Friday, August 31, 2007

A Life Worth Living

I watched a documentary on Wednesday night called Crazy Sexy Cancer. Really I only watched the middle, I had missed the beginning and didn't watch the end because E came to bed and I thought I could tape it when it was on again, so I can see it in its entirety. Bad move on my part because it is not airing again as far as I and Tivo can tell.

It was about a 31 year old single woman who was diagnosed with a rare and incurable cancer. She was told it was slow growing, but incurable. Eventually she would die from it. Just for a second, try and imagine that.

I wondered what I would do faced with this knowledge. Would I use my fight or flight instincts? Could I live the rest of my life, however long, with the thought that nobody would want to be my partner in life. Who would want to marry damaged good with an expiration date? Would I look for alternative means to help save my life? Would I ever find peace in knowing that there will be an end, and I have lived my life, however short, the way I wanted.

Faced with your own mortality maybe would get people to do what they always wanted, but put off. Climb a mountain, dive from an airplane, learn to speak another language, tour the world. Soak everything in, so as to try to remember all your sights in eternity.
Why can't we live like that now? As if every day was our last? It is great in theory but that is not who we are, mundane life gets in the way, chores, work,

No matter how long you live, especially for people who have died so very young, could it ever be enough? Could you have lived enough, experienced enough, touched enough lives? That is what I think the filmmaker was going for, to leave her own legacy, to say "you are not alone" to so many other people out there, to make you think. It certainly made me think about how I want to live my life. It was a fantastic film and I really hope the air it again.

So, I ask you besides spending time with your family, which is obvious, what is one thing you would you do, if you had all the resources, before you die?

I know by your comments on my last post you peeps think I am depressed, I am not, I am just in an extreme lazy period. Akin to Picasso's blue period. I am a true artist at laziness.
If that depression commercial doesn't make you feel well, depressed, I want whatever you are drinking, because no matter how good of a mood I am in, it is depressing as hell!


  1. My husband and I watched this the other night. It reminded me a bit of "Why I wore lipstick to my masectomy". I'll be more than happy to fill you in, if you would like. It's definitely paved the way for more introspective discussions around here in the past few days.

  2. To be honest, on one hand I would really have loved to have watched the show; but I know I am not mentally prepared to answer those tough questions. I would like to think I would do all the things I only dreamt of; however how do you pull yourself out of that funk when you have a part of you thinking what would be the point?

    It just chokes me up thinking about it. I've read blogs of people who have had cancer and then have died and it hurts so much to be an outside looking in.

  3. Wow. That's a tough concept to even envision going through. I have no idea how I'd react. I think many of my frustrations with life are related to how much effort it takes just to survive, let alone go out and do the things we all want to do. I don't know what I'd try to go for, which might explain my mostly settling for the mundane.

  4. I wanted to watch that show so badly. I went through the whole cervical cancer scare after I had my son and I went into a panic asking my self those very same questions...
    I don't think anyone ever lives enough...not even the 104 year old woman with 7 kids and 25 grandkids...there's always more to see and take in. I hope they repeat the show soon so I can catch it, too.

  5. Kristi3:27 PM

    Isn't it Tim McGraw who sang, "Live Like You Were Dying?"

    Its a shame that it takes most of us something that drastic to force us to LIVE.

  6. monkeygirl5:01 AM

    Thoughtful post. I'd travel around the world - with my loved ones.

  7. After my lump scare, I decided to shake things up a bit.

    So far, I've made lasagna for the first time ever, and made sure to look the Queens directly in the eyes each day when I tell them that I love them.

  8. Easier said than done. Sure you would try to cram as much "living" as possible into your life. I am not sure I would start going all crazy and start doing things I would probably not have done before. I would however start to really take in things. The taste of a hot cup of cocoa or the smell of a flower or the sight of my husband falling asleep. Be with your loved ones really... I now realize this is truly very sad because this is what we should do in our every day lifes

  9. These are all so interesting, thanks for playing along guys!

  10. The hardest part for me would be knowing that I will have to leave my children without a mother -- both for their sake and for mine. I would do everything I could to make sure they and my husband have all the support they need.

  11. Anonymous4:19 PM

    If you really want to see it, it is on Youtube in a 7? part series. It will autoplay where it left off if you don't hit pause. It is great, whether you have cancer or not.
    (I do, incidentally, and it is a recurrence which less than 4% of patients get, woohoo for me)
    I want to know everything about my options.... if its bat dung from india, I don't care. Life is worth it!
    PS Noone is eaver ready to "face the music". It would be much easier if a paino fell on my head tomorrow than have cancer trying to run through your thoughts every second....


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