I am a good Mom, I know I am but when it comes to crisis, I know how much I will suck at being a Mom. I have no idea how I will clean up a child's puke without writhing on the floor, crying and puking myself. If there is massive amounts of blood anywhere, I will be found laying on the ground, passed out. If there is ever a bone protruding out of skin, I will just die.
But today I passed my first motherhood crisis test: A foreign object up the nose.
Baby B decided at lunch today to stick a dried cranberry waaaaaay the fuck up her nose. I tried to get it out with tweezers to no avail, coaxed her to blow out and even put black pepper under her nose so she could sneeze the sucker out.
We went to the doctors office and an alligator tweezers, a great doctor and 20 minutes later we were cranberry free in all of our orifice's.
Wait until the insurance gets that $90 bill for a cranberry extraction.
3 months ago