I have to keep certain things from my own brain because if I have to think about it even for one second, I know I will self destruct.
I lie.
We all lie and if you think you don't lie to anyone including yourself, well, that is the biggest lie of all.

Sex and Smelly Pits

You know what the best part of being pregnant is?
Not having your period.
I have not had my period in 12 months now, and for that I am oh so grateful. Not grateful enough to go messing around with that seasonale because having your period just four times a year is just not right, but grateful. BUT! When you are nursing and have no period it could be because of two reasons: you are nursing or pregnant. How would you ever know which because, again, not looking for the period to come calling anytime soon.

So now as I sit here wondering why I am so tired (uuumm, because you have 3 kids) my mind wanders to the feeble sex life* I have had since I had baby K, otherwise known as "Sweet Thighs". Could I be pregnant? Nah. Pregnancy would be BAD. But. Maybe I should get a dollar tree test juuuust to make sure.
BTW, praying not to be pregnant and wondering how the condom could have failed me brings me back to my 20s.
You know, the good 'ole days.
Fun times.


Also? Why do my armpits seem to smell more since I have had Sweet Thighs?
Is my trusted Secret deodorant failing me? Is this something that is common after a pregnancy but I failed to read about in pregnancy books?
No? Okay then carry on.


* can you believe we still do it? We are broke, what else are we going to do for fun?
Go enter my contest, fools.

Vlog Me

I am intrigued by the vlog*. I *may* be talked into doing a vlog, but I have reservations.

Would I have to actually have to do my hair and put on makeup?
Would my voice sound as annoying as I think it does on answering machines?
What the hell would I talk about?
Would you want to hear a funny story about my kids or do you want a nice rant? Should E make an appearance?

So, tell me dear, sweet readers would you like me to do a vlog and what the hell should I vlog about?


* doesn't the word "vlog" sound dirty? I think I need a shower.



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A Mama Cub

When anyone hears a news story about something horrific happening to a child, they react the same way, they would clench up, turn off the TV and try to shake the images out of their head. I hated watching shows or movies that had bad things happening to kids or animals. Why give a sick person any ideas?



When you become a mother though, the stories just seem so much worse. They become real. "How can anyone do that to a innocent child" becomes "how can I protect my child from these animals".

My fears seemed to intensify now that I have just had a new baby. When I see or hear terrible things, I crawl into bed with my children holding on to them as if I am trying to put them back inside of me, where they were safe. Keeping my children out of harms way is my job I tell myself, it is normal. Fear is good, it will keep you on your toes, my head tells me.

What if I have a bad day? What if the worst can and does happen? What if I fail my own babies?



These questions can't be answered. They cannot even linger too long, for fear of losing my sanity. I have to push them back into the darkness.

Instead I will still turn off the television when I hear about children being victimized, I will pray for them in the darkness as I crawl into bed with my children and lay with them.

"I will protect you" I whisper to them. I say it as I hope that no truer words have ever been spoken.

I say it because I have to.

The World is Filled With Stupid People

Maybe it is just me or maybe it is my beloved home state, but I have run into a ton of asshats lately. Could I just be testy and everything is getting to me? Sure. I have a ton of anxiety right now and even if I could afford a nice soothing massage to relieve some of my tension, I am afraid I am wound so tight I would break in half if someone touched me. (Isn't my husband lucky?)

The asshats I have encountered make me want to kick someone in the vagina including but not limited to:

People who make a left turn but immediately have to get into the right lane so they just stop in the middle of both lanes and debate what to do in their head.

The moms who just leave their garbage on the table at chick fil a, because why would she possibly put her garbage in the garbage can that is 3 feet from her?

The man who just stood there as I struggled to get past his daughter without hitting her in the head with the baby in his car seat (I forgot how heavy car seat + babies are. I might as well carry a full grown man in one arm!) and knocked over a chair at his table. He watched as I struggled to pick up the chair without dumping my baby out of the seat. A 8 year old boy helped me while he still did nothing.
Thanks, d*ck.

Is there anyone you want to rant about today?

Back

Hey there. I have had a bit of a blogging break and I am back as good as new. Well, maybe not as good as new, but I am back. I have enjoyed reading how many of you moms (and dads) related to my last post on being In and the Mom version of "In".

Our holiday weekend was peppered with family BBQs, firework celebrations and fun. Now it is back to reality. My reality is that E wants to move to his home state of NH for work. Work is good yes, any work is good at this point in our lives, but NH? I am more of a "suburbs of a big city girl". I have lived outside of NY my whole life. I am a not a "winter for 10 months, drive a long distance to get to civilization type of girl. I have a love/hate thing with NJ but it is my home state. This is where my family is, my friends, my millions of malls and stores right here, my Whole Foods, my beach/mountains/close to major cities are, my tons of things for the kids to do state". I realize NH may have some of those things, but it doesn't have all of them.
That I know.
I will have to write more about it as E and I can make a decision on what to do.

In other news, would you hate me if I told you my baby sleeps through the night? He has been sleeping through the night, at least 8 hours, for weeks now. It is heaven!
Just one more reason to love the chubby little fellow.

The Mom Version of In

Since I have become a mom I have had to leave fashion behind. I try to keep up with some trends but it is hard when you no longer have a disposable income or disposable time. I don't have the time to shower let alone dry and iron my hair (which takes at least 45 minutes btw). There are so many "in" things that I would like to have or try but instead I have the mom version of "in".

In:
Posh Spice angled hair cut
Mom Version:
ponytail

In:
Louis Vuitton Monogram Vernis Roxbury Drive purse
Mom Version:
Waterproof diaper bag

In:
Prius
Mom Version:
Generic minivan with french fries ground into carpet

In:
La Perla
Mom Version:
Any bra that can list your boobs back to where they should be

In:
smudged eyeliner
Mom version:
under eye circles

In:
Big designer sunglasses
Mom Version:
Anything that covers up the fact you just left the house with no makeup

In:
Staying up all night partying
Mom Version:
Staying up all night with a sick baby

In:
A size smaller than what you already are
Mom Version:
Anything less than what you weighed when you were pregnant, is a small victory!