Take Your Best Guess

So as long as I wait for this baby to descend into the birth canal and ruin my vagina forever, at least we can have some fun with it.
Let us have an old fashioned "guess when the baby is coming and the sex" game. I will give you my stats and you can guess when this baby arrives and whether it is a boy or a girl, whoever comes closest, will get a copy of this book, which I will be reviewing next week here.

In the interest of full disclosure here are my details:
I went 39 weeks with my twins and they were born via c-section because baby A was breech. Baby A was 7lbs 2 oz and baby B was 8lbs 2 oz.
My due date is March 19th.
As of yesterday (37 weeks) I was not dilated at all.
I *think* I am having braxton hicks contractions but who can be sure? They feel like gas pains.
The baby is head down and feel very low, although I am not sure my stomach has dropped.
I have no feelings either way if it is a boy or a girl. No idea and it is killing me!


Feel free to ask me anything more that you need to know to make your predictions.

Birth Plan

I went to my OB appointment today and I am less then thrilled with what went down. I am maybe a "finger tip" dilated (eww) and she couldn't strip my membranes. She told me "at this rate you are not going to have a VBAC". Granted she is the least supportive and the one I like the least from this practice, but still can she be any more negative?

I really don't want a C-section, of course if I go to 40 weeks or if there are any complications, I would have one. I have been there and I don't want to go through it again, I had complications, I had a hard recovery. I don't have family & friends around to help me. I have five year old twins. I **hopefully** will have a husband who works outside of the house 40+ hours a week. I have stairs to go up and down.
All of which are not helpful to a 8+ week recovery from surgery.

I have a call in to my homeopath, hopefully he will have magic herbs and potions to help me achieve a successful VBAC.
I want a healthy baby, of course but do they really have to cut me in half to get one?

What People Will Do For Money

I admit it, I have hit a low with television since this writers strike. I found myself watching this show on Monday night called "The Moment of Truth". Have you heard of this show? One person is asked many questions about themselves before the show, they go on the show knowing what questions they have answered and have to answer them again in front of their family, friends and 8 million TV viewers.

There was a young woman on the show I saw who was married to a police officer. I can only assume it was her greed that led her to continue on question after question that was so uncomfortable to watch but I just couldn't change the channel. She stole money, she admitted to knowing she shouldn't marry her husband on her wedding day, she cheated on her husband and admitted that she would leave him for an ex boyfriend.
All the while I wanted to hug her husband. He looked so defeated, but urged her on because what more could be revealed? She was going for $200,000 when the question "are you a good person" came up. She answered yes and it came back as a false answer. All of that and she ended up losing all of her money. Irony? Karma?
Who knows, but it was some hour of television.
I know that even though we have hit a new financial low in the last few months, there are some things even I would not do for money.

Virtual Nesting

Lately I have been in a writing funk. I just can't think of anything that is worth writing about. It seems my brain is full of baby stuff and it won't go away. I guess it is my body's way of preparing for this infants birth, but I wish I could think coherently again. I wish I could sleep all night and get the things done I wish I could do but I just can't make myself actually do.
I am nesting but only virtually.

I am so loving my kids being five. My daughter is still in love with princesses and high school musical but still loves to play with my son's toys and keeps up with all her older boy cousins. She loves to be in charge. She can hold her own.
She is getting very attached to my belly now, talking to it, singing, showing the baby her things.
My son has become very brave and more independent. Much more so then last year, he went sleigh riding for the first time and went once with his Aunt and then wanted to do it alone, down a big huge hill. Big stuff for a beginner.
He was knocked down by various kids on sleds, but never cried which is a miracle because he really is so sensitive.
This is going to be a big year for them with getting a new sibling, starting kindergarten and hopefully attending swim school and learning to ride a bike. I think they are going to do great.

Positive Thoughts

We could still use your prayers and positive vibes on the job front. E has had a couple of interviews this past week and one today. Something has to give and I am afraid if E doesn't get a job soon he will crack. he has eluded to it before how much more he can hang on, and I can't imagine what goes through his head at night, when I know what goes through mine. I silently vowed to hold this kid in until he gets a job but with only a few more weeks left, there is only so much my uterus and I can do.
Think good thoughts, will you people?


I had a check up today and I am not dilated at all but the baby's head is down and low, which I already knew because it feel like the baby will fall out any minute. If I am dilated at next week's visit they will strip my membranes which sounds as painful as I am sure it is.

Limbo

I feel healthy, I am just in limbo sort of. This must be what it feels like to have ADD. I start things but cannot finish them. The smallest tasks seem like the hardest things to accomplish these days.
If I cook dinner one night a week it is a lot. The things like cooking, baking, organizing, talking to friends, that usually make me happy don't right now. I am restless and bored but don't want to do anything about it.

I am not sure what it is but I know I want to come out of this fog I am currently in and back into the land of the living.
At least my kids make me laugh:

L: mom does gay mean happy?
Me: yes it does
L: I am so gay today!!

Pregnancy, Month 9

I never wanted to talk about my pregnancy so much on this blog but hey, I am coming into the final stretch here and I have issues.
What is up with the itching? I have never had so many itches before in my life. Last night the soles of my feet itched, my elbows and my eyebrows.
This cannot be right.
I can say that I am thrilled that I went through this entire pregnancy so far without one of those charley horse leg cramps I had at least 343 times when I was pregnant with the twins. You know, where you roll in horrific pain on the bed while your husband just watches, and then you limp the entire next day? Not a one of those and that is a small miracle.

My stomach is huge. I am really hoping this baby isn't too big as big babies run in my family. Since it should be coming out of the canal rather then the shortcut, smaller would be helpful.
And yes, I am still praying I am one of those "I only labored 3 hours and with two pushes the baby was out" mothers. Wouldn't you?



Tell me what you think about renting toys online for your kids, or how to get this baby out in a timely manner.

Love

I love the color pink. I love hearts and girly things. I love eating by candlelight or by a fire. I love homemade cards with lace and glitter, I think telling someone what they mean to you shouldn't be reserved for one day. I love when my husband will just start dancing with me in the kitchen when there is no music on. I love kissing and hugging, especially my children. I love hot pink pajamas.
I love chocolate and heart shaped pancakes.
I love the idea of love.
I love that it can linger on and never die even if your loved one will never come back to return it.
I love how powerful it can be, how it makes you really feel alive.

I love that my two little valentines made our bed for us as a surprise today and although they are only five they did an amazing job. I love that they want to return the love we give them. I love them, I love the human that is growing inside of me and I love my husband.
Not just today, but everyday, I love, love.

White Winter

So you are telling me there IS hope for my vagina? Very good news.
It makes me slightly less scared for childbirth, but truth be told, I am freaking out. Not that I am in any way ready, I have not purchased what I need to, dug out what I need to find or packed any bags. It doesn't help that E STILL doesn't have a job and I am in official panic mode. So is he. Hense the no purchasing what needs to be purchased. Maybe I will at least make a list on Amazon of what I need, I can at least do that.


For some strange reason where I currently live in NJ, we get zero amounts of snow every year. In North jersey we got a decent amount of snow every single year, some amounts even prevented you from going to work or school! Nirvana! Now, here outside of Philly, there is no snow. Zero. Less then 1 inch all winter. Strange and very disspointing I have got to say. My poor kids want to play in the snow, use their snow boots, or their forgotten mittens they received for Christmas.
Instead all we get is rain. Dreary, boring rain.
Global warming is a fable, my ass.

Bigger Not Always Better

Are you sick of reading about my illness? I aure am sick of talking about it. I am better, off the oxygen and feeling great. Heartburn still kicks my ass once in awhile but is common and I can deal with it. Lets move on to more pressing topics, shall we?

My vagina.
Oh lord, how I am scared for my vagina. I never realized how scary my decision to have a VBAC was for me, until now, when the birth of this baby is becoming a reality. I had a scary C section last time and I don't want to repeat that, if I can help it. I would love to experience a "natural" birth, but if there is any problems, if I go past 40 weeks (NO!) or if the baby needs to come out, I will have a c-section, and I am OK with that.
But what if I go into labor like I am supposed to, what if everything is alright and the baby is going to come out the the birth canal like it should?
Where does that leave my vagina?

I have to say people, that I am scared it will never be the same.
I have talked to my girlfriends and many say it is not the same, some say it is, but I am not sure if I can believe them. One even asked her husband and he said everything is normal, but really what is that guy going to say? I am sure he wants to have the sex again.

So tell me ladies and men, how is the vagina after child birth? A noticiable difference? Slight difference? Vaginal rejuvination time?
Give it to my straight, even if you do so anonymously, I can take it, but I am not sure my vagina can!

Burn Baby Burn

Well, I guess it is official, you are here to stay.
I should have known better then expect you not to come and ruin my days and nights.
Why it took you so long I am not sure, but I am glad you didn't arrive sooner. I really hate you, especially at night, especially when you ruin some of my favorite things like relaxing with a nice snapple apple juice.

I hope you leave soon and I never have to deal with you again.
You are a spiteful bitch, heartburn and I hate you.

I hope you rot in the fiery pits of hell.

Update

So, I am home and recuperating. I still don't feel 100%, probably because I didn't sleep from last tuesday night until Monday night in the hospital when the doctor finally gave me a sleeping pill. I was going on 4-5 hours of sleep a day and that was not in a row. I felt like I already had the baby.
I also was not eating and I have lost about 9 pounds in the past 8 days. I was very sick.

The baby is doing great, measuring right on target at 34 weeks. I had daily stress tests for the baby and even one sonogram. He or she is healthy, and thriving despite what I was dealing with.

I missed my kids so much while I was at the hospital. My mother came and stayed here from Thursday night until Sunday afternoon. Thank goodness she did. I didn't want the kids coming to the hospital and without any babysitters or cargivers I wouldn't even have had the few visits with E or my Mom as I did. I was lonely and bored.
I finally let the kids come to the hospital for the first time on Sunday. When it was time for them to leave R looked at me and said "but you will be all alone here Mommy". It broke my heart, I turned away quickly and tried to hide my tears, I didn't want her to see how lonely I was. She is such a sweet girl. L told me I was beautiful even with my oxygen up my nose and even in the hospital.
Now if that didn't make me feel 100% better, nothing would have!
I wish docors thought more about the mind/body/spirit thing, because I wasn't doing anything in the hospital that I couldn't have done at home. My oxygen levels were at a 94 resting and when my kids came to visit they were at the highest they had ever been- 97.
I go tomorrow morning for a check up and I hope to get off this stupid oxygen!

Free At Last

Oh, hi! Remember me?
I have been MIA lately because I have been in the hospital since 9pm on Thursday night. It looks like I have some type of respiratory infection and couldn't pass air through my lungs. Not good for me or the babe.
We have been in the hospital trying to keep my oxygen up over 93, which I can do if I am just sitting in bed. If I get up to walk or to do anything and I am not on oxygen, then it drops too low.
My doctor finally let me out this morning with the promise I would wear oxygen at home 24/7 and continue with all my medications. So yeah, I am like that lady in the grocery store carting her tank in the rascal around the store. How hot!

I am not going to lie, I was scared, alone most of the time and it really put some things into perspective. More bad luck is something my family does not need right now and this was plenty more.

I have lots of hospital stories for you because being on a floor where no one was under 75 years old, gives you lots of blogging material!