Waiting Is the Hardest Part

I am still not feeling 100%. I toss and turn at night, I threw up on Friday night, cold clammy the whole thing. On Sunday night I had diarrhea and didn't sleep all night. I went to my endocrinologist Monday afternoon and had blood work done as routine to check up on my thyroid. She threw in a pregnancy test because I haven't gotten mine yet, but I took a home test and it was negative.

I am thinking the upset stomach and puking was due to the potatoes I ate Friday and Sunday nights, all from the same big bag. Now, I will never eat potatoes again and that is a strong stance coming from a Irish girl.

I am hoping to hear back from my doctor's office today with results from my blood work. I hate the wait.

E doesn't come home until tomorrow night and I still cannot make a good cup of coffee!

Today

Kids are asking me 299 thousand questions a minute.
E is away on business.
L has a cough,
I am so sick and have been since 2am on Monday.
I have to go give blood again today and I am beginning to think all doctors are vampires. I have given blood at least 20 times this past year.

Sick. Alone. No help. Ugh.

Cleaning, Sandwiches and Business Trips

Is there anything really better then a BLT sandwich? I am craving one and I think that I will run to the store and get the supplies. I use turkey bacon and although I am so used to it by now, I don't think it tastes one bit different just a little less greasy.
I think baked potato soup would be great with it except I have never made it before. I will have to go look that one up!

Today I went to target and loaded up on my dwindling cleaning supplies and detergents. I needed it because I noticed how dusty all the pictures were in my office. Gross.

On Monday E leaves for another business trip and I will be left here bored and sad. These are the times I really miss living close to my family & friends. It would make the days go by faster if I could have a friend or two over or have dinner with my Mom.
Sigh. Maybe someday.
When I win the lottery.

Sick Of Winter

Ask me if I have any creamer?

Every day of my life I go through the same thing, I hate taking a shower, I procrastinate anything but take a shower and then I feel great afterwards. That is until I have to blow dry my hair for a good 30 minutes. Then I am grumpy again. I do like the summer though because I never use a hair dryer in the summer and if I wash my hair in the morning and put it up when I take it down for bed that night it will still be damp.
That is one of the best parts of summer.

Well, that and the ice cream man.


I am still done with having to make all the dinner decisions in this house because really? How much chicken can one family eat? I have a few ideas for you over here in my other, other blog.

Creamers Rule

I am tired because I have tossed and turned every night for at least a week. Plus my coffee was crap this morning because we were out of my favorite fat free vanilla creamer. That is such a terrible start to an otherwise perfectly fine day.

The one thing that is keeping me going is LOST tonight. I am still hopelessly in love with this show and it always keeps me coming back for more.
I am also loving Scrubs, The Office, anything on NBC where they throw pedophiles onto the ground and arrest them, King of Queens (where did that go?), Grey's (Mer cannot be dead her name is in the title of the show!) and How I Met Your Mother. Reality? I also like (small voice) Real housewives of Orange County, anything on MTV and any show where people who don't clean their house or their bodies swaps with a mother who gargles with Lysol and washes her floors with a toothpick.
Those are my quilty pleasures along with liking the song "sweet home alabama" and cutting my children's nails.

Oh, and if my husband doesn't come home with some vanilla creamer? Dead.

Complete Me

I had a great time yesterday, besides the sitting in the car for 3 hours there-and-back part. Stupid holiday traffic.

Anyways, I got a chance to see my friend and some other friends and her new baby who is sweet and small and snugly. I want one.
I wonder will the baby fever ever go away? Will one day I say "aww a cute new baby, that is sweet but I am complete with what I have"?

I wonder if anything will ever be enough for me. I don't think I am an overly needy person but sometimes I feel myself wanting more. More love, more "things", more money, another baby.
I want to be happy and in the moment. I want to feel complete every day.

Is it even possible?

Baby Love

No real post today because one of my best friends had her first baby last night and I am going home to visit her!! So exciting.

I have to get dressed, order flowers, call her for silly details like the name and when she had him for crying out loud!

sigh. I have such baby fever now.

Meme

Amanda tagged me with a 6 strange things about you meme. As if I don't write about how strange I am every day, you need six more?
OK well here you go:

When I was young I would eat spaghetti and applesauce. Hear me out, as a child my father's parents didn't have a lot of money and they had 7 kids. Applesauce was a side dish for them and so my dad was used to having it on the side of his plate, and then mine. He never would eat it with spaghetti or anything Italian for that matter but I loved my applesauce so why not? I remember going to a restaurant and wondering where the applesauce was for my pasta. It was a sweet/savory thing I guess. Thank goodness I have grown out of that habit!
Gross.

I hate the band Rush. The singer's voice will send me into convulsions. It was my sisters favorite band in high school and she would play it all the time. Probably just to piss me off. That is not that weird but it is a point of interest.

The hair on my legs never really grow. I can go easily a month in the winter before I have to shave them. Because I waxed them so much now the hair on the back of my calves never grows and neither does the hair on my thighs. I never have to shave above my knee.

I have a half sister and a half brother who are going to be nine and seven in about a month. My parents divorced when I was a teenager and my father remarried when I was 19. I love my sister and brother so much and I wish I saw them more often.


My foot grew one half a shoe size when I was pregnant and never returned to my 8.5 status. Now I am a huge 9 in most shoes. I was hoping my shoes weren't fitting because of swelling but no such luck. My nipples got bigger also, but that is for another post.

You can get me to do anything if you kiss the back of my neck. It literally gets me weak in the knees.


Now let me comment on Amanda's 6 strange things. Her answers are in bold:
1- I am celebrity obsessed. I am not obsessed but I do read US magazine and people every week. And Perez. I read him every day..
2- I like really HOT water. I hate hot water. I take cold showers in the summer and as warm as I can stand it, no foggy steam showers in the winter. I hate how drying hot water is and plus there is nothing worse then getting out of a hot shower into a freezing bathroom in the winter. .
3-I sometimes do sexual favors to get things that I want. Amanda you little minx. I have friends who do this too.
4-I am addicted to text messaging. I have text messaged maybe 10 times in my life.
5- Craigslist is so freaking funny that I love to read the personals and wonder who responds to those ads.
Its me Amanda, I respond to those sex ads. No just kidding but I read them too, plus you get to see penises.
Penisis? Peni?

6-I am obsessed with nightgowns. I haven't worn a nightgown since I was 10. I am going to start! I will buy myself one today!

How fun! I tag anyone who wants something to write about today! : )

He Is WAY to Excited About Ricotta

I don't have much to say today besides that it is freezing! here and I am wondering why I wished for winter to come at all. God it is so cold.

I m also mad that itunes or my computer will not let me burn a cd I wanted to burn and I have no idea who's problem it is or how to resolve it.
So, I will ignore it until I get in the mood to solve it and then I will curse a lot.
Which may mean in an hour from now or in two years.

Again I find myself without an idea for dinner. I think I am going to use a recipe from Tyler Florence that sounds so yummy. Usually I steer away from Tyler because he always gets eye level with his food and that makes me nervous. I mean you want to see what you are doing but do you have to french kiss the food? He also shares his spoons with the strangers he teaches how to cook specific dishes. Dude, I like you and thanks for showing me finally how to make shrimp scampi but I have no wishes to swap saliva with you.
Freak.
But, you know, thanks for the recipe.

winter

Just Another Day

Thank you for all your interview well wishes. The interview went OK, it was short and sweet. He seemed surprised I wanted to work part time instead of full time, but I did tell the girl who called about my resume that I was looking for the part time position that was open.
He also didn't seem like he had any sense of humor and that bothered me.
I mean, C'mon.

We will see where it goes if they want me back for another interview I will hear about it in a week or so.

It has finally snowed here and rained and iced and iced everything again and it should rain again and then snow before the day is through.
I can't complain though because everything is quiet outside and it is beautiful. Pictures to follow.

I Am The Epitome Of Lazy

Today is my job interview. You know when something seems like a good idea at the time, but once it is time to execute it or buy it or whatever it is, you realize that it is a terrible, horrible idea?
Yeah. Me too.

I don't feel like going on a interview.
To top it all off it is snowing for the first time today. TODAY. When I actually have to leave the house and pick up kids from school and dress "professionally" and drive somewhere I have never been and let them judge me.
Fun!


Did you ever put on pants that you have worn and washed many times just to see a big tag that says "remove before you wash or wear"?

MEN: Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. Check out my ideas is you were forgetful again this year and ladies? Don't sweat it just pick up some man flowers. (beer)


OK, well, I am off to my stupid interview. Wish me luck.

I Am Sure To Win Mother Of The Year

The kids haven't been going to bed for me very easily. The get up and play. They go full force, turn on the light and trash their room.

Sometimes I think it is because E is not home to put them to bed. Every night he sings songs to them and plays his guitar, I cannot do that, or I would, but they don't want me to.
Last night E was home and put them to bed, but still they got up and played despite threats and warnings.

SO, I hatched a plan. What if to get back at them, when they woke up in the morning we suddenly had English accents? We would have to do it all day and we couldn't break character. It would drive them crazy.
Fun for everyone, right?

This was the funniest thing I had heard last night, but perhaps that is because of the cosmos I was downing. So there we were in the family room watching the Grammys and repeating " 'ello Governor" over and over.

Then we decided we should do that once every few months or so always changing the accents one month Jamaican, the next time maybe we will just speak to them in Spanish all day.

The only problem? E cannot speak in any accents. He just kept repeating 'ello Governor over and over again. He ruins everything.

So when do I get my mother of the year award?

Nothing is For Dinner

I strive for variety but I feel like I make the same stupid things for dinner all the time. I know in reality I don't but I am sick of my menus.
What I am also sick of? This conversation:

Me: I am going to the grocery store, do you want anything particular for dinner this week?
Husband: no
Me: anything you have a craving for? Any suggestions?
Husband: No
Me; Well, maybe you can think of something you would like because planning, buying and cooking dinner 6 nights out of the week is bleeding me dry.
Husband: Well how about tacos or hot dogs?
Me: goodbye

This is the dialog we have every week or so. I don't know why I persist. He always suggests hot dogs or tacos, which by the way, eww.

Maybe if I do a weeks worth of dinners that are not his favorites, he will suddenly have an opinion.
Or maybe roasted chicken it is.
Again.

The New Me?

I am venturing back to the life of the working woman. Working out of the house that is. I decided to get a part time job for some extra money (duh) because I would like to buy myself something once in awhile not just kid's stuff and to get out of the house to meet some new people.
My neighborhood is great, if you are over 50, but as for young hip mothers and children? This neighborhood hasn't got it.

I have an interview next Tuesday with a PR company that is local and I totally feel out of my element. I haven't worked in an office in over four years. Is there anything new I won't know? Will I be that odd "mother" type in every office that all the younger kids hate because they are doing all of their work efficiently and making them look bad?
And what the hell is "professional dress" anyway? I think I have always had a professional dress code in offices that I have worked in, but what if I really didn't? Should I go out and buy a ball gown now?

I hate that this is making me doubt myself, just because I took time out to be a mother to people that one day emerged from my body, doesn't mean I have lost my skillz. Or does it?

Oh and I joined a gym yesterday that has a kid's room and trainers and lots of yummy stuff. Even yoga my favorite, but I haven't done yoga since I was pregnant, are there any new positions I don't know about?

Are your guys proud of me?
Seriously, who is this person? Can't be me.

This One Is For The Men. Thank Me Later.

I don't think of Valentine's Day as the one day to say how you feel or give a gift to your lover. I think of it as another romantic day we have together. We want to know we are still loved as much as when we were dating, when we were in the "new".
Women love romance. Here it is men, the total secret to how to make a woman happy all the time, women want to feel as if they are still dating, when everything was new and fresh.
We want to feel special and appreciated.

Roses in any color, unless you know this is your wife's very favorite flowers are best left at the florist.
Too cliche.

I would much rather have a huge bouquet of zinnias or peonys. Send the flowers to her work, she wants her friends to see.
Take one of your wedding photos and have the florist re-create her bridal bouquet. HUGE romance points.

Take a picture of the two of you together, that you both like and have it blown up in black and white and then framed. Bring her breakfast in bed, think heart shaped pancakes and warm maple syrup.
Plut on your wedding song and dance with her, even amongst the mess.
Play with her hair, touch her face.

If you are budget-less plan a romantic long weekend and surprise her the day you leave. Plan everything yourself, childcare, the B&B, pack the champagne.
Buy these.

If you really know your wife well, buy her a brand new outfit and make reservations to her favorite restaurant. Let her come home and find it there on the bed, with a note, telling her how amazing she will look in it.

You will never go wrong with chocolate covered strawberries, buy them at a Godiva store or even better, make them. They sell the easy chocolate near the strawberries in the grocery store, if you can use a microwave you can make these.
Feed them to her after the kids go to bed.

Maybe some sexy lingerie and a vibrator to spice things up. Nothing trashy, nothing out of her comfort zone, no red. Think wedding night.
This gift is really for you so you have to make it romantic.

Life gets in the way of romance sometimes, we have to remember to make time for it.
It is no better time then a cold and bleak day in the middle of February.

I know I was Born And I Know That I'll Die, The In Between Is Mine.

Thank you for all your kind words yesterday, it did help me.
I didn't go to the cemetery like I usually do because it was 9 degrees below zero here yesterday. I couldn't bring the kids out in that kind of weather. I will probably just go myself this weekend.

It is entirely a morbid practice. I buy some flowers, I go and sit by his grave and I clean it up a little, tell him how much I miss him and cry. If my Dad was here he would tell me how stupid the whole thing was and not to visit him. Or cry.
I can't help it though.

I want to think "why him" why so young or so good of a person, why with such young children and why let him suffer? I rejected god. Or the entire idea of a god. I was sick of hearing from my mother that "he" had plans and we can't question them, they will never be answered, or that everything is for a reason. That is a bullshit way of saving yourself from knowing the truth, maybe there is no reason, maybe it just "is".

I didn't want to know that anything good could come from my father dying.
But it did, In the face of great pain, my family become closer. Friendships become deeper. Life becomes sweeter.
It is vital to be reminded of loss to remember to how to love our family and friends while they are still here.

When I accepted death is just a part of life, I felt better. I don't want to search for answers that I will never find. I just want to live my life the best I can, I want to raise good people and my family is the last thing I want to see before my body stops working.

I want to have faith again. Faith in life and death. Faith that I will be able to tell my Dad again how much he means to me and how very much I missed him. Faith that I can tell everyone I know what they really mean to me. Faith that someone will miss me as much when it is my time to go.

That is how I go on.
That is how I will honor my family and how I will honor my Dad.

Anniversary of Sadness

Everyone has dates that they keep in their heads and hearts.
Many only you know and acknowledge and some are shared with a select few.

They are anniversaries of sadness, of loss. There are no celebrations on these dates, there is remembrance, silence and introspect.
Maybe it is the due date of a baby that never was, or the date you met the one that got away.
Today is my date, the one I carry in my heart, the day I don't want to get out of bed, the one where I wish I could erase from my memory.

It is the day my Dad died.

This is my post from last year, and everything is the same.
It is just a year later.

Mmmmm Cookies

E went to the accountant today to drop off our taxes and then he is going to his best friend's house to hang out for the night. He lives so far away from us that he is spending the night and should be back home with us tomorrow at lunch time.
This makes me sad. I cannot sleep when he is not in my bed and I just miss him. Yes, it is for one night and I know what you are saying "get a hold of yourself, woman!"
I will get a hold of myself and my chick hormones.
God, I am so girly sometimes I make myself mad.

Although there seems to be some promising TV on tonight like a special on revenge, which is something I am a fan of.
Revenge, I mean. And TV.
Also, there is a Trading spouces or something of the like on, and since they asked me to be on their show and I turned them down, I like to watch and realize that no matter what other stupid decisions I have made in the past, that one was right.
You know they would have sent me to some George Bush loooving, dirty, goats in the living room, please go out and get me some road kill to make for supper, these are my 12 kids and their lice, house.
Yeah, that was a great decision.

I have already eaten 4 of the most rocking chocolate chip cookies I made last night already today.
Please save my fat ass and send me your favorite joke, youtube clip, video or website.
Momma needs something to do tonight.

Winner!

I put the names of everyone who had a bad period story into my cute pink red sox hat and let my daughter pick a name.
Congrats mamalee!

Send me an email with yoru name and address and I will send you your prize containing some of my favorite things.

The Angel of The Odd

If you haven't noticed I have had really nothing to write about for the past couple of days.

I could talk about how I still have to order over 300 pictures so I can start putting the 500 I already have here in photo albums.

How I have not knit anything in forever and I wish I could just sit down and do it, but I think I lost my knitting mojo.

Or how I am pissed at my children's preschool who have replaced their teacher again. This is the third teacher since September that my children have had. I think the education they get is terrific, but leaving my kids with a stranger for a teacher, just sets them back yet again. The inconsistency is ridiculous and for what I pay, the school is on my shit list.

Maybe I should talk about how NJ is pissing the shit out of me. We pay the highest property taxes in the US, and our sales tax has recently gone up and we can barely afford to live here. I don't have a free preschool program in my school system, although people keep telling us how great our schools are.

Hey did anyone see the Primetime special last week on Camden NJ kids? It was a real eye opener especially since I live relatively close to Camden and to Moorestown NJ which last year was voted best town to live in the U.S. They are located 10 minutes apart and one is the poorest, most crime ridden, saddest city and one is filled with rich white people and the occasional Eagle football player.

Instead I will leave you with the fact that my napoleon dynamite chapstick has run out and I couldn't find a new one at 5 below. I am very sad about this.

Winner for the worst period story will be picked out of a hat tomorrow!