Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Friendship

I was the first one in my circle of friends to have children. When I had my twins I was still living by my home town, so all of my friends came to visit me and my new babies in the hospital. When the remainder of my friends were married I would drive the 1.5 hours home to go to various showers, rehearsal dinners and to participate in weddings. When my friends had their baby I waited 1 day to let the new parents settle in and drove up to visit my friends and their newest arrivals. I wanted to do it.

I visited one friend on the same day I learned I was miscarrying my triplets. I went to Carters with my tear streaked face covered by my darkest and biggest sunglasses to purchase a gift on my way up to see the newest baby in our circle of friends.
This time, when I had my third and last child, E informed my friends via email when he returned that night from the hospital.
Not one of them visited.

Sure there were promises and "tell us when you are settled and we will visit", then things got busy and nothing. They figured they would just see me when I went to one of their child's birthday party that was scheduled for last week.
It took a long time for me to admit that really, I am very hurt. I have shuttled my twins up, missed naps, E has taken off of work, I have found sitters to go and visit them and for them not even to call me for a week after I had my baby is hurtful.
I know life gets in the way, I know how hard it can be to plan trips with kids because I have done it.

I wonder when being a friend is more work then you get back and if that is a friendship at all. Maybe my old friends and I have grown apart more then just geographically.
Maybe it is time for new friends.

9 comments:

  1. Kristi6:53 PM

    oh, gosh... I'm sorry you're feeling this way! I was in much the same position as you and it is very hurtful when this happens. I guess the only consolation is knowing that you were a better friend to them than they're being to you... which isn't really much of a consolation.

    Hang in there!

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  2. I have dealt with this very recently, then a month ago I decided I was tired of being used. I cut all ties, moved on and haven't looked back. It was the right choice for me and was very liberating. But only you can decide what is right for you.

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  3. awwwww...it does hurt. and maybe it IS time for new friends. ya, life gets in the way, but your baby is HOW old??? Surely they could have made it by now, right? Friendship is a give and take....not give and give and give or take and take and take.

    I know it hurts your heart...it's got to. But there are women out there to be friends with, I'm sure of it.,it does take alot of effort on your part...and sometimes it's hard to put past hurts aside and try. one. more. time.

    But it might be worth it.

    I can't believe they haven't come over! JERKS!!

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  4. I'm sorry. I understand completely how you are feeling. We don't live near family or friends but I had lots of people I considered pretty good friends at work. One of whom lived two blocks from me, and another of whom I took stuff to when she was sick and couldn't get out. I honestly thought some of them would come by, or call, or visit, or even email. But no. Nothing. It was hard to accept.
    Maybe your friends haven't realized how they've hurt your feelings?

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  5. My ex-best friend was like that. She was always standing me up, always had this excuse or that as to why. She was matron of honor in my wedding and left about an hour and a half into the reception because she said her husband was tired and wanted to leave. Of course she told me this after my honeymoon...at the actual wedding she just left...didn't say goodbye, congrats, nothing. One of the other bridesmaids told me she had left.

    After I was married I saw her one more time and then decided to break up with her. Sorry, this isn't working, not going to see you anymore. That was almost four years ago, I never saw her again.

    Do what you have to and don't get beat up, there are plenty of people out there that WILL make you a priority.

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  6. Terrible, isn't it I haven't told my freinds hwo hurt I am but, should I have to?

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  7. Anonymous3:00 PM

    Yeah, my so called friends did the same damn thing to me...They are no longer my friends.My sister even did that to me and 6 months before she had a son and when I got to the hospital,I was told to leave 10 min after arriving,because they wanted to be alone.I have better friends now an rarely contact my sister.I am a giver and all of them are not.If I was close to you I would be a good friend.I know how it hurts and I probably would not bother with them again.Wish I could make it better for you
    Shawny

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  8. friends can totally suck

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  9. Those type of friends are toxic. That kind of stuff ruins what should be a really great time. But it sounds like you are focusing on the better part, the family you have. You will have good friends come your way, I'm sure of it.

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