The Way It Was

Last week we went for our first ultrasound and the technician told us the babies (three!) were measuring very small for my LMP date which would have made me 10 weeks. We did an internal ultrasound (yuk) and found they were tiny, too tiny for a heartbeat. The technician was all "this is very rare, I have only seen it two other times in 19 years" and "wow, this is exciting" and I was all "how callous can you be bitch? This is my life and these blobs were my babies and you are telling me they are no longer existing in the same sentence as "wow"???
She was a whore.

Ahem.
So the next day I go back to the OBGYN where all the pregnant ladies are and wait to see the doctor who tells me that maybe, just maybe there is a chance that they could be growing so lets do a blood test every two days. I agree because I don't want a D&E and if there is a chance I will take it. But I had no hope.
The next day I start bleeding. That happened to be our sixth Anniversary. More on that later.
What should you do when you are miscarrying your babies? Well i went to Carters to buy a gift for my friend then went home to visit her and her new baby born the day I found out my babies were no longer growing.

Irony and those life/death, the world goes on thoughts did not escape me.

Yesterday I had the D&E because I did not get rid of all the "debris" in my uterus. For the first time in four days I don't have terrible cramps.

It is a new day with a new start.

And we will start fresh now, with a clean slate. E & I are good, because we have each other.


Again, thank you all, who left comments and emailed me. I really do appreciate it and it comforted me to know I was not alone. Women are strong and when we circle the wagons to help each other through good times and bad, it just makes us stronger.