Who Thought it Would Be the Middle Child

I love me some Peter Brady.

Dudes, he is hot. I thought so since the very first episode of Surreal Life. What a bod on that guy and even though he is substantially older then I, he is quite sexy. Yup, here I was thinking my only TV crush would be on David Cassidy and Ricky Schroder. And maybe Greg Brady but Peter? He came out of nowhere.

Paige Davis got herself fired from Trading Spaces. Good because she was as fun as a pap smear.

I have been craving Godiva chocolates since I had the Godiva cheesecake from the cheesecake factory, so I hope E gets me some for Valentine's Day. I told him I wanted some & I left a catalog on his desk. So if that is not enough hints, I don't know what is.


I would like the truffles, if anyone would like to bring me some.

I miss

I miss Ranch 1 chicken sandwiches with their yummy BBQ sauce.
Does anyone want to bring me one? Please?

Enough is Enough

If I hear one more thing about the "iggles" going to the "bowl" I am going to puke on the floor.

If E wasn't a huge NE fan I would still be gunning for them just because I would like the people of this area to be crushed. I hate the Iggles and them.

A Short Story

On Monday night a baby was born, she was beautiful with black curly hair. She was promised to another, as her Mother had a small son and could not afford to have another child. She was young, just 22 scared and sad. Hope pushed its way through those feelings because she had found a great couple that had wanted her child. They wanted her in the worst way. You see, they could not have children of their own so they had to rely on the ultimate sacrifice, another woman's child to raise as their own.

They had money, stability and plenty of love. They had everything the girl did not have. They saw the baby born, gave her a name, already loved her. They thanked the Mother for this supreme gift, knew how hard it was for her, how hard it will be every day. They were sad for the young mother.

In the end the young mother couldn't do it, she didn't give up her child. She had two long days to decide, to sign away all rights she had to the child, to give the baby the life it deserved but that she could not supply.
Now a family is devastated. Another Mother is in mourning for a baby she hardly knew, but wanted with every single fiber of her being. Her family is sad because she was let down again. Her family wanted the baby also, they too had plenty of room in their hearts.
Now the women has to stare at the beautiful pink clothes, burp clothes and diapers strewn across her big, empty house. Praying for her own baby, one that cannot be taken from her.

Please pray for her.

Confession

Confession number 2:

I once dated someone in high school solely for use of their lettermen (letterman?) jacket. When I was told he would never give it to a girl because he worked so hard for it, I dumped him.

What good is dating a jock if you can't wear his jacket?

I Don't Have A Title

The answer: 1 week exactly
The question: How long will it take E to set off the new alarm system?
That siren is louuuuud.

Lost is a repeat tonight, that makes me lost. I will be in withdrawal.

Baby A seems firmly implanted into the 'terrible twos" which is very bad for me. Snow+cold+inside all the time+ twins+ terrible twos= a suicidal Mom.
I am definitely in need of a vacation. Somewhere warm, relaxing and cheap.

A friend sent me a nude picture of Chyna last night and her well, um, tiny penis. Why did I look? I will never be the same I tell ya. It actually scarred me I think. Do yourself a favor, don't look, don't google it, don't let your curiosity get to you. Take it from me, I will never be the same. There is something very wrong there.
Very wrong.

Tidbits

Yesterday I went into NYC to the psychic I go see every couple of years. He told me some interesting things, and I enjoyed the experience again.
He told me that I would have one more child, a girl in the next two years. That got me to thinking that for a girl having a sister is more important then for a boy to have a brother. I don't know where this came from because I am not a boy & I do not have a brother.
What do you guys think?

Seriously, Tony Danza (cantdanca) has got to get off the air with that horrible show. And the feathered hair went out with Grease. I cannot bear to even hear his show on my TV.

My in laws were their usual loud, opinionated, annoying selves. You are DEAF, please go get a hearing aid so the rest of us do not have to hear the Today Show with you at 7 am. Have some respect. AND that thing you go to the bathroom on every day? It is called a TOILET not a JOHN. Jesus, how white trash can you get?!?!
I can't take them, E can't and I am dreading having to see them next. I hope it is next year.

BTW, what the hell happened to reinvigorate.net? WTH?

Pissed

Tomorrow we are having a huge party for the babies at our new house. Huge because I have a big family. Last year the babies didn't have a 1st Birthday party because my Dad was dying and I was not in the mood to celebrate anything. This year 90% of my family won't be able to come because it is supposed to snow a lot here in NJ.
Not where we are but in northern NJ where everyone else is. Now I have $300 of food catered and 2 quarter sheet cakes that I doubt I can cancel. Not only that but for once I wanted to give my kids a party. We don't see my family much because we live 1.5 hours away and most have not even seen our new house.
I know they are only two and will not even remember the party or who was there but I am sad, because I feel responsible. Who asked E & I to have sex in April so we would have babies in January? What shitty month.

I am sad and depressed.

So does anyone want dinner & leftovers? If so you know where to come, but you better have 4 wheel drive!

TWO!

Tonight at exactly 10:34 & 10:35 my babies will be two.
Two years ago today I went in for more blood work at the hospital and learned during American Idol that I would be having an emergency C- section that night. I was 39 weeks pregnant.

At 11 pm that night I was woken from my deep sleep to tell me that I was out of surgery and I was fine (although later I was told how close I came to death, then how close I came to having a hysterectomy because of heavy bleeding) and so was my son and daughter.
Baby A was 7lbs .8 oz and Baby B was 8lbs 2 oz. They are my pride, my love and my life.

I never knew what it was like to have your heart walking around outside your body, but that is what it is. I love them more then I love myself, and every day I hope I can be the kind of mother I want them to have.
Sometimes I fail, sometimes I surprise myself. But every night before I rest my head, I check on my babies sleeping soundly in their cribs, sweetly breathing. It is the sound of their breath that brings me back to the first time I saw them, sleeping, beautiful, perfect babies.

Two years ago today I became a mother. Two years ago today changed my life.
I never knew what true, undying, pure love was.
But now I know, and I love being a mother and I love my babies. To me they will always be babies no matter how old they will be.

I love you babies, Happy Second Birthday!
Love Forever, Mommy

Sorry

Sorry I have been MIA, but my in -laws are here and I haven't had much "alone" time. Actually I have to entertain them 24/7 which is highly aggravating.
I am done with them and want them to leave now. Not just my house but NJ as a whole.

Did I mention my BABIES are turning 2 tomorrow?!?! How did I get 2 toddlers? They were just babies a minute ago. Whew time really does fly.

I just wish it went as fast when your in laws are visiting.

To Sum It Up

I hate a headache
I have a cold sore (which is so gross)
I have my period
I have twins who are going to be two on Friday and they keep getting older even though I demanded them to stop aging a year ago, which means E is getting older and I am holding at 29, thankyouverymuch
I am very tired
AND
my in laws are here


Need I say more?

Yes, We are Losers

So E and I were on the hunt for something fun to do with our Saturday night. Like we used to have before people came out of my body.
What was my idea? Karaoke Revolution for Playstation 2. How did it go over with E? Never was there more excitement in the air.
After scouring the stores in my town trying to locate a copy with mic, of course, E finally found one & rushed home to me with it.
We were up until 12:15 playing it. I am not proud. We had so much fun. I don't like to brag but I did nail a couple of songs including My Immortal. Not bad for the first run out with the old Karaoke game huh?!

Yes, we are aware we are grown people and that we are losers.

Waiting

I am currently waiting for my In-Laws to arrive. I liken it to waiting on the cold table waiting for your gynelogical exam. You just want to run.

Yesterday I was outside at the park wearing a T shirt, the babies didn't have to wear jackets. Today it is hailing. This sucks.
Stay tuned for more on the inlaws as they will be in NJ for 10+ days.

Co-workers

At my job before I left because people were coming out of my body, I sat next to a loud talker. We will call her Diane, because that was her name. Diane was a full bodied gal in her early 50's. Whenever Diane was on the phone she would talk using an outside voice. Her normal outside voice that you reserve for ball games and making sure your kids don't walk into the street. She would use this for her clients, and her personal calls. Don't you want to be quiet on a personal call during the middle of the day? Not Diane, she had not a care in the world.
Frequently her loud booming voice would aggravate me. I am known for my subtly so what I would do to get the voice lowered slightly is to kick my garbage can repeatedly or yell "ssssuuuuuush" in my best librarian impression.
What fascinated me about this situation would be that Diane never seemed to be reprimanded for this behavior or the fact that she would come in late all the time, and once just never showed up for work, not a call, nothing. Also her work appeared to be shotty at best.
She was a nice lady and occasionally I would feel guilty about all the nasty thought I had in my head when I was on the phone with a client and I could not hear because of the LOUD talking about her new apartment or what her friend Wilma was up to, but then the guilt would dissipate because "the voice" would boom again and I would have to take out the 'ol excederin bottle conveniently located in my top drawer.*

After I left, because people were coming out of my body, I heard she had been let go in layoffs my company had. I wonder what Diane is up to now. I know wherever she is, she is talking loudly. It just makes the world seem right.


* Worlds Longest Run on Sentence.

Co-workers

At my job before I left because people were coming out of my body, I sat next to a loud talker. We will call her Diane, because that was her name. Diane was a full bodied gal in her early 50's. Whenever Diane was on the phone she would talk using an outside voice. Her normal outside voice that you reserve for ball games and making sure your kids don't walk into the street. She would use this for her clients, and her personal calls. Don't you want to be quiet on a personal call during the middle of the day? Not Diane, she had not a care in the world.
Frequently her loud booming voice would aggravate me. I am known for my subtly so what I would do to get the voice lowered slightly is to kick my garbage can repeatedly or yell "ssssuuuuuush" in my best librarian impression.
What fascinated me about this situation would be that Diane never seemed to be reprimanded for this behavior or the fact that she would come in late all the time, and once just never showed up for work, not a call, nothing. Also her work appeared to be shotty at best.
She was a nice lady and occasionally I would feel guilty about all the nasty thought I had in my head when I was on the phone with a client and I could not hear because of the LOUD talking about her new apartment or what her friend Wilma was up to, but then the guilt would dissipate because "the voice" would boom again and I would have to take out the 'ol excederin bottle conveniently located in my top drawer.*

After I left, because people were coming out of my body, I heard she had been let go in layoffs my company had. I wonder what Diane is up to now. I know wherever she is, she is talking loudly. It just makes the world seem right.


* Worlds Longest Run on Sentence.

Only in NJ

Only in NJ the weather is so fucked up. Tomorrow it is supposed to be 67 degrees and then on Friday 44.
WTF?!

Nonsense

I really have nothing for you today. It boils down to I am just too tired. I haven't slept well in about a year, since my Father got sick. The past two months it has gotten worse. I can't fall asleep and then I am up at 4or 5am just wide awake, then I will fall into a deep sleep at about 6:30 am only to be awoken by my husband around 8. It is just not working for me anymore, and the dark circles under my eyes have not become the newest trend like I had hoped. I do take tylenol PM but I would really like to be able to stop using them like the crutch they are. Maybe I can go to sleep school.
Is there a sleep school? If not there should be.
There definitely should be a potty training school. I mean how am I supposed to teach them? I am no expert. Although I fancy myself an expert now, on the actually pottys.

Doesn't the word SCHOOL look wrong to you?

Anyway we went to look at another nursery school yesterday which I feel was more like a glorified day care center. Then they wanted to charge me $5300 a year EACH for a 3 day a week program! They must be smoking crack, and I don't want my kids at a school where there will be crack smoking. I am a good mom that way.

Did I mention my in-laws are coming? AHHHHWEHHA! Yes, they will be arriving on Friday and thankfully, will be splitting their time with E's sister so I won't have the full brunt of their annoying bossiness and/or lies. I must start cleaning so they cannot add "bad housekeeper" to their running list of things I am bad at.

The Best

The best show I have seen in a long time is last nights episode of The Surreal Life.
One word: great
Cast: mini me, Da Brat, Peter Brady, Marcus Shankenberger, China doll, a chick from the Go Gos and america's next top model.
Mini me is a real life scary perv and a drunk. China doll is a gross excuse for a woman. Peter Brady is a little hot. Da Brat is a bitch, but has potential to be hysterical.

Great show.

I Never Thought

I never thought my life would be like this when I pictured it as a child.

As a child I though as an adult I would be rich, drinking kaluha & milk every day all day, wearing fabu clothes, picking out all my lavatory needs through a interior designer, eating shrimp cocktail for all meals and turning down offers for magazine covers because I was much too famous to be bothered.

I am currently still in my pajamas, debating eating cold spaghetti for breakfast, researching toilets online.
Not good.

If you are wondering about toilets, I will save you some time, Toto all the way. They have a SEAT THAT CLEANS YOUR DIRTY ASS, THEN DRIES IT. If you are going to be spending your time on there, you can turn on the heated seats. Yes, heated seats are not just for automobiles anymore.
Consider yourself in the know.

Confessions

Confession number 1:

I never write down the "reference number" that they give you when you call to place a catalog order or call for help from a help desk.
I actually pretend to write it down, repeating the letters and/or numbers all the while I am cleaning the counters or putting away leftovers.

De-Lurking

I just read that today is the International De-Lurking day.
So go ahead. Shout it out.

YIKES

Just found out that the preschool I want the Babies to go to costs $4100 a year PER CHILD for 5 half day classes.
I feel the blood rushing from my face.


Anyone want to buy some panties? Is it ethical to sell your panties to send your children to preschool? Should it be? Sold to the highest bidder.
Here we go, now the blood is coming back. It is wrong*. Definitely wrong to sell your panties to fund a private preschool. No two ways about it. Wrong wrong wrong.




*I will take this stance until someone offers me $4100 for a pair.

Picture it: St. Lucia September 2000

There we were, at the most beautiful place I have ever seen. Crystal blue ocean, white silky sandy beaches, huge pools with swim up bars. Yes, easy access to my drinks. Believe me we made sure we made out on the "all inclusive deal".
Towards the middle of our vacation E decided to scuba dive, I couldn't because I have asthma. E booked me a day at the spa though, which was fine by me. My first appointment of the day was a full body massage. It was only the second time I had a massage.
I took off my clothes, put on the robe and waited. A tall Caribbean lady came in & asked me to lay down on my back first then I would flip. I flipped on my stomach when instructed and she proceeded to massage my leg. Then farther up my leg. I stiffened up. Then farther. Then so close to me (all of ME) I wondered if this was going to cost extra. Thankfully she stopped, but then went to massaging my butt. Really I didn't need my butt massaged but I thought, what the hell. Right then the manager, giving a couple a tour of the facility barged in turned on the light and literally caught me with my pants down.
I didn't know what to do so I just acted like it was nothing.
It took me 1 year to get over my fear of THE MASSAGE. To this day I will always keep my panties on.

Bite Me in the Ass

I thought you were supposed to teach your children things. I thought you were supposed to make them aware of their environment, broaden their horizons, challenge them every day.
Well I did just that, not my 23 month old babies are demanding things from me and yelling. They tell me exactly what they want for lunch and if I do not have it in the house, watch out. The screaming.........My god the screaming. First thing in the morning no less.

Plus if you ask me for the last "nana" you damn well better be prepared to eat it. All of it. Or I will let it turn brown & feed it to you for lunch. Bananas don't just grow on trees.
Oh wait.

I feel guilty

I am currently talking my toddlers out of the "cow song" because I can't sing Old Mac Donald one more friggin time.
I am actually begging them to let me sing the teletubbies theme instead. I think I need a break from this motherhood thing.

Resolutions

My New Years resolutions for 2004:

Not to qualify doughnuts with jelly filling as a daily fruit requirement for the day

exercise more and not to count running upstairs for more diapers and wrangling two babies to change their diapers as exercise, although I am winding afterwards.

Not to make up alternative lyrics for the theme song of Dora peppered with bad words. For my own amusement only.

Not be such a hermit and socialize with my neighbors more.

Watch more porn

Read more. Not the usual reading materials that have headlines like : 15 easy meals in 15 minutes or How to toilet train your child.

Stop lying*

Try not to strangle everyone at my Insurance company

See a movie considering I haven't been to a movie theater in at least 2.5 years.

Have more fun with life




* that is a lie.