I am a desperate housewife.
I like the smell of old books.
The way the air smells on the first spring day makes me melancholy.
I love my television and TiVo a little too much.
I am a romantic.
I always knew I would have twins.
I want to be the girl with the most cake.
I have a confession to make. When I am mad at E I put my stray hairs on his pillow.
He hates hair and is grossed out by my long hair when it falls out of my head. So I put some on his pillow and he gets grossed out & yells. But its that kind of yell where he is trying to reprimand me but he also thinks it is funny.
Ummm, yeeeaahh. Baby B decided to go into a drawer and take out the baby oil and spill it onto my new carpet.
I just sat on the floor and cried.
Does anyone know what I should/could do to fix it? Will it stain?
I have this guilty pleasure. Celentano's eggplant Parmesan frozen dinner. I hadn't had one in ages, so knowing I was going to be eating alone this week I decided to purchase one for myself. First of all, it is smaller then it was. Second of all, there was no cheese. Not even a strip on top, nothing, no white stuff to be found anywhere. By definition doesn't "Parmesan" mean there is cheese somewhere? Talk about dissapointment.
Jesus! Way to ruin a perfectly good meal. I am just glad that fucker was on sale or Celentano would be hearing from my ass.
Actually I will still write to them to voice my displeasure. I couldn't even eat it.
I had to make frozen chicken fingers and eat them with my chick-fil-a BBQ sauce that I have stockpiled. It just wasn't the same.
I am leading a sad life.
6:45-I hear little people playing, talking and laughing in the other room. I roll over & pray that it is a dream and I still have 2 hours to sleep. No such luck.
7:00- I change diapers & bring them down to watch Sesame Street, then crawl back in bed & pray to feel rested.
7:45- I am not rested. I go downstairs and turn on good Morning America and make myself coffee. I make myself a cup and remember I am a horrible coffee maker. Babies play & I make them breakfast.
8:30- babies eat breakfast
8:45 I clean up stuff that they threw on the floor, release them from their high chairs, wash the trays & bring them back upstairs. I change them out of their PJs.
9:30- nap time! thank the lord! I cannot take a nap though because I am horribly cranky after a nap. Put in a load of laundry. Try to eat breakfast myself.
12:00-lunch! More cleaning up shit they try to feed to the dog or just throw.
1:00- pray for night. Play with the babies, brake up any fights that pop up. Trying to stimulate them and bring out he genius in them all the while trying not to be pushy or scar them for life.
3:00 snack time for the babies. I check my email. I can't believe how tired I am. Answering the question "what's dat?' for the 6934 time today.
4:00- this is the most dreaded hour in my day. The babies are CRANKY, I mean crying for nothing, throwing fits, fights, the works. I try to prepare dinner without having my kids burn themselves because they cannot leave me alone for 1 second.
5:00- Dinner time, more cleaning the floor crying because I have never been this tired.
5:30- upstairs, into PJs, playing with upstairs toys. Begging them not to open the diaper drawer and take out all the diapers throwing them around the room. They do anyway.
6:15- TV time, they get to watch one show & have a bottle.
7:00- Bed time, exhaustion for me. Then I make dinner for myself. I cry out of boredom. Check my email. Watch TV. Check all the doors twice to make sure they are all locked.
8:00- go upstairs to watch TV in a new environment. Bored. Make a phone call or two.
9:00 - finally going to sleep, watching TV until I do. Remember I didn't take my medicine, curse and get up to get it. Then pee. Yell at the dog who insists on licking herself so loudly. Remark how tired I am, to myself because I have nobody else to talk to.
Thank you, dear Red Sox, for finally doing what you always claim you can do. Thank you because now my husband is happy as a clam. He finally has something to hold over my sisters head. Thank you because the Yankees are too cocky and bringing them down a notch feels good.
Today I rang up my prepared tuna fish as a lower priced item at the grocery store*. I was caught by the deli police and told which was the right key to ring it up. I am glad my children weren't there to see Mommy-the-thief in action, which may have scarred them for life.
I once stole a caramel** from my neighborhood drugstore when I was about 6. I hid it in my jewelry box (good spot dummy) and had a stomach ache for days thinking about how wrong it was. Then I threw it out and willed myself to never think about it again, because if I didn't have it in my possession then it was ok. Years later the memory came flooding back and I admitted to my Mother about my stealing ways.
Apparently I don't learn.
*The semi deserved it because they had no candy apples.
**(Is this pronounced cara-mel or carmel? I vote caramel. Plus why the fuck is the word gray spelled with an a, or an e? I vote for a)
My Mom is in Italy now, she has been for 6 days now and will be for 7 more. Lucky lady. This is her second trip to Italy and she is going all over the country no doubt eating, drinking and shopping. She asked me what I would like from Italy and I told her "nothing", she persisted so I said "Dolce & Gabbana, Gucci, Prada, Fendi, Armani, basically anything that ends in a vowel.
I am planning a shower for my sister who got married in a civil ceremony quickly in August. It is in 11 days and I still have 10 people who have not RSVP'd yet. That is why I RSVP right away to anything I get an invitation for. Some people don't care & just show up without letting anyone know. Friggin rude people.
Anyway we told my sister to register so people would know what to get her for Christmas, but it was a ruse for this shower. I went on & checked it the other day but she had so few things on it, so I broke into her registry and added thing I know she needed.
I am sneaky like that.
Why at restaurants do they have to come over after your first bite and ask if you would like fresh pepper? What is this, inferior pepper on the table? It is not fresh?
Why not cut out the middle man and just leave fresh pepper at the table? Same with Parmesan cheese. That way if I want a glutinous amount I don't have to feel guilty about your aching arm. And I don't have to stop when I really want more but don't want to seem like a piggy.
Please support this cause.
Attention poodle/and or white dog owners: Your dog has black stuff under his eyes. It is gross. Please clean your dog and keep him groomed regularly. WTF is it anyway?
I am a huge dog lover but there are two dogs that freak me out, the big huge poodle dogs and what I call "lady dogs" which are afghans. They both are freakish looking and they scare the bejezus out of me.
Not a fan.
The Motorcycle Racer PositionAs you sit down on the toilet seat — tightening your butt muscles and supporting your weight with your hands — move your feet backwards toward the midpoint of the bowl. Slowly shift your body so that you angle away from the back of the toilet, with your weight balanced on the balls of your feet and your thighs. Once you are in this position, relax and let go of your waste.
Usually I do all of my baking but I decided to surprise my babies & buy then pre-made cookies with little pumpkins on them. All you have to do is place them on a cookie sheet and bake. Well that would be easy if the yummy raw cookielicious dough wasn't irresistible to me. I ate 3 of them before they hit the oven.
I do not regret it though because it was delicious.
I feel bad for E. He has been home now for 3 weeks and he is bored out of his mind. Don't get me wrong there are a ton of things to do around the house but some of them we just don't have the money to do yet, and others are impossible with 2 toddlers running around. He is bored and ready to go back to work but when he does we will miss him and he will miss us. He has to go to California for training next Sunday. He will be gone for five days and I am not happy, I miss him so much when he leaves. Plus being here with no friends and family is lonely anyway. I am going to tell him about the raw cookie dough that is here in our house and that will cheer him right up.
Kevin reminded me of flintstones vitamins. They so rocked. Each shape was delicious, but I really loved Pebbles. My nephew takes them now and I will admit here to stealing some in the not so distant past, for my own pleasure, mineral and vitamin needs.
I also remember as a teenager practically overdosing on St. Joseph aspirin because they tasted so good. My friend actually bought some just to snack on. They tasted like cotton candy powder, yum so good! I will have to get me some of those.
To this day I will wear a candy necklace. I love them. You are lucky those big diamond lollipop rings don't fit my fingers because I would rock those too. Then I would do what I did as a kid, place my hand stratigically on my chest and flip my hand around pretending to be at a coctail party with my real huge diamond ring.
Whose idea was it to get a tongue dispenser shaped sugar apparatus and have kids lick it & then stick it into more flavored sugars? Whoever invented it should get a prize. "Best sugar high" or "simplest idea for candy".
Something of that sort.
I am dying to send someone those retro candy boxes. Filled with awesome candy from my childhood. Lets be honest here, I am dying to get one. I have hinted around & nobody has sent me one yet.
We had a great weekend! I survived a haunted prison, waaay too many flirtinis, leaving the babies with a sitter and entertaining friends in my new house.
I love this fall weather, the air is so crisp here in NJ and it totally makes me in the "crafty" mood. I always get into crafts this time of year, I start knitting again and I bake & cook up a storm. I guess it is a nesting thing in cold weather.
I have to find some place to go for Christmas. This will be my first Christmas without my Dad and I don't think I can do it here. Too many memories.
I can't decide where to go though, we want to go somewhere as a family not too far away, for about 4 days. I guess we should go some place warm, I have never been anywhere but NJ on Christmas so that is a change!
This is so a mojitto/flirtini weekend!
We are actually going out & we found a babysitter! Did you hear me, a babysitter. The horror!
We have never left the babies with a sitter before. I don't know how much they charge, I don't know if you are supposed to walk them home, I don't know if I will be ok leaving them.
I will put them to bed before we leave so really this teenager is just watching TV & getting paid. We will be nervous, which is natural. It is scary & sad, but I guess it had been 20.5 months it is time to leave them and I am sure they will be fine.
It is funny how we found the babysitter, we have baby sitting pimps on the street. We went to a neighbor's house that we met when we moved in. Her daughter doesn't baby sit but she said her friends did, so she called them. She called us the next night to report that they couldn't do it. She suggested she call her neighbor with 2 teenage daughters that did do baby sitting. The next night :::poof::: we had a name & number of the babysitter. We are the Johns in this story, FYI.
We are going out to a haunted house in Philly. With friends. I swear I have friends. They are even cool.
I am scared to tune into the Tony Danza show because I am scared I will catch him tap dancing & I cannot handle that in the morning.
I heard Good Charlotte on Howard this morning, they sang a song a capella and I liked it so much better.
This crisp NJ weather is putting me in the mood to cook comfort foods. I need to make soups. I am in need of apple picking so I can make apple crisp and apple pies. Stew is calling my name! I am much more domesticated in the winter. I find myself getting crafty, a better cook and cleaner in the winter. As I type this I am self cleaning my oven. I never did that before.
Lets face it in the summer, I am pretty much useless.
Who wants to come over and teach me how to use my capaccino/espresso maker?
I have 7 cases of leftover formula from when the babies ate that sort of stuff. I have been trying to find someone to donate it to but it is impossible. I called the local hospital, they said that they do not have a contract with Mead Johnson, the makers, so they cannot take it. I have called a women's shelter, goodwill, salvation army and my county health department, all with no luck. Finally I found a shelter that will take it about 30 minutes away.
Why is it so hard to donate something like this? I see on the news every day about abused women, starving children, abandoned babies but nobody will take my $400+ donation of the number one brand of formula.
I am only going to make a few comments about the debate because I can easily go off.
What is with Bush's head? I think it is the first time I noticed that it is an odd shape, maybe it is too big for his body? His ears are huge and he looks like he has old man ear hair.
Um, did anyone from his camp tell him NOT to make those facial expressions & his typical posturing? Because he didn't listen and it was ridiculous.