How About A Swift Kick In The.........

I think it is correct in assuming at some point I am going to kick my realtor in the balls. Hard.
He seems 40% typical realtor 40% idiot and 20% loser.

Other people I want to kick in the balls in no particular order:
-George Bush
-Anyone who names their child after a movie character or a fruit/vegetable
-Tom Cruise
-Ryan Seacrest
-Clay Aiken's hair stylist
-The AAP
- My mailman (seriously who do you have to blow to get your mail before dinner time? Also wipe that puss of your face when you have to walk 20 feet to my door with a package. Dick)
-Julie Chen
-People who collect stuffed animals in the back window of their car



Who do you want to kick in the balls today?


I have 6 winners of a $5 GC to Coffee bean & Tea Leaf via random.org, comments #1,7,8,6,10,13. Congrats Heidi, Lyns, Swishy, Uneasy Rider, different kind of girl and bacioni.
I need you guys to email me your email addresses for the GC!

I Am Even Wearing My Big Girl Clothes

I love TV. Now that I have more than enough time on my hands because, you know, I am by myself all the livelong day, so I have amped up my television watching.
What? I should be packing or cleaning or feeding the cats*? Nah, the new 90210 is on!
I feel like I am 16 again only without the math homework. I am loving the new 90210 Gossip Girl and I am a little too excited for Grey's Anatomy tonight. Should I even admit to you guys how excited I was when I noticed Blair on the Gossip Girl had the same cell phone as I do? I am SO COOL!
Yes, I need to get out of the house.

Today I decided to go to Barnes & Noble to do some reading/coffee drinking/relaxing when the kids go off to school. This small step back into civilization is proving more daunting of a task because my sweet, dear E has taken the ONE garage door opener with him to NH. So now I have to back the car out with kids in it, get out, go into garage close it and out through side door, then repeat in reverse when I get home.
It sucks even more ass because big, chubby baby K weighs more than my car.
But! I will leave the house! If I am feeling really crazy I will make a second stop to pick up diapers and bread.

I really live on the wild side. Someone stop me.


*Last week while E was away I forgot to feed the cats. I also forgot to give them water. Yes I am a horrible Mom, but hey, at least I remembered to feed the kids!

Oh, and you can read about how I hate my kids clothing.

Free Coffee!

You guys are my peeps and I know you have my back. I am stressing about everything these days and you guys are keeping me sane. You guys and coffee are keeping me sane.
To say thank you for your support, and your comments and your love I want to reward you with the gift of caffeine.
The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf is celebrating its 45th anniversary this month and in honor of this milestone, they are giving away $5 dollar gift cards and I have SIX to give away to you crazy cats.
I am not lucky to have one of these near me and if you don't either, don't fear! You can buy some of their yummy sounding coffee or anything else they carry, online.

Just tell me what kind of caffeinated beverage is your favorite and I will draw six names to receive a $5.00 gift cards on Friday morning.

Let Me Always Be With You

Today is my anniversary. Well, I do share it with my husband. Never in a million years would I have thought eight years ago as I was getting ready for our wedding that we would be here. I was twenty six, I thought all you needed to make a marriage work was love. I was naive.
We have had hard times. We moved twice, we had twins, we miscarried triplets, we had another baby, we lost my dad, we bought a house, we fell into terrible financial troubles, we lost faith in each other and gained it back plus some. Now we are preparing to leave our past and start a new beginning in another state.
Through it all we stood by each other, like we promised that we would do that first day of Autumn eight years ago.
I was confident that day I was marrying the right man.
I was right.

Happy Anniversary, baby. You are my lobster.

Mothers and Daughters

I am not my mother's favorite.
There, I said it.

That is okay, I have come to terms with it. That is not to say I haven't been hurt by it, killed by knowing my mother had favorites and I was not it.
Perhaps it started as just being my little sister's protector from me, who would do what older siblings do to a younger child. Or maybe it was just because she was my mother's last baby. She was a good mother, she is a good mother. She was just the opposite of my personality and we clashed at times.

My whole life my mother has had a way of tearing me down in one small sentence. She would tell me I couldn't wear something because it was for "skinny" girls. There was that time where she called me "loose" when she found that hickey on my neck when I was 17. The face she made when I told her to just hang the wet shirt in my closet to dry. Even a couple of months ago she told me that my car seat is too close to the steering wheel.
She will always take my husband's side if we disagree or even argue, I can't even vent to her my marital frustrations, because I am always the one wrong in any situation.
It leaves me wondering, even 34 years later, if I will ever be enough for her. When, if ever, will I measure up in her eyes?

Don't get me wrong, my mother and I had a very trying relationship when I was a teenager, but now it is what I would call a very good relationship. We talk almost every day, she is a good Grandmother to my children, she has gone out of her way to give us things we needed and do things for me. I know she loves me.
I know she loves me.

How can she cut me down with one look or sentence? I am a grown woman with her own daughter, should I want or need my mother's approval anymore? It makes me mad that I still do. I wish I could just do my thing and let little comments, or judgements roll off my back. I wish I did not need her as much as I do.

Most of all I hope I never tear my daughter down instead of building her up. I hope that I will never make her heart leap to her throat with one disapproving look.
I just hope that 34 years from now, when my daughter is grown and maybe even has kids of her own, she never has to write a post like this.

Tuesday Stinks More Than Monday

I wish I could write a new post about google searches that led people to my blog, but I just wrote one. The searches are getting crazier everyday. I know this because I am addicted to looking them up, essentially because I am dying of boredom here in NJ with nobody to talk to except three kids under the age of five.

I am also exhausted. Do you want to know just how tired I am? These are things I have done in the past three days:

-Cried because E told me how cold it is in NH already
-Got into the shower with my bra on and took minutes before I realized what was differnet about this particular shower
-Made coffee without putting any coffee in the coffee maker. Hot water, yeah!
-Ate cold spaghetti for breakfast yesterday because working the toaster seemed way too much effort.


I have bribed my children into being good tots today and not fighting amongst themselves with a trip to Chick-fil-a. It is kid's night so it is a trip for them, but it is mostly for me. I need a chicken sandwich asap and fill my IV with barbecue sauce stat!

A Finanacial Lesson Learned

My husband lost his job when I was five months pregnant with our third child. With a blink of an eye gone was our paychecks, his life insurance, car, computer, health insurance and everything else that came with that job.
Surely he would get another one fast, after all he was the lead salesman in his are with over 10+ year experience! He trained people! He rocked the sales world!

That was not the case.
Here we are ten months later when he has finally taken a job outside his industry, five hours away from where we live. We choose to believe this was a lesson, a stinky, long lesson about life and what really matters. Does money really matter? Yes and no. It is not important, health and family top that list, but you need it. We need to feed our kids, we need it to buy healthy food we need it to shelter and clothe us. People need money and they need iot for the now and they need it for the rainy days because there are always storms ahead of us.

My children do not know any details of what happened to my husband's job or how close we came to losing just about everything we had.
They are too young to know those truths, but when they are older we will tell them "learn from our mistakes, you can never have too much put away for unforeseen events. Be content in your job but never be too secure everything can change in a blink of an eye."
Maybe they will listen, or maybe like so many other troubles they will have to make their own mistakes for the lesson to seep in.


If it can happen to us, then it can happen to anyone, and that is the scary reality.


This post was written as part of Parent Bloggers blog blast who have partnered up with Capital One to get the word out about managing family finances. Along with national consumer advocacy group Consumer Action, they’ve launched a new online interactive Moneywi$e eLearning tool to help families learn about money management skills, including talking to kids about money.

A Thanks

I don't think I have thanked you guys enough. You all make me want to go on and do just it, to show you that I really could.
That you guys, virtual strangers to me, made me tough it out, remember that other people have gone through it and came out better for it and just put my one foot in front of the other every single morning.
I thank you for your comments and emails of support, I needs them and they do get me through the day. Well, that and cute chubby baby smiles with *new* dimples.

I will prove you right, I can and will do it all. I won't allow anyone including myself to doubt just what I can do and I am not going to start now.
So stick around and read what happens next.

Watch out, Tuesday Girl is kicking some serious ass.

Beautiful Day

I really want to thank you all for your support. It has been hard but not hard hard as I thought. The loss of sleep has been my biggest issue.
Of course I don't have enough on my plate and frantically scoured my house and let Realtors come in to see in last night and this morning.
I need to have my head examined.

I really can't believe that it has been seven years since 9/11. The thing that strikes me is that every year the weather seems to be the same here, beautiful bright blue skies and perfect temperature just like that day seven years ago.
Funny every time I pass the skyline of NYC on my travels I still out of habit look to see the World Trade Center.
You can read my experience that day here.

Back To Tears

Last night I attended my children's back to school night. Thank goodness the kindergarten had this combined because I have no idea how I would be in 2 places at once. I planned on talking to the kid's teachers after, to explain our home situation.
R has come home every day from school so far and told me she has received a "bad report". She told me one day she pushed a boy, other days she wasn't a good listener and she was caught talking. Although my daughter can talk paint off a wall, she is a smart girl who loves to learn, but tends to be bored if other kids are not up to her speed. I know this acting out in class is partially because of missing her dad and out new living situation.

I went up to R's teacher after her lecture about what they were doing this year, rules etc. and I told her I wanted to talk about R. I started telling her that R was not a bad girl, that she is good so very good, but her father has left for work and this has been so hard for her.
Then, my voice started cracking. I started to cry.
Right there on the primary colored rug with the map of the United States on it, I cried.
I couldn't stop staring at New Hampshire.

The teacher took pity on me and told me she knew my daughter was a good girl, that she talks a little too much but we can work on it together.
I tried to hide the fact that I was crying in a kindergarten classroom filled with parents. I was mortified.
I could imagine what they were thinking as I was wiping tears pushing a baby in a stroller between two kindergarten classes.

Of course, L's teacher said he is a great student and has no problems.
No crying for me in that classroom!

Now I know I will be told in urban school legends. I will forever be known as the Mom Who Cried at Back To School Night.

Notorious O L D

Tonight is back to school night and that, my friends, makes me feel old. I will be escorted to back to school night with a handsome young man of five months while the kids stay with the neighbors. I will have to figure out some way to see both of the twin's classrooms and meet their teachers. That stresses me out and stress gives me wrinkles and wrinkles are for old people.
So many other things have been making me feel old this week.

First of all did you notice who was doing those commercials for the Jitterbug?
Susan from Sesame Street. Old school Sesame Susan is now selling phones for the elderly because apparently she is their demographic. When did this happen?
I am glad Mr. Hooper is not around to see this.

Then last night I see LL Cool J doing a commercial for Sears! Ladies love cool James, but not Sears, Sears is where my mother in law shops. At the least I see him doing spots for Macy's, maybe even Kohls.

At least I don't have any grey pubic hair.



I need help with my birthday party questions so can you help me out over here today?

Alone

As I walk through my home, there is just something missing. To a strangers eye everything looks the same, the TV remote is where it always is, the magazines are stacked nicely on the family room table, the beds are all made. But if you inspected closer you would see there are only three toothbrushes in the bathroom, the master closet has only woman's clothes in it. The faint smell of cologne doesn't hang in the air.
E has left for his new job.

Of course he had to, without this opportunity we would have lost everything. Of course we are so grateful for it and we know it is a sacrifice on both of our parts. Of course the kids will miss him terribly, but we all just have to do it.

As I stood in our driveway with my two kids at my side and the baby on my hip and watched him drive away the tears fell from my eyes. My daughter was screaming "Daddy! Daddy, don't go!" which broke my heart even more.
He will come home, often even. My head knows it but can someone please tell my heart?

I just don't know if I can stand the loneliness. I just don't know if I can be everything to everyone here, alone. Couple that with our house being put on the market today and I may crack.
I can do it, I know I can, because I have to. I just already miss him so much.

So send me strength and positive vibes will you, and really, a vat of wine wouldn't hurt either.

You Can Have Everything If You Let Yourself Be

Wasn't it just yesterday that I drove my twins home from the hospital at a snails pace? How could it be that I just let my five year old children board a bus to take them to a far off, wondrous place known as kindergarten?

I didn't want to send them today.
Everything inside of me was yelling, "no, this is not right your babies should be with you, who has nurtured them every day of their lives, not in the hands and care of strangers".
How could I trust virtual strangers with my most precious possessions? Would they take care of them and hold them lightly but strong enough not to let them falter?
Would they know how much these twins need each other for support? Will they nurter their minds while letting their imaginations soar? Will they treat them as their own?

How does a mother let go of their child's small hand so they can dip their toe in the ocean of the world, when all they want to do is scoop them into her arms and lay under the safety of a tree and just be?
If I didn't let go now, would I ever be able to?
So silly of me to fret over my children being gone three hours from my care, but those three hours are special and those precious hours will be making memories that I will not be in.

These are my lovely, sweet babies, no matter how old they will become, so I will do what every mother does:
I will send them to school. I will walk them to the bus, I will place them in the care of others and I will watch as the bus drives away.
And I will hold my tears until they are in the distance, crying for the little babies that once were and for the amazing people I know they will become.

Strange Days Indeed

My mom and I went out yesterday with R and L to take them to get a vaccination they needed for school and then out for ice cream because, dude, shots stink. E stayed home with the baby and did whatever dads and babys do, but it must have been some day because even though we were out longer than we thought we would be, when we got home there was not one, but two "For Sale" signs on my lawn.

I must have drove into some parallel universe where one partner makes all the major decisions while the other partner is out getting shots for their kids.
Is it 1950 again?

Check back later for my obligatory first day of kindergarten post.
My babies are going to kindergarten!

My Weekend Update

If you all must keep talking about Palin, I feel I have to interject my thoughts.
I like the lady, I think she is a interesting mother of five who can juggle it all. I love that now is the time when we could have a woman lead this country. I love that she is truthful about her typical American family. I love that she is a VILF. (vice that I'd like to fuck) I love that she is the "every mom".
Although, I would never vote for her.
I know that this has nothing to do with who she is or what she stands for, but can you have a V.P who wears her hair up in a clip every day?
I wear my hair up in a clip all the live long day, but that is my girl/wife/mom/NJ hair not V.P. hair! Vice President hair should be down full and luscious, I think, and it should never in a ponytail.

Also? Maryland drivers were the absolute worst this weekend on the NJ turnpike. What is wrong with you MD? That dick in the BMW who not only threw on his high beams and then flashed me to get over even though I was going 80? Karma sucks and I saw that the police got you a mile up the road.
Loves it.

Yes bitches, I cough my first fish this past weekend. I am thinking perhaps I didn't catch any fish with my dad when I was little was because my dad was not about the worms and we would fish with dunkin donuts munchkins. Just a thought.
E, on the other hand is all about killing a worm so his wife can catch a fish before she dies.
Cross that one list!


Check out my muscles. Wowza.