I Never Thought

I never thought my life would be like this when I pictured it as a child.

As a child I though as an adult I would be rich, drinking kaluha & milk every day all day, wearing fabu clothes, picking out all my lavatory needs through a interior designer, eating shrimp cocktail for all meals and turning down offers for magazine covers because I was much too famous to be bothered.

I am currently still in my pajamas, debating eating cold spaghetti for breakfast, researching toilets online.
Not good.

If you are wondering about toilets, I will save you some time, Toto all the way. They have a SEAT THAT CLEANS YOUR DIRTY ASS, THEN DRIES IT. If you are going to be spending your time on there, you can turn on the heated seats. Yes, heated seats are not just for automobiles anymore.
Consider yourself in the know.

Confessions

Confession number 1:

I never write down the "reference number" that they give you when you call to place a catalog order or call for help from a help desk.
I actually pretend to write it down, repeating the letters and/or numbers all the while I am cleaning the counters or putting away leftovers.

De-Lurking

I just read that today is the International De-Lurking day.
So go ahead. Shout it out.

YIKES

Just found out that the preschool I want the Babies to go to costs $4100 a year PER CHILD for 5 half day classes.
I feel the blood rushing from my face.


Anyone want to buy some panties? Is it ethical to sell your panties to send your children to preschool? Should it be? Sold to the highest bidder.
Here we go, now the blood is coming back. It is wrong*. Definitely wrong to sell your panties to fund a private preschool. No two ways about it. Wrong wrong wrong.




*I will take this stance until someone offers me $4100 for a pair.

Picture it: St. Lucia September 2000

There we were, at the most beautiful place I have ever seen. Crystal blue ocean, white silky sandy beaches, huge pools with swim up bars. Yes, easy access to my drinks. Believe me we made sure we made out on the "all inclusive deal".
Towards the middle of our vacation E decided to scuba dive, I couldn't because I have asthma. E booked me a day at the spa though, which was fine by me. My first appointment of the day was a full body massage. It was only the second time I had a massage.
I took off my clothes, put on the robe and waited. A tall Caribbean lady came in & asked me to lay down on my back first then I would flip. I flipped on my stomach when instructed and she proceeded to massage my leg. Then farther up my leg. I stiffened up. Then farther. Then so close to me (all of ME) I wondered if this was going to cost extra. Thankfully she stopped, but then went to massaging my butt. Really I didn't need my butt massaged but I thought, what the hell. Right then the manager, giving a couple a tour of the facility barged in turned on the light and literally caught me with my pants down.
I didn't know what to do so I just acted like it was nothing.
It took me 1 year to get over my fear of THE MASSAGE. To this day I will always keep my panties on.

Bite Me in the Ass

I thought you were supposed to teach your children things. I thought you were supposed to make them aware of their environment, broaden their horizons, challenge them every day.
Well I did just that, not my 23 month old babies are demanding things from me and yelling. They tell me exactly what they want for lunch and if I do not have it in the house, watch out. The screaming.........My god the screaming. First thing in the morning no less.

Plus if you ask me for the last "nana" you damn well better be prepared to eat it. All of it. Or I will let it turn brown & feed it to you for lunch. Bananas don't just grow on trees.
Oh wait.

I feel guilty

I am currently talking my toddlers out of the "cow song" because I can't sing Old Mac Donald one more friggin time.
I am actually begging them to let me sing the teletubbies theme instead. I think I need a break from this motherhood thing.

Resolutions

My New Years resolutions for 2004:

Not to qualify doughnuts with jelly filling as a daily fruit requirement for the day

exercise more and not to count running upstairs for more diapers and wrangling two babies to change their diapers as exercise, although I am winding afterwards.

Not to make up alternative lyrics for the theme song of Dora peppered with bad words. For my own amusement only.

Not be such a hermit and socialize with my neighbors more.

Watch more porn

Read more. Not the usual reading materials that have headlines like : 15 easy meals in 15 minutes or How to toilet train your child.

Stop lying*

Try not to strangle everyone at my Insurance company

See a movie considering I haven't been to a movie theater in at least 2.5 years.

Have more fun with life




* that is a lie.

Last Post of 2004

Well, it has been a crazy year, one that I am glad is behind me. I wish I would wake up tomorrow and it will all have been a dream 2004, didn't exist ala J.R.. But I know that will not happen. I do hope I wake up tomorrow with renewed strength, happiness and vigor for life.

I did have the year peppered with some good things, the health of my babies, the purchasing of a new beautiful house, the strength of a good marriage, the love of my family and even the new friends I made on here.

I hope 2005 is a good one for you guys, thanks for stopping by my tiny place on the web and listening (and sometimes caring) about what I say.
Be safe tonight!

Good News

I am going to be an Aunt again! My sister is pregnant with her second baby and is due June 30. We are very excited and good news for the baby, I am a great Aunt. It doesn't get better then this Aunt I will tell you.

This news makes me feel positive about 2005, new life and a new start.

B O R I N G

Everything is so boring the week after Christmas. No new TV shows, friends are all away & even the internet is boring.
I think I have a bit of the "after Christmas blues"
I am bored!

True Story

Someone found this blog by searching for "semen slippers"
Gross and gross.

Christmas

All in all it was a good Christmas, the babies had a great time and loved all of their gifts. They are completely enthralled in their new kitchen, baby stroller, baby shopping cart and Dora doll. Very sweet. If you asked them what they got from Santa they will say "presents!".
Having the kids made Christmas easier for me. Although it was sad & much too quiet without my Dad my children filled the hole in my heart a bit.

My Christmas was good, I got a lot of clothes, not enough white socks though. You know you are old when you ask for and get white socks. Sad. Although I had told E to get me isotoner slippers (like the ones someone suggested in Nordstrom) or the great slippers from Anthropology, he got me big fat thick slippers which he got me last year & I still have. Why the same ones? Why not the ones I asked for? Why the opposite of what I asked for? I was going to return them but he ripped them open and asked me to try them on. I didn't have the heart to tell him.

I want to thank everyone who posted or emailed me about my pity post about my Dad. It means a lot to me and I really want to Thank you. I will have good days & bad and I am glad you guys don't start throwing fruit and telling me to quit whining.

Christmas

When I have more time to post I will write a more detailed Christmas post. We did have a good time, although quiet without my Dad. The babies loved Christmas and loved all of their gifts. It was very sweet and reliving Christmas through your children's eyes is better then when you were a child.
E loved the drill, thanks guys!

Thank you to all the people who wrote nice posts & emails about my Dad. It means a lot to me, and I appreciated all of the kind words.

Merry Christmas!

Have a great holiday and everyone be warm, happy & safe.

Feeling Sorry for Myself

Go ahead and skip this one, I am just going to rant & rave and give myself a pity party. I can and will though, because this is my blog, but I don't want to bring anyone down because this is a great time of year where you should be happy & jolly and I am not. I don't know if I ever will be.

I am sad. I miss my Father and I cannot do anything about it. I am pissed because he was a great, sweet man who never had a harsh word for anyone, unlike his oldest daughter. Why the fuck would a great man like that be taken away from his 4 children and 3 grandchildren at the age of 53? Why the fuck are their rapist, murders, abusers living a full long life and my father is under the cold dark Earth? It makes no sense and I am pissed.
I remember last year on Christmas eve, it was the first Christmas for my babies, and I was slightly overwhelmed. The knowledge that my Father was sick and it may be the last Christmas Eve with him made me sick to my stomach. If you asked me what my favorite memory of my life was I would have always told you Christmas Eve. My Father made it magical and special. To have to face the holiday this year without him is unbearable. I don't know how I am going to get through it. I wish I could hide under the covers only to emerge on January 2, 2005. That way I would be somewhat happy that 2004 was over, because it was the worst year of my entire life.
I am pissed that my siblings may not ever remember Christmas with my Father, and that my children and nephew never will. To them he will only be a face in a picture.
I know God knew I could never bear this burden of being without my Dad so he gave me my children, two at a time, because my burden would be so great. If I didn't have them I probably would have killed myself for the thought of living a long life without my Dad did not compute with me. I could not fathom it.
I still can't.

This Christmas I will be grateful for my babies and my husband who stuck with me even when I actually did hide under the covers. I will try to be strong for my family who misses him as much as I do. I will love them and tell them so, because I know how precious and fast moving time really is.

Sooo Wrong

It is now officially 4:36 and I am awake. There is something wrong with this picture. I can't turn my head off. I jsut keep worrying about money and thinking about all the things I have to do tomorrow, excuse me, today.

Commercials That Make me Want to Kick My TV Screen In

I am attacked each day with these commercials this time of year, that make me want to spork my own eyes out. They are in no particular order:

The 1987 commercial, that sucked then, that they keep playing at Christmas time like it is some kind of American tradition or some shit. The one with the feathered hair boy who sneaks home for Christmas and then he and his sister make shitty coffee for his parents to surprise them. Enough already with this commercial.

Any luxury car commercial where the gift is the over priced car sitting in the driveway with a huge bow on it. 1% of the population can afford to give a $65k car for Christmas and I don't think they need a commercial to remind them that a car may be a good gift for their spouse. Up yours Lexus.

The stupid ass outback steakhouse radio commercials with their catchy, original commercials make me want to ram my car into a brick wall. We get it. Enough.

F.U.

A big FU to channel 6 news here for interrupting Oprah (on suburban teenage prostitutes BTW) for "breaking News" that TO is out because he broke his leg or some shit. Is that breaking news? Even in Philly? Nope. Nobody cares, too fucking bad, now let me get back to Oprah, man.

P.S. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

PPS it is pronounced EAGLES not Iggles. fucking losers.

How Geeks Decorate

How computer geeks decorate their tree:

http://www.mediatinker.com/blog/images/cpuTree.html