Thursday, August 03, 2006

Motherly Expectations

Being a parent is tough, we all know that.
I think you are always aware it will be hard but it is still one of those things you never know how tough, or stressful it will be until you have that first baby.

I know I had expectations on how I was going to raise my children when I was pregnant. I had been around babies and small children all my life, I knew more then most first time Moms, what I didn't know was how short I would fall of those expectations.

I thought I would be a perfect stay at home mom, feed them only organic, no preservative laden foods, they would always be on a routine, I would go out and do something with them every day, I would be in great shape because I would be home with plenty of time and energy for exercising.
There would be crafts and school lessons every day!

Real life didn't go that way. Yes, we mostly eat organic and yes, they have always been on a great schedule, but when I didn't expect was how hard it all was.
I didn't know about how I would second guess every disciplinarian decision I made, or if I was ruining my kids by not have enough interaction with other kids. How I feel terrible I can't afford to do more classes or activities with them. I just didn't know how tired every day I would be and intolerable whining and fighting is.

This past weekend I spent time with my good friend who is seven months pregnant. Hearing her tell tales of what she will and won't do when the baby comes and how great things will be, I just smiled.

I will never tell her that is not how things will be, that is for her to learn, in time. When she finds out that strict schedules, Einstein classes and bathing suits for a one month olds are great only in theory, I will be there to tell her that your expectations change, and it is ok.
I will tell her it is better then she could have ever imagined.


  1. I never thought it would be so hard, either. And it's so hard to smile and nod when I hear "how things are going to be" from pregnant first-timers because I would just love to tell the whole why burst their bubbles?

    It's probably no different then when I say what I will or won't do when my son gets to be a teenager to a person who has them. They seem to smile and nod as well.

  2. I was a much better parent before I had kids... now, I have (sort of) learned to do the best I can.

  3. You never know how much work it really is till it happens. Two kids is also a huge trasition. You learn to deal and you do what is right by your kids. Even if it kills you :)

  4. As a mom of only three months, I can relate. It is funny now to think of how my sister used to just shake her head and say "you'll see when you have your own." all of the times I raised my eyebrows at her parenting. She was right...I have seen the light!

  5. It's true, you do smile knowingly when a pregnant woman is going on and on about what she is going to do...I laugh my butt off watching those baby story shows where the first time moms are like "oh, I know it'll be hard, but we'll be okay..." and then they cut to after the baby is born and the husband and wife are being short with one another at 3 am. THAT's real life.

  6. You're truly a good friend for letting her figure it out for herself! We all do the best we can - I think we'd be hard pressed to find a mom who think she's the be-all end-all (truly). The good news is that our kids think we're the best moms EVER. And they'll likely think that we're the best until about the time they hit puberty. So, enjoy!

  7. I would have told her that she would smell like Cheerios for the rest of her life and had puke stains down her back for the first year.

    But, that was just me.

    I was the same way when I was preggers - until my older sister smacked me silly and said it's not all the movies make it out to be.

    I wouldn't change it for the world!

  8. Anonymous12:41 PM

    that was a great post. and you're a great friend. the journey is the best part :)


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