Whole Fun

I chose to believe the men who work at Whole foods are all in love with me instead of that maybe they are just trained to be so nice and friendly. I swear, if you are having a bad day just go to WF and you will get nice attentive men and woman willing to help you, talk about your day and they are always smiling.
Maybe it is a cult.


E comes home today and I am so ready to have someone else watch the kids. Although he has to work tomorrow which means I have to find something for the kids and I to do, again. I swear, finding activities to do every day is a hard part of being a mother. Next summer I am just going to join a pool and be done with it. that is what we are doing every day.
At least I will have a nice tan.

1+1+1=death

No husband + no help + 4 year old twins= a crappy dinner

No husband + no help + 4 year old twins = too much TV

No husband + no help + 4 year old twins = boredom

No husband + no help + 4 year old twins = early bed time for everyone in this house

No husband + no help + 4 year old twins = desperately searching for gooey snacks mid afternoon, only to realize we have none and WHY? don't I stash some somewhere for myself

No husband + no help + 4 year old twins = yelling from me and the kids.

No husband + no help + 4 year old twins = did I mention I was bored?

If You Wait For Me, Then I Will Come For You

My husband is going away on business (again) tomorrow morning and will not be back until Friday night. Not too bad, but because I have no one else down here, missing him is intensified.

E and I met at work. I didn't want to date him, he persisted and I relented. We spent all of our time outside of work with each other and it was remarkable how close we became in such a little amount of time. Two months after we started dating, he had a trip planned to visit his sister and he asked if I wanted to come. I decided not to because I wanted to move out of my house and I wanted to save money (mistake, live at home as long as you can to save money, ass!). So he left for his small vacation and I was sick the first day. I was tired, I cried all the time and I felt sick. It was pathetic and I knew it but I was also so taken with how hard I fell for him in such a short amount of time. After all, I was so young, what did I know about love?
Right then, I knew I would marry him one day.

Still now more then 10 years after he took that first trip to visit his sister, I get sick when he leaves. Sometimes I sob as I watch the car service pull out of the driveway. Sometimes I just can't look, but I cry when I find the "I Love You" notes throughout the house. Other times I don't cry, but I am so sad, I never feel the same until my husband walks back in to our home and makes me whole again.

After all of these years, I still miss him. We don't have a perfect marriage, believe me we do not. We have had our problems, we have had a lot of stress in the past 4 years, we have raised our kids with virtually no help or breaks. We have had death, we have had health scares, we have had a miscarriage, we have had financial struggles, we have had trust issues. We work through it, we do it together. At the end of the day, I still love him as much as I did so many years ago, when I was too young to know about true love.
Tomorrow I will be so sad as his car pulls out of our driveway, again, but I know I will be OK once he comes back to me, as long as we are together.

There are Not that Many Things to do With Pea Pods

Really have I been out of the loop for that long? When did ice cream cones get expensive?
Seriously, is it that people have been buying me cones for so long I never knew how much they were? Maybe I was under the illusion that frozen sugar and cream shouldn't go for that much. When E paid for 2 cones and 2 kid's cups of ice cream and it was $13.00, I almost fell off my chair.

I went berry picking with the kids on Saturday (2nd Saturday in a row spent in berry fields, for those of you who are keeping score) and after they wanted ice cream, $5.25 for two kid cones of soft serve. Ice cream really should not cost more then $1.50 for a cone. I am outraged!

So yeah, we went berry picking again. I love going on a tractor ride to the fields just to have my daughter declare " I have to go to the bathroom" and my son ask "can we go back on the tractor now?" . We are picking strawberries people! This is FUN, LET'S HAVE FUN!
Now again I have a ton of strawberries and pea pods. Good thing my kids do not get sick of them. I, on the other hand, cannot be responsible for what I will do if I see another pea pod in my salad.

Own vs. Rent

So? I was grumpy yesterday, I am allowed. This has been a long hot summer already and we are one day into it. The guy who was checking me out at a red light yesterday helped, especially because I had two kids in the back seat, which, let's face it, is usually a cock blocker.

Did I mention that our fish finally died? The goldfish we got before Halloween died last week and the kids still haven't noticed. Poor fellow, I can't believe how long he lived.

Oh I need some summer reads. Really, becoming a mother has killed my book habit cold, unless you count reading books about ladybugs and spiderman's adventures 34 times a day reading. I want my 3 book a week addiction like I had pre-kids.
I really should go to the library, but that pesky Barnes & Noble keeps calling me back. I love book stores, I love the smell of them, I love cracking a new book's spine. I love that the book is mine. I don't like to borrow books, and I hate those plastic covers on library books. Library books are f-r-e-e though and that sounds nice to me. I just can't help buying books though and I have boxes of old read and reread books to sell at a garage sale someday. It doesn't help that I have a B&N and Borders less then a mile from my home.

So come on, recommend a book or two for me this summer, it can be anything fiction, beach reads, non fiction, whatever you think I have to read.
This is going to be fun, like the summers in elementary school where I was the book club and in second grade I read 80 books over the summer.
Yes, I was a dork.

Compliment or Judgement

"You are the most beautiful woman in the world to me."

Those words were spoken to me last night. Hey, compliments are hard to come by so I usually never take one for granted, but the to me part? Backhanded compliment or am I being sensitive?
You are so beautiful, to me, but to everyone else you are fug-ly!
That is how I took it.

Can women take compliments without thinking? Are we even capable of that? Do you get "you look nice in that shirt" without hearing "that is the only shirt you have that doesn't make you look fat" or "you look nice today" without "finally! you look semi decent" in your head?
Is this something only women struggle with? Can men just take a "that is a nice suit" compliment and move on?
Why must women think more of it or more into it?
It infuriates me that the awkward, unsure girl of 14 is still lurking in my mind reminding me that I don't compare, that I have no reason for confidence. I want her gone and replaced by the secure, mature woman I really want to be.
I so want to be.
Will she ever go, or will there be a reminder of her even when I am old and grey and don't care anymore?

Until then I see this conversation in my not-so-distant future:
Me: your penis is soo big
E: thank you
Me: to me
E: ??????
Me: : )

Here Comes The Sun

Did you ever eat something all the time and place it back in the cabinet for later use when one day, after years of placing the item back into the cabinet, you read the label and it says "refrigerate after opening"?

WTF? Who knew you had to refrigerate chocolate syrup after opening? I thought it was a cabinet staple. Cold, thick chocolate syrup is not what I am into, I want room temperature syrup.

What else do you keep in the fridge after opening, peanut butter? Syrup?


Yesterday I did fall asleep at the movies with the kids.
In my defense Clifford's Really Big Movie is the Really Worst Movie and I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer. It was a small cat nap and I feel terrible, but the kids did not notice and they were still there when I woke up! Bonus!

Fry This

I am off to the free movies with the kids. I really hope I do not fall asleep in the theater and my kids are left to fend from themselves.
That would not be so good.

Last night I figured something out, I am a terrific cook but a terrible fryer. I never fry foods, well maybe a chicken cutlet here or there, but other then that no frying for me.
Yesterday I wanted to try making chicken fried steak. I have no idea why, I think I saw it on a commercial and wanted it. I went to the store bought the ingredients, and tried my hand at it.
No good.

All the breading comes off when I turned the meat to brown the other side. I even tried double dipping it into the buttermilk, flour and back again.
Does anyone know what I am doing wrong?

I am not sure it matters, I doubt I will try frying again. I am glad it is unhealthy, I don't want fried foods anyway.

That is a lie, I will just have to order out for all my fried food needs.

The Best Post Ever

I feel like I spend my entire day loading and unloading the dishwasher. I realize now why that is.
Because I do.


Who has the serum to make twins stop fighting amongst each other? I need it pronto.


I really need a job.

Today

Today, I just miss my Dad.

I feel bad for E because I will never celebrate this day the way he deserves it to be celebrated, because he is a wonderful dad.
I just want mine back.

It will never be OK, it will never be the same, it is what it is and it is with me all the time. It makes me who I am today and I am proud I am so strong.
It is my mantra, I will repeat it to myself all day as I go to the beach he took me as a girl, the one with all of the beautiful memories. I will veil my tears from my family as I make new memories.
I will go on, because how could I not?

It's Either That Or Nothing

What's that? Fathers Day is this Sunday you say?
Who knew? Not me I can tell you that. With all the in-law excitement and the husband/wife quarrels, I had no idea.
I am sure my husband will be OK with a card that is in Spanish made for a great grandfather, because I am sure that is all that is left at Hallmark.

Oh well, perhaps I should go the (easy! cheap!) Fish route and give him a bj for Father's Day. It is better then a stupid tie, that I know.

I have to be the #1 wife in the world.
Have to be.

Grandparents

What is it about grandparents anyway? Why do we love them so much? Is it the connection with being at the beginning of our life as our grandparents are nearing the end? Is it the spoiling and all the gifts?

Gifts can never be wrong.

Is it that they all love to sneak snacks all day and love taking naps?



I bet it is the gifts.



Or the hard candy. Why do all grandparents have hard candy? Is it a requirement to get the "senior" discounts?



"Yes, I will have a senior drink and a senior entrance to the movies?"



"Sure sir, I will just have to check your hard candy first."



"Ah two pieces? Well it is a little low, ok, but next time make sure you have more then that"





I miss my grandparents and I grew up 5 minutes from their home, I can't imagine mine living in another state. It takes a little while to warm my kids back up to their grandparents but after that, they are in heaven.



It has to be the gifts.

One More Day

I escaped to the Atlantic City area yesterday to hang out with my Mom. My in-laws took the kids to the movies and hung out with them and I fled the scene of all crimes.

I am acting like the model daughter-in-law, smiling, acting and trying to please everyone. I am doing well but the real test will be today. It has a good chance of raining today and E is working today and again tonight so I am in charge of all things entertainment.
I feel great about it! I am doing what my husband wants!
I SHOULD WIN AN EMMY!

It is Only Monday???

Oh, how is it going you ask? Well, it is 9:15 and I have a screaming headache. Does that tell you anything?

I have been fighting with E for two days. He knows I do not like his parents because they do not like me. I have tried with them. For eleven years I have tried for nothing and now I do not want to try anymore. I am done.

If I stay around my kids they think I am hovering and controlling, and if I leave them alone with the kids I am being snotty and anti-social. I can't win.
I realize now I will never win. I just want to exist.
They have made snotty comments to me and behind my back, telling E that they have "to walk on eggshells with me or they are scared they will never see their grand kids again". Bullshit.

They never see their grandchildren because they decided to move to Florida in a fit of early retirement and although we didn't have children yet, they did have a 3 & 4 year old grandchildren they left here in NJ. Woe is me.
If you feel guilty about leaving, well how is that my problem?

E doesn't want to hear it anymore because it puts him in a strange position and I understand it is not fair to him to hear about how his parents suck. I wouldn't want to hear it, I just want to be defended more instead of staying silent so it can pass and there is no confrontation.

Fuck it.

I have three long days to go and I have to figure out more activities to do to get me out of the house.


You know I have to erase soon, so don't thin you are going crazy if this post is gone very shortly.

Fun!

The thing that made me laugh out loud while I was driving around town by myself trying to convince myself not to drive off the road:

A man in a speedo, tanning on a old fashioned lounge chair in his driveway.

My Shoes Have Witnessed Quite a Bit of Crying

I am really sad today and not just because I have to entertain my in laws for a week. (that will be awesomeness for you though, because my god! the stories.)

A friend broke up with me and I feel terrible about it.
Guess where I went to cry about it? My bedroom closet!*

Good news: I am fully stocked up on ice cream. And booze.


*If you don't get this, see previous post.

Seriously, Send Help.

Hey! What's new?
Nothing?
Oh, really? Nothing new around here either, hey? Have I mentioned my in-laws are coming today?
No? Wow, that must have slipped my mind.

Yeah. The in-laws are coming, coming coming.

Wow, that still hasn't sunk in and they are arriving in about six hours. The greatest part is that they have to stay here the whole time because my sister in law is in the process of moving out of her house and has no place for them to sleep. Yay me!

When we first moved in here, I ordered two full beds to be delivered the day after we closed on the house, so that my in-laws had somewhere to sleep. They are for my kids, who will be transferring to them in a couple of weeks because they are way too tall for their toddler beds.
Anyway, my father in law is tall like my husband, and always complains that his feet hang off the bed and how hot it is upstairs and how he never sleeps well here.

Um. See ya. WTF?
Nobody asked for you to sleep here. Actually when they first announced they were coming, they said they were going to stay in a hotel so they could get a better sleep. Then they found out how much that would cost them and all of a sudden my new full size beds is good enough for them.

If they were actually nice to me and didn't talk behind my back and weren't too faced ("Oh Tuesday, the kids are so good you are doing such a great job with them" "what is wrong with her?") maybe I would offer up our room but no refuge for a whole week? I don't think so. I need to retreat into my closet and cry for E while he is at work.

Who wants to come over and play with me so I can get out of the house?

send help.

edit: The only thing that is keeping me from running away is the news that the Sex and the City movie is really happening. Yipee. Who wants to join me for cosmo drinking and Jimmy Choo shopping?

School Lunch

During middle school I would bring my lunch every day except on Fridays when it was pizza day because really, who can resist pizza day? There was rarely anything that could sway me from my yummy lunch packed with love from my mom. Well, maybe tater tots could sway me.

There was one other reason I avoided the lunch line, a particular lunch lady that made my hair stand up. She was a typical lunch lady I guess, she was a large woman, older, gave you the feeling she didn't like kids, you know the type. The one thing that made her even more scary then the other lady's slinging peas was that this lunch lady had a skin disease.

I still do not know what disease she had, but she had bumps that covered her arms and hands. Bumps, people. Should a lunch lady in any capacity have arm bumps? Especially in middle school where everything is an exaggerated disaster? I think not.

This lunch lady would wheel the little freezer out after lunch had been served and sold ice cream. Kids love ice cream but not so much the bumpy armed lunch lady. Talk about dilemma!
Some kids, I remember, would pull their hand back when she went to give them change, so she took to pressing the coin in your hand with tremendous force, I assume for spite.
I guess she couldn't do anything about her condition and as we know now as adults, teasing hurts at any age.

Thinking back on middle school, I feel so sorry for that lunch lady. She was tortured and made fun of by children who avoided her line or suddenly had a ice cream change of heart after they saw her wheeling the cart out.
I wish I could have been a bigger person and take the change from her hand and make the point that she is a human being and deserved to be treated better then we treated her.
I also wish that she could have just worn some gloves.


Check out School Menu and its parental counterpart Family Everyday, two sites that work together with School Food Services Directors to provide and promote healthy eating and physical fitness for kids and their parents. [Hotlink School Menu -- www.schoolmenu.com and Family Everyday -- www.familyeveryday.com]

Product Whore

I am a sucker for a cute package. I am an ad executive's wet dream, I will buy anything if it is pink and cute or unique and unusual. Today I thought I would show you a couple of things that I love because they are great, but what got me to try them was the packaging and cool ideas.

First is Method. I heart method and not even because they once sent me a
t- shirt that said "method" on the front and was a size large but only fits my 4 year old daughter. I love them because they make great products that I feel good using around my children and family and their packaging and designs are amazing. I buy a lot of method products they are in my bathrooms, my cleaning cabinet and on my dresser.
The latest thign I have tried is the bloq lotions. The water flower scent is divine. The lotion is light and never feels greasy or like you are covered in lotion. Plus look at how cool that package is! Try something Method today, I promise you will not regret it.

The next love of my life is I love chicken poop. They have the best lip balm that I can never find. I purchased it on the awesome name alone, but the product rocks as much as the packaging. You know I need to buy a shirt too.

Fiji water. Put anything that should be in a cylindrical container and put it into a square one and I will buy it. This water is one of my favorites and it really does taste better, but again it could all be in my head.

What are your favorite packaging or products?

Baseball

Things I was thinking (what I am always thinking) while watching the Yankee/Red Sox games this weekend:

Who has that much spit? Seriously, how do you produce that much saliva?

Their uniforms look so clean, does someone have to wash and press them for each game or do they get a new uniform for each game? I really wonder about that because a new uniform for each game is so wasteful.

If there was a rule that you cannot take 39 minutes between each attempt at hitting the ball maybe more girls would watch. You should not be allowed to step away from the plate and adjust your gloves or your hat or whatever, just swing the damn bat.

Many of these players look very dirty. Clean yourself up for god sake!

Gosh, I so wish I had a hot dog from Yankee stadium right now!

NJ and Me, Perfect Together

I am glad you all approve of the brownies as a welcome to the neighborhood gesture. They are a much loved baked good. Who asked if there would be nuts in the brownies? How dare you, of course there will be nuts, but not too many.

This "welcoming to the neighborhood" part is new to me. Although we were always friendly with our neighbors growing up, people kept to themselves. I think it is great that there is more of a community here in southern New Jersey, it is almost like living in a different state. Especially because they worship at the alter of cheese steaks and call sprinkles "jimmies" WTH?

New Jersey is strange. We are a rough and diverse state. We have great restaurants, beaches, mountains, great down towns, many farms, lakes and are close to various major cities. We also have the highest property taxes, guidos, the highest crime city in the US, and many toll roads.
BUT, you push us to a corner and we will defend our state with everything we have. NJ is the little brother of the US. We can make fun of it and complain about it but if you do? Well, watch out.

I can tell a NJ driver from a NY driver or a driver from Kentucky. Oh and if you are from anywhere outside the NJ/NY/PA/CT area, I advise you to just stay in the right lane of any major highway and sit tight. Don't go to NY either, if you think NJ has aggresive drivers, you will be in for a rude awakening.

We do not take slow driving, keeping a blinker on for 76 miles or not keeping up with traffic lightly. We will beep at you, yell key word in your direction or maybe show you a finger or two. I have seen many an out of state driver shell shocked. You know what they say though, if you can't keep up stay the fuck out.

NJ has it faults. We know it, we complain and bicker and threaten to leave. No matter how much of a pain in the butt it is to me, it is still home.