Hey Blaine, Try This One

I didn't watch David Blaine's special last night. I heard about it quite a bit today already. Apparently he couldn't hold his breath for the full 9 minutes he wanted to and was pulled out of the tank by bikini models at 7 minutes.
To me this is no big deal. I think I have broken this 9 minute record unceremoniously quite a few times over the last three years.

I recall one time in particular:
I checked on my daughter then just a baby in her vibrating seat (otherwise known as the best invention EVER) and I noticed a smell. I picked her up and knew she had a terrible poop in her pants. At that moment I saw that the vibrating seat had vibrated the poop all out of her diaper and up her back. (gag)
I sprang into action.
I placed a hairclip on my nose and held my breath while I: carefully undressed her, wiped her with 756 wipes, placed the clothes in sink, ran an emergency bath, washed poop out of unmentionable locations on both me and her, put a new clean diaper back on, rinsed out poopy clothes and then ran with them to the washing machine.

Then I released my nose clip and filled my lungs with fresh, clean air.

I could only hope for a pay day like David Blaine's after that but I was rewarded with a clean baby.

Now that, that should be televised!

Shopping Trip

My outing on Friday went well. I went to three store and I finally found something in Annie Sez. My daughter hit herself in the head on one of the racks and cried.
Loudly.
They always hurt themselves when they are tired.
Then my kids said goodbye to an older couple leaving the store when as we were, my son pointed out he was wearing a shirt with a bee on it and my daughter had to show off that her pants had a butterfly. Then, in front of the strip mall she proceeded to pull dopwn her pants and show off her princess pull ups to the lovely older couple.
I died of embarrassment and we were on our way to get some new shoes.

My son fell off the little seats where you try on shoes, despite me telling him no less then 34 times to get off and to stand by me. He screamed like someone stabbed him and I am sure all the people buying shoes judged me and my kids.
I feel like putting signs on their backs saying "we are great kids normally and if we have a nap we are downright terrific" or "my Mom can't get us to nap or to go to the bathroom in a potty but really, she is a pretty good Mom"

Maybe I will just get t-shirts made up instead.
For Mother's Day.

All in all, it was a good trip out, I did find out Old Navy had carts and I did utilize them. My kids went into the dressing room with me for the first time. They were wondering out loud (very loud) what my bra was and why it was different then a bathing suit.
Then they poked my boobs.
It was almost degrading.

Next time I will at least go shopping after nap time. Or I should say faux nap time, where they pretend they are napping but are just tearing apart the bedroom and I try to do something productive before I have to go up and yell at them for faux napping.
That is a WHOLE other post though.

Today, I am Daring

I never really brought my kids shopping with me. They were probably two years old before they ever saw the inside of a grocery store. It was always too hard to go shopping with the twins stroller, so bulky and I could never go into a fitting room with it, I was lucky if I could fit through aisles with it.
I was a pro though at the open door-hold with right foot-shimmy stroller through-easy, easy take it easy, pushing the stroller with one hand-ease door closed behind me while opening the other set of doors in front of me-and repeating. You really work up a sweat when you are done with that, I can only imagine how awesome I would be at it with a single stroller. I would win straight golds at the Mommy Olympics.

Today though I am leaving the house with my two three year old sans stroller to go to a minimum of two stores that do not have carriages. I am looking for a camisole for myself at Old Navy and then hitting DSW for some new shoes. DSW is like a racetrack for kids with those long aisles.

Sigh, I have to do it though my little sister's communion is tomorrow and I have to finish an outfit and look somewhat decent.

There may be some crying and yelling but after I get it all out of my system it should be fine.

I Am Sure This is TMI and Boring

Feel free to skip this post because I will be giving TMI and I am confident this will be boring. I may be boring but I still have confidence in myself. You gotta love that.

You still reading? Oh well, don't say I didn't warn you.

I have my period, it arrived early this morning after not making an appearance in all of April.
I didn't blame my period, all that raining in April doesn't make it the most fun month.
I am not complaining either because a month without your period, to me, is like a month full of sunshine, cute puppies licking your nose and fitting into skinny jeans all rolled into one.
I love it.
It made the fact that I was HUGE when I was pregnant and tired all the time soooo worth it. It almost made the stretch marks worth it, but not quite. I hate the stretch marks more then my period and that is saying a lot.

You may be asking yourself now, "well, what is going to get poor Tuesday through the day?". Well, since you asked I will tell.
Lost is on tonight.
Lost.
A new one that is leading up to the finale. I may wet my pants.

Also on tonight is a new Dateline where they are after the sexual preditors online and they are catching those sons of bitches and hopefully getting their salads tossed in jail to let them know what it feels like to be victimized and I hope they all rot.
Whew.

Anyway, my period hormones suggested this to accompany Lost and I am more then happy to oblige.
I will be in heaven at 9pm tonight.

Blurry Vision

"It is such a beautiful day again today", I thought as I drove past the familiar buildings.
I was on my way home after running a few errands and I was tired, but better yet would be that the kids are tired, I thought.
I checked my rear view mirror. "Yes! One down one to go."

I made a left turn and I heard it, the familiar, distinctive sound. Instantly sadness washed over me like 100 gallons of water and I felt like I couldn't breathe, I was drowning.
I glanced to my left, and I saw the bag pipers.
This time they were at someone else's funeral, someone else was dead on this beautiful day and they were melodically sending that person away forever.

The memories flood back: funerals, black, crying, scared, loud music, dark glasses, the bitter cold and how I was grateful it made me numb inside and out, beautiful days.
Sadness.

It felt like I passed the funeral in slow motion, not like I was going 30 miles per hour.
That is how life has felt since my Dad died, in slow motion, but in reality, flying by.
I guess it is the irony of it all.

I felt the wind sting my eyes, all the while not realizing I was crying.

I pulled into the driveway and parked my car. I put my head against the seat and took off my sunglasses. I looked into the rearview mirror to see two sleeping kids.
Peaceful and innocently sweet.
I exhaled realizing that I had done it.
That through it all, in slow motion, in sadness, and through tears, I still mamanged to find my way home.

?

What do we think of these for the summer?

My Kids

It just hit me, my kids are not babies anymore. They are not even classified as toddlers, they are "preschoolers" now. Officially, they will be preschoolers in September when I turn over the deed to my house to send them to preschool.

My kids are so big, my daughter is very tall for three, her grasp of our language effortless which I am reminded of every day because she never stops talking! Her blond shoulder length "princess hair" is now darkening a bit and her baby tendrils have all but gone except for particularly humid days. She is sneaky and cute.
She is the boss of us, and everyone knows it, yesterday my son asked E for a cookie. Since it was very close to dinner, E said no and he went back to his sister. My daughter heard this exchange and said to him " you stay here & watch chicken little A, I will ask Daddy for cookies. She went right in the kitchen wagged her two pointer fingers at her Dad, told him they needed cookies for this show and then sauntered off back to the couch. Job done.
And that has been what is like living with her. She knows what she wants and gets it.
I hope that she can keep that with her always, that she won't compromise her goals for a boy or that life will just get in her way.
She is so much like me, I am scared for her. Determination and strong is one thing, stubborn and demanding are another. I just hope she gets some of her Daddy's gentleness and easy going-ness.

My son is brave when he is not around his sister. Usually he looks for her to guide him, to make the friends, to try hanging upside down first, to let him know it is ok, I am doing it and I am here for you.
He has sandy brown hair and is a mini me of his Father. Petite features and the softest skin known to man. The most kissable skin. Ever.
His memory is long, like mine, and he won't let you forget something you told him or bribed him with. He knows how to make me laugh and knows when I need a hug. He is such a sweet boy.
I hope that he can be so brave, I hope he can have more self confidence to make his own friend, make his own path without his twin sister having to make the decisions for him.
I know that will come in time.

My kids are so big now, it is a whole new journey for us. One I am willing and able to take.
One that will lead me into directions I never knew I would go, but I accept it as long as my kids are by my side.

No Title

Today I am feeling a little blah. Actually I have been feeling tired for awhile now. I am not sleeping great, tossing and turning a bit too much so I am hoping that is the cause of my tired feelings throughout the day. I am praying that my thyroid is functioning normally, and I can't get that checked out for another 7-10 days. Today is the one month anniversary of my little surgery and I celebrated by crying over my doctor's bill that just came for said surgery.
Crying it not the word, weeping is more accurate.
$6300 not including the hospital stay or anesthesia.
Just great.

My insurance will be covering 80% but it is still a huge bill. That is considering my insurance said it will cover 80% but I don't trust those Mo Fos until I see the bill with a big PAID stamp on it.

Last night I watched the fourth in a series by Dateline about men who solicite underage girls and boys online and then show up for a "date" with them and are busted by Dateline and the police.
They are blue collar workers, teachers, rabbis, police officers and students.
Most of them had seen the show before but still went out searched for their prey and then showed up at a location hoping to have sex with them.
That shows you how men think, mostly with their penis against any good judgement they might have.
It is such a accurate sick look at men, and I get so enraged while watching it.
E hates it because I basically go off on his sex for the entire 60 minutes and a little more when it is over. I don't know why I do it to myself but I guess you need to know your enemy.

Nuthin

I am sorry, I just have had nothing to write about lately.
I am trying to find out why my kids won't nap and that Baby A has gone back into the hitting phase of life. Hitting his sister or trying to hit me.
Not good. I guess he is needing to do something with his frustration, but why should a 3 year old be frustrated.
I have been less patient with them lately, I know, but fooling around during nap time and being cranky the entire rest of the day forcing me to put them to bed at 6pm is not the answer.
But, it has been what we have been doing.


I am also trying to find a part time job to regain my sanity, maybe meet people and to make some money for this household. Preschool starts in September and I don't even want to tell you how much it costs to send twins to preschool, or to feed and clothe them.
It is a depressing figure.

So that is where I am at right now. I hope you are all in a better place.

A Poll of Sorts

My ipod has feeling a bit lonely lately. I have only 148 songs in it and I am bored with most of them.
What is your favorite song or maybe not yoru favorite song but a must have song in my collection? Leave me a comment with your #1 song that HAS to be downloaded on my ipod.

My ears and I thank you.

I was recently introduced to this book and it got me thinking. I wonder what would be on my list on What Men Should Never Do Past the Age of 30?
Here is my list:

1. not have the fundamentals of table manners
2. call women chicks and guys dudes (take note Jonathan Anton)
3. Pass out drunk outdoors
4. play hackey sack
5. high five when someone passes gas
6. live with their Mother
7. Have bikini posters on their walls
8. quote The Godfather in every conversation
9. consider a date to be a mug of beer and nuts at the local sports bar
10. not know how to wash a dish, work a washer and dryer and only know how to "cook" in a microwave

What would be on your list?

Thursday

My kids have decided to stop taking naps.
I have decided to stop being nice about not taking the required naps.

I tried to separate them into their assigned bedrooms. They cried and screamed and didn't want to be separated, especially my daughter. I feel so bad because they need each other that I put them back with the warning "stay in bed or you will be separated". Two minutes later they are out of their beds, arms flailing, legs jumping and fun in full throttle.
I give up.

Today I am going back to my endocronologist for a checkup and make sure my 1.5 thyroid is fully working. I have been feeling great but the last two days I have been so tired. I am hoping that my thyroid is in full function because I would rather not take any more medication for the rest of my life.

I am going to the homeopathic doctor next week so if I do need medicine for my thyroid I am hoping he has an alternative to synthroid.

That is it for us today, we will play outside and enjoy the great NJ weather we have been having lately. It is going to rain all weekend, so we have got to enjoy it now.

Tagged

Ok, I have been tagged by Sabrina for a "6 strange things about you" meme thingy. I am a strange girl so picking just 6 is hard for me, but here it goes:

1) When my Dad was young his family was very big and poor so he would have apple sauce as a side dish for dinner a lot. He carried it into our family when he was married and I was little. There was a time, long ago, when I would want apple sauce with my spaghetti and I would mix it into the sauce.
Gag. Hey, I was young!

2) I like to dip my steak in Italian dressing.

3) I have slight OCD. I wash my hands about 25 times a day and will roll up my pants so they don't touch bathroom floors, I will shower with sandals on in other people's houses and I will not go barefoot on someone's carpet unless I know how old the carpet is.
I know how strange I am, and I hate it but it is uncontrollable.

4) I have problems making new friends. It is much more awkward then when I was younger and had so many friends and it was easy.

5) I was once in a Oreo cookie commercial.

6) I am slightly obsessed with what my kids wear. For parties I always dress them up, I hate that my son wants spiderman everything. I always scrub their sneakers because I hate scuffed shoes. I want my kids to look nice and wear nice clothes for school and play clothes for home.

So, that is it. I will tag whoever wants to do this on their blog, but leave a comment that you did it here so we can check it out.

Easter weekend went something like this:

Lots of Easter egg hunts, playing outside in the glorious weather, wearing of the cutest Easter outfits of ALL time, church, more egg hunts and a big dinner.

It was a nice weekend, although I spent most of Saturday shopping for something to wear for it and ended up wearing something I already had (isn't that always the case??. I will return it and look for something to wear to my sister's communion in a few weeks.
That outfit is much more important.

Spring has sprung here and my daffodils are all up and now I am awaiting the arrival of my tulips first bloom. I love that I forget what I planted in the fall and Spring is like a new surprise every day.
I am also excited to plant a little garden where I had my wild flowers last year. I will have two kinds of tomatoes, cucumbers, herbs and some other things that I haven't decided yet.
I had to find something to do when the kids are outside most of the day in spring & summer.
It gets old when you just read a magazine and there is only so much time I can spend pushing a swing!

Observations

A couple observations I have made over the past few days:

I decided after a morning buying in bulk, that B.J's is a great place to meet Moms. They were out in full force trying to buy tampons, diapers and snacks in bulk. I should put together a club of all Moms who shop in bulk. Together we can save the world one 382 case of hot dogs at a time.

I am so super excited to see that Banana Republic now sells things in a size double 0. All my friends and I are swimming in the plain old size 0, now we finally have a company who doesn't care that a average woman is a size 12, and gives us the double zero.
Barf.

Carseats should come with an eject button. Not for the tiny infants but for the older kids like mine. Upon pressing this button the seatbelts would disengage and lift the kids up and out of the seat into a standing position in the car.
This would save my nails and back from quite a bit of pain.
Get me on American Inventor, I will wow them with this one.

Houses should also come with eject buttons so, say, if your in-laws were over and they made you hate them you can just eject them back to where they came. Much like the seats on the MTV game show, Remote Control
I would use this feature religiously.

Minivans should come with bumperstickers that say "please don't judge me because I have more then 1.5 kids and I need the space of a minivan and if they made SUVs more affordable and easier for people that have more then 1.5 kids, I wouldn't be driving this big van that looks like a whale anyway".
I don't own a minivan, but that is where I see myself headed, if I want any more kids. I judged these minivan driving people and I swore I would *never* be those women, and now God is going to give me back my evil karma in the form of a whale.

I hate people who bring their 4 month old to sing a longs at pottery barn kids and then sit in front of my 3 year olds and pretend not to hear when my children say "Mommy that lady is blocking me and now I can't see".
Please.

Addict

I am addicted to something. I have never really admitted this to anyone and I know it is a sick, sick thing, but I am addicted to recipes. Cookbooks, cooking magazines, free recipe cards at the supermarket, you name it, I want it.

As of now I have 8 cookbooks. That is only because I can practice a small amount of restraint. Really, I don't cook from a cookbook at all, I will read a recipe I like and then adapt it myself or I just get ideas for new things and go back to cooking the same meals every week throwing a new one in here or there.
The beginning of a new season always revs up my cooking addiction for awhile. Look spring has sprung, I can't wait to plant all my herbs and veggies and then cook with them!
Summer, I can't wait to go to all my local farms and get my yummy fresh vegetables and fruit. BBQ! Chicken on the grill!
Fall! Apple pie, apple compote, apple cobbler, apple cider and apple bread.
Winter! Yeah, I can break out my crock pot. Here comes the stews, chili and soups.


So now I am actually excited to go to the grocery store to get my ingredients for my latest dinner ideas: french dip with mushrooms and summer beef stew with corn dumplings.

For now, i have to rush to watch Oprah and see what the heck Bill Gates is so upset about.

The Final Countdown

15 minutes.
That is all I have to wait until my husband comes home from work to pick up his demon seed parents to bring them to the airport where they will be dropped back to where they came.
I have had it.
Eight days is a lot to live with anyone, never mind your in-laws. I thought I would be able to relax, but they never took the kids so I could relax or nap, or clean. I had to do eveything with them or for them, and make sure they weren't giving my kids crap to eat all day or leaving the water running in the bathroom. I swear it was like having two more kids.
I know they are old, I know they have their own way of doing things, when I am at their house I assimilate to them, what they watch, eat, drink etc. When they are here they just want things their way too. They compliment us on how great my kids are, but then make remarks what we aren't doing right.
I don't let my own Mother get away with things like that, but E would rather ignore it then face confrontation.

Even though his Father talked a lot of shit about me, the week we moved into this house. Even though I overheard them talking about me AGAIN last night.
I really doubt I will ever have them stay here again, it is just too hard. They could stay at their daughter's house among the dirt and crap everywhere, after all they raised her to be like that.

I think the whole trip jumped the shark last night after dinner, when my mother in-law told me "the Jews are homely looking people, most of them are ugly".
I had to bite my tongue in order not to tell my MIL in not so nice words, that judgment and comments like that are not appropriate and other people in this world may be judging her as something like white trash and how would she feel.

I don't want them poisoning my children like that and I will find it very difficult to ever go to their house for vacation again. I have better things to do with my vacation time and money. When we visit Disney, we will stay in Orlando and they can visit us if they want to.

I just cannot wait to be free of them and then go about my business of cleaning my house and detoxing my children.

Done, Done and Done

I am done with my in-laws. They can go back to Florida now.

I am officially tired of the constant talking, constant loudness, general racist/sexist/homophobic remarks and of feeling like I have to be on my best behavior.
I just want to go back to my old life.
I have 3 more days until I can exhale.

I think generally it is hard to live with someone, even if they are your family. It is just a tad too much time and I think they should have spent more time with my sister in law and her family. My Father in law would like to spend equal amounts of time with us, but my mother in law loves and misses my kids so much I know it kills her until she gets here. Plus my sister in laws house is messy, dirty and so very chaotic. Even I hate to visit for a day.

We are going out to dinner tonight for my birthday that is Sunday. I am officially entrenched in my 30's and that is slightly depressing to me. E & I are going to this great Cuban restaurant in Philadelphia and I have wanted to go there for awhile. The one thing about living in South Jersey as opposed to where I am from in North Jersey, is that there isn't too much diversity here. There are no Spanish or Greek restaurants here, you have to go into Philly for that.

I will celebrate tonight, and then hopefully sleep it off tomorrow. Then I won't have to deal with the in-laws for very long tomorrow.
My new plan: sleep the day away!

These Are The Days

Today is my gorgeous husband's birthday. He is the sweetest, most thoughtful man I could ever ask for. When I met him, I knew there was just something a little bit extra special about him, and after one month of dating, I knew he was the one I would marry. I even told my Mother that.
She cried, because she believed me. Five and a half years ago we married since we have we moved, had babies, bought our first house, got some pets, and simply merged our lives into one.

I love him for so many reason, too many to list but most importantly, when I feel alone, like sadness only hits me, like I have nothing, I can look to my side and he is right there.
Always.

By me waiting for when I need him because I can fall into him and he supports me.
Always.
Unquestioning.
Unconditionally.
Forever.

Have a Great Birthday Baby, and thank you for my life.

Beautiful Day

Today it is gorgeous here in NJ. It will be 65 and sunny, not a cloud in the sky.
I feel much better, a little constipated but otherwise ok. I know my neck is starting to heal because it is itchy, I remember that from my C-Section scar.

A funny story about my surgery, I was taken from E and led into a small cubby to change my clothes. I was given scrub pants, a gown (open in the back), a robe and slippers. I was not allowed my small clip I always have in my hair in some fashion. I sat in a room waiting to meet with my anesthesiologist and my surgeon. I met with them, and then was led down another small hallway to O.R. #2. I laid on the table and was given a fresh from the oven blanket, warm and snuggly. Then a young lady came in as my anesthesiologist was giving my IV line. She introduced herself as a first year resident and this was her new rotation. That had me thinking that she wanted me to use as a test dummy for my tubes, important tubes like for breathing and stuff.
I wasn't down or that. I was nervous enough. I was going to have to tell them that I didn't want her working on me, just observing and make sure everyone in the room heard my wishes.
You really don't want to piss off the people that will have your open throat in their hands 4 seconds before they do, but I had to do it for my own piece of mind.
Just then he put a mask over my face and said "breathe deeply, it is just oxygen". I said to myself "hey self, oxygen isn't given with a mask, they are probably putting you out, but why would they? They haven't asked you to count backwards and my surgeon isn't here yet and..........."
Next thing I know I am awake in recovery puking on myself. I never got to tell the student, no way you are practicing on me.
I am fine though so I really can't complain. I just thought it was funny.

My in-laws are coming for one WEEK (gag) starting tomorrow. This was supposed to be a vacation for E & I but now we are poor and one of us is scarred and the sun would be no good right now.
I am trying to think of ideas of things to do with my in-laws and kids this week while E is working. I do have shopping to do because E's birthday is Thursday and my brother's is Friday and mine is Sunday. Fun!